Harry Potter: The Blogger of Hogwarts

We didn't run into Draco again. Hagrid took me to a bookstore to buy my school supplies. Unfortunately, he refused to let me buy a book filled with curses to use on Dudley. Why he bothered when he himself had turned Dudley into a pig, I have no idea. Maybe his actions hadn't been as legal as he had said. We went to buy a bunch more school supplies – I'll spare you the details; they're not for the faint of heart – and then get this. I went to the pet shop and it turns out I really can talk to snakes.

Apparently, there's a lot of prejudice against those who can talk to snakes. They're called Parselmouths and Voldemort was one. I think that's ridiculous and I refuse to keep it to myself. Proud Parselmouth here! I need to make stickers. Note to self: research sticker spells.

The snake I bought is named Ishtaran. Don't ask me what it means; Ishtaran told me it was his name and who am I to say it's not? Ishtaran is just the cutest snake in existence and I refuse to listen to anyone who says he may be evil. I especially refuse to listen to anyone who'll tell me I'm evil for having a snake. Ishtaran and I are going to be BFFs for life! Which, technically, is redundant, but still, you know what I mean. Here, have a picture of the snek!

[Image description: A smooth snake (that's a kind of snake, not a description, about 30 centimeters [12 inches] long and is both majestic and awesome.]

Ishtaran says he loves you all! Actually, he said he'd be totally fine if you paid tribute to him, but for him, that's basically the equivalent. He's very haughty at times.

And last on the agenda…my wand. Here is where things got very strange and creepy. First of all, there's the wandmaker Olivander, who is filled with mysterious wisdom and high dignity.

[Image description: Olivander dabbing for the camera.]

And then there's my wand itself, which is made of holly and phoenix feather, eleven inches long. And get this: It turns out that the phoenix in question (also, phoenixes are real, which is awesome!) contributed only one other feather to a wand in the past. And guess whose it was?

Voldemort.

I'm holding a wand made of the same material that killed my parents. It's freaky. But you know what? I kind of feel better when I hold it. My wand chose me and I choose a path of magic. It's not going to be easy. But I'm going to do it anyway, because this is the right path for me. Also, given that the Dursleys are, well, the Dursleys, I don't really have another choice.

Can't wait to start Hogwarts, people! The going is getting good.

 ....

Dear Molly,

It is I, Headmaster, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, and Scottish Bowling Champion 111 years running, Albus Dumbledore, writing to you about a matter of supreme importance. As you know, this year, our Savior Harry Potter begins Hogwarts. Mr. Potter has been under the loving care of his mother's Muggle relatives, who have wisely decided to withhold his heritage from him so that he may have a normal childhood. Truly, Vernon and Petunia Dursley are saints who deserve our respect. As such, I believe Harry has no idea how to get onto the platform.

I was wondering if I could prevail upon you to make Mr. Potter overhear you mentioning the name of the platform to your children and teach him how to get there. Such a thing would allow you to forge a connection with Mr. Potter, thus enabling him to have strong Light influences in his life. It is very important Mr. Potter associate with the right people. After all, all will be lost if he lets Dark influences such as Slytherins into his life.

Wishing you nothing but the best, I remain,

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

.....

Dear Professor Dumbledore,

You must be out of your mind. I will not participate in what seems like a transparent attempt to manipulate an orphan. If you wish Harry to know how to get onto the platform, tell him yourself. Do not use our family as pawns. That poor boy deserves better than that. Do not dishonor James's memory thusly. And while I may have disagreed with Lily Potter on a host of ideological issues – her passionate hatred of the Statute of Secrecy foremost among them – but I knew her to be a good woman and will not see her memory besmirched either.

James and Lily Potter were my brothers' comrades in arms, which is why it is all the more reprehensible that you are smearing their names in such a manner. Need I remind you that Fabian and Gideon were both Slytherins? Need I remind you that they fought in the Order of the Phoenix alongside you? And need I remind you that they died as heroes, being cut down by Death Eaters in a heroic mission to rescue captured Muggle children?

It would seem that I do. And perhaps such a reminder means you are getting senile, Albus. I certainly hope so, because the alternative is too unpalatable to contemplate.

With precisely the amount of respect you deserve,

Molly Weasley

.....

Dear Molly,

I am very disappointed in you, my girl. Of course not all Slytherins are evil, but they are inclined towards evil and Darkness and very few – your brothers being the rare exception, naturally – manage to transcend the moral handicaps baked into them at birth. Surely you do not wish Mr. Potter to be corrupted, to become another Dark Lord? Those who do not follow the Light are Dark and all those who are Dark are evil. I would hate to think you are among their number.

In case the danger to your soul by refusing to follow the orders of I, the divinely appointed Leader of the Light, is not sufficient to motivate you, allow me to present a more temporal motivation: Your dear husband Arthur has been linked to certain corrupt actions regarding the enchantment of Muggle objects. If there was an investigation initiated by the Chief Warlock, he would surely lose his job.

Yours very sincerely,

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore