For the Record

“Just leave her be.”

Vivianne frowns and then replies, “If you say so, my queen.”

I sigh.

The ash layer in my throne room would have gotten quite thick by now if it weren’t for Olive and the vampire maids.

It’s been two weeks since Izahne moved out of the castle, and ever since then she and Pearl have been fighting monsters in the dungeon. At first I instructed Rose to deliberately put relatively weak but high experience monsters in front of her, but the frustration in our bond made it clear she didn’t appreciate it, so I stopped.

It's not just the two of them at least, and they’ve been smart enough not to challenge floors too far above their levels. I sent Nyx to watch over them, but my former Assistant insisted on simply being a temporary member of their party – another thing that my wife didn’t appreciate, but she at least didn’t argue with it.

And the two of them have gained quite a few levels so far; Izahne and Pearl, I mean. It’s almost impressive, considering how slowly levels came to me.

Maybe I should have spent more time fighting strong enemies instead of just sating my hunger. I don’t know.

Although…

Hmm.

She’ll probably be mad, and she’ll probably say no, but I’m going to ask anyway.

If you need to feed, I will feed you. No questions and no strings attached.

As soon as I start sending her my thoughts, I feel anger with a tinge of disgust from our bond.

But not outright rejection.

So I guess that’s a start.

“Comfort, would her majesty desire?”

I sigh again. “No, Olive. No. I don’t need anything.” I lean my head back and gaze off into nowhere. “No. Thank you.”

…

What level was Omorth again?

…

…

Ah. Right, zero.

…

Should I have sent him with them? He could get some levels, and maybe his presence would be a comfort for them, considering they used to run dungeons together as a party…

Although, he’s become a bit of a zealot for me ever since I changed him.

Maybe not then.

“Her majesty, sure, she is?” Olive asks again.

I turn a glare toward the fox spirit and she withers in response, but I catch myself a moment later. “Sorry. I’m sorry Olive. I have a lot on my mind. I know I haven’t left the throne room in… I don’t know how long. Somehow, I just can’t think of a reason to leave.”

***

“Brilliant! Oh my goodness, brilliant! This is the best show I’ve seen in centuries!”

I shift in my solid platinum chair to put one leg over the other, and continue to watch the viewing waterfall. I swear, these are so much better than that newfangled runic viewer whatevers that the mortals are so obsessed with these days! It’s just not the same without the ripples in the current.

“Maybe, but ah jus’ helped a bit. This was all due ta yer masterful perform’nce, yaknow,” the lazy god next to me chortles back.

“That may be true, Dolos, but it was still your plan, and it went exactly like you said it would! Oh, I can only imagine old Themis’ face watching that abomination squirm!”

As we laugh, the faux-indra sighs again on their throne, probably not even able to comprehend the forlorn look on their face. What the hells does old Artemis even see in this fool?

“And I assume you’ll be distributing holovids of these as well? I’m sure there are mortals who would pay dearly for a drama of this tier.”

“O’course, no point ‘n wastin’ it, raight Epione?” he answers.

I chuckle back, “Absolutely right you are!”

Oh, goodness. Ahhh, this is exactly what I needed.

And all it cost me was one measly low-tier priestess? Sometimes the best entertainment is the kind you get nearly for free.

***

I know I can’t make up for what I did to you, master has made that increasingly clear. But I will offer you a boon by way of apology, even if it makes no difference. Come to the castle. Or don’t. It’s up to you.

Pearl’s disgust is even more pronounced that Izahne’s, but from the rabbit god’s repeated lessons on what not to do to humans, I can tell that what I’ve done was unforgivable.

Probably.

Really, that’s up to Pearl, as well as Izahne.

…

But I really didn’t expect her to agree.

Stay put. I will send Olive to you and save you the trouble of travel.

I’ve barely finished sending the message before a drop of black grease falls from… the ceiling? From somewhere.

And then it rapidly grows into a mass of feelers and gnashing teeth.

“Or not, I guess. Teleportation is a good Skill.”

“It is, no thanks to you,” she snaps in her many-voiced trill. “Get on with it. What in the hells do you want?”

I nod. “Yeah, I deserve that. Let me look over your Class for a minute. If you can get it I’ll just unlock it from there, otherwise I’ll have to find another way to bestow it.”

I swear Pearl is already glowering at me before she forms her false self, but I’m already looking over what she has to work with.

Spellspeech is really convenient for that kind of thing… who’d have thought you can look through progression trees like this? I can even tell what my own Class can evolve into.

But that’s not what I’m doing today.

And wouldn’t you know it, her Class doesn’t have it. I sigh.

“Well, your Class doesn’t have it. Let me check your Innate Skills… Ah! There it is!”

And sure enough, False Body has a number of progression options.

“I’m going to advance a Skill for you, but I’ve at least learned a little from, well. How badly I’ve fucked up. So if you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

She doesn’t reply, but she does wave a hand in a way that unmistakably says to get on with it.

And so I do.

I take a breath to get my thoughts together, and to pace out what exactly I need this Spell to do. This is the first time I’ve used Spellspeech to mess with someone’s Status.

“{advance Skill [False Body] [Verum Corpus]}.”

[WARNING: Directly tampering with System characteristics may have adverse side effects. Proceed? Yes/No]

Oh? Well this is new.

But of course, I choose ‘Yes’.

And I’m promptly wracked with pain the likes of which I’m not sure I’ve felt before.

***

I snap awake from what I assume was a dreamless sleep in our bed.

My bed now, I guess.

Olive is by my side in a flash with a pitcher of water, which she already knows I don’t need.

“Did it work?” I ask groggily.

Cocking her head, the fox spirit simply says, “Ask.”

I sigh. “I did. But I know what you mean at least, you mean to ask her. Have I ever told you that I can actually understand you when you stick to one-word statements?”

“Confirmed,” she nods, “of a past mistress.”

I see.

Anyway.

That hurt like the hells. Did it work?

Huh. The disgust I feel from Pearl seems less pronounced than before… if only just a little. But she does project confirmation.

Good. I hope all is well. I know you all are still mad at me for being a complete idiot. And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you have the guts to call me out for my stupidity, even if you hate me for it.

…

Yeah, she’s still pissed at me, but there’s not much I can do about that.

But as soon as I’ve wandered back to my throne room and sat down, the drop of grease falls from nowhere again, resolving into Pearl’s horror form again.

…Which then splits open like a door, and out steps my estranged wife.

As Pearl’s body shifts and morphs back into a perfect facsimile of her old body, Izahne starts to speak.

“We need to talk.”

I meet her hardened gaze. “Alright.”

***

“I don’t believe you.”

We’re sitting in my usual reception room, though I’m not reclining. I’m sitting straight and facing forward, because the rabbit god insisted on teaching me some of what he called ‘basic courtesy’ as well. I get the impression it’s something he had to learn, so I took it as a gesture of goodwill.

It was something I probably needed to learn regardless.

“I don’t believe that you really understand,” she continues.

I respectfully nod. “I probably don’t, but I’m trying to. Master Owyn is helping.”

Izahne sighs while Pearl snorts dismissively.

“Look,” I say, “I’m not human. We’ve been over this before, and I keep making mistakes because I’m not human. I don’t have the understanding you all seem to be born with, or were taught when you were young. Also… I’m still not even a year old. I’m trying to learn. I’m sorry. My instincts are wired to hide, stalk, hunt, and kill, and I’m getting that from at least one of my past selves as well. My head is an echo chamber of destructive impulses, and it doesn’t help that the rest of me is strongly into asserting dominance or whatever it is.”

“Shitty apology. It’s obvious you’re not even trying, you’re just deflecting, making excuses,” Pearl dismisses.

“I’m not trying to make excuses though,” I say. “I’m trying to explain what I’ve been trying to understand. Nyx taught me a long time ago that I need to learn to blend in with humans, or else they’ll just kill me with numbers.”

(And it’s still true, god or not,) my former Assistant echoes in my mind.

“But, I’m not convinced anymore that she was trying to teach me a more effective way to hunt, not like I was back then. I think she was trying to teach me how to live with humans. Not as a predatory monster, but as… what, a colleague? A neighbor?”

“And you’ve failed.”

“Yes, Izahne. I’ve failed. I recognize that, and I accept it. But there’s nothing I can do with that but learn from it at this point. I could probably try to… I don’t know, make a spell or something to turn back time, but I’m sure that would have all sorts of horrible consequences… or I could try rewinding time for just Pearl with The Ravages of Time… but I barely had enough mana for some random garden tool or whatever, I doubt I have enough for a person, even as a god.”

Pearl huffs. “Don’t bother, I don’t want anything else from you.”

“And that’s fine. You’ll never be completely rid of me thanks to the soulbond we have, but I’m never going to force you to do anything again. Not ever.”

“And how in the hells am I supposed to trust that? Your words are meaningless.”

I close my eyes and nod. “Yes, again, that’s fair. But even if you won’t accept my promise, I’ll promise myself.”

Izahne leans forward and studies my face for a moment before speaking.

“You at least look sincere,” she says. “You’re terrible at subterfuge, you couldn’t hide your thoughts or motives to save your life.”

I shrug weakly and look down. Part of me is enraged at submitting myself like this, but I force it down. Now isn’t the time for pride or arrogance.

“And I know you were trying to help. Even if you did it in the most horrifying, monstrous way possible.”

I shrug again and look up at her.

“I’ll think about it.”

I tilt my head and ask, “About what?”

She closes her eyes and exhales, rubbing the bridge of her nose with both hands.

“Us.”