For the Record

“Huh. Yeah, you weren’t kidding.”

Artemis doesn’t have a single language Skill. I’d have thought that wouldn’t matter considering mortals who aren’t ascendants can speak without issue despite not having the Skills… although now that I think of it, as soon as they have an ascendant contract, the language Skills show up…

She does have Language Comprehension (Universal), which would explain why she can understand what other people say… but that’s really something. It sounds like a lot of work.

“Worth,” is all she says in response.

Fair enough.

Having long since returned to her humanoid form, we promptly return to my plane. I’ve barely sat back down before the head maid approaches from the entryway.

“My queen, you have a visitor. Shall I show them in?”

I shrug. “May as well, not like I have anything better to do right now.”

A few moments later… a familiar face shows itself.

“Oh gods…” I mutter.

And the ‘True Hero’ brandishes a completely different sword, wearing completely different armor – after all, his previous equipment is all still in my treasury.

…Along with his soul, I thought?

“You won’t trick me this time, demon lord!” he bleats in his usual pompous tone.

I stare down my nose at him. “How the hells did you get your soul out of that gadget? I cast Permanence on it.”

The idiot puffs up with pride. “The goddess would not forsake me, for I bear the burden of saving the world!”

Huh.

So there’s at least one god out there who can bypass Permanence… good to know.

“Alright, so what do you want?”

He waves his sword with a flourish. “I want what I wanted before – your power! I can surely save the world with the power of an ancient demon lord!”

…

Rose, can you make a vertical shaft at least five hundred feet tall with a teleportation trap at the bottom? Set it to teleport the victim to the top of the shaft so they fall back onto the trap.

I tap my finger on my armrest for a moment while giving Dipshit my best condescending look, until one of the subcore maids silently steps to my side to whisper, “It is done, my queen.”

Now subtly make a teleportation trap under this idiot, targeting the same coordinates as the top of that fall, and activate it.

“I guess I don’t know what you want me to say. I just finally got revived, I don’t have plans to die or give away my strength any time soon –”

I’m interrupted by a flare of red light in a complicated pattern springing to life under the unwitting warrior. He has just enough time to blurt out a startled, “What is –” before vanishing.

I wait a couple of seconds before sending one of my kin through the teleporter as well, and promptly move it to partially submerge into the nearest wall…

In time to hear a quiet but sickening crunch below, followed by a mangled and maimed hero appearing again at the top, frantically healing himself as he starts falling again.

Excellent. That ought to keep him occupied for some time. Meanwhile, Arty gives me a concerned look, but I just wave her off. “Don’t worry, he’s occupied for now.”

She tilts her head in reply, and so I send her a mental image of my kin’s view.

…

And she just watches it for a moment, radiating a rising sense of both horror and one of those emotions I’ve chosen to ignore.

***

(Why don’t you call her Izzy?) Nyx asks out of nowhere.

Hm?

(Really though,) she continues, (you have a pet name for Artemis, but you still call Izahne by her full name, or ‘consort’ or whatever.)

I think about it for a moment. Actually… she’s not wrong.

(Yeah, no shit.)

Well, no time like the present.

What are you doing right now? I project to my second first wife.

…And oddly enough, she’s coming in the entryway. She starts approaching before I remember something important…

“Woah, stop right there for a moment. Let me disable the trap. Although you can keep walking, Pearl.”

“What’s that, asshole? You wanna fight? Right here, you wanna go?” the former healer snaps, tentacles beginning to slide from the gaps in her robes.

I raise both hands defensively. “Learn to take a joke, oh sludge tentacle of mine. If you actually died or something I’d have to spend the headaches or worse on resurrecting you anyway.”

“So what’s this trap?” Izahne asks.

“I’m glad you asked! Remember that idiot with the shiny armor, the set you looted?”

She tilts her head and nods curiously.

I grin. “So that idiot somehow managed to resurrect and come back, don’t ask me how. Actually… can I send you mental images like I can Arty…?”

“…’Arty’?”

“Yes, Izzy. I started calling her Arty. That’s not a problem, is it?”

…

…

“Hey, snap out of it,” Pearl says, nudging Izahne in the side.

And my wife just giggles quietly, one hand on her deeply blushing face. Looks like she didn’t even hear most of that sentence.

Anyway, I was going to try showing her what Dipshit is up to…

And it works.

“Wait, what’s happening here? Why does he keep falling?” she asks.

“I decided if he’s going to keep coming back, I may as well keep him occupied and entertained. Or maybe keep myself entertained, either way,” I say with a shrug.

…

…Why do both of my wives react the same weird way when I creatively torture people?

(Because neither of them is anything close to normal, obviously.)

Well, whatever I guess.

“So why did you come here now anyway? Something important?” I ask.

“Um.. n-no, not really,” Izzy stammers.

…

She’s still blushing.

“Then, uh. Something not as important?”

…

My wife looks at me for a moment… gives a split second glance to Arty, and then looks back to me.

…

“It’s getting late, isn’t it?” she asks.

“Huh. I didn’t notice, but I never do… it’s always night here, after all.”

And Pearl lets out a mighty sigh. “She wants to go to share a bed with you again, dumbass. You’re completely incapable of taking a hint, aren’t you?”

“Yes, at least if you take Nyx’s word for it.”

(At least you understand that much.)

Regardless, I tilt my head at Izzy. “Is that right?”

She looks down at her feet for a moment before lightly nodding.

Huh.

“Well, that’s fine with me. I don’t really care. It’s not like I have plans for what I’m going to do in the near future, and the towns are already pretty well self-sufficient…”

We had been concerned about food and so forth, mana for the nightwalkers… so I’d had Rose make a whole lot of feral goblins and wolves and a few other kinds of monsters to populate the forests, so my people could just hunt for what they needed. That should take care of those kinds of issues, at least for now. When we open the plane to outsiders is when the real game begins.

“Th-then…”

“Now is as good a time as any. Well, let’s go then.” I glance to my other wife, still sitting on her throne. “That’s how it is, Arty. Feel free to, I don’t know. Do whatever you want, I guess? It’s not like you’re going to trash my plane for fun.”

My fox wife gives me a smile bordering somewhere between smug and knowing… I’m not really sure where she’s going with it though.

Whatever.

I gesture to one of the monster maids, who promptly curtseys and moves to follow.

And then I pause. “So are you coming or not? Izzy?”

Startled, my wife blinks next to me and continues looking at her feet.

I sigh. “Well, let’s go then,” I say as I grab her by the hand and start leading her to my chambers.

***

I can’t say I mind sharing a sleeping space like this…

Though neither of us need to sleep.

Well, whatever. It seems like it makes her happy, and it doesn’t actually bother me, so it’s fine.

I’ll just continue my usual dimensional storage exercise… I wonder how many reps I’ll finish before it’s ‘morning’ this time?

Out of curiosity, I check in on my kin watching the hero…

And sure enough, he’s still falling, although he looks quite a bit worse for wear now. Did he run out of mana? I wonder if he has any healing items.

…

Rose, I want a teleportation blocking barrier around the vertical shaft, if you can manage it.

It shall be done, the dungeon core replies.

Good.

…

It occurs to me that my other wife is watching us from the shadows in the corner of the room.

Because of course she is.

At least she didn’t try to sneak in for “night service” or whatever it was she called it.

Although, Izzy is mumbling in her sleep while pressed against me.

…Something about wanting a baby?

What does that even mean?

(Oh. Oh gods,) Nyx says in utter bafflement.