Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse

Kushina sports a happy smirk as she struts upon the streets of Senju Compound. Passing shinobi, especially the young ones, watch her with awe and respect.

Oh, being Tsunade's disciple only meant more jealous younger Senjus calling her a monster and a freak but before others could act for her, Kushina beat every single one of those stupid fucks into red oblivion. An act that earned her more than enough pride and love from Tsunade.

Since she couldn't really leave for missions later on, Kushina just chose to roam the streets of the compound and earn herself the title of— Big Sister— of the Senju Compound.

Why?

She wanted it.

As for why others chose to shut up and accept her as the Big Sister?

She beat everyone stupid enough to not understand her magnanimity.

Truth is, Kushina is simply a ball of hugs, murder, farts, and ramen thrown into a single spot and fashioned into a redhead that likes to lay sloppy claim on Kai's chest with her neverending drool. But today is different~!

She hums a soft tune.

Instead of walking with her hands in her pockets and a wider-than-life strut when not in presence of her teammates and those that she cares about, Kushina skips the streets of Senju Compound.

An act so rare that it makes many men and women take a look at her again.

Her long, silky red hair swishes behind her while her cheeks adorn a perpetual flush. Wearing her usual yellow robe that reveals her mesh shirt through its v-neck and her black spats covered by a pink skirt, Kushina looks positively glowing without doing anything.

Her cheeky smirk is enough to make the girls feel jealous once again.

But... they remember the pain of going against Kushina.

Who says Violence doesn't solve things?!

When it doesn't, oftentimes, one just needs to commit MORE violence, that's all.

Kushina promptly enters a clothing store of the clan and greets loudly, "Ru-Bachan, help me pick some cute outfits! I have a date, dattebane!"

Her loud declaration is only surpassed by her uncontained grin.

A date!

The more she speaks of it, the wider her lips stretch.

Even if she is aware to not hinge such high expectations on something or someone... she still WANTS to hinge all of it. That's simply the kind of girl she is.

However, not the one to easily get caught up in Kushina's tomboyish charm, the wrinkled old woman smoking her pipe behind the counter hums without looking up, "You already know where I keep lingeries. The new shipment from the capital arrived two weeks ago so have fun."

Flushing, Kushina huffs and mutters softly, "I- I'll look at 'em later. Now help me pick a good outfit! Please! It's our first date!"

"Ho? You broke up with Kai?"

"Why would I?" Kushina tilts her head curiously while Ru Senju looks up, the corner of her eyes twitching as she speaks, "Then it isn't your first date, is it? Even an old bat like me knows that training and sparring is our, Shinobi kind's, date."

Inflating her cheeks, Kushina crosses her arms, "None of that! That's that. And this is this! THIS is my first date!"

Now... Ru isn't bored enough to butt heads with someone who cracked the pavement while beating teens older than her so she shrugs and points out, "Just choose what catches your eye. I'll help you pick through them. Anyway, Kai's probably seen enough of you that he would be in a hurry to take you out of your outfit... so wear something nice underneath."

Recalling Mikoto's sultry uchiha cop outfit... steams begin to escape Kushina's heated ears as she nods quickly and dives into the display sections for the outfit while Ru dove into her magazine.

Finding the colors she likes and the style of clothes she finds comfortable is easy enough.

It's the lingerie sections that blew her mind.

Decisions, decisions.

'I should ask Kyubi—'

'I will mentally defecate in your mind if you bring these shitty problems to me!' The beastly growl rumbles as Kushina pouts, 'You do know that I stood between you and Kai, right? I love Kai more than I like you! Some appreciation would be nice for a change!'

The beast grows silent for a while before a loud peal of laughter broke in her mind, 'I know! Wear those black dresses for funerals and fashion your panties with a print of a grave! That ought to set the mood for the two of you!'

Kushina deadpans before scoffing, 'What are you, a child? Do you know how stupid will you feel if Kai and I did that for real? Heck, if I told Kai that you said it, he'll do it just to spite you for fun.'

And this pokes at both, the human's and the monster's weak spot— Kai.

---

Just like Kushina is wrought with the burden of making decisions... Kai is in a somewhat similar position.

Inviting Nono into his lab, Kai soon presented her with a whiteboard and explained the entire situation by pointing at various spots marked on the map of Konoha Kai drew on its surface.

"So," adopting a serious look, Nono leans a bit forward. Unlike Tsunade's lab, Kai's is more spacious mostly because he hasn't customized it all that much and he... just learns things quickly enough to not spend too much time in the lab. Anyway, Nono cannot help but take a few minutes to digest everything and reorient her mind to get the discussion going on.

"Let's start from the top. You said that this cum-man 'broke' Hiraishin?" Nono questions as Kai turns the whiteboard over and draws two specimens.

"Until now, I have only observed two such creatures." Saying this, he points at the creature with the right side of his face structured as mangled white flesh bunched together. "This one came the earliest. And only twice. I hadn't thought much of it then because I did not have Mokuton then."

Next, he points at the second creature. This one is more interesting... at least, shape-wise. Still supposed to be white with a carpet of green hair over their head, this being is notably lankier. Almost two meters tall, according to Kai, but this one hunches forward like an old man which makes their efficient height shorter. Unlike the first cum-man that has a mangled right side, this one boasts no such oddity but... their body structure being lanky and bendy like a vine of a tree is already odd enough.

"It's this one who is constantly prancing in the village," Kai looks at the being responsible for his seventh wood clone to return to teaching his team rather than complete Kai's true intention—

To follow this creature and understand its motive. If possible, make use of it, too.

"And... how did this one break your Hiraishin?" Nono hesitates. Hiraishin is one of the most versatile daily-life jutsu in her books. She may not have great talent in Fuinjutsu but even a moron will understand the great applications of Hiraishin.

"Well, you know that Hiraishin marks stay forever. These seals are self-sufficient and only stuff like cutting off the said area can remove Hiraishin."

"And you planted them on our ass cheeks," Nono raises a brow with a fake sigh while Kai snickers, "And I enjoy every moment of appearing behind you and groping it before running off to work. It's my good luck charm."

Nono smiles and shrugs, "Well, we can't have you fighting bad luck and enemy shinobi at once... so, I suppose it's fine."

"I knew you would see it my way," Kai grins but soon shakes his head, "Well, I marked this second cum-man with my personal formula of Hiraishin. I intended to see all the other spots but... he managed to break the jutsu. Unintentionally, I believe."

"And do you know how?" Nono supplants. She understands she is called here for a reason. Back then, Kai practically planned Dan's downfall singlehandedly so for him to ask for her help meant she has something to offer and Nono planned to help him see through whatever trouble he is facing.

"I do," Kai nods.

"Good, that would be the first step in overcoming the weakness of your jutsu. As they say, every Jutsu has a weakness... until it is patched up."

"Exactly," Kai remarks with an earnest glint in his eyes. He quickly turns around and draws a tree, "I actually got lucky that I waited till having fun with Mokuton before deciding to deal with it. How this cum-man—"

"Before we continue, do we keep on calling this unidentified being 'Cum' man?" Nono inquires with a curious smile.

"I don't think we have a choice here," Kai blinks, "They're white and look as stiff as a cum pouch. Besides, I don't want to name someone something cool only to end them later on. Chances are slim but still there without a doubt."

"Cum-man it is," Nono shrugs and leans back on the couch.

"Anyway, this being broke out of Hiraishin using a very simple weakness... clones," Kai hums, "But it's not ordinary in any manner. I think... it's different than wood clones, too."

"I still can't believe you hid from me good stuff about wood clones," Nono mutters under her breath.

Unlike others, Nono has always been 'curious' and more open-minded. She accepted Kai's reasoning that two pairs of cloned boobs are better than two sacs of cloned nuts but like other girls, she wasn't put off by the idea of wood clones, or generally speaking, Avatars.

For instance, six wooden clones are training. Would they train in any less intensity than actual Kai? No. They aren't shadow clones. Kai is just as much there in Shikkotsu Forest, he is equally with his team, and he is here with Nono, too. However, in the end, Kai would rather not go overboard with clones. What's the point of a harem if he doesn't has one body feeling it all as opposed to one mind feeling all from different bodies?

"Mokuton isn't all that special," Kai shrugs, "It's the First Hokage that was special, I guess. But still, I didn't want it known... and I have more wood puns in mind than you can imagine."

"Tsunade-sama? Does she knows Mokuton, too?" Nono questions while Kai gave her all the right looks and kept the final confirmation to himself.

Nono nods in understanding.

"Getting back on the topic," Kai smiles, "This wasn't a wooden clone. Like Shadow Clones, wood clones return the chakra to the user. But when this Cum-man dispersed... they just became nothing. Their chakra did not 'move' but was consumed by nature like all of our elemental jutsu is usually consumed. So, I think that the jutsu employed is similar but not the same."

Nono nods. He doesn't need her help in understanding all this, that much is clear. And he knows more about chakra theory than her so there is no point in trying to 'advise' him and distract him from the topic again...

But Nono can't just sit and do nothing, right? She'd feel shameful as a kunoichi!

'So... Mikoto, Tsunade-sama, and Kushina all get dates and I don't... now that's discriminative towards, as he puts it, bros,' She leans forward with a smile and listens to Kai explain how this technique felt more like a tree's root birthing new connections and offshoots.

Her pupilless green eyes flicker and briefly travel down. She has seen him naked on many occasions, for instance, their baths... but she never knew the monstrosity that club could be in his Sage Transformation and...

If speculations are to be believed— Mikoto took it like a champ!

Wearing a more casual outfit in Tsunade's absence, Nono is currently dressed in nothing but a mesh jumpsuit that cuts off at her upper thighs that is covered by black shorts and a green, half-sleeved shirt. As simple as it looks, she notices his eyes instantly drawn to her when she sets her legs on the table. Her shorts still stay on but are unbuttoned Rikudo knows when that reveals the darker mesh of fabric underneath.

"And what are those marks?" Nono smiles casually and looks at the board with Konoha's map, "You've marked important places like Advisor's quarters, Hokage Building, and even the Sarutobi Residence."

"Riiighhht," Although sure what Nono is pulling... technically, her shorts, Kai chuckles and doesn't mind his gaze at all. He'll see it all if she wants to play it like that, an act that is appreciated given her warmer smile.

"These are the points he sticks around to either gather information or... discharge information."

Various clans, police, advisor's quarters, Kage's building, and whatnot...

"Except for the Senju Compound, Uzumaki manor, Konoha Hospital, and Uchiha Compound." There are a few other less notable spots unmarked but these landmarks stand out the most.

"Hmm, exactly, now I don't know what's stopping it from coming here. But that is not the reason why I called you."

Kai calmly explains what he spied on in the Kage Office and how the insertion of information at various levels is just causing a level of fear and distrust to brew within the leaders and executives of the village.

"And... Tsunade-sama had no idea," Nono stops being playful for a minute as she focuses on the implications of this news.

"So... why did you ask me here?" Nono questions.

"Well..." Kai looks at the board, "Consider the same situation in other villages. Until now, it's mostly harmless manipulation. After all, spies exist everywhere and just the exposure of information isn't enough to be the cause of their death. Many shinobi survive such traps just to have some thrill. But... this is unlike the situation with Dan. It's like an organization. A callous one. I... I read a few of the scrolls the Cum-man shared.

Lord Third thinks that the clan's secrets are being exposed to each other because he received a detailed report on the clan's civilian business. The seed of suspicion is already planted. He will remain suspicious of other clan heads from now. Previous relationships may break again. I think... that's what this cum-man is after. At least, that should be the first objective.

Hiruzen believes that someone is targeting the Uzumaki but far from it... it's Konoha, and probably the other villages targeted by each other.

Now, the reason I asked you here and not anyone else... is simple."

He looks at Nono seriously.

"You're a bitch."

"Flattery is always appreciated."

"See? That's it. You think... more. Better. Tsunade, others, and even me at times think of politics to be foolish but we see it right here. Any functioning administrative system will have politics. I want your help to... corner whatever this is."

Proving Kai in a second, Nono hums, "Won't that be hard? Like, if this cum-man's organization is targeting the entire shinobi kind... or even the feudal lords, then just treating things at Konoha will expose us and may make us the sole target before anything else."

She is quick to understand that cornering such an existence is easier said than done.

"Oh, leave that to me," Kai grins, "I'm just waiting for the war to start. Maybe whoever jacked out that cum-man will make a move. But I just wanted to give you a quick rundown of the situation. And... it's just between the two of us."

Nono nods with a smirk before walking up to him as her shorts slide down ever so slightly and reveal more of her mesh fabric stretched by her supple skin.

"Ready for your date?" She leans forward a little, her hand patting and dusting his shoulder, "Although I am a bit annoyed that I still don't get more than a quick rundown... I should warn you to not disappoint Kushina."

Kai blinks and then he reveals a toothy grin, "Oh? I didn't plan to but in case I did what do you have in mind?"

Nono lets her lips brush against his cheek. Her arms slide through his pits to hold his back and she lets out a soft, comfortable noise through her lips when he holds her waist without missing a beat. His fingers slip a bit southward ever so slightly.

"Kushina is the closest thing I will ever have as a sister. She is kind, loud, and annoying in all the right ways. And mostly... she has been with you since forever. Anyone who can deal with you deserves my respect." She whispers.

"So... you're tooting your own horn, too?" Kai snickers and pecks her cheek.

"I am," she giggles but that dampens out real quick, "I love Kushina like I would love any of my own... it may be presumptuous to speak but if you end up disappointing her, I shall create a genjutsu so powerful that even you won't break it and during our first night... I'll play that genjutsu on fujoshi pornography featuring you and many other prominent male shinobi."

Kai laughs at this, "Threats like this would work if I was a wimp," pulling her closer, he whispers, "But I know it's coming from a loving place and I'm not far gone to get annoyed by well-meant concern. Thank you... for being there for Kushina when I'm not with her. She is very important to me."

Nono tightens her arm and rests her chin on her shoulder with a wide smile, "I know. We all know."

Pulling back, Nono adjusts her glasses, "Although, I fear that I may have come across as cheesy more than threatening itself."

"Cheesy works just fine in this context," Kai grins back, pulling her close to take her lips before whispering, "But I will continue to think that spars are dates. So, don't cry crocodile tears. You've had plenty of the good stuff, too."

"Ho?" Nono smiles with victory in sight, "Is that what you teach your students? That certainly would make sense given Kurenai's... hmm, initiative."

Kai instantly deflates and pouts, "You just HAD to go there..."

"As you observed astutely. I'm a bitch," Nono giggles, "And we'll workshop our plans here. Being the only one from the Pad with access to your lab feels amazing."

"It's not much around here but make yourself at home. I know I'll love that."

Nono nods eagerly and starts looking around.

Along the way, Kai begins to introduce her to various things and answers her questions, too.

"Why did I want a lab under Tsunade and not beside her? Well, I could peek at her from a low angle using my see-through Jutsu."

A jutsu that interests Nono a great deal for its value in 'research.'

***

Alternate Title: My Dress-Up Uzumaki; Kyubi's Dress of Choice— Death; Coined Term— Cum-man, TM pending; Stoking Fear; True Targets; The Mokuton Beings; Nono's a Bitch... Yes, She Knows; Nono's Anniversary Gifts be Wildin'; Kai's No Edge Lord; Cheesy Threats are Good Threats; Sisterly Bonds

***

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