Fatigue Syndrome: The Lassitude

I changed into comfortable sportswear. Today’s presentation was a great success. It was an expected result, as I was confident in this project. I didn’t act modest about such an achievement. No matter how much they say modesty is a virtue, what can you do if I created a flawless result?

Ding. A vibration sound rang out. I picked up the phone lying on the dining table. I had so many people who could call that it was hard to predict who it was.

[Real Estate Agent “Shine”]

Ah, right.

I recently left a contact as there was a decent option. I answered the call without hesitation. Anyway, I had no plans, and Ithae would probably return late. It suddenly occurred to me that it would be good if I could go see it right now.

“Yes, hello.”

“Hello. This is the ‘Shine’ real estate agency. Is this Choi Kyeoul who wanted to see the officetel?”

“Yes, it’s me. What’s the reason for your call?”

“The owner said you can come anytime, so I’m calling to find out when you want to schedule a meeting.”

“Then is today also possible?”

“Yes. I have the password for the apartment. Hm… after 7 o’clock will be fine. Anyway, the apartment is empty now, so it’s possible even until late.”

I glanced at the clock. It was already 6:40. It seemed I had enough time to prepare calmly. I could prepare dinner quickly. I had enough ready-made snacks. It had been a long time since I got used to lonely dinners. Ithae always returned late, and I always came early.

“Ah, good. Is 8 o’clock suitable for you?”

“Yes. Then let’s meet at 8 o’clock in front of the agency.”

“Okay, goodbye.”

I hung up. I quickly put rice and took out snacks, setting up a modest dinner. I enjoyed each snack, which was always delicious, and put the empty dishes in the sink. I could clean up when I return. The officetel was close to work, so it took time to get there. Considering rush hour traffic, I had no time for delays.

I put on my down jacket and looked around the empty apartment.

Even if Ithae returns home, he won’t specifically look for me if I’m not home. Probably, he won’t even be interested. It’s time to stop reporting my actions. Showing care for someone who won’t wait was just a waste of energy. Without thinking long, I put on my shoes.

And without hesitation, I left the house.

∞ ∞ ∞

“The apartment is quite nice, right?”

“We haven’t even gone inside yet.”

I said this to the excited agent standing in front of the door. He shook his head, clicking his tongue.

“You can already see from this door that the apartment is good.”

“…What?”

“Ta-da! Even just looking around, you can assess.”

“Don’t we need to look first?”

The agent, as soon as he opened the front door, clapped his hands and said enthusiastically. His tone was full of confidence. We haven’t even properly checked the inside yet, what the… This isn’t my first time looking at apartments.

I already have 11 years of experience living independently. The most important thing is humidity. After experiencing all kinds of insects – from cockroaches and centipedes freely moving on twenty legs, to huge palm-sized spiders and strange insects waving their antennae – I first checked the condition of the wallpaper. If there are signs of moisture, immediate rejection. Nothing more to discuss. The sink and drain holes are also important. It’s a real devil’s lair.

So, there’s no restaurant on the first floor. The wallpaper is in very good condition. No traces of insects, …humidity also seems normal. The water pressure doesn’t change even when both taps are on – in the kitchen and bathroom. When I entered, I noticed that the neighbors seem to be office workers, which is not bad. The inside of the refrigerator is clean. There are no stuck hairs in the drain holes.

“Such options rarely come up. How clean. This condition for this price? It’s just incredible. Moreover, the apartment faces south, so sunlight gets in excellently, you understand?”

“It’s night now, so it’s impossible to see the amazing sunlight. It’s a pity, very pity.”

“Really? This is the pride of this apartment. Very pity. If you saw it, you would definitely fall in love!”

I briefly responded to the agent’s words, carefully examining the rest of the apartment. Although at first glance everything looked good, real flaws are another matter. Of course, judging by what I just inspected, the apartment seemed worth its money. But this still needed to be checked. This is only the first apartment. Usually, real estate is bought after carefully inspecting many options.

For now, this option needs to be considered. The fact that the apartment was vacant for some time after the previous tenant moved out meant that the price was high. If it goes during this time, it would be a pity. If you search well, you can find many apartments in this condition for this price. Just because I’m looking near work, the price-quality ratio is not very good.

“Maybe because I didn’t see the main advantage, but it seems a bit expensive.”

“You don’t understand. If this wasn’t an urgent sale, the price would be 1.5 times higher. Understand?”

“I’ll think about it for now. If there are other options with similar conditions, let me know. You have excellent intuition.”

“…Maybe you want to see another option? It’s a fresh offer that I haven’t put up yet.”

I opened my phone and checked the time. There were no messages from Ithae. It’s already almost 10 o’clock. Looks like he’s not planning to return home today either.

I put the phone in my pocket and nodded. Anyway, it was important to look at many options. I haven’t looked at apartments for a long time, so I was poorly oriented in prices. I needed to check offers from different agencies, but at this time not many showed apartments.

∞ ∞ ∞

The second apartment was also very close to work. It was a five-minute walk away. Of course, the price was higher. Because it’s closer to the metro station. This apartment also had no noticeable flaws. Except that there was a restaurant on the first floor of the neighboring building. Actually, this was the biggest problem.

After viewing the second apartment, it became obvious that the first option was quite a good offer. Obviously, showing this apartment was an intentional choice by the agent. To increase the attractiveness of the first apartment.

“I’ll search more and contact you.”

“Hey, if someone else takes this apartment, I won’t be able to take responsibility!”

“Yes. It means it’s not fate. Very pity!”

“…”

When I put my hand on my chest, sincerely frowned and sighed, the agent looked at me as if he had seen a madman. I returned to a calm state and continued:

“If there are other options with similar conditions, send me a message.”

“Ah… Yes.”

The agent, with a sour expression, carelessly nodded. Looks like he didn’t expect the apartment to be sold right now. It would be strange if it was sold. Even if I have the money to sign a contract for this apartment right now. What idiot would make a decision after looking at only two apartments? I’m not in that much of a hurry.

I said goodbye to the agent.

To think he shows apartments at such a late time, what an enthusiast. I expressed respect for his zeal. Usually at this time I would have long been asleep. I looked at the old watch on my wrist and yawned. Tears appeared in the corners of my eyes. There were still no messages from Ithae. No expectations, no disappointments. Now it had become so natural that I no longer paid attention.

Listening to the music of a rock band, I drove home for exactly 50 minutes. Indeed, it was right to look for an apartment near work. We chose this place considering Ithae’s work, and then I didn’t think that my way to work would become longer. What you won’t do for love.

Looking at the clock, I saw it was almost midnight. No wonder my eyes are closing. It seems that until the 7th anniversary, I’ll have to continue this lifestyle, as I want to move out before this date. And I’m already aging and not so energetic. Waving my arms, I got out of the car.

While waiting for the elevator, my eyes were almost closed. After living with a regular schedule, when everything suddenly gets disrupted, fatigue is felt twice as much. I struggled to open my eyes and checked my phone. There were still no messages from Ithae. A feeling of resentment overcame me. No. Why get offended if we’re going to break up? Are you crazy, Choi Kyeoul?

My eyes opened wide. I scolded myself. Only idiots hope. What else can you expect from someone who’s already cheating? I got out of the elevator and opened the door. Right behind the door, in the shoe rack, I saw shoes. They were Ithae’s shoes.

“What? He’s home?”

I didn’t think it would be so quiet when someone was home. I thought no one was here. Is he already asleep or doesn’t feel the need to come out and meet me? Possibly both.

I carefully took off my shoes and entered the apartment. The floor was cool, apparently, the heating wasn’t working. Now, looking objectively, I realized that Ithae and I had many incompatible moments.

I opened the closed door of the room.

Light from the fluorescent lamp in the living room penetrated through the darkness. The light illuminated the bed, revealing its outline. Ithae was lying with his eyes closed, hands folded. His chest slowly rose and fell. He’s not asleep yet. It’s obvious he’s pretending to be asleep. How can one pretend so badly? Eh.

‘It’s even good. There’s nothing to say anyway.’

I’m not so tactless as to talk to someone who closed their eyes, not wanting to communicate. I took out the humidifier reservoir and pajamas and went out. I turned on the heating to full power and changed into pajamas. I washed the reservoir, filled it with water, and brushed my teeth. I thoroughly washed my face and patted the skin, applying lotion, and meanwhile, the water in the reservoir overflowed. I easily lifted the rather heavy reservoir with one hand and turned off all the lights in the apartment.

When I opened the door again, Ithae was sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall, looking at me with open eyes.

I pretended not to notice him, entered the room, and inserted the reservoir into the humidifier. Thick white steam began to rise. Indeed, it was worth spending such money. I already felt the tip of my nose moisturizing. I still felt an intense gaze from behind, but it didn’t particularly bother me. Rather, I felt like I was under a spotlight.

Am I… attention-dependent?

How should I turn to look cool? Considering my age, I need to turn solemnly. I turned with an impassive face. Like a movie actor. It was important to look serious. Our eyes met. Ithae’s black eyes seemed even darker in the darkness.