Elden Ring: Miquella's Consort

(A/N: Just finished the DLC, (all credits to the goat, Rotten Breath!) it left such a bad taste in my mouth, bro. It hit me like post nut clarity. Why? What was the point? Why couldn't we side with them? Bro, Miquella dead ass just wanted to make the basically ruined world a better place and heal it. Why wasn't there an actual happy ending with that? We would be fixing the world, and have an awesome threesome with the chad Radahn Radahn and the femboy Miquella! There could even be two endings where we could kill Radahn and just be with Miquella if you're not into that! Give me those endings, goddamn it!)

Miquella :"Before embarking on a journey of revenge, always dig 2 graves."

Alistair :"...Well that's a stupid quote. Do I look like I'll be killing just two people?"

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"Lord brother. I'm going to be a god. If we honor our part of the vow, promise me you'll be my consort. I'll make the world a gentler place."

Alistair's eyes snapped open, a quiet gasp leaving him as he awoke. He panted, sitting up as his hand came to his hair, noticing the sweat that stuck to his forehead and hair as he pulled back.

'What the fuck? Why did I dream of that?' He rubbed his eyes, exhaling softly in annoyance :'I guess it's not weird, since I live with Miquella now. But damn, I hated that scene. Fuck, it still ruins my mood thinking about it.'

He sighed, trying to get rid of the bad taste the dream and memory left as he looked to the ground beside him, searching for the person he saw in his dream. But he didn't find him, despite them always sleeping together.

It started off by saying it was playing it safe. The closer they were, the quicker they could cover each other in danger. It was Alistair's excuse, obviously. And when Miquella just suggested sleeping in his mind instead, he obviously insisted till he agreed.

Ever since then, Miquella had been Alistair's body pillow. The one he would spoon while sleeping. And as far as he knew, Miquella loved it as well. He wasn't comfortable at first, considering he wasn't used to physical contact much. But with time, he loved the warmth as well.

So now, as Alistair looked to his sides but couldn't find him, it caused a deep frown. At least before he heard the golden femboy's pleasant voice :"So this is where you have been?"

"Yes, that's right." Another voice answered. Deep and gruff, but gentle in tone :"After that... incident, I was cursed by Marika. To hunger for all the death that was unleashed due to what happened. After that, I came here. Searching for death roots and rewarding those who helped bring me more."

Alistair's gaze traveled past the Site of Grace protecting him and to the other end of the sanctum, where he saw Miquella talking to the giant figure covering himself with a cloak :"I see. Speaking of which, the last time I saw you was before that incident. It's good to see you are at least okay, outside of your curse, uncle Maliketh."

"It is good to see you are well as well." Maliketh surprisingly chuckled :"It's been such a long time, I had nearly forgotten what you looked like. Actually, now that I think about it, don't you look a bit... different..."

Miquella smiled, almost smugly :"Well, now that you mention it..." His gaze moved to Alistair, but grew concerned at his sweaty state :"Alistair? What is the matter? Are you alright?"

He closed the distance, a hand moving to his cheek as he studied his sad face :"Did you have a nightmare?"

Looking at Miquella's worried face, the guilt was choking him. Sure, it was a game back then, but seeing the fondness and concern in the eyes of his companion and lover, –? He wasn't sure if they were in that stage yet– the guilt of having killed him in the past really made him sad.

It was already bad in his previous life, where he really hated that ending. But now, looking at the character that was very much real almost made him sob. Especially because of how much he genuinely had begun to care and love him.

Miquella could see his mood worsening as well, making him even more worried. His thumb comfortingly caressed his cheek as Alistair gently grabbed his small hand, eyes closing to calm down :"Yeah, it was a nightmare. A bad one."

"Do you wish to share it? If you let it out, it will ease your heart." He whispered, but Alistair shook his head :"No, it's alright. At least not now. Maybe another time."

"Alright, dear." Miquella nodded in understanding before smiling :"But if you want to talk about it, I'm always all ears, alright? Understood?"

Alistair nodded, a smiling forming :"Understood."

He stood up when he noticed Maliketh's gaze, fixing his clothes as he smiled :"Hello there. Again."

"Oh, hello, Tarnished." The oversized doggo nodded before Miquella smiled, presenting his consort :"Uncle Maliketh, allow me to introduce you to my chosen consort, Alistair."

The noiret gave a polite nod :"Nice to meet you, sir. It's an honor to meet the person Miquella seems to genuinely care about."

Although most of his face was covered, Maliketh's smile was still seen :"A pleasure to meet there as well, Tarnished." Apparently, knowing his nephew's feelings felt good. But he frowned at Miquella afterwards :"But... I don't mean any offense to either of you, but a Tarnished, Miquella?"

Alistair would have been offended, if not understanding his concern. And because he said no offense in advance. Being offended after that is just being a bitch. He understood him, because it was like the nephew just introduced his alcoholic boyfriend to his uncle. Or something like that.

He wasn't sure how bad Tarnished ones were socially. But considering how just about everything that breathed was out to kill them, he felt like it was probably worse than that. Suddenly realizing that wasn't pleasant.

But instead of frowning or grimacing, Miquella shook his head with a smile :"I understand your concerns, dear uncle, but I am not one to make rash decisions. If I picked him, it is either because he is vastly strong, or has every bit of potential to reach the heights that I desire or even surpass my imagination."

Maliketh was silent before he smiled :"Yes, that is true. Even back then, your intelligence shone brighter than all of Marika's children."

Miquella smirked knowingly :"Even the children she had with Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon as Radagon?"

Maliketh laughed aloud, amused at the smugness of his nephew :"Yes, even them-" Before he stilled and stared at Miquella, flabbergasted :"...You know of that?"

"Smartest child of Queen Marika, you said it yourself." He answered nonchalantly. Maliketh sighed :"Of course you would figure it out. But anyway, that is in the past. Even I don't know what has become of Marika and her other half, Radagon. So what are you doing here? I don't assume you simply wished to pay your uncle a visit and introduce your chosen consort, correct?"

"*Smiling* No, I actually am here just to visit."

"*Unsure* Really?"

"*Shrugging* Well, it –has– been several decades since we last met. I thought I might pay you a visit since we ended up right outside your doorstep. This is a rather nice place, I must say. Ignoring the weird statues, that is."

"Hey, the statues are the best thing about this godforsaken place. Also, how did you pass the Black Blade Kindred anyway? I didn't hear any fighting outside. Is that damn thing ignoring everything that shows up again? He's really testing my patience at this point.

But I'm glad he hasn't wounded either of you two. I guess his incompetence became somewhat useful. Anyway, what are you two doing here in Caelid of all places anyway? This isn't exactly a place to visit for its view, after all."

"Haaah, I am not aware of the purpose of our visit either. My consort says it's a surprise which can help him grow in strength quickly. Other than that, he doesn't say anything."

"*Frowning* In Caelid? I would advise you both to return to Limgrave quickly. The Caelid Wilds have changed from what you once knew. And not for the better, unfortunately. Get the attention of even one of those damn dogs or crows and good luck getting rid of them.

*Growling* Those godforsaken bastards don't care what you are. As long as it breathes in the same area as them, they'll attack it without a hint of hesitation! Those annoying pests even attack me when I go out! One of these days, I'm going to finally lose it and kill them all myself."

'Preach it, brother.' Alistair could understand him on a spiritual level. Oh, how much he despised those bastards.

Miquella shook his head :"Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be an option. The rewards seem to be too important to ignore, according to my consort, Alistair. But it's alright. As I told you already, I wouldn't do something rash without being sure. Even if we are in danger, our unscathed escape is guaranteed."

"Still..." Maliketh still seemed concerned, but gave up with a sigh :"Alright, if you have already made up your mind, I'm not sure if I could convince you. You are as stubborn as you are smart, after all."

Miquella chuckled, before looking at him slyly :"Well~, if you are so concerned about our health, my dear uncle, you could always just accompany us to assure our safety."

"..." Maliketh was silent before he narrowed his eyes, or at least they assumed he did :"So you did have a motive for visiting me after all. And here I got happy for no reason, thinking my nephew just missed his uncle."

"No, no, I did miss you, uncle!" Miquella's smiled grew awkward, apologetic as he waved his hands :"I'm serious, I only came here to visit you. I just thought that your protection would definitely guarantee our safety, that's all.

Even before visiting you, I told Alistair that it would be nice to have you around, not just as a guard, but also as company. You don't have to come, if you don't wish to do so. My visit was just to see you, not to convince you into guarding us, I promise."

Maliketh eyed him for a moment, before he finally sighed :"Alright, I believe you. And fine, I'll accompany you two. I can't exactly let you two walk around this damn place willy-nilly when neither of you have the strength for it."

Miquella and Alistair looked at each other, smiling excitedly, causing Maliketh's face to twitch :"Damn it, I'm too old for you two brats to play me."

The golden femboy chuckled :"I already told you, we really did visit because I missed you. But even so, I look forward to your company, uncle Maliketh. I'm glad to know you are protecting us at our moment of need."

Alistair smiled as well :"You have my thanks as well, sir. I won't forget it." 'Getting Destined Death is definitely out of the question now. Not like it wasn't already. I am not killing Melina. And since Miquella likes Maliketh too, I'm not killing him either! Win-win, to be honest. He's unarguably the coolest boss in both the base and DLC game.'

Finally, the bearer of Destined Death smiled :"Fine, you are both welcome. And no need to call me sir, kid. Just call me uncle Maliketh like this cheeky Miquella here if you'd like. Seriously, I had forgotten how spoiled you can be."

Miquella grinned :"Blame it on yourself, uncle. You're actually the only person I am comfortable enough to act spoiled towards."

Maliketh seemed to roll his eyes, but his smile spilled his actual feelings :"Seriously, cheeky brat."

Alistair smiled as well. It was nice to have one more friendly person around. Especially when it was a cool uncle. He nodded :"Alright then, hope we get along, uncle."

(A/N: You know, I feel like Maliketh, or at least my version of him, is the kind to see you playing football or any sports and come play with you and even teach you neat tricks.)