Eighteen’s Bed

I tried my best to cover up the mistake as much as I could, but then Kim Minho suddenly agreed with my words. He threw his thick arm over my shoulder and dragged me into the corner of the stairs. I was being pushed by Kim Minho’s large frame, and just when I thought I’d never hear what came out of his mouth, he said something I never expected.

"I honestly know. I know how you made up with that bastard."
"...What are you talking about? Are you talking about Go Yohan? You know why he and I made up?"
"Who else but that bastard Go Yohan?"

"How do you know why we made up?"
"Why wouldn’t I? You guys made up, but you didn’t really, huh? I heard all about it from the others. That day, Go Yohan yelled and caused a scene in the entrance, and the rumor spread like wildfire. Kang Jun, you really shouldn’t be doing this. Do you know what happens if you keep this up? Go Yohan’s gonna get you good. You know how he treats people he doesn’t like. Just look at Han Junwoo. That bastard can’t even show up at school anymore. He’s scared of Go Yohan."
Han Junwoo not showing up at school wasn’t because he was scared of Go Yohan but because he was obsessed with men. But only Han Taesan and I knew that truth.

"...You’re over-exaggerating."
"Exaggerating, Kang Jun? You’re more naive than I thought. I used to think you were just a dumbass, right? But no, no, my bad. I didn’t know what I was talking about. You’re a crazy bastard. A dumbass. I feel sorry for you, I’m losing my mind. But listen, I’ve said it before, rumors about you have spread everywhere. That arm and leg of yours, they were made like that by Go Yohan, weren’t they?"
What? As I furrowed my brows in confusion, Kim Minho, misunderstanding my expression, got excited and opened his mouth again.

"Right? Right, right. I knew it. Yeah. The kids were saying it. They said Kang Jun got caught, that Go Yohan fucked him up. That bastard’s a special kind of psycho. You know, a fucking cult follower, Go Yohan. Crazy, dumb, psycho. But, you know how nice I am, right? And I’m friends with you, so I heard some things. They were saying you’re too nice, so you didn’t say Go Yohan did it, and you’ve been tolerating it for the bigger picture. You’re different from those little punks. You’ve got more experience, you know, you’re not like Han Taesan. Right? I told them all that. Then I shut down all those rumors about you. I did a good job, didn’t I?"
"...What...?"
Then my curiosity was briefly satisfied. It was really surprising. Of all people, it was Kim Minho, the one who defended me.

"You said that...?"
"Yeah, damn it!"
What is this feeling? Using my 12th rank as a sacrifice, the seeds of the ‘good deeds’ I had scattered were now running wild, returning like a storm. If only I had been a bit smarter back in the day, would I have known? No, I could never have known. The fact that Shin Jaehyun, whom I didn’t even know existed, and the guy I hated most, Kim Minho, had become my shield.

"Thanks for saying that, but this isn’t Go Yohan’s doing. I don’t know why that rumor started. It’s ridiculous."
"Why do you think the rumor spread?"
Kim Minho couldn’t hold back his laughter. He chuckled quietly, then suddenly slapped my ass with his hand.

"Can you not tell?"
"Hey, you..."
Before I could even swear, Kim Minho wiped his hand across his thigh in disgust. He glanced around quickly, then leaned his head toward me again.
"Do you know how much those bastards—Lee Seokhyun, Kim Seokmin, and Park Dongcheol—gossiped behind my back? They were sharpening their teeth. Those bastards were spreading rumors. That’s why I figured out they were talking shit about me. How light are their mouths?"

"..."
"Do you know what those bastards said? They said Go Yohan’s been looking at you like that. Damn it. Ugh!"
"What? Hey, don’t make up stuff like that..."

"Hey, hey, hey. Listen. It’s not nonsense. It makes sense, really. Listen, listen. I thought it was weird, right? Back in the first year. What was it, the cafeteria? That bastard pointed at you and asked who you were. I thought he was talking about Han Junwoo, so I told him it was Han Junwoo. But Go Yohan gave me the coldest look ever. Damn, I was so embarrassed back then... Anyway, do you know what he said?"
"...Wait, hold on."
"You’re cursing now, huh? That bastard said he was embarrassed by me? And he won’t even say what happened. But that kid, the one next to Han Junwoo, asked if anyone else was with you. That bastard was aiming for you. Damn it. I thought it was a joke back then, but now, looking at the situation, it’s not."

I suddenly recalled the photo of me in Go Yohan’s phone. It quietly aligned with Kim Minho’s words. Two photos, skipping over my first-year memories. Those memories sealed my lips.
"Shivers, right? I think you need to be careful. But it’s okay, we have a way."
"A way?"

"I’m thinking of doing something about that bastard. Hey, don’t dig too deep, alright? That bastard looks down on me."
Damn it, Shin Jaehyun was right. Kim Minho looked at me as I stayed silent and grinned.
"I hate Seokhyun, Seokmin, and that loser Park Dongcheol, all those bastards who don’t know fear. Their mouths are so goddamn loose. Even Go Yohan, look at how he sucks up to people like a fucking bitch. Ugh. But you know what, I think you’re really alright. You’ve got guts."

The storm’s eye opened.
Throughout my school days, I had feared the doom that would come for me. The only despair that could ruin my bright future was my taste. I was always cautious, more cautious than anyone. But my fears were all for nothing.
This bastard, who wrapped me up like this, even made excuses for the wounds Go Yohan didn’t give me. "Park Dongcheol’s a bad guy." That one sentence. I couldn’t believe it, but with that one small act of kindness, I had been protected without even realizing it.

"...."
They say hot air always rises. The suffocating heat had climbed the pyramid and was turning into a mighty wind.
"You’ve got a lot of money, right? A family like yours doesn’t have to worry about Go Yohan, right?"

Then, suddenly, Kim Minho’s comment irked me. Money? His intentions were too obvious.
"You live in Go Yohan’s neighborhood, don’t you? Only rich people live there."
"Are you seriously asking me to cover for your mess with my money?"

"Why say it like that? Damn, you’re making me feel bad. If you say it like that! I’m not covering for you, we’re making a fair deal! I’ll bring the muscle, you bring the money. Your brain, my connections. Let’s combine them. Listen, I’ve got a great plan."
Kim Minho’s arm tightened around my neck. I could barely breathe. This wasn’t a good time, for either of us. The silent bell rang, signaling the end of class.
"Damn it. What kind of terrible timing is this? Hey, tell me the plan."

"...When later?"
"Oh, look at you, asking like you’re eager. What’s the matter? You feeling a little interested?"
"It’s not like that... I just want to hear it."

"Are you crazy? You just wanna hear it? No way. If you spread what I say, what do I do? Ugh, no, no, that’s not happening."
"..."
"Don’t beat around the bush, give me a straight answer. You bastard."

Damn it. Even his curse-laden speech was annoying. I pushed Kim Minho’s weight off me with all my strength. It was my way of showing I wouldn’t back down.
"Hey, if you’re gonna talk, at least make sense. You were planning to talk to me before the bell rang, weren’t you? And if you want to decide whether you’ll do it or not, you should know what it’s about. How am I supposed to know what to say without hearing it?"
"Goddamn, you make it hard to say anything."

Kim Minho’s cheeks puffed up in irritation, and his thick eyebrows furrowed as he leaned forward. At that moment, the entire school seemed to tremble under the echo of a distant bell. Both Kim Minho and I realized that our conversation had reached its limit. A silent agreement passed between our eyes. We both nodded.
"Well, it’s clear we don’t have time now, so let’s talk after class."
"Damn it, it’s so late! Meet me right after lunch."

"Meeting right after lunch sounds like a pretty suspicious thing to do."
"As long as we’re not caught, who cares? You bastard."
"Let’s see if we can meet without being caught among all these eyes."

"You’re really pissing me off."
Kim Minho raised his hand as if to hit me, but I didn’t dodge. He knew damn well he wouldn’t do it. Right now, he needed me. And running away wouldn’t help me in this situation. I needed to show him that I wouldn’t back down either.
As I expected, Kim Minho, seeing me not moving at all, awkwardly lowered his hand.

"Then, after class. Call me right after, got it? If you run away, you’ll be a fool for life."
"Yeah, I got it. Just leave already."
"Hey! I said I got it!"

He spat on the perfectly fine floor, then stuffed his hands in his pockets and went down the stairs.
I wondered if he even listened to class, but I had no room to talk. Knowing Kim Minho in the second year, I had a good idea of what was going on. It was probably a quiz, and based on how many mistakes he made, he’d get some notes to copy for the math class. And like usual, he’d make an excuse about a stomachache and go to the nurse's office. The math teacher didn’t care either. Why would they care about a lower-tier student who doesn’t even solve problems? This was how the school worked.
In contrast, I receive too much attention. A perfect example is the homeroom teacher. As soon as I stepped onto the hallway, I made eye contact with the homeroom teacher, who was scanning the class through the window. She was holding the attendance sheet, giving me a twisted smile as she greeted me. Her gaze immediately shifted to my bag.

"Ah, Jun, you’re late?"
"...Hello."
"Were you at the hospital again today? What did they say at the hospital? Is your health still bad?"

I hadn’t even been to the hospital, but what could I say? I awkwardly smiled and quickly changed the subject.
"Sorry, I’ve been skipping class again."
"Sorry? Your health is the most important, so it’s unavoidable. Your grades are all that matter for the CSAT... No, that’s not right. You can easily aim for early admission. Your grades have always been good, your volunteer points are high, and you have plenty of extracurricular activities... No need to worry."

It was exactly this kind of attention. I had just greeted her, and somehow, the conversation shifted to my grades. It seemed that my homeroom teacher was more shocked than I was.
"I must be too lazy."
"Laziness? What nonsense!"

The homeroom teacher suddenly raised her voice, as if flustered. She looked around, startled by her own voice. The students in the hallway noticed, but their interest quickly faded when the teacher lightly tapped my shoulder and said, "Don’t beat yourself up." Anyone could understand immediately, and it was an incredibly awkward situation, even for me.
"Everyone makes mistakes sometimes."
I guess I’ve made a mistake. It was an unintentional confirmation of the truth.

"It might feel like a huge mistake now, but in a year, it won’t even matter."
"Even if I fail the university entrance exam?"
"Of course. University isn’t a big deal in life."

I couldn’t believe it, nor could I relate. I couldn’t respond, so I stayed quiet, and the homeroom teacher gave me a subtle smile before tapping my arm.
"You probably don’t understand now. I felt the same way when I was in high school. But you’ll understand when you grow up. Actually, you’re so smart, maybe you’ll get it sooner than I did."
"Ah, yes..."

"Hm, well then. Can you come with me to the teacher’s office now?"
"What?"
"Well, I need a little favor. I’ve already got lunch prepared. If you’re hungry, we can eat together in the teacher’s office. If you’d rather not, you can just go back to the classroom."

Suddenly, the homeroom teacher seemed strange. Adults can often be like this. They look the same on the outside, but sometimes there’s a strange atmosphere about them. But based on my life’s experience, when adults act this way, it’s usually best to just follow their lead.
"Alright, I’ll go."
"Great! Then bring your bag with you."

Why did she want me to bring my bag when she said she had a favor? That’s when I realized something was off. In the teacher’s office, the homeroom teacher clearly had a bunch of bread bags that she must have gotten from somewhere. She gestured for me to sit in the chair in front of the laptop.
"Sit here."
"Ah, okay."

As soon as I sat down awkwardly, I saw familiar names and numbers on the screen.
[3rd Year, Class 1, Kang Jun]
Underneath it, there were exactly ten names. And Go Yohan was not among them. The homeroom teacher moved the mouse and double-clicked on my name. At the same time, the real title of the file appeared.

[Student Record]
The homeroom teacher gave a somewhat uncomfortable smile and turned the laptop toward me.
"Here, look at this. You’re the only one who’ll see this, and I need you to write down anything you want or anything you need. I’ll fix it for you."

"What? Teacher, but this..."
"Oh! Don’t worry. It’s not just for our class. A few of the top classes in the 3rd year have done it."
"...Ah."

"As per the vice principal’s and principal's instructions. Really, you don’t need to worry."
I hesitated before placing my hands on the keyboard. The blinking cursor was clearly visible in front of me. The homeroom teacher had begun speaking strangely and, in the quiet teacher's office with no one around, she whispered unnecessarily.
"Today, just go over it, and if there’s anything that needs to be fixed, you can come back tomorrow to make corrections."

"Pardon?"
"If it’s too difficult, the day after tomorrow is fine too."
Is this really okay? I wanted to ask, but I knew the answer would be "it’s fine" anyway, so I kept my mouth shut. Finally, I realized just a little bit of the power behind the work I had put in. Surprisingly, I had been given a chance to make up for my mistake. The world is petty and underhanded like this.

After lunch break, and after the fifth period self-study, I returned to the classroom. Go Yohan was gone, and Shin Jaehyun was there. Go Yohan was probably in the bathroom. Now was the time. I walked toward Shin Jaehyun, awkwardly wetting my dry lips with my tongue. Then, I muttered about the reason I had come from the teacher's office even though I was late. Of course, I lied. My feet felt uneasy.
"My grades dropped."
"Huh? Oh, so that’s why you were in the teacher's office?"

"Yeah, I... had a consultation. Some other people came and went too, right?"
Then I subtly tried to probe Shin Jaehyun.
"How many people? I don’t know exactly, but two people from our class went in the morning and came out with some workbooks. Since all of them were the top students, I guess it’s a privilege for the teacher’s favorites to get the workbooks."

Naturally, all eyes turned toward my hand. More specifically, to the workbook in my hand. I couldn’t take my eyes off the workbook I was holding, proudly in my hand. It was the workbook the homeroom teacher had handed me before leaving the teacher's office. Shin Jaehyun’s gaze also shifted to the workbook. I became embarrassed and subtly covered it with my palm.
"You got one too."
"Yeah."

"Huh? Wait a minute. Bae Seok! You didn’t return my textbook."
Before my sentence was even finished, Shin Jaehyun, always putting himself second to everyone else, spoke to someone passing by, leaving me behind. I had no intention of sticking around. I didn’t want to talk more and risk revealing my mistake. I thought it was a good thing.
Instead, my attention turned to the hallway. Because of Go Yohan. I was anxiously looking around, wondering when he would return. Just then, I almost bumped into Ahn Jisu, who was about to exit through the door of Class 2. I even dropped the workbook I was holding by mistake.

"Ah, sorry."
"No, it’s fine... uh, this."
Ahn Jisu saw the workbook I dropped and then looked up at me with bright eyes, giving me a proud smile. At that moment, we felt a brief sense of camaraderie. It was a very short and weak connection, but still. At least, I thought so. The reason I knew Ahn Jisu felt the same way was simple: He kindly spoke to me while tapping the book with his palm.

"Here. Be careful. You might trip."
"Ah, thanks."
"Well, see you later."

 
****
For high school students, is there a better excuse than using grades? Today, if you bury your nose in a workbook during break time, no one thinks it’s weird. Deep inside, I was still anxiously wondering if Go Yohan would say something to me, trembling as I kept my eyes on the workbook.

Now, it wasn’t fake; I really couldn’t afford to neglect studying.
But then, a large palm suddenly appeared over the tiny writing on the page. Only one person in this class could do such an inconsiderate thing. Without realizing it, I frowned and looked up. However, seeing Go Yohan’s serious face, my annoyance quickly subsided.
"The grade weight for the third year is minimal."

His sudden remark was so out of the blue that I couldn’t understand his intention at all.
A cold wind rushed in like my head was about to explode. How strong does the air conditioner have to be in this damn school? It was so cold, it almost stung my skin, and I rubbed my palm across it.
"And you might do well on the CSAT."

"Can’t you see I’m studying for that right now?"
Ah, I might’ve been a little harsh. I got scared that my mistake might come back to haunt me, so without realizing it, I started being cautious. Luckily, Go Yohan didn’t seem to care.
"Did I interrupt you?"

No. I take that back. I’m pretty sure he was upset.
Go Yohan tapped the workbook with his finger and asked. But something made me feel like I had to respond. But whether I said no or yes, the situation felt awkward. So, I chose the lesser evil.
"No, it’s fine. Ah... you know we can’t go together today, right? I need to study."

"Is there any need for you to say that to me? You never went with me. Not even in second year."
"...I guess so."