Dungeons Are Bad Business

Just like they’d agreed, two [Bellwether] adventurers were waiting outside the gate to Westown the next morning. One of them was Carries-Sword-To-Get-Water, and the other was a smoke-wreathed salamander woman with black and white striped scales and a beret that marked her as some sort of [Mime]. She looked rather bored; her arms were folded across her chest and she was leaning disdainfully against a non-existent wall.

They walked over to Vee and his companions, and Swordguy drew out a large, jingling sack. He presented it to Vee and said, “Here’s the payment we agreed to. Two quiet runs for each member of our party. Hopefully it’s okay that we’re doing it all at once?”

“That’s fine,” Vee said, handing the bag to Alforde, who took it wordlessly. “I’ll go ahead and count it once we’re at the dungeon.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” the man said. “My name is Neil, by the way. I didn’t get a chance to properly introduce myself yesterday. This is Ceilynn.”

“The pleasure is mine,” Vee said, nodding toward the [Mime]. She sniffed exaggeratedly and dramatically turned her face away.

“Don’t mind her,” Neil said. “Her class requires her to be in character for at least an hour before her best skills work. It can make shoots a real pain sometimes, I’ll tell you what.”

Vee blinked. “Shoots? Like what a [Model] does? Sorry, I’m afraid I’m not particularly familiar with [Bellwethers]. What exactly do you guys do?”

“I figured as much,” Neil said. He looked over at Ceilynn, and the salamander produced a beaten and rolled up magazine from – if her actions were any indication – an invisible treasure chest on the ground by her feet. “Here, this is our most recent issue. It’ll help you understand what we’re all about.”

Feeling a touch of trepidation, Vee took the magazine and looked at its cover. It was called Summit Gazing, and the cover depicted Neil and the other [Bellwethers] in a series of serious poses.

The [Dungeon Master] flipped through the pages as the gate opened and the group headed toward Crestheart. It seemed rather vapid on the whole, filled with articles and anecdotes about various dungeon exploits written by the adventurers themselves. There were also food recipes, workout routines, and lots of ads. Most of this latter category was gear and clothing, though the actual content in question tended to be provocative images of the adventurers wearing little beyond the product they were supposed to be selling.

His cheeks warmer than they should have been on a pleasant early spring day, Vee cleared his throat and handed it back, saying, “I think I get it a bit better now. How’d you guys get into this anyway?”

Neil said. “Well, we’re all from Glasswater Index, except for Fran, who just joined our party last year. There’s a lot of [Agents] and [Talent Scouts] out there, and they’re always looking for new up-and-coming [Bellwethers]. We all joined the agency separately, but the upper management eventually put us together to make our party, since all of us were interested in dungeon clearing content.”

“What does that mean, exactly?”

“Basically we travel around the continent recording our experiences and providing inspiration to our fans while raising awareness for our sponsors and helping their marketing efforts.”

“That sounds like a pretty mercenary existence,” Reginald said. “You all enjoy living out a suitcase?”

Neil shrugged. “It’s a lot of fun…when business is good. We get to see all kinds of incredible places, meet lots of people, and challenge dungeons for free.”

On a hunch, Vee looked over at the adventurer with [Third Sight] active and saw a little ghost sitting on Neil’s shoulder. It was small, and carried a looking glass that it used to gaze at the road behind the adventurer. It was as classic a memberwell – a ghost that only ever looked backwards – as Vee had ever seen.

“And how about now, when business isn’t so good? Is it still fun?”

Neil met Vee’s eyes.“You’re pretty sharp, Mister Vales. How’d you know that we were in a bit of a rut?”

Vee thought about mentioning the ghost but decided against it. Too many people got weird if they knew that ghosts were hanging out on them.

“Just a lucky guess,” he said instead. “What sort of rut are you talking about?”

Neil was quiet for a moment. “It’s…kind of hard to explain I guess. See, our party initially made a name for itself by completing dungeons without getting hit and by winning a couple races here and there. That was back when quirky dungeon challenges were really trendy, so we ended up getting added to the Top Parties To Watch list for a few months. Even though we only ended up making it about halfway up the chart, we were still thrilled. Hundreds of parties get formed and never come close to reaching that, even if they put in the same work we did.”

He paused for a moment as they passed a member of Vee’s light section – Scour – carrying a bucket of water into a nearby alley. Then, with a shake of his head, he continued.

“Things went pretty well after that. Parties like us make money by selling magazine subscriptions, and our reach slowly but steadily kept growing. None of us were going to be able to retire early, but things were good. Then suddenly about a year ago the growth slowed down really hard. Maybe we’ve lost our mojo, or our Competitive Spirit isn’t high enough, or maybe the market changed, but we started losing subscriptions left and right. We’re down to about a third of what we had at our peak.”

“Ouch,” Reginald said. “That’s quite a steep fall. What sort of things are your competitors doing that you’re not?”

“Mostly fad diet and fast leveling tips,” Neil answered. “The more impractical the better it seems. Lots of Rerolling as a Seemingly Worthless Class, too.”

“And you guys can’t do that type of stuff?”

“We’re dipping our toe in, but that’s not what we’re about. It’s not our brand. The agency is wary of alienating the subscribers we have left by trying to appeal to the current trend, so they’re being really careful about what they let us try.”

“That sounds pretty rough,” Vee said. “I had no idea adventuring was so cutthroat. What are you guys going to do if it keeps spiraling?”

“What do you think? We’ll disband the party and go our separate ways,” Neil said. Next to him, Ceilynn nodded, her face deadly serious. “The agency has been great so far, but they have a business to run and can’t keep burning fleurs for fun. Some of us have kids too; we can’t ride this ship to the bottom of the ocean.”

“Well, if it means anything, I hope you guys figure something out,” Vee said.

“Same here, Mister Vales. Thanks.”

They reached the dungeon, and Vee directed Neil and Ceilynn to wait out in front while he went up and got things ready. The adventurers handed over two pieces of paper – their informal applications – so that Vee could at least see their classes and levels.

“I’ll go ahead and let you know when you can come in,” Reginald said as the trio went upstairs.

Since Alforde wasn’t going to be battling the adventurers, he came upstairs too, and when they were well out of earshot, the armorsoul stopped and said, “I feel bad for them.”

Vee looked back and shrugged. “So do I, but it’s not like we can do anything for them.”

“They’ve got to figure things out for themselves,” Reginald said. “Same as we do.”

“I guess,” Alforde said quietly.

The trio continued up to the office, and after pouring some aqua magia into Dheart and adjusting his controls, Vee settled himself on his chair and let his thoughts wander.

Neil went in first, with his sword held in front of him and a bright blue light emanating from his eyes. According to his sheet, his primary class was [Heavy-handed Swordsman], and he was level 36.

At such a high level, Vee wasn’t even sure that Neil needed dungeon practice. Still, he did his best to thwart the [Bellwether]’s run, activating traps and minion packs to the best of his ability. His efforts came to naught, though, since Neil just danced around Crestheart’s minions and chopped them into pieces with broad sweeps of his blade. He was fast, and looked like he hit hard, and Vee couldn’t help but notice how intently Alforde watched the run.

“You think you can take him?”

The [Dungeon Champion] nodded slowly. “He’s strong, but he doesn’t look too fast. I’m pretty sure I’ll win a battle of brute force.”

“Well, we’re definitely going to find out when this happens for real,” Vee said when Neil finished his run a few minutes later. “I don’t think any of our rooms are going to stop him.”

After they reset the dungeon, Reginald gave Ceilynn permission to start her run, and she was even more impressive than Neil had been. For all of her apparent timidity, the level 34 [Courtyard Mime] was absolutely ruthless, blocking attacks of all sorts with an invisible wall, swinging over gaps with the help of an invisible rope hanging down from the ceiling, and crushing minions with comically large swings of an similarly-impossible-to-see weapon.

The only thing she struggled with was Mister Chills, who managed to slam into her twice as it moved along its tracks. Since they weren’t enough to stop her, she defeated the mini boss soon after and finished the rest of the dungeon.

With their runs completed, the [Bellwethers] came up to the office, their expressions grim and unpleasant.

“Mister Vales,” Neil said, “I didn’t take you for a swindler! That was way too easy! We paid you good fleurs for our runs, and it offends me that you’d sandbag them! I demand a refund.”

Well, that wasn’t good. Vee shook his head and held up his hands. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sandbag the runs? We did no such thing.”

Neil and Ceilynn looked at each other, then the salamander opened her mouth and spoke in a soft, velvety voice. “Do you mean to suggest that that’s the best your dungeon has to offer?”

“Well, not quite,” Vee said. “We’ve had some issues with our power supply of late, so some of our traps aren’t active, but we’re working to remedy them as quickly as possible. With the exception of our [Dungeon Champion], that was the same experience any other adventurer coming for the circuit will get to have.”

“That’s going to be a big problem then,” Neil said. “Ceilynn and I are probably the best adventurers in our party, but I don’t think any of them will find it difficult to beat Crestheart. The same is probably true for the other adventurers coming to participate in the circuit. They’ll all get through your dungeon just as fast as we did.”

“Not if I have anything to say about,” Alforde said, standing up straighter and flexing his pauldrons.

Ceilynn bowed her head. “We don’t mean any disrespect, [Dungeon Champion], but even if you can beat some or all of us individually, can you do so in rapid succession? If so, you’d be quite the talent. Alas, I doubt that’s the case.”

Frustrated because he knew the words rang true, Vee drummed his fingers on his desk until there was a lull in the conversation. Then, he looked over at Neil and said, “Do you think that your party could, perhaps, give us some tips to improve things before the circuit starts? Surely you all stand to look better if our dungeon performs well against the rest of the field.”

The adventurer nodded. “Indeed. We won’t stand out the way we’re hoping to if Crestheart is conquered by almost every challenger. Unfortunately, there isn’t much time before the circuit starts, but we will help you to the best of our ability.”

Vee got up and thanked the adventurers, shaking their hands and trying to turn his thoughts to what needed to be improved.

Main Character Sheets (Unchanged From Last Chapter):

Vee Vales

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 32

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 23

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 37

Faith: 26

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 15

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 15

Devious Mind: 25

Leadership: 21

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 10

Citizenship: 23

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 4

Persuasiveness: 5

Bargaining: 3

Patience: 2

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 5

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 17

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 10

Might: 56

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 29

Intimidating Presence: 14

Heart of a Champion: 14 (+1)

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 10

Vanity: 2

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ??

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 41

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 19

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 11

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 47

Patience: 10

Irritability: 23

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9