Congratulations on Your Magical Girl Duties

86 – Magical PX (2)

It was a first.

Seeing Whitedog with such a desperate look.

“Hey, what’s the deal?”

“Th-this! Help with this!”

Half-panicked, Whitedog quickly pointed to the phone.

At the tip of her finger was the PX’s telephone.

Ringing furiously.

Right. It was because of the ringing phone that Whitedog was making such a fuss.

I sighed.

“It’s just a phone. Just answer it, and it’s over.”

“This telephone has been ringing-ding-dong from before! And when I answer, it just shouts!”

However, it was a little harder to just brush it off.

“It just screams randomly?”

“That’s right! I can’t understand why at all! And then it keeps trying to contact me again, over and over!”

Something felt off, so I answered the phone instead.

“Hey, you b*tch! I’ll really kill—!”

And then it hung up immediately.

This was definitely a problem. Calling like crazy, but when you actually answer, instead of saying what they want, they just keep spewing curses.

Meanwhile, the phone rings again.

It was a truly malicious prank call.

On the other hand, Whitedog, distressed, kept staring at the phone with a gloomy face.

“I just parked the Magical PX, but I don’t know why they keep trying to contact me.”

“Sis, did you park weird again? You fought about parking a lot back in the States too, remember?”

“No, this time I parked it real… *general*.”

Parking issues, huh?

Wouldn’t hurt to take a peek.

“Alright, I’ll go check it out real quick.”

“Please, Senior.”

Leaving Whitedog and Sora behind, I started walking towards Magical PX’s parking lot.

There, in a corner, Magical PX’s vehicle sat patiently.

“Hmm.”

She did it just like she said. *General*.

Though, it wasn’t exactly “ordinary.”

No, she parked it like a *general*.

A reverse park, cunningly blocking the fronts of three parked cars.

No car could possibly escape without making contact with the Magical PX vehicle.

“Not bad.”

A parking performance worthy of admiration.

Whitedog was certainly an American magical girl. Coming from a neighborhood with so many cars, parking like this must be the standard.

I felt a little bad for doubting her all this time.

Of course, with that level of intelligence, I still wasn’t buying the New York origin story.

Anyway, as soon as I returned to Magical PX, Sora approached me.

“Senior, how was it?”

“She parked fine, didn’t she? Real… *general*.”

“Really? That’s so strange then. There’s no reason they’d be calling.”

Sora’s eyes were filled with suspicion, but she tilted her head as if she couldn’t comprehend it.

Meanwhile, Whitedog had seemingly adjusted somewhat, her expression more composed than before. Still, her spirits were definitely dampened.

“I don’t understand why I keep getting phone calls…”

That moment, it suddenly dawned on me why the calls were coming.

“Hey, wait a minute. I finally figured out why you keep getting these calls.”

“Really? What’s the reason?”

Looking back, the reason was simple.

It wasn’t something I should have taken this long to realize.

“It’s ’cause you’re a parking *pro*, and I’m callin’ to beg for lessons, see?”

“Aha!”

Envy, that was it. Envy of Heuindeung’s peerless parking prowess. And the desperate call? A pitiful attempt to broaden his horizons, even a little.

“But why the slang right off the bat?”

“That’s just how it is.”

Think about when you’re gaming.

When your opponent’s good, do you praise them?

Nah. You inquire about the well-being of their parents, usually.

Meaning, the curse words? They’re high praise for Heuindeung.

Well, I get it. When you witness such a parking spectacle, how else could you hide your inferiority complex if not with some choice invective?

I know this better than anyone. Every time I dominated top lane in a game, I received nothing but accolades from my teammates.

“They’re just jealous ’cause you park so well. That’s why they’re cursing.”

“Oh! Then I should answer the call!”

Heuindeung grinned, reaching for the phone.

But I stopped his hand.

“No, you definitely *shouldn’t* answer it.”

“Really? Why?”

“Joker-hyung said it himself. You don’t do something you’re good at for free.”

“Got it! I’ll wait ’til they offer money!”

Heuindeung’s face brightened at that.

The phone rang all the more incessantly, but Heuindeung, unconcerned, just beamed.

A fond smile crept onto my face without me even realizing.

Yeah, dogs are best when they’re carefree like this.

Just then, the phone in front of *me* started ringing.

“Hello—”

“Hey!”

A voice brimming with discontent cut me off from the other end of the line.

“What is it?”

“Get me the Magical PX manager *now*!!!”

“Just a moment.”

I edged my way towards the Magical PX supervisor, slumped in her corner.

“Supervisor, I think there’s a complaint about something. What do I do?”

She barely turned her head, her body a dead weight in the chair.

Her eyes dripped with a weary annoyance, but it wasn’t really my problem.

It was the PX supervisor’s job, after all.

Not mine.

“You deal with it.”

Oh, shit. Guess it’s my problem now?

“Excuse me?”

“Just handle it yourself.”

I couldn’t even begin to fathom what she was thinking.

I tried again with the Magical PX supervisor.

“You want me to handle it?”

Really?

But demanding a confirmation seemed to irritate her no end. The PX supervisor scrunched her face up.

“Why are you making me say it three times? Don’t you understand ‘handle it yourself’!? Huh!?”

And even getting angry wasn’t enough, it seemed. Like it was no concern of hers, she started walking out of the PX.

“Anyway, I’m leaving. You deal with everything.”

Leaving that irresponsible remark hanging in the air.

No choice, I guess.

Here, you just have to do as you’re told and figure it out.

“Yes, hello?”

「Hey, you son of a b*tch!!!」

I answered the phone with the same voice, but the person on the other end didn’t notice a thing, just spewing venom.

So furious they couldn’t even recognize something that simple.

「Wh-, wh-, who’s sending out Magical Delivery packages with the product name on the label! Are you insane?! Have you lost your damn mind!!!」

What could the package possibly be?

I sneaked a peek at the shipping list.

【Magical Premium Silicone Automatic Dual Stimulation Whirlwind Warming Magic Wand Machine G-Spot Vibrator Monster Series (Extra Large)】X 3ea

“Uh… well…”

It certainly seemed to live up to the “Magical PX” name; they appeared to stock just about anything. Probably items sold separately on the forbidden second floor.

Being women’s products, I couldn’t entirely feign ignorance, even so. Though, just how substantial ‘extra-large’ could be, I dared not imagine.

Were they offering package delivery as well?

It was strangely different from the PX I remembered.

“And you sent it to the Magical Barracks communal parcel locker, no less!!! Do you have any idea how many magical girls saw this because of you!!!”

Meanwhile, the magical girl on the other end of the line was still unloading her unrestrained fury on me.

“I ordered magical adult toys, was I asking for something so monumental? I wasn’t!”

Just screeching, with no regard for basic courtesy; a truly hopeless and infuriating customer.

But, that was fine.

Years of part-time work.

A model military service only an ‘A’ could achieve.

With the social skills forged by these two pillars, I could handle a customer like this in a snap.

“It’s not too late! Put out a magical announcement about a misdelivery and retrieve it! Then resend it marked as toy goods or electronics!!!”

“I apologize! But that is impossible!”

“Why, in the name of magic, is it impossible!”

Sharp words flew from the receiver.

I stood my ground, a bit more boldly.

“Because we compete on honesty!”

“What honesty are you talking about when you’re delivering magical s*x toys, you crazy son of a b*tch!!!!!!”

The thing about troublemakers is they’re only tough on the weak.

So, I simply had to become the strong one.

“Do you even know who I am!? I’m Magical Commander Green Blowfish, a magical girl!!!”

The rank spilled from her mouth the instant things didn’t go her way. And a fairly high rank, at that.

But, I mustn’t be fooled.

It was a fabricated rank.

Typically, when troublemakers feel cornered, they immediately resort to such outlandish claims.

Like saying their husband’s a lawyer, or a relative is a powerful politician.

Even if it isn’t true, troublemakers will boldly lie for the sole reason of not wanting to lose.

So, that’s the point to latch onto and never let go.

“Don’t give me that! Are you saying a two-star general-level magical girl spends every waking moment ruthlessly impaling herself with an extra-thick dildo!”

“N-Not, not *every* day!!!”

Thankfully, their momentum had broken.

If that’s the case, I should press on.

“Don’t be absurd! Who orders three extreme-sized dildos at once! It’s obvious you’re planning to use them every single day!”

“I-It’s none of your business how I use them!”

See?

If they were a *real* Commander, they wouldn’t be swayed by words like that. But they’re already wavering.

This is enough, surely.

I should wrap things up.

“Please leave a review!”

“What the fu—!”

I slammed the phone down, letting out a heavy sigh of relief.

Honestly, I wasn’t confident in my ability to handle this, so I’m glad it ended without a hitch.

The PX manager should be satisfied with this.

“Hey, can you help me with these calculations?”

“Are you lacking in IQ? Magical PX only sells magical thermoses for *hot* juice. We don’t have magical insulated bottles for *cold* juice.”

“Magical Condoms are currently out of stock, so please use Magical Turtle Eggs instead.”

But, there were still magical girls who seemed to need a hero’s help.

If that’s the case, I just need to assist them again.

“Alright, I’ll be there soon.”

Because I’m a hero.

*

“Hey, they said we don’t need to come in anymore?”

“Why?”

I received this sudden announcement from Sora.

Why would they suddenly tell us not to come? Those magical girls still have a long way to go before they recover.

“Hey, do you know the magical girl Green Blowfish? She’s a pretty famous Magical Commander.”

“Not really.”

It sounds familiar, but I can’t quite place it.

They’re probably a loon anyway, so I don’t *want* to know.

“Her, and the other three high-ranking magical girls, they totally reamed the Magical PX Manager.”

“So?”

“Because of that, the Magical PX Manager’s mental state is shot, so the Magical PX is closing for a while.”

“Really?”

Even hearing the explanation, it doesn’t really click.

If the PX is closing, I roughly understand that we’re not needed. But why did they ream the PX Manager?

“I heard it’s because the Magical PX Manager caused Magical Girl Green Blowfish to be called Magical Girl Green Blowjob, so they reamed him.”

“Did she, like, sell her body? But what does the PX Manager even have to do with it in the first place?”

“Not that, it’s something about a Magical Delivery issue, apparently. I don’t really know the details.”

Did he spread around a magical girl’s s*x tape or something?

Honestly, this doesn’t make much sense.

“Why did the other three magical girls ream him?”

“It’s because of a Magical Parking issue.”

“Oh, jeez.”

That’s why a person needs to park well.

If you can’t park well, isn’t this what happens? If he really couldn’t do it, he should have asked Whitedog to do it for him, what a shame.

Well, anyway, thanks to that, a whole day just opened up.

In that case, I guess I can enjoy this free time today.

Another peaceful magical girl life.

“You guys take care of her Magical Management.”

“?”

Until they suddenly entrust me with the management of a magical girl.