Boiling Gems (The Owl House x Steven Universe)

Summary:

The bloody wars ...

Lucci looked over the pile of food. "I wonder .. will this be enough to satiate my stomach?" He asked. Thanks to his job of scamming suckers, he had enough money to finally buy stuff for himself.

"Dude, come on. You're eating us out of our supply." The cashier of the fry shop complained.

"Eh-hem, I believe the sign in front of your window clearly states 'the customer is always right'." He pointed to the sheet of paper that said so. "Spinel, does this sign say 'the customer is always right'?"

"Yes! At least I think so. I don't actually know how to read earth language." Spinel scratched her head. "But if you say it says that, then I believe you."

"I told dad we should have ditched that." They groaned. "Steven." Of course they used that name. "I say this as someone truly concerned about you financially and physically." He breathed. "You ordered three hundred dollars worth of fried food. It's thirty times your body mass."

"I'm a growing boy, I need to keep eating." This was enough to fill him for half the day at most. "Plus I'm splurging a little. New friend, sharing the experiences, ain't that right, Spinel?"

"Totally! I'm finally going to figure out how to form an esophagus today…and a stomach…and tastebuds!" His pink friend said cheerily.

"Now stop holding out on us. I can tell when there's more in the back." Lucci smirked.

"I have one sack of unused potatoes." The boy complained, looking back. "… Actually, hang on. They look pretty old, but we do have some cheese sticks."

"Oooh, sounds fancy, and aged to perfection. I'll take those." He gleamed. "Now get to frying, fryboy."

"It's Peedee. I swear it's like you're a completely different person now." Maybe he wasn't Steven at all, idiot.

"So Steven, are we finally going to play that pretzel game we saw called 'yoga'?" Spinel asked. "Cause bending people around into awesome shapes seems super fun."

"Indeed it does, Spinel, and we will get to it." He nodded, making sure that the fryboy wasn't around to listen to the conversation. "And when it's us and my other friends, call me Lucci. I want to be called Steven as little as possible if I can help it."

"Sure thing best buddy." She nodded rapidly. She was a treat, if a bit out of touch here and there.

"Okay, here's your food." The boy came out. "And … that's three hundred and two bucks."

"Here you go." He plopped the bills on the counter. "Keep the change."

"Whoa, how the heck did you get this much money?" Fryboy asked. "I thought your dad was super poor or something."

"Screw that guy, this money is purely one hundred percent mine." He smirked. "I got myself a paying job."

"With change like this I might consider asking you to hire me." The boy muttered.

"I better not be hearing mutiny!" Mr Fryman shouted from the back.

"Speaking off, how's Gus doing?" Lucci asked, turning to his friend, dancing around in that weird suit.

"Actually not bad. He hasn't passed out from heat stroke at all." Fryboy said as Gus made some yellow sparks fly. "And I still can't figure out how he does those light tricks, but they grab people's attention."

"Nice." Lucci waved. "Good hustle! You're rockin the look man!"

"Thanks, I shall bring honor to all those that love deep fried potatoes and high cholesterol!" Gus explained as his crowd cheered his dancing.

"Oooh, can we dance with him?! I gotta routine I've been itching to try." Spinel asked.

"Better leave the little guy to himself. He's a working man now." Lucci said, taking a bite of the fried cheese. "We can dance when he's off the clock." He savored the grease. "Oh man, fried cheese, I never knew such a combination could be so heavenly!"

"Really?" Spinel took her own bite. "Hm, still tasting grains and mush, haven't really figured out this tastebud thing yet."

"Don't worry, you'll get there." He waved off. Today was looking like a great day.

"Cheese!?" He turned to a furious Mr Pizza, glaring at the food in his hands, before turning to the restaurant. "You're selling fried cheese Fryman with marinara sauce!? The basic ingredients of pizza!!? What, did the accords mean nothing to you!?"

"Accords …oh no ... I forgot about the treaty!" Fryboy exclaimed.

"The what now?" Lucci asked.

"Peede, how could you!?" Mr Fryman shouted. "Forgive him. He's just a child. He does not comprehend the severity of his actions."

"A child's actions reflect his father!" The man shouted. "For this slight, I will sell … potato rolls!" There was a loud and dramatic gasp.

"This normal?" Spinel asked.

"Don't ask me, I'm just as new to this planet as you." He whispered.

"You Fiend! You won't get away with this, Kofi! If it's a war you want, it's a war you get!"

"A what?" Gus paused.

" A what?" Boscha and Willow came out of the pizza shop to express their confusion.

"A war!" Mr. Pizza screamed. "You two, back inside! We will prepare to destroy this shop!"

"But Gus works there!" Willow argued.

"Gus is no longer your friend! He is an enemy meant to bleed marinara!"

"Not if we make you bleed grease first!" Fryman shouted.

"Wait, why are we fighting!?" Gus shouted.

"Because long ago, we declared a truce … a truce to never steal each other's businesses … but the time for peace has long passed. This was inevitable."

"Was it?" Boscha asked. "Seems a bit dramatic.."

"Do you want to lose your job!?"

"No."

"Then you will fight in this war!" Mr. Pizza demanded. "Now back inside! The battle plan must be made!"

Lucci stared as everyone ran, or was dragged inside, taking a bite of his cheese sticks. "… Hey, where do you think the best spot to watch the action is?" He asked.

"In my experience, the best spot is usually the highest point of view." Spinel answered, grabbing a bite of the fried food pile. "Hey, I think I'm starting to get a taste for these hash browns. The extra burnt one's have a nice smoky taste to them."

"Then those taste buds are working as intended." He nodded.

"So are we going to get involved with the fun?" Spinel asked.

"I feel like this is a 'wait and see' situation." This was the first interesting thing that's happened in the human world so far, he wasn't about to let it end so soon.

========================================================================

Kofi put on his uniform and gathered his employees. "Atten-TION!" He yelled, smacking his whip against the wall.

"Why does he own an army uniform to begin with?" One of his new employees, Willow, asked his daughters.

"It was from the old times, it was supposed to be locked away." Jenny spoke with fear.

"We have been disgraced! Tricked! Bamboozled! The enemy has broken our agreement, and now we go to war!" He exclaimed. "In order to assure our dominance and victory, we must take advantage of our greatest asset … numbers." He explained. "Fryman may have both his sons and one employee, but I have two employees along with my daughters!" Nana coughed."And my mother … thus we will overwhelm the enemy! And thus we shall make both our food and deliveries twice as fast as before!"

"Goodbye eight hours of sleep." Kiki groaned.

"You only need five anyway!" Kofi explained. "And we shall make changes to our menu! We will not only serve potato rolls, we shall serve fries of all varieties! Curly, crinkled, steak, seasoned, sweet, skinned! We shall add fries to the crust, fries to the toppings, and fries to the side!

"I have so many concerns." His other new employee, Boscha, raised a hand. "Isn't that, too much fries?". 

"We are at war, there is no such thing as too much!" Kofi exclaimed. "You!" He pointed to Willow. "You know this Gus personally. Spill his secrets, weaknesses, and insecurities to us."

"He's just the mascot over there, he's barely involved!"

"He is the face of their brand. When we destroy him, we destroy the public image of the Fryman!" Kofi explained. "Do you want that raise or not!"

"He's all flash and no substance. Completely defenseless with no offensive capabilities." Boscha answered quickly. "Show him something new he's never seen before and he'll be distracted." That already gave him loads to work with!

"Boscha!" Willow shouted. "Is anyone here not swept up in the madness!?"

"Just push through it, dad will cool off just like the last time this happened." Jenny rolled her eyes.

He could see a lack of faith in his army. "I was there." Nana spoke up. "I was there when this place was first built. I was there to see the joy on my family's face as we raised this area from the ground up. I was there as we finally found a place to call our home." She expressed. "This place is our pride and joy. Without it, we would've fled back to the old country in poverty and disgrace."

"And then the Fryman family arrived, selling the exact same thing we were, simply in a different form. It was a slight, and a threat in one. We waged a war, we fought long and hard to defend our one true home. Eventually we fought a third enemy, bonding us in combat. We struck a treaty … and here I thought they'd respect it." She turned to Willow. "I know I can't ask for much … but please, help me protect my family."

"….Damn it, you had to bring family into this." Willow grumbled. "Fine, I'll..fight in this war."

"Excellent! That's why for now on during deliveries, you shall be wearing this hat!" Kofi placed it on her, making it look like her head was made out of curly fries.

"… So … much … regret."

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I have come to thee, my journal, to discuss the horrors that have befallen the city of Gravesfield during the restaurant wars.

Three days, that's all that had passed, but so much had passed between them it seemed like years. Both sides have staked their pride in it, and show no sign of stopping anytime soon. As a humble mascot, I am but a puppet serving their master.

Sadly, they were aware of my weakness of distraction, so I can't say for sure I saw every accident and attack, I will describe as much as I can within the context I lived through.

The Pizza's attacks are strong. Everyday he adds new fried foods to the menu; chicken wings, tortilla chips, French bread, sometimes even adding it as toppings, many walkers on the boardwalk have thrown up from excess carbs.

The frymans in turn have gone to equally great lengths to steal business from fish stew pizza. Mainly just deep frying pieces of pizza, which if we're being honest sounds super unhealthy, and really bitter from what the customers say.

Once the customers stopped arriving a verbal match began, followed by the two throwing their foods at each other. Potatoes and tomatoes have littered the streets, bringing out scores of wild animals and vermin , ruining business even more than usual. Things started to smell more like the Boiling Isles every day. I don't know whether or not that's a good thing.

Willow's dignity and stamina seems to have suffered as well, as she comes home exhausted everyday while dressed up like a French fry. Boscha too comes back, equally exhausted and covered in marina and Greese. I myself can only be a spectator as I dance around in my new pizzbo costume. I think Mr Fryman is terrible with names.

I don't know how long this war can last, or how long our stomachs can take the grease of baked cheese and French fries. All we can do is hope that this war ends soon…though at this rate, both restaurants will go bankrupt from flinging ingredients at each other.

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If there was anything that Lars was grateful for the little fued between the Fryman's and the Pizza's, it was the lack of customers, as most people were scared off and eating from home. Though admittedly this meant sooner or later he'd lose money eventually, but it was a small price to pay for extra nap time.

Then the door woke him up, followed by a group led by one very annoying person. "Get out of here Steven, I'm sticking with my ban." He growled.

"Screw you, I'm helping my friends." The brat rolled his eyes. "Spinel, tie him up." 

"Okee dookie, artichoke!" Some noodle armed weirdo flipped over the counter and wrapped her arms around him like a rope. "Heya, I'm Spinel! I'm holding you hostage!"

Lars began struggling, before he turned to Hunter. "A little help!?" The guy was socially awkward as hell, but he was good with the job and always followed instructions.

The kid looked at him for a second, then looked at the living looney toon, before turning to the group. "...So how's your guy's day?" He was SO getting a dock when this was over.

"Horrible. This stupid food war is never going to end!" The girl with glasses banged her head on a table. "When will it stop!?"

"There is no stopping." The pink girl growled. "There is only victory or death!"

"I think Boscha's competitive nature kicked in as a survival instinct." The short kid mumbled.

"Enemy!" The pink girl began twirling her fingers in the air, before Steven grabbed her arms.

"There, there Angel, you are in a safe space now, you don't need to fight anyone." He kissed her on the cheek. "Just relax and have a donut."

"I'm not serving you."

"One hundred bucks says otherwise." He slapped the bill on the counter, before grabbing a box and taking from the case himself.

"...How the hell do you have that much money?" He asked.

"Ten bucks says he stole it." Hunter deadpanned.

"Screw you too, golden boy." Steven rolled his eyes.

Lars had to ask. "What does golden boy even-"

"Blond hair." The employee responded without missing a beat. "So anyways, what's the deal with you guys?"

"The war escalated beyond sanity." Steven spoke. "After Boscha punted Fry head through a window-" It was kinda funny seeing Rhonaldo get hit like that. "-We split up to cover bases. Amity and Luz are trying to figure out how this thing ended last time."

"Not to mention Mr. Pizza has been going around to brand his 'vip' customers." Glasses grunted. "I had to knock him out for being too Belos'y. Kiki and Jenny gave me enough time to escape so I didn't lose my job."

"We need to end this before Mr Fryman brings out 'the secret sauce'." The short kid shivered. "Trust me, it's a very dangerous option."

"There's a simple explanation that solves all our problems here." Steven suggested. "Burn both places down and be done with it."

Lars stared at the boy. " … Since when are you so relatable?"

"Since always." He shrugged. "So, who's up for arson today?"

"Crystal, as much as I love burning losers alive, I don't want to lose my job." The pink girl said that like it was a normal sentence.

"You could always join my job of selling things to suckers." He offered. "This town is full of them." …not untrue.

"We'll save selling garbage as a last resort." Glasses sighed. "I thought this place was supposed to be calm compared to home."

"Guys, guys!" That Noceda girl that caused just as much trouble as Steven burst through with a purple haired girl. "We…We figured out how the war ended the first time."

"Well don't leave us in suspense, give us the details girl!" The short kid shouted.

"They teamed up to fight a third restaurant." The purple girl explained. "There was a buffet that sold everything but ruined the economy of the town, so they teamed up to drive the business out of town."

"Bonding over beating up an enemy …" Pink girl nodded. "I can see it."

"So what, we just wait until a restaurant arrives?" The short kid asked.

"No need, I got a crazy idea that just might work." Noceda snickered. "We're going to set up our own restaurant and force them to team up!"

There was a moment of silence. "See, that seems like the type of plan you'd come up with before you went emo." He told Steven.

"Spinel, squeeze him harder. He needed a tighter hug."

"Sure thing second bestest buddy!"

Crack

"GAAAHHH!"

"So anyone got restaurant ideas?" The short kid asked.

"I have the perfect theme, and the best part is that you guys will be able to be yourselves for a bit." Noceda grinned.

"MY SPINE!"

"Oh walk it off, big baby."

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Mr. Fryman glared at the sign. ' The Cauldron' . A new restaurant stepping on Gravesfield territory. "This place just opened up?" He asked skeptically.

"Yep. They just came out of nowhere." Peedee said as he pushed them inside. "I hear they have great ambiance. Sounds like they might be pretty popular pretty soon."

"Ha, we'll see." He scoffed as he looked around. There was low lighting, but that seems to be part of the theme, as it looked like it was in a cave, a nice, decorative cave. "Humph; style over substance. A restaurant is all about heart."

The door opened up once more. "We've gotta see them Dad, it could be super serious." That Kiki girl said, dragging in his rival.

"We'll see …" He met Fryman's eyes. Both of them understood the truth. Assess the threat, and if serious, put their feud on hold.

The two men sat down, sitting at tables right across from each other, daring the other to make even the slightest move. "Welcome sirs." He turned to see the Noceda girl speak with a French accent, wearing a witch's uniform, handing them stylized menus. "Shall I get you anything to drink? We at the Cauldron specialize in the finest brews and concoctions that you'll find anywhere. Some people say we add a little magic to every mix."

"Is that so?" Kofi asked. "Then I will take a glass of wine."

"I'll take a tea myself." He needed to have clarity to judge.

"One order of grape blood and one order of goblin grind coming right up!" The girl bowed, before a light flashed before them, making the girl disappear in a blink of an eye.

"So they focus on theatrics." Kofi spoke. "Given the reasonable price, it's safe to assume that it compensates for the food." The man observed.

"I don't know dad, I think the bite is just as big as their bark." Kiki said as a vine hanging from the ceiling seemed to move by itself, serving what looked like to be a basket of fingers.

As if that was edible. "Ugh, the food presentation is horrible. I bet it tastes even worse." Fryman laughed, grabbing one … and was left speechless. "It's…French fries…" He looked at it, noticing what was probably supposed to look like blood leaking out of it . "… With ketchup inside!?" Such a revolutionary idea! Savory snacks on the go … without making a mess!?

A meal was placed next to his opponent. They looked like bloody disembodied heads. "Does he think I don't know pizzas inside out?" He asked, taking a bite, before their eyes widened. "Cream cheese pizza!?"

"Shrunken Bagel heads." A voice spoke from the ceiling, multiple eyes glowing from the dark corner of the room, before they hopped down, revealing a spidery…he wanted to say person for some reason, walking around, shaking a canister in their multiple arms. "For when it comes to the minds of mortals, I have dwelled within all. Not an idea comes to mind that I cannot compete with. For I shall dominate the world….in cooking!" They let out a stereotypical evil laugh, before groaning. "Do people really think witches sound like-" They were hit in the stomach by a purple haired girl.

"Stick to the script." She shout-whispered. Wow; she needed to work on her inside voice, they could all hear her.

"Fine fine … now mortals." Five eyes gazed at them, with two hands reaching forwards. "Give to me your next move." A puff of smoke appeared in their hands; before their drinks were served. "And enjoy."

Fryman didn't want to, he didn't…but he took a drink…and it was divine . From the look on Kofi's face, he agreed one hundred percent. They had both the style, the substance, and the heart. Everything that a restaurant needed. "It seems there's only one thing to do." Mr Fryman spoke.

"Yes, it seems we're in agreement." Mr Pizza agreed.

Their children sighed in relief. "We have to shut down our restaurants."

" What!?!!" The kids shouted.

"Peede, I know you love the place, but look at this." He gestured. "The moving vines, puffs of smoke, whatever animatronic wires allow … I wanna say the cook?" Fryman asked.

"Go ahead and use it." They nodded.

"To move around with limbs as if they're real … Frybo in his brightest spotlight could never compete." He admitted.

"And the food. So creative, yet so cheep." Kofi agreed. "We'd be out of business before we reached the fourth month."

"Wait, so we get to have a large income business with no competition and creative freedom!?" The cook sparkled with joy. "This is awesome!"

That made the purple haired girl punch the cook in the stomach again. "No it's not, that's the opposite of what we wanted!"

"But now we have something even better than the original plan!" They complained. "We can all work together…"

"While I'm not opposed to that, you need to remember this isn't permanent.." The Noceda girl groaned. "Look, Mr. Pizza, Mr. Fryman. We all banded together today to help you two, not to shut you down."

"What do you mean?" Kofi asked.

"Dad, look, this feud is ridiculous. We're the Pizza family, we serve pizzas, and that's what we're best at." Kiki argued.

"Same with us." Peedee spoke up. "Fryman's was made to fry foods meant to fry. Potatoes; maybe add a little chicken every once in a while; but mainly fries. We're a small town, we need to stay in our lane."

Fryman looked at his son, and sighed. "I guess we could … resign the accords."

"I was getting tired of the smell of kitchen greese overtaking the smell of marinara." Kofi sighed. "If this place doesn't become a real restaurant, then I suppose we can maintain our peace."

"Aw what, but this was fun for me!" The cook complained. "We're going to let good money and non-hidden freedom like this slip from our hands!?"

"I've got this." A blond child walked up to the cook, holding their arm … and disappearing in a flash of light, before coming back. "There, now we have five minutes to clean up before they complain."

"Golden toooooool!"

"…Make that five seconds, everyone get out now!"

========================================================================

Kiki watched as the cook from the restaurant charade cleared up the tables. "Little blonde bastard, I'm going to strangle you in your sleep." They muttered under their breath. "We could have done our own thing, no disguises and everything. But no, because suddenly I'm the crazy one. Ungrateful morons."

"For what it's worth, I think you did pretty well." Kiki interrupted the internal rant. "I would've loved to come here if it was real."

"Thank you." They sent a smile at her, all the eyes somehow syncing up. "At least someone does."

"Hey, who's to say you can't do it eventually? You seem talented enough to make it big on your own." Kiki complimented. "I'd go beyond Gravesfield for this."

"Yeah…so would I, but let's just say I'm currently stuck here, so can't really do much about it." They sighed. 

"Hey, maybe you can make this a thing for halloween. A witch themed restaurant seems perfect for that time of year." She suggested. 

"Nah, I'm going trick or treating for Halloween. Who'd give up free candy?!" They snickered.

"You got me there." Kiki laughed. Looks like they weren't afraid to embrace their inner child, while still being cool about it. "So how did Boscha and Willow rope you into this?"

"Let's just say I'm a … secret weapon of sorts." They said mysteriously with a silly grin. "I come around whenever these knuckleheads need me."

"Older sister?" Kiki asked. "I could see it. You wouldn't believe how crazy Jenny can get at times."

"Not as crazy as Luz gets. Do you know how many times Lu-I've had to stop her from falling off a cliff?" They laughed. "The worst part is…"

"They never learn..they never do." Kiki chuckled. "So, the night is still young. Wanna go grab some ice cream together…" They paused. "Sorry, I never asked for your name."

"Cherry. As in, life is full of Cherries." They smirked. "And I never say no to free ice cream."

"Thanks..,are you going to go in costume?" She asked.

"Well du. You're supposed to dress up for Halloween after all. I've got this great idea for a slitherbeast."

"Never heard of it." Sounded cool though. "I was talking about the one you're wearing now."

"The what-oh." They paused. "Right, guess it is pretty freaky…"

"What's wrong with that? I think you pull it off." Kiki reassured them. "If you feel more comfortable in it, I understand. If people stare…then who gives a crap?"

"Thank you! I feel like we've-I've been saying that forever, yet no one listens!" They complained. "Sometimes I feel like the stupid outweigh the sensible."

"I get that feeling all the time." Kiki sighed. "So shall we head out?"

"Lead the way, M-lady."She chuckled at the nickname. This may be fun … her first real friend.