An Angel’s Road to Hell

Cassandra Pendragon

Clasping the jewel close to my chest, I allowed the minuscule currents of energy within to carry me along. Glowing wood and azure waters turned into roughly hewn rock as my vision shattered. When it came back together I stood at the centre of a natural cave, filled with crystals, tomes and strange apparatuses I had never seen before. It was cold and the air smelled of acid, a permanent reminder who the elegant woman, smiling at us from over an ancient tome, really was.

“Oh my, that was quick. Two visitors for the prize of one. And whom have you brought me? A treat, a prisoner, a student or a friend?” I shook my head, suddenly doubting my decision. I was tired and I hadn’t thought it through. Coming here with her hadn’t been the brightest idea. I hesitated for a moment, pondering how much to tell, how much to hide. More on impulse than actual conviction I decided to simply act as if Kana wasn’t even there. Whatever she’d hear… in the end it wouldn’t matter. One way or the other she’d take the secrets to her grave.

“We’re… I have a question for you. When last… we met Amazeroth showed you bits and pieces of your future. What did you see?” She snapped the book shut, her nostrils flaring as she tasted the air. To my surprise I felt Kana’s hand snake into mine. I didn’t buy her act, though. Not again.

“What makes you think he even did? For all you know, I could have been lying through my fangs.”

“You didn’t. I know that much and I also suspect that was the moment when you decided to betray me. I want to know why.”

“That’s all? You’ve disturbed me, entered my magical prison with a stranger, to ask me this?”

“No… but the rest hinges on your answer. What did you see?” She sighed. For a few moments, she simply stared at us, weighing how much to share, until she finally replied:

“I didn’t see my future… but yours. Parts of it, at least. You’re dangerous, Cassandra, even more so than your siblings. Whether you want to or not, you’re a harbinger of change, a catalyst. A part of me wanted that power, it still does, but that’s not the reason why I turned on you, at least not the only reason. I am… insignificant, compare to the challenges you’ll have to face. If you had died by my hand, you wouldn’t have had the strength to face what’s coming. I wasn’t going to allow you to ignite the flames of war, without making sure you could actually save my world. For this is my world. I might hate it, I might try to change it, but I’m as much a child of Gaya as anyone, who lives. Well, you and your wife are an exception.”

“Was it worth it,” I snarled. “The pain, the humiliation, the tears, the deaths you caused? Becoming a pawn in someone else’s game,” I added quietly. She shrugged uncaringly.

“Don’t lecture me, Lightbringer. Death follows you, just as much as I invite it. Now, are we done? Because I’m still not going to share the details of what I saw and I have to say, you’re little puppet is looking more delectable by the second. And with her… I even can.” I grinned.

“You wouldn’t, not now.” A slight tremor raced through Kana’s finger but she remained silent.

“Don’t be too sure. Are you going to tell me why you came, or do we have to continue playing?”

“Several reasons. I told you I would, Amon is… in the wind and I’ve found someone whom I want you to have a look at.” She clicked her tongue.

“Someone? She looks more like a broken toy than anything else.” A shadow of her true form shimmered through her pretty face and I heard Kana stifle a yelp. Some emotions apparently weren’t beyond her. “Or should I say a sharp weapon? It’s hardly alive, at least not by any definition I know of. Careful Cassandra, not everything can be fixed.”

“You almost sound like you cared for me… or her.”

“Maybe I do. It doesn’t matter, does it? We are, who we are. Have you ever heard the story of the frog and the scorpion?” I nodded hesitantly, the memory of Michael and me in the Silver City emerging in my thoughts. As the story goes, a frog and a scorpion met at a raging river. They wanted to cross the water and the scorpion asked the frog, if it would carry him to the other side. The frog refused, at first, afraid the scorpion would sting it. “Why would I,” the scorpion explained. “I’d die seconds later, I can’t swim.” Finally the frog agreed and when they reached the middle of the river, the scorpion stung the frog. “Why,” it asked with its dying breath. “It is my nature,” answered the drowning scorpion.

I had never liked the story. Only cowards hid behind higher powers, commandments or their nature and I definitely didn’t like where this was going. What was she trying to tell me? Was it about her or Kana? Or maybe about me?

“Good, keep it in mind and now listen. That… creature,” she sniffed the air again while a new set of eyes opened on her forehead and stared at my companion with cold curiosity and barely suppressed hunger. Most would have tried to hide or flee but the winged girl only tightened her hold on my hand and returned the stare with the same intensity. “Has been wounded long before she was even born. She isn’t like me, she’s… worse. Her soul… I can’t be sure with just a cursory glance but I believe it’s been maimed in one of her previous lives.” Whatever else she was going to say, I now knew that she was very much aware of the river and the journey of souls. A secret not many, aside from the immortals, knew about. “To damage a soul beyond repair… if I had to hazard a guess I’d say one of your ilk did that to her. Maybe as punishment, maybe for entertainment. It doesn’t really matter, though. Ironic, really, considering I tried to do the same, when I…”

“Staked and tortured me? I remember.” The memory still made me shudder.

“Precisely. Even though the damage would have healed, even if I had been able to complete the ritual. For the wound to last and fester…”

“It had to have been an immortal.” I added hesitantly, before I erupted: “No. Way. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice… whatever you’re trying to imply I know I didn’t do it.” Truth be told, it was more bravado than anything else, though. Hadn’t I done the exact same thing a few hours ago? The soul of the guard I had tortured had been wounded and marked, a stain it would carry for all his lives to come. Was Shassa right? Had I done this to Kana in the distant past? Had I had a reason? My mind spun in circles and I inadvertently squeezed the warm fingers in my hand. The spider hadn’t missed my reaction and chuckled happily, a sound like fingernails on a blackboard.

“Oh, you really are one bundle of joy. Your reaction makes me wonder, though, why are you even here? It can’t have been to ask for advice. You already knew my help is a double edged sword. You can’t have expected me to lighten your burden. So, I ask again, what do you want? Is it to tempt me into attacking either of you? What do you stand to gain?” I didn’t have an answer. I had acted on impulse, grasping at straws, when I had been confronted with something I couldn’t understand, unable to help. I had hoped the spider might have… changed? Listened? Gods, I was still naive. All I had gained were doubts and a lingering feeling of guilt when I imagined that I might have just created something awfully similar to Kana.

“The knowledge you didn’t,” I mumbled, defeatedly. “I… I don’t really know. I just couldn’t stand, doing nothing. I hoped…” I wouldn’t be forced to kill the girl. To my surprise, Shassa didn’t mock me. Instead, she came closer, a thoughtful, understanding look on her face.

“You really try, don’t you? Power doesn’t necessarily corrupt. At least, it didn’t corrupt you. I just don’t know, if that’s a good thing. You’re so… gods, fine.” She massaged her temples and explained: “soul magic is… nearly impossible to alter. It definitely is for mortals. It works in different ways, depending on the caster, but every spell has a unique property: it changes the target in ways, that aren’t… natural, that aren’t supposed to be. Does that ring a bell?” For a moment, I was confused. Was she telling me soul magic was evil? Again, nothing I didn’t already know, and the growing ache in my chest, spiking every time I recalled the tortured expression of the guard when his essence had cracked, served as a reminder, every goddamned second. What was she getting at? A corruptive change, that could alter the very essence of who we were… oh.

“Do you mean… but how would you even know? What have you seen,” I asked breathlessly.

“Enough, I’ve seen just enough. And yes, what Amon does, what I do, what happened to your… puppet, is very similar to what ails your people. Your core, your essence, is nothing more than an immortalised soul, isn’t it? Now, what you need, is a way to find the source of such a change and undo it, don’t you? I think I might be able to help. One of my first inventions was a spell to make sure I wouldn’t run into a trap, every time I consumed a soul. As it stands, it doesn’t help you much, since none of you could use it. I, on the other hand, can. If I was to create an artefact, imbued with the spell, you’d have a tool to single out the source of your companion’s ailment. And, by the by, maybe even track Amon’s magic. Provided he didn’t come up with a way to isolate his spells. The cost, though… I’m sure, you’ve already figured out what I have to pay for magic like this. Now, since it might even help you with your family, further down the road, and alleviate your conscience, I’m offering something of real value, something I have to pay for with pain. What are you willing to provide, in return?”

“What do you want?” Kana’s fingers twitched in mine before she spoke up for the first time:

“Wait a second. What if I don’t want you to change me? I’m… I’m alive and I can exist as I am. I don’t understand most of what you’ve said but I sure as all hells know you’re talking about my life, my soul, as if it were a… a toy!” The spider blinked in surprise, her cold stare falling on the girl. A sweet, enticing smell poured out of her, probably an instinctive reaction to calm her prey.

“Don’t pretend,” she hissed. “You don’t feel fear as we do and you know very well that this is a chance for you to evolve. Don’t try to manipulate me, child. I’m not an angel and I might even have been around when you sustained that wound. Why not try for an open approach? I know how strange it must sound to you, but trust me, with the beings you’ve found yourself with, the truth, more often than not, gets you further that the most intricate lie. So… what’s this about?” For a moment I thought the hybrid would remained silent but then she spoke without a hint of fear in her voice. Still, she never left my side and her fingers remained intertwined with mine as if she was really looking for some sort of reassurance, something to cling on to. In a way it was really sad, considering I was the one who might have to end her, judging from the weird direction our little chat had been going, while the spider might hold the key to her salvation.

“I don’t want to suffer,” the girl stated, much more detachedly than her words would suggest. “I don’t want to feel remorse or pain or guilt for what I’ve done. Why should I choose to become… weak, to get hurt?” She turned to me, her eyes hard and cold. “If that is your intention I’ll prefer a clean death. Some doors shouldn’t be opened.”

“How would you know,” I asked quietly. “Maybe there’s more than pain waiting for you. Didn’t you say you’d be willing to learn if I was willing to teach? Maybe this is your first lesson. A lesson you have to learn, otherwise there’d be nothing else for you to achieve.” I had expected her to shrug off my words but she took a moment to digest them.

“And if you’re wrong? What if I can’t…,” she finally asked, actually sounding like the helpless child she had portrayed perfectly before. She even had the crocodile tears down to a T.

“Then you’ll most likely die,” Shassa answered indifferently. “Either now, by her hand or mine, or later, by your own, when you crumble under the burden. It’s still better than the alternative. Child, what you carry with you isn’t as much a wound as it is a cancerous sore. It will grow and the more you feed it the faster it will mature. Even to you the thought of a warped, ravenous soul should be reason enough to pause. If you continue like you are, you will vanish, you will be erased. Like you said, a clean death, or even one filled with fear and anguish would be preferable. At the very least your soul would remain and it would be whole. Provided the angel at your side doesn’t fail.” Great. I didn’t even know yet what she actually expected me to do but the pressure was already real.

Kana abandoned her pretence when she realised it wouldn’t get her anywhere. A thoughtful gleam appeared in her eyes as she turned to me, entirely ignoring the spider, who supposedly had had her cowed until a moment ago.

“That’s not what I imagined,” she said, her head titling to the side. Combined with her expressionless face the gesture felt quite intimidating. “Usually I’d politely ask you to go to hell and deal with the consequences, but… Cassandra, tell me honestly, do you think that ludicrous scheme has any chance of actually working?” I sighed and immediately bit my tongue. I really had to stop doing that.

“Yes… and no. Look, that eight eyed menace over there knows more about souls than anyone I know of. Well, maybe there’s someone else but him we definitely can’t ask. If you want to know whether or not I believe we can close the hole in your soul the answer is yes. I know enough about my own powers to tell you that much. If you’re going to survive is an entirely different matter. And even if you do, I don’t think you’ll change in the way she,” I jerked my had towards the lurking spider, “implied. You’re not going to suddenly develop a conscience or feel the weight of what you might have done. It only means you could… learn to, if you wanted to. I’m sure you’ve come across enough people who had their souls intact and still acted like monsters without ever shedding a single tear. You would simply… have a chance to change.”

“And I assume me trying is the prerequisite for my continued existence?”

“No. But it is the prerequisite for you actually living. I’m not going to waste my breath trying to explain, I don’t think you’re capable of following.”

“And why would you do that for a stranger you obviously don’t, or rather can’t, trust? I don’t understand… you’ve made it clear that you don’t think you need me. I’ve been pretty out of it but I still remember bits and pieces of what you’ve done in that cellar. You’ve… erased them for something I wouldn’t lose any sleep over, something I might have done myself for all you know. Why am I different?”

“Choice. They had one, you didn’t. You called yourself a weapon. A tool isn’t… evil or righteous or passionate, it just exists. It can still be dangerous, though. If I understand the implications entirely, you’ll turn into a starving abomination sooner or later, one I’ll have to put down, for all our sakes. Until then… well, I’ve got enough friends who are capable of keeping an eye on you and making sure you don’t… how did you put it, overstep.” I lowered myself to my knees and caught her gaze. “You’ve been dealt a shitty hand and apparently my family is to blame. I do feel some sort of responsibility but that doesn’t mean I’m going to risk anyone getting hurt only to assuage my conscience. So… your choice is actually pretty simple. Try… evolving or face slow starvation. I know it isn’t fair but that’s the reality you have to deal with.”

“Why? You took a few souls yourself. Why can’t I do it in your stead?”

“Because I’ll live long enough to regret and pay for my mistakes and you probably won’t.”