All The Time Lost

June blanched as Thomas called her over. She hadn't known he was here when she trotted into café.

People stared at the handsome man waving down ugly, small old June dressed in jeans that didn't fit and a stained shirt. He had started doing that and she found herself struggling to keep up with him. The regular visits to the trailer park, the flowers, the take out, she could handle, hardly, but she managed.

These public displays ? No way.

He started picking her up from work and she had no choice but to climb into whatever big, shining car he drove over with to avoid causing a scene. He even had the nerve to steal her bike away when she started leaving work sooner in retaliation. And now he was also dropping her off.

He imposed his presence the few times she went out with Julian and allowed himself all kind of inappropriate gestures. He pulled her chair out for her. He slid an arm behind her chair. He stared at her in front of everyone. He complimented her out loud.

June turned on her heels and ran out of the restaurant without hesitation.

She heard him curse and hurried on her small legs.

She was practically running and yet he easily caught up to her. Damn those ridiculous long legs.

« That was rude, » he remarked in amusement and walked beside her. A bit too close for her comfort.

« Are you mad ? » She frowned and tried to pick up her pace but he easily caught up.

« I- » He started to grin but June froze and he paused to look at whatever had put a terrified expression on her face.

Their daughter stood a few meters away with her friend, Ruth. She was glaring at the pair but mostly at June who cowered under the disgusted eyes.

« Hey princess, » Thomas greeted easily and made a show of stepping closer to June who had never wanted to strangle someone as much as she did then.

« Dad, » Elizabeth gritted through her teeth. « What are you doing ? »

« Trying to get your mother to have lunch with me, » he answered honestly and June struggled with the need to punch him.

« No ! It's- » June rushed to defend herself but Elizabeth turned on her heels and left before she could finsh. « Not what you think… » She finished in a low, defeated tone.

« She'll come around, » Thomas told her in a soft voice and reached out to hold her but she avoided it.

« Please, leave me alone, » she sighed in an exhausted tone and this time he let her go.

Christmas arrived and June held nothing back. She burned through her savings trying to get gifts that could compare to what her children were used too. Her side job was really kicking up and she had made enough to spend without worrying too much.

Julian and Thomas both invited her to their family Christmas dinner but this time even her son's pleading had no effect and she stood firm by her decision. She would celebrate it on the twenty-fifth at home with her son, Joe, probably Thomas, hopefully Elizabeth.

One the twenty-third, she went to Bea's café and patiently listened to her dear friend's complaints about her parents. June had Realized Bea came from money but it seemed like she didn't hold much love for her social environnement despite how close she was to her parents.

« At least, it'll be just the three of us, » Bea leaned over the counter with a sigh.

« What did you get them ? » June asked curiously before sipping from the hot chocolate she had grown addicted to.

« Cufflinks for dad, a pretty scarf for mom. »

« That's nice, » June smiled at her.

« It's ridiculous next to the gift I'm gonna receive. A car or some expensive jewelry. Last year was a paid roadtrip through East Asia. »

« That sounds amazing ! »

« They were included in the package, » Bea groaned and June could only chuckle in response.

« Well, » she pulled something out of her totebag. « It's not a car but I hope you'll like it, » she put the small present on the counter and waited in apprehension. Bea was the first friend she ever offered anything to and she was pretty worried of getting it all wrong.

« I didn't get anything for you, » Bea straightened up and stared at June in surprise.

« It's alright, you've already given me so much, » June shook her head and tried to convey how grateful she was to Beatrice for being herself and welcoming June into her life so easily, for looking past her reputation and giving her a chance.

Beatrice gulped in emotions, her pretty blue eyes filling with tears she held back as she hesitantly reached over to open the rectangle, thin parcel.

« It's nothing much, » June began to feel embarrassed by the small gift now that she was finally giving it.

Beatrice took the painting out and stared at it in wonder.

« It's beautiful… »

« Beatrice means the blessed one or bringer of joy, » June fidgeted nervously.

She had painted Beatrice as she saw her, bright and warm, with a bright smile on her face and her eyes twinkling with mischief.

« I look like a saint, » Beatrice muttered absentmindedly.

« I was going for fairy, » June chuckled. « Do you like it ? »

« I love it, » Beatrice's shocked face turned into a beaming smile as she leaned over to hug June.

« I'm relieved, » June felt herself tear up a bit as she hugged her back.

The twenty-fourth of december was a cold, sad day. Old Joe spent it at the local bar since he got free pints on the house and even Fat Fanny went away. June spent it alone in her living room. She didn't have much of an appetite and went to sleep early. It kind of reminded her of her time back in prison. But she shook the depressing thought away and gave a small prayer of gratitude for where she was now. At least nobody beat her black and blue to steal her Christmas meal away. And she didn't have a nervous breakdown while hugging another gift the Oswalds had sent back unopened.

She woke up early the next day to get started on the meal she wanted to prepare. She couldn't compare to the Oswald but she didn't want her children to find her table lacking.

She got dressed in a newly thrifted red dress she paired with a golden belt and waited impatiently for everyone to show up.

Joe arrived with Julian and as she had guessed Thomas had come along too.

He carried a huge bouquet of red roses and stared at her hungrily when she opened the door. June fought her blush down and forced herself to ignore him.

« You're beautiful, mom, » Julian hugged her.

« Thank you, » June was delighted and beamed as he let her go and she saw how well-dressed he was. He had made a real effort for the occasion and both Oswald man wore black slacks and white, ironed shirts. June prohibited herself from lingering on the way it stretched across Thomas' broad chest or how his veins popped out of the forearms he had exposed under his rolled sleeves. « You're so handsome. I wonder how you're not fighting off hoard of crazy girls everyday. »

« Who said I wasn't ? » He grinned cockily but June noted the slight blush dusting his cheeks.

They headed inside and June had bought a foldable table for the occasion. She had covered it with a nice golden tablecloth she had found on sale and five seats were dressed around the feast she had woken up early to cook.

Thomas wrapped a hand around a wrist to keep her behind as Julian and Joe went over to gawk over the food.

« For you, » he told her and handed her the bouquet. She should have been used to it by now but she wasn't and she couldn't meet his eyes as her heart went awry.

« Thank you, » she muttered and slid her hand out of the warmth of his own to take it. She turned away with the excuse of putting the flower into a vase and took advantage of the reprieve to get herself under control.

None of the men made any remark about the seat that remained empty while they all sat down. Joe cut the roast and June stared at Julian as he took his first bite.

« It's so soft and juicy ! » He moaned in delight and June was giddy with happiness.

The dinner was great. The conversations flowed easily despite the tension between her and Thomas. Julian and Joe joked and the old man took every chance to jab at Thomas who politely countered every attack without backing down. June took everything in with wide eyes and felt infinitely grateful for being here and getting to enjoy all this.

Around ten, when the men complained about the risk of exploding if she took anything else out of the oven, June shooed them to the sofa with a drink and started cleaning up but they all refused and Julian led her by the shoulder to sit down while Joe and Thomas started putting everything away.

She stared at the funny scene with wide eyes, choking on a disbelieving chuckle before getting distracted by Julian who sat down on the rug in front of the plastic tree she had decorated for the occasion. He told her about his christmas eve while they waited for the others to be done.

Joe pushed Thomas out of the way and she was thankful for his rudeness when she realized he had been about to sit down next to her.

« I've got a few little things for you, » she slid down to sit next to Julian and mentioned for the big pile of wrapped gifts she had put under it.

It had always been a dream of her to do that with her family. She never had the chance to do it before today and there was no right word for the warmth she had felt while placing the parcels down the cheap, crooked tree.

« You shouldn't have, » Julian smiled t her. « There's way too much mom. »

« It's nothing, » she denied sincerely. She had so much to make up for.

Julian picked the closest one and handed it to Joe.

« You got me something ? » The old man raised his eyebrows in surprise.

June nodded and waited for him to open it. He cleared his throat and frowned but she knew him well enough to know he was hiding his emotions.

« Fucking hell ! » He exclaimed as he took the leather boots out of their box. « I can't accept that December ! That's way too expensive. »

« I got it on sale, » she lied with a huge smile on her face.

Old Joe had been walking around in the same tattered pair of biker boots for the last thirty years. They had holes in their soles and were tied together with a separate string of leather now. Old Joe had the money but not enough to replace his cherished pair and pay for his daily intake of booze.

« Thank you, » he rubbed his face awkwardly but she knew he was actually trying to discreetly wipe his tears. « I got you something too. »

« Oh, you shouldn't have ! » June beamed but had known he would. He had always sent her something on christmas. Food mostly. And socks too. She had only got to enjoy them twice during her long time in prison.

« It's way less than this, » he clucked his tongue before pulling a small enveloppe out of his pocket.

June accepted it gratefully and looked at it curiously. She felt around the thin enveloppe and felt something roll under her fingertips. She opened it and turned the enveloped upside down over her palm. A chain fell out. It was a thin silver necklace and June carefully untangled it.

« Got it at the pawnshop, » Old Joe looked away from her.

« It's beautiful, » she choked out and caressed the small J pendant. « Thank you. »

Joe nodded at her and cleared his throat in discomfort. She chuckled and asked Julian to tie it around her neck immediately.

Then she urged Julian to go on and open his presents too. Julian's face radiated with joy as he opened one after another. Clothes, books, games. She had done her best to get some of everything he might like and was happy to see he seemed to love everything.

« Mom, it's way too much, » he hugged her and turned to the pile of gifts she had helped organize.

« It's my pleasure, » she kissed him on the cheek before turning to look at the other presents waiting under the tree.

Julian squeezed her hand but didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. June took a deep breath and reached out for a small parcel amongst the pile, she didn't meet Thomas' eyes as she handed it to him but she saw his surprise from the corner of her eyes.

« Thank you, » he said in a low, hoarse voice and deliberately brushed their fingers together while taking it.

« What is it ? » Julian urged his father to show them but Thomas was frozen, his eyes staring intently at the cover.

And June regretted her impulsive purchase. She hadn't known what to buy him that neither meant too much nor was insulting but he couldn't be the only one not to receive anything. And she had stumbled upon the book while shopping for the twins's presents. Her eyes had stopped on it, a wave of nostalgia rushing through her before she left. June didn't know why she went back but she did and bought it.

She couldn't bear the silence and looked up at Thomas to see his reaction and found him staring at her with something heavy and way too intense in his eyes. She looked down and cleared her throat.

« I'm sorry, it was childish. You don't have t-»

« It's perfect, » he stopped her, his voice weak and unsteady. So unlike Thomas.

Julian frowned and leaned forward to read the cover. It was a limited edition of The Little Prince by Saint Exupéry.

« Oh ! That's your favorite book, » Julian smiled. « Dad used to read it to us when we were little. »

June smiled but it was shaky. He had read it to her too. On warm afternoons as they laid in the grass. After making love in his bed on the nights he convinced her to sneak in and stay. In her tiny room in this very trailer when her mother was away and she was left on her own. Thomas wasn't much of a reader but he never tired of this book.

« I've got something for you too but next to all you got for me… » Julian scratched the back of his head in hesitation.

« Oh no ! I'll love whatever you got me ! » June shook herself out of the bittersweet memories and took her son's hands in hers.

He could have picked rocks that she would have cherished it.

He smiled and reached for the bag he had put under the tree after coming in earlier. June received it with a heart bursting with gratitude, she still had a hard time believing this was happening to her. That her son loved her enough to offer her presents. She slowly reached into the bag with shaky hands and pulled out a rectangle box.

« Just rip it open ! » Julian laughed as he watched her carefully pull at the tape but June was reluctant to destroy her son's work.

« Julian… » She whispered in shock as she found herself holding a brand new smartphone. « I can't accept it… »

« I'll be heartbroken if you don't, » Julian countered. « I didn't even get you anything on your birthday. You have to accept this. »

« But… » She blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay.

« No but. Your flip phone is a relic and I still don't understand why they are still on the market ! » Julian pulled a face. « Let me show you how it works. » June let him open the box and turn the phone on, still looking at it in awe. « It'll be much easier than going to the library to check on instagram ! And I won't have to mail you pictures of your paintings anymore ! We'll use airdrop, no, I'll teach you how to take nice pictures. »

« I like your pictures, » she remarked absentmindedly as he turned it on and the screen showed a picture of Julian and her he had taken on one of their hiking trip.

« I already set it up and sent you pictures, » he told her and opened the photo app to show her.

She couldn't hold back the tears as she scrolled through all the pictures they had taken together over the year. There were even some of Joe and he had slid some of Elizabeth in.

« Please, don't cry, » he grimaced but she couldn't stop herself and buried her face in his broad chest to sob her little heart out. « I'm glad you like it. »

It took her a moment to calm down and when she pulled back she just felt the mess she must look like. Her face was all puffy and wet and her hair had escaped her bun from all side. Her phone chimed in her hands startling her.

« Oh, dad airdropped you something, » Julian leaned over to check and clicked on accept.

Before June could even wonder why Thomas's number was recorded, she saw the pictures of Julian and her sitting in front of the tree he had shared with her and her heart expanded with gratitude.

« Thank you, » she looked him in the eyes to convey her full gratefulness.

« I also got something for you, » Thomas cleared his throat and stopped her as she was starting to object. « Julian vetoed the house, the car and almost all my other ideas so please accept this. »

June gaped at his words and found herself unable to refuse as he handed her a small square box.

« I don't think it's appropriate- » She fidgeted with the box.

« Accept it, » he ordered. « Or I'm buying the car. » She fell silent at the threat.

She slowly unwrapped the box and found herself staring at a jewelry box but she didn't recognize the brand. She opened it with a heavy heart and froze as she took the bracelet in.

June carefully picked it up and stroked a finger over the small charms. They were all the same light and elegant design. It looked a lot like what she had brought for Elizabeth on her birthday but the lilies all carried small diamond in their heart.

« I can't, » she whispered in an emotional voice. It was incredibly pretty and very thoughtful of him. But she hadn't been refusing all his advance to crumble right now.

« It's not bery expensive. Those are not even real diamonds, » Thomas leaned forward to pick the bracelet out of her hands and softly tied it around her wrist. She shuddered as his calloused fingers caressed her skin before letting go.

« No- » She frowned and made to take it off but Julian stopped her.

« I picked it with him, » he sent her a puppy look that destroyed her determination. « I was sure you'd like it. »

« Oh… » She looked down at the beautiful jewelry. « In that case… Thank you. » She pulled her wrist to her heart and met Thomas's darkened gaze.