A Perverted Galaxy Far Far Away (Star Wars)

A/N: Here's the new Chapter! Which also means the next four chapters are up on my Patreon for early access as well as the chance to vote on the direction of the story!

Surely they're going to get this whole Mandalore Mess sorted out... right?

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There’s a lot going on in Satine Kryze’s head at the moment. They’re well passed surprised at this point. Governor Vizsla was not just Death Watch, but it’s secret leader? He’d had the Darksaber all this time? No, more than that… Jedi Knight Tylo Vondin had somehow met up with Janga Fett and the two of them had couped the man? And now Vondin was in charge of Death Watch and Fett recognized him as Mandalore?

Admittedly, it was a mostly empty title. Fett’s name might support it, but the Mandalore was… a defunct position. There was a reason that Satine herself hadn’t taken it, back when she’d come to rule their people. There was a reason she was called Duchess and not Mandalore herself, and it had nothing to do with not possessing the Darksaber. Rather, it had everything to do with the position of Mandalore being an inherently violent, militaristic one.

There had never been a peaceful Mandalore. Even the ‘nice’ ones, the ones known for positive things like bringing their people together, or building their system’s wealth to new heights, were still warriors to their core who had fought in hundreds of battles.

However… none of them had ever been a Jedi Knight before. And while Satine had to admit that she wasn’t nearly as fond of Vondin as Obi-Wan, he was still a Jedi. Maybe… just maybe they could work with this. Though first…

“Where is Obi-Wan in all of this? I’m not a fool. You sent my sister to distract me from your presence and his absence. What has happened to Master Kenobi?”

She’s gratified that Janga Fett at least doesn’t seem to know. The look that the former Mandalore shoots Knight Vondin is one filled with curiosity and confusion, meaning that he doesn’t tell her all of his secrets. That’s good. That implies this isn’t some sort of Puppet Mandalore deal, where Fett is the real power behind the throne.

“Master Kenobi, last I saw of him, was in good health. I apologize Duchess, but Jedi Business dictated that I, Master Secura, and the rest of our party arrive on Mandalore with as little noise as possible. Master Secura and I contacted Master Kenobi with the time-sensitive information we had and he considered it critical enough to smuggle himself back to Coruscant. I cannot tell you any more than that.”

Jedi Business. Satine almost wants to snort, but she’s more composed than that. Even still… it sounded very, very important. She hates that, because it means she probably has to forgive Obi-Wan for just up and leaving her without a word. She hadn’t even had time to notice his absence either, is the most frustrating part.

… It wasn’t like they’d spent every night together since his arrival, after all. Just most of them. Not letting any of THAT show on her face either, Satine sighs and nods her head in understanding.

“I see. I suppose I will just have to accept that for now.”

Knight Vondin at least has the good grace to wince and look apologetic at her exasperated tone. Which is good because it means he’s off his footing for her next words.

“What do you plan to do next then, Mandalore?”

Shock on both ends of the call at that. On her end, Bo-Katan’s head whips around so that her older sister can stare at her in disbelief. On the other end, both Tylo and Janga go still, neither having expected that. Janga Fett in particular narrows her eyes at Satine, trying to find her angle.

“… What do you mean?”

Knight Vondin’s incredulity brings a smile to Satine’s face. She can’t help it. During their face-to-face conversations, he’d been so put together, so calm and in control. He’d run circles around her. But over this holocall, it would seem that he couldn’t use the Force to probe her mood like he must have before. She revels in his lack of understanding for a moment before shrugging a shoulder.

“You are the Mandalore now, are you not? What are your intentions for our people? You said something about having Death Watch stand down? And arresting those who refused? I am on board with that. We can coordinate between us, if you like.”

Tylo Vondin looks horrified. And Satine knows she shouldn’t be enjoying this quite so much, but… she is.

“You can’t be serious. I’m not… I’m not even really Mandalorian. I’m a Jedi Knight, I can’t be Mandalore. I can’t-!”

SMACK!

Fett suddenly slaps Vondin across the back of the head, forcing him to scowl and turn to her.

“Stop talking. You’ve completed the Resol’nare. You’ve started your own Mandalorian Clan. You’ve defeated a self-proclaimed Mandalore and wielder of a Darksaber in spite of his attempts at treachery. You aren’t just Mandalorian, you’re the only acceptable candidate for Mandalore currently alive.”

“But what about you?! And don’t give me that bullshit about your time having passed! Surely the name Fett still means something! Surely you would be acceptable to the Mandalorian people more than I would! And the clan was a fucking ruse, it wasn’t real!”

“Tell that to Talya, brat.”

That shuts Tylo Vondin up rather quickly. He grimaces and falls into a brooding silence, even as Janga turns back to the call, back to Satine.

“What are you playing at, Kryze?”

That interaction between the two of them had been interesting. It had also revealed a lot. Tylo Vondin didn’t want to be Mandalore, but Fett was all but forcing his hand. She was refusing the position, not because she wanted to be some sort of power behind the throne… but because she truly believed Vondin would serve better.

… Was it possible that Satine and Janga were actually on the same wavelength here? That seemed patently ridiculous, and yet…

“I believe we want the same thing, Fett.”

“Impossible. You’re a pacifist.”

Satine raises an eyebrow and smiles a thin smile.

“And where has all your fighting gotten you, Fett?”

The former Mandalore falls silent at that, mulling over Satine’s words. Still, she refuses to back down completely.

“Still doesn’t mean disarming our culture entirely is the way to go. Turning the Mandalorians into peace-loving hippies is one thing, but taking away our ability to defend ourselves is precisely how Death Watch was able to set up in your backyard and prepare to destroy your entire movement without you knowing it.”

“I agree.”

Another delightful round of shock from her sister on this end of the call and both Fett and Vondin on the other end. Fett is so taken aback that its actually Tylo who speaks up next, sounding completely poleaxed by Satine’s words.

“You… agree?”

Smiling softly, Satine clasps her hands together in front of her.

“I have had my eyes opened to own failings quite often frequently. Even before this, Obi-Wan had begun to uncover Death Watch plots around every corner. It was only the presence of him and his troops that kept my enemies at bay. I’ve come to realize, despite my personal feelings towards fighting… that the New Mandalorians cannot hope to hold onto the peace we fought so hard for… if we do not keep fighting for it.”

That gets a snarl from Janga, who leans forward again.

“Fight? You lot didn’t fight for shit. It was the True Mandalorians who fought Death Watch to a standstill before we were betrayed and stabbed in the back. We’d just done enough damage to Death Watch in the meantime that you New Mandalorians were able to slip in during the commotion and plant your asses in the seats of power.”

A funny view of history. Satine remembers it otherwise. Like Fett, Satine knows there were three sides of the Mandalorian Civil War. The New, the Old… and Death Watch. But the New Mandalorians had fought just as hard for their beliefs. They’d bled and died and in the end they had come out on top. Never mind what damage Death Watch and the Old Mandalorians did to one another, it was the New Mandalorians who had managed to take and hold the Mandalorian System.

Still, Satine just shakes her head, smiling somewhat blandly.

“Agree to disagree.”

It’s obvious Fett wants to argue the point, but now Satine has trapped her in a corner where by doing so, she’ll just make herself look combative for no reason. Especially since Satine is offering to give Fett at least some of what she wants. Realizing this, the former Mandalore narrows her eyes and repeats her earlier question.

“… What are you playing at, Kryze?”

The Duchess of Mandalore looks to Tylo Vondin, who looks quite lost. Hm, might as well make sure of all of this before she agrees to anything officially, she supposes.

“Tell me, Mandalore…”

It takes Vondin a few seconds and a smack on the shoulder from Fett to realize Satine is talking to him. He doesn’t look any happier to hear the title from her lips.

“What do you think of the war currently taking our galaxy by storm? This battle between the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy, which has drawn your entire Order into battle despite your code?”

Stiffening, Knight Vondin doesn’t really have to think about it.

“I think it’s a travesty, of course. But that’s because I know it’s all one big scam. The war… I’ve done everything in my power to end it as swiftly as humanly possible.”

Satine believes him, though the part about it all being one big scam… well, even if she doesn’t fully understand it, the idea resonates with her on a deep, personal level. War in general was just one big scam at the end of the day.

“… And tell me, Mandalore… what is the Jedi Code again?”

Tylo frowns and tilts his head to the side.

“There are actually two commonly accepted versions, Duchess. Which do you speak of?”

There were? Satine hadn’t known that. In the end, it didn’t really matter though, she hoped.

“Whichever you prefer the most.”

Taking in a deep breath, Tylo nods and then recites it.

“Emotion, yet peace.

Ignorance, yet knowledge.

Passion, yet serenity.

Chaos, yet harmony.

Death, yet the Force.”

Satine mulls over that version for a moment before slowly nodding. Yes, she can work with that.

“And tell me, as Mandalore, would you at any point give up on following the Jedi Code?”

“Of course not!”

That gets a reaction from Janga, her narrow eyes suddenly at Vondin instead of Satine. But before she can speak up, Satine plows ahead.

“Perhaps because nothing in the Resol’nare truly conflicts with the Jedi Code, now does it?”

And just like that, Fett’s eyes are back on Satine. Meanwhile, Vondin is left thinking for a long moment, clearly contemplating the two codes for a long moment. Finally, he grimaces.

“Not… necessarily.”

This was what these meatheads didn’t understand. Diplomacy was a battlefield like any other. And while Satine would be dead if she faced Fett or Vondin in martial combat, here at least… she had the advantage. She just had to press forward now and take it.

“Here is my proposal. Death Watch ends. I don’t imagine you have any issue with that, all things considered. I also trust you, as a Jedi Knight, to know which members of Death Watch should be arrested and imprisoned for their crimes. After which, you will take your place here as Mandalore. You will unite New Mandalorians with Old and usher in a new age for our people. One of peace and prosperity. One based around honor through defending our people, rather than attacking others.”

Tylo just looks at her askance through the holocall.

“That’s… you can’t be serious. I can’t just be Mandalore. I can’t just…”

“Are you not already Mandalore? Have you not formed a Mandalorian Clan? It would seem you have tied yourself to our people either way, Tylo Vondin. You needn’t worry. The New Mandalorian Government will remain in place to support you.”

Fett jumps in again.

“Support him, huh? Even if he decides to bring back the old ways? Even if he decides to bring back wearing armor and weapons out in the open?”

Satine gives Fett a level gaze.

“… Yes. So long as it is for defense, not intimidation.”

Fett looks absolutely flummoxed by that. Finally, Tylo groans and rubs his face with his hands.

“This has gotten so out of hand it isn’t even funny. We’ll… we’ll start with dissolving Death Watch. At least that makes sense to me. Get the monsters behind bars as quickly as possible, get the stolen children back to their families or at least to safety. The rest… we can figure out the rest later.”

Satine inclines her head, recognizing that that was the best she was going to get in these circumstances.

“Very well.”

They hash out the details for the next little while, with Fett and Bo-Katan both interjecting here and there to offer their advice and expertise. Finally though, the holocall comes to an end and Vondin and Fett’s faces disappear. However, just because they’re gone doesn’t mean Satine can truly relax. She’s not alone, after all.

“Satine… what the actual fuck?”

Weariness threatens to overtake her, so Satine moves to the nearest chair and sits down. Her sister follows her, looking utterly baffled by Satine’s change of heart.

“You’re just giving up power? Just like that?”

Smiling weakly, Satine shakes her head.

“No, not just like that. I imagine our young Mandalore will require my assistance for a good long while in the days to come. As for why I’m so willing to accept a change in leadership… I suppose I’m tired, Bo-Katan.”

Her sister doesn’t understand. Satine doesn’t expect her to. After all, as far as she’s aware, nobody knows about her and Obi-Wan… and Korkie. Even now, even after all this time, nobody knows of her family. Satine had buried them deep down, done her best to hide them, even treating Korkie as her nephew instead of her son.

And yet… and yet, Obi-Wan’s return in recent weeks had brought all that bubbling back to the surface. Having him in her arms again, having him in her bed again… it had given Satine fresh perspective. Peace was the goal, above all else. But Family… Family had snuck up on her when she wasn’t looking.

Satine hated war. She despised it with all her heart. And yet, she’d fought alongside the New Mandalorians for the chance at peace once before. And though the losses had been heavy, they’d won in the end, regardless of what Fett had said. And maybe, just maybe, by putting some of the pressure she’d been under all this time on Tylo’s shoulders instead of her own, she could have the life she wanted with Obi-Wan and Korkie. Not a perfect life, still likely a life of secrets and secrecy… but a life, nonetheless.

Would Tylo Vondin as Mandalore change some things? Almost certainly. But better a Jedi Knight than Death Watch. Better a Peace Keeper than a warrior. Satine was taking a gamble here by hitching her starship to Knight Vondin, and she was going to have to see whether it paid off or not in the long run.

Before Bo-Katan can muster up a response to Satine’s words, however, the door to the room suddenly flings open, one of her servants running in out of breath and pale faced.

“D-Duchess… Duchess Kryze! N-News… news from Coruscant!”

Brow furrowing, Satine shares a glance with her sister before gesturing to the servant.

“Go on then, what news?”

“The Supreme Chancellor is dead!”

What?!

-x-X-x-

A/N: So... that all happened. On the topic of Satine's characterization, I figure if I can make a bunch of female Jedi into unrepentant sluts all jonesing for the MC's dick, I'm also allowed to make Satine Kryze just a little bit less of a hardline bitch when it comes to her pacifistic ways.

In other words:

Tylo: "The Duchess will never abide by me as Mandalore, thank the Force."

Satine: "A peace-loving Jedi Mandalore who has the support of the last Mandalore? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!"