A Jaded Life

Sigmir and I stayed a little longer in the swirly cocoon I had created, and Sigmir used the time to lighten her burdens. After she had started talking, she was happy to continue and I learned what had actually triggered the little episode. Seeing the kids play and watching Giro scheme for Rai, both reminded her of her childhood.

Once again, I was reminded that I was a few years older than Sigmir and that a combination of her species, her society and her family had forced her to mature faster than I considered proper. To her, the playing children symbolised something she had never been able to experience - an unburdened childhood - and the scheming of Giro told of affection in spite of failure. My modern sensibilities were incredibly offended by a father practically forcing his daughter to mature, calling it child abuse, but to her, it was good child rearing. Well, to me, even Giro’s actions were abusive but it was, quite literally, a different world. The world I was used to was governed by evolution over long periods of time, this one was governed by the system-assisted personal evolution.

With that cheery thought in mind, I refocused on the girl in my arms and the swirling cocoon around us. By now, Sigmir was simply enjoying the closeness, allowing me to take a closer look at what I’d done. It had been mostly instinctual, the attempt to use both Ice and Darkness-Magic to conceal us here. In my mind, the runes of concealment, mist, blizzard and shadow were all interwoven and Astral Power was channeled into them. But they did not form an actual runic formation as I knew it, it was something different.

What had I said to the Grandmother when she asked what magic was? ‘The ability to alter reality using one’s will and Astral Power’? That would mean I had literally willed this cocoon, this barrier into existence. And the runes allowed me to keep it together? I mentally prodded a little at the construct and it felt similar to the sensation given by my Ice and Darkness-Magic. So the magic-types had interacted with my runic knowledge to follow my will? I was not certain I liked that, it felt a little alien. Or had my subconscious drawn on my different skills to follow my will? How exactly did a game manage to interpret the subconscious of an normal human to work magic with skills the actual human did not have?

As I pondered the implications, the barrier around me weakened as if my own doubts influenced the strength of the barrier. Sadly, I could not ask anyone in game about it, they would simply say that it was part of the way magic worked, it certainly fit with the Grandmother’s lessons. And talk to someone outside the game? They would either say I was even more mentally unstable than I knew myself to be and tell me to quit the game, or they would accept it and tell me to quit the game because it messed with my head. Neither was acceptable to me, so I would just have to accept it as part of this world. But it made me curious.

I didn’t want Sigmir to know about my insecurities, so I let the barrier disperse with a flourish, creating a glittering dusting of snow around us.

Skill increased

You increased your skill: Ice Magic [66/100]

Skill increased

You increased your skill: Darkness Magic [20/100]

I was a little surprised that I gained multiple points in Darkness Magic; there had to be something to my action, something new and more complex. But for now, Sigmir had priority.

“Come, why don’t we retire in front of Giro’s hearth? I would love to cuddle up to you in a slightly warmer place.” I said to Sigmir as I stood and offered her my hand to pull her up. Ever since I had crossed the first divide, something like that was a lot easier. I wondered just how the increased stats would influence other activitíes, I expected the higher overall stamina to come in handy when wrestling on a mattress.

Sigmir must have read my mind, or maybe my eyes showed my thoughts, because she blushed a little when I pulled her up and straight into another hug.

We walked back to the village and as we got closer, Lenore told me to watch through her eyes for a moment. I did so, dreading some sort of betrayal against Sigmir, to drag her back to her tribe, but the reality was quite different. It was an ambush, but of a different variety. Adra had pulled the children together and prepared multiple snowballs. I had to smile a little, it was interesting to watch Adra come out of her shell, even if it might be a little annoying at times.

Softly speaking, I mentioned it to Sigmir, but Ylva had already warned her.

I kept the connection through Lenore up, using the shifted view-point to target my magic. I had never tried to use my Ice Magic in such a way, targeting something outside my personal perception and it felt a little strange, but not overly difficult. Taking control of the snow behind Adra, I kept myself ready to show Adra that cleverness was great, but cheating could win the day, any day.

The moment Adra and her new minions threw their snowballs, I let go of the snow I controlled, letting it drop onto them, causing great screaming. At the same time, I managed to swat away the thrown snow, Sigmir and I chuckled a little and walked on, watching Adra dance around, trying to get rid of the snow that had managed to get into her clothes.

“You cheated!” Adra accused in a pouting tone.

“Well, you tried to trick Sigmir and me in an ambush. I just got to you first.” I said, grinning all the while.

“We were planning an ambush, fair and square. You had outside help, how can you dare?.” she retorted, but could not keep from laughing.

Just as she was done with her de-snowing, Ylva leaped at her, tackling her down, into the snow. By now, the children were laughing merrily at the demise of their former leader. Sigmir offered Adra a hand to help her up, by now also laughing.

“You know, you should not plot against someone when their partner is right next to you. It might backfire.” Sigmir told her. Ylva chimed in with a chuffing sound that I interpreted as laughter.

“Bullies…” Adra said in a complaining voice, causing even more laughter. To make our evil bullying up to her, I used my Ice-Magic to remove the snow from her clothes, without the need to squirm around.

Adra joined us and the three of us walked on. It felt… nice. Strange, unusual, yes, but nice. Having people to goof around with, to laugh with. And feeling like laughing with them, not standing at a side, looking at their actions and wondering just what drove them to act like that. I had noticed it before, but only with Sigmir, this… feeling of belonging. Of friendship? I was unsure what I would call it mentally, it was similar but different from the feelings evoked when I was with Sigmir. The playfulness, the happiness was there with both of them, but with Sigmir, I wanted more. With her, I wanted to be close, to be with her at all times and most important, I wanted her to return those feelings. I was happy that Adra returned the playful banter, taking the teasing and returning it in turn. But I believed that rejection from Adra would be a lot easier to take compared to rejection from Sigmir.

Intellectually, I knew about emotions. I had read a few books, thematizing romance. I had even been forced to read Romeo and Juliet during my education. The play had not evoked any thoughts of romance on my part, I remember wondering just how stupid those people had to be.

But now, there was something different. Just the idea of separation from Sigmir was hard to take and the knowledge that we probably would have to seperate was hard to take. Part of me wanted to run, to log out of the game and never log back in. But I knew that I was already unable to do so. I was drawn back into this world; like an asteroid, captured in a gravity well. I knew that at the end of my journey, I would burn up in the atmosphere, turning into a shooting star - but despite that knowledge, there was no will to escape. The knowledge of increasing future pain did not stop me from from pursuing those happy, present feelings.

We made our way to Giro’s house, knocking before entering and were greeted by a smiling Giro.

“Rai told me that you are great warriors. My village just lost some of our best hunters, would it be possible for me to ask you for help? The village would be most grateful, if you could assist us in these trying times.” Giro asked, with a friendly smile on his face. I had seen such a smile before, mostly on used-car salesmen. Sigmir and I shared a look that only said, ‘I told you so.’