A Hunter In Teyvat

Paimon was surprisingly the one who woke us up and helped to guide our blearily-eyed walking zombie forms into the bathroom so we could get cleaned up though thankfully the flying food vacuum quickly flew out allowing me to take my lukewarm shower in peace.

But it was now the time for us to infiltrate the so-called bowls of the church of Barbatos and steal his own divine tool from the ignorant humans and return it to his glorious self so we could use our charisma to settle the terrible bloodlust of a dragon...

"I need to stop planning out DND adventures in the shower," I grumbled with a smile as I hopped out of the shower and got dressed in my now-cleaned clothes.

As I was showering, I realized something we could use if we actually got caught like the Traveler did in canon and I wasn't going to rely on whichever knight who found us being both retarded and blind and not being able to identify Lumine and me by our very noticeable features as I was the only person, I was aware of within Mondstadt that had white/silver hair.

"Lumine, I got a plan..." I said sinisterly and she looked over to me in interest and as I explained my idea, she snickered with an evil giggle escaping her.

"Alright let's do it, Jake... Paimon you go to the Church and explain to Venti we may be a little late." Lumine said and although Paimon didn't like leaving us alone she understood we were performing a stealth operation of sorts.

-

A few minutes we were crouched hiding within the bushes behind the Goth Grand hotel that the Fatui had commandeered, and our targets finally seemed to be walking towards us doing their rounds of the walled compound.

I swiftly had a summoned Mitachurl reach over past the large hedge bushes and the Fatui agents didn't even get a chance to scream as she and her friend were grabbed by their heads and were slammed into the ground beside us by the fading Mitachurl I quickly dismissed leaving the groaning figures on the ground.

"Take their masks so we can get in... The Great Shogun needs us to find out where they are hiding the Tsaritsa's new coat... We can't allow fall behind Liyue in stealing all of that frozen bitch's clothes." I made up as I realized the Fatui agents that were albeit injured were showing off their Snezhnayan durability and were still conscious and were subtly paying attention.

Lumine paused for a moment in confusion, but she didn't gainsay me and ruin my plan. Then within the eyes of the two now unmasked Fatui agents, we dashed off towards the side of the hotel and in their minds perhaps to break into a window or something but in reality, we were running off towards the church of Barbatos now each of us wearing a Fatui mask.

"Why didn't we knock them out and why did you say we were looking for the Cryo Archon's clothes?" Lumine asked me as we jogged up the stairs.

I couldn't help a demented giggle escaping me as I recalled how Yelan over in Liyue stole a coat made for the Tsaritsa made out of an extremely powerful beast that took a Fatui Harbinger to kill and how the Fatui too this day was still trying to kill her and take back that coat that she wears as a perpetual 'fuck you' to the Fatui.

"Trust me when we get to Liyue this story will get several drinks bought for us," I said giggling almost hysterically as I realized that Signora, the Fatui Harbinger that was in charge of the agents here in Mondstadt were going to be on a wild goose chase now to find the Inazuma agents.

Lumine just rolled her eyes muttering something about 'boys' but before we could get further into it, we arrived near the church of Barbatos and Venti reflexively summoned his bow seeing our face masks seemingly ignoring our very prominent clothes and hair as he mono-focused on our masks.

"If I didn't feel when I gave you both Anemo energy I would be very... suspicious but then again if you do get caught then those masks would be the perfect excuse," Venti said facepalming but as he pulled away his hand, I saw he was wearing a grin at the mayhem our actions will inevitably cause, which fitted his free chaotic personality that embodied the winds.

"Well, the Lyre should be at the end of the church's basement so good luck." He said before he palmed the front of the church's door and with a loud click the doors locks were opened without a single creaking or groan.

I threw Venti a dirty look as it was obvious that he certainly had some experience breaking into places but I didn't say anything as me and Lumine sneaked into the church and luckily the staircase into the basement was cracked open from the shift change so we were able to easily enter the basement without needing to steal any keys or deal with any hidden levers to move the spinning statue that acted as the door to the basement.

We quietly made our way down the staircase and as we looked across the utterly massive basement, I realized why the damn Cathedral was built on the highest point of Mondstadt. The basement ceiling was at least four floors above us, and we could easily see the damn Lyre we were sent into here for as it was completely on the other side of the room in its own little alcove of a room.

The room wasn't all particularly guarded as there were only a couple of Knights of Favonius walking around in a daze obviously not fully awake which made sense in comparison to Canon that had more than a solid couple dozen Knights of Favonius patrolling what amounted to mostly important paperwork and the odd artifact.

"Let's go." I whispered and then we began literally crawling between the numerous bookshelves' as I didn't trust myself not to get caught if I was simply trying to hunchback run over to the Lyre in question.

It took a couple of minutes, but we were able to successfully make it past the Knights of Favonius that were standing guard and we reached the small room where the Holy Lyre was stored.

The Lyre in question was undeniably divine as I could feel the Anemo energy seemingly radiating from its strings but as soon as we entered the room a burst of electro energy burst into the room, and I quickly grabbed Paimon and hissed into her ear to be quiet as a Fatui agent appeared out of the electro energy.

"What are you doing!" I hissed as I advanced on the surprised Fatui agent. The Fatui agent was an Electro Cicin agent, a woman who was given and morphed by an Electro Delusion and for the most part, the Fatui that wielded Delusions were under the control of the non-wielders as they almost all had mental instabilities let alone the physical deformities the male agents would have.

"Lady Signora's representative ordered me to steal the Lyre." The Cicin agent said submissively as she held onto the Lyre in her hands and had her head bowed.

I stared at her through the tinted glasses silently before sticking out my empty palm as I spoke slowly as though she was an unintelligent fool. "I do not know who floundered your orders, but I was told personally by Lady Signora herself to do this, while the majority of the augmented forces were to be investigating the Wolf Lord Andrius! Now give me the Lyre and I won't report your failure to Signora..." I then pretended to shudder as I spoke. 'We both know how temperamental she is here in Mondstadt. I don't wish the fate of being burnt alive slowly to even the Tsaritsa enemies."

The Electro Mage almost threw the Holy Lyre into my hands as she franticly bowed to me and whispered, "Thank you my lord for your mercy." Then she was coated in Electro again as she teleported away.

Lumine was looking at me oddly for my foreknowledge in manipulating that Fatui agent, but I quickly pulled her out of the church, and seeing as Paimon and Lumine didn't yell at the Cicin mage we never got caught by a knight of Favonius.

As we exited the church, I flashed the Lyre to Venti as I was hiding it in my jacket and the bard quickly followed us as we headed back to our hotel room for a bit of privacy.