A Hunter In Teyvat

'I can't believe I am about to be doing this...' I thought with my face twitching as our little group was in front of the church of Barbatos, When I decided to trapeze around the world with Lumine and meet all the great overworked characters of Genshin Impact, I never once considered I would one day be robbing a church of all things.

No seriously even as I thought about all those other self-insert Fics into other worlds, I couldn't remember a single one of them, even the evil arrogant psycho ones never bothered to deliberately go out of their way to rob a freaking church...

"So, what is this 'Holy Lyre der Himmel' thingy we need to steal?" Paimon asked as she rubbed her head in confusion.

"One of Mondstadts most treasured items, it's the Lyre that I used to play when I was active as the Anemo God, and with it perhaps I could help soothe Dvalin and bring back his gentle nature so you can purify him as I can tell that both of you won't even bring him any pain, should we just get him to relax for a while," Venti explained.

Honestly, I love his idea of just hugging the dragon better, rather than having to beat said dragon half to death in some glorious battle that takes place in some abandoned city like it would in canon.

"So how are we getting the Lyre?" I asked fully on board with the plan as it seemed truly like the best plan other than perhaps getting Dvalin to fight Andreas the wolf Adeptus that also protects Mondstadt and once the battle reached a climax everyone from the Knights would dog pile Dvalin to subdue him.

"Hehe I can handle it don't worry!" Venti said proudly slapping a hand to his chest and proudly walking into the church as though he owned it...

'Wait he kinda does?' I thought blankly for but a moment, but then Lumine dragged me inside the church to follow the bard's already ham-fisted attempt to talk to one of the nuns living within the church.

"Oh, what a blessing from the God of Anemo! Tell me dear bard on how can the church of Barbatos help." The nun said with excitement as she put her hands together in a form of prayer.

"Dear sister I need to borrow the Holy Lyre, that way, I being the best bard in Mondstadt can soothe-"

The happy and pious expression on the Nun instantly vanished at the mentioning of Venti taking the Holy Lyre and she sneered as she folded her once worshipful hands across her chest as she stared down at Venti. "Please see yourself out of the church."

Venti blinked in confusion with a simple "What..." Escaping him as the Nun continued to speak.

"It's a vicious dragon indeed but once the Acting Grand Master makes up her mind and decides to finally deal with it, nothing could stand in the conjoined Knight's way." The nun explained and even as Venti said how that was absurd, I had to desperately hold back a snort of laughter as the Nun said. "That foolish beast betrayed The Four Winds. Not even the great God of Anemo would forgive it, for its betrayal."

"Please I beg of you... It is our best option!" Venti begged putting his hands pleading the Nun for his own damn Lyre to begin with.

"I am afraid not little bard." The nun said with a wry smile, but she sighed as though she felt a little forlorn about rejecting Venti

Venti took a deep breath and then his eyes glowed as he drew upon his Anemo energy and with a flourish he ascended into the air as he spoke regally towards the Nun. "Very well then. I see I can no longer hide my identity. I am the Anemo God Barbatos, I am the god you have all been worshipping!"

The Nun looked at him with almost disdain before she lightly bowed to the clearly shocked bard as she spoke. "If there is nothing else, I must be going back to handle the church's paperwork, also dear child, do not pretend to be our great God of Anemo just because you have an Anemo vision... I spent more than one morning scolding our Acting Grand Master for flying around with her own Vision powering her flight when she was younger." The nun said huffing in amusement at the nostalgic memories and without another world, she just left leaving Venti to drop to the ground in defeat.

"Dude... You could have had the wolf-lord Andrius bring you here on his back and they would have happily handed you the Lyre." I pointed out.

Venti shook his head as he chuckled wryly. "Hehe, me and Andrius have some unsettled business and he is rightfully angry with how I have left Mondstadt so unattended and has currently fallen into turmoil." Venti shook his head and then smiled as he pointed to me and Lumine as he continued to speak. "But no matter, you two are now rather well known as the 'Honorary Knights of Favonius' so it's now up to you two to try and get my Lyre back."

Me and Lumine shared a look and after a hum of thought, I nudged Lumine. "You should go and ask, you are certainly more approachable, and I can also keep Paimon busy, so she doesn't blab something... Unfortunate." I said slowly.

"Why does Paimon think that by Paimon saying unfortunate things you mean stupid huh Jake!" Paimon hissed as Lumine began talking to the Nun that Venti already struck out with.

I gently patted Paimon on her head making her harrumph at my attempts to pacify her but as she went to scold me, with a flash of motion I stuck a grilled chicken and mushroom skewer into her mouth making her eyes widen in shock but then relaxed as she began quickly eating the food on the skewer.

"She is eating the skewer itself..." Venti said blandly as he stared at the walking sentient Baconater that was Paimon.

"At times I can't help but wonder if she has an actual star inside her stomach to process all the food that passes into her stomach. It would also go along with her star designs." I said as I recalled how Paimon had literally eaten the edges of her pillows as she was sleeping and didn't even get a stomachache out of it.

Finally, after giving Paimon a Fisher Man's Breakfast Sandwich, Lumine walked back over to us, wearing an obvious frown.

"She refused saying we needed three separate written forms of permission from Jean and other people of note around Mondstadt... Worse is how Jean and Jake already explained how the Fatui are basically already in control of the Community Representative and we don't know the acting Seneschal either as we certainly haven't gotten involved with the Noble Houses here in Mondstadt."

Hmm so at best we could get Jean's permission and the other two we had no hopes for as other than The Lawrence clan that Eula was a part of, which the whole damn clan was reviled around Mondstadt, all the other Noble clans had stepped back from directing Mondstadt and instead are serving it as protectors like Diluc and Jean.

"Whelp looks like we just gotta steal it then," Venti said shamelessly, and then I realized he really didn't need to feel shame as it was literally his own divine instrument and had every right to own it. "So, Jake, Lumine, any ideas on how to do it?" He continued.

I couldn't help but facepalm as Venti went on to explain how the guards changed shift in the middle of the night and with such an early shift a few minutes after they get settled in they are typically in a stupor so we can supposedly sneak past them.

"Wait if you know so much then why don't you just do it... You are literally the Anemo god, can't you just silence your footsteps and use your shortness to get in and out much easier than I could." I said moving my hand from the top of my head over Venti's head showing the clear foot difference in height.

"Hehe, I am but a humble bard, and singing is all I can really do." He said shamelessly and then after giving us a couple details he ran off outside the church and as we franticly ran over to stop him, he seemingly teleported in a whirl of Anemo energy.

"I can tell assholes, teleporting away from us is going to be one of the most frustrating things in our adventures," I swore before sighing and turning to Lumine. "Alright let's head off to bed early that way we can get here before we need to get busy," I said not mentioning how we were literally going to be robbing the church as we stood beside its front doors.