A Gamer's Guide To Beating The Tutorial

I arrive in the lobby. WHITE, WHITE, WHITE. The standard, that is.

your inventory has been sold

for 32 points.>

166 001 points.>

Considering what it should have sold, that feels like a strangely small amount.

…Suddenly, this silence feels a bit overwhelming. I only spent like five days constantly surrounded by people, but… No, not people. Moleman. Five days in the presence of a friend, and now I’m alone again.

Alone…

Something jingles.

…Hm?

I touch my hand to my neck. There’s a band, and something metallic. When I look down, I find Moleman’s medal, still hanging there.

…What? But—but how? And why?

solemnly affirms that

some battles cannot be won alone.>

…I can’t believe my eyes. Am I seriously seeing this right? No way.

The God of Cowardice has balls?!

My eyes instantly flash to my inventory.

…I—it’s still there.

His handkerchief. I still have it.

I pull it from my inventory, if only to make sure that it’s actually there, that I’m not being pranked or something. But, no. It’s here. In my hands, snug between my REDdish fingers.

The realization that my bloodied fingers might be tarnishing it almost makes me fling it away, but I’m able to keep my head in place and simply return it to my inventory. My breathing is quick. I can… keep it?

I pull the medal from my neck, holding it in front of me. The pink, almost pearlescent medal glints back at me. If I put it into my inventory, it won’t disappear. It won’t get sold off to some divine pawnshop and melted down for two points per gram. It’s mine to keep.

I… I don’t know what to say. Or even what to do.

In the shine of the medal, I can see my own face, looking down. Splattered with RED.

…For now, I suppose, I might as well put it in my inventory. I can only assume that Coward’s protection will stay true even when I beat the next floor. If not, I know exactly how to handle such liars.

hesitantly agrees that His

protection will remain for

the foreseeable future.>

Is that so? Good. It better. If I find out that this was only applicable under specific circumstances, I will make him regret it.

Now, I suppose there’s no reason to delay the inevitable.

Before the horrid color once again burns itself into my retinas, I cover up the WHITE with the infinitely superior RED. And then, since I’ve got a fair number of hours left over, I train my resistances a bit. Since most of my resistances are now at either the resistance or protection level, it’s gotten fairly hard to raise them. In the absence of fun status messages, I instead work on a few other skills.

It’s kind of interesting that no matter what I do, neither my claws nor my teeth can so much as make a scratch on the floor or the pillars. I’ve been sharpening my claws on this one specific pillar for almost the full duration of this stay and it hasn’t even stopped shining. Divine protection, I suppose. Maybe if I had some magic I might have been able to do something about this.

Yes, now that I think about it, having a scrap or two of magic would absolutely make my position more enjoyable! Heck, even just the ability to make sparks would be enough to give my brain a full rehaul, transforming me from this beastly form into something much more suitable for this divine audience, like a squirrel or something.

—I repeat, a bit of magic would make me super nice and remove aaaaaaa~ll need for flesh and gore!

…Ah, screw it. Damn divine bastards couldn’t make the right decision if it was the only choice they had left! I bet their mothers had to baby-proof the chemical’s cupboard so they couldn’t make themselves a world-bettering cocktail.

Still… Not even Want or Cowardice could be bothered to give me a bit of thunderhoney? Considering that they want me as their apostle, shouldn’t they have at least a little interest in sponsoring me?

glances at the God of Cowardice.>

tugs at His collar equivalent.>

Hm? What is it, god of dumb and goddess of dumber? Is there something you’d like to tell your favorite defier of hell’s calling?

decrees that He will only

explain the situation if

Hell Challenger Lo Fennrick

agrees to not be too mad.>

…Seriously? You want me to promise not to be angry? What are you, some kind of child?

No answer. Should’ve expected as much.

However, since we’re already this far, I might as well, right? Who knows when this information can become vital?

So, yeah, sure. I promise I won’t be mad.

reluctantly explains that

They held a vote regarding the subject,

and that the general consensus deemed

Hell Challenger Lo Fennrick

unfit to wield magic.>

I—

You—

What!? Unfit? Unfit how!? I am perfectly fit to wield the vast unknown powers of the elements! I can be trusted with claws and teeth, but not the ability to make a feather levitate? What is this, some sort of layman’s psych evaluation? Oh, so just because I’m a bit quicker to violence than most, that makes me evil and unsuitable for your frankly pathetic spells and evocations? Is that it? Simply because of my actions on floors three-trough-eighteen, I can’t be given magic?

Well, I tell you what—I don’t want your stupid magic anyway! Making balls of air? Shooting lightning bolts? Bah! Humbug! I didn’t need it for the past eighteen floors, and I certainly won’t need it for the coming eighty-two floors, either! In fact, I bet having to juggle your idiotic demands and desires would only slow me down!

So you better write this down, because I’m not saying this again. I don’t need your damn—

Do you want to enter?>

My hand flies out on instinct to press the ‘yes’ button, only to realize my folly and jeer out of the way, almost pressing ‘no’ on accident.

I—I can’t leave now, I’m still giving these divine dipsticks a piece of my mind! I only need one more minute to—

[No] will be chosen for you

and the floor may be accessed

next attempt.>

Damn it, damn it, damn it…!

Okay, fine!

I press the ‘yes’ button, instantly finding myself transported to a place that feels about as hot as the inside of a volcano. Combined with the enemies seemingly being little salamanders of some sort, I’ve got my work cut out for me.

Still grumbling about magic and how I absolutely don’t need it at all whatsoever, I set out to beat the floor.

The whole thing took around two weeks, and by the end of it, I had thoroughly grown tired of the taste of charred lizard. Or, technically, amphibian. And now here I stand over the corpse of some big salamander queen or whatnot, trying to discern whether her flesh is tastier than that of her children. However, her body wasn’t capable of withstanding my sudden French urges, so with a final silent skin-breath, she dies.

<[Level Up]

Strength has increased by 3.

Stamina has increased by 2.

Magic Power has increased by 1.

Burn Protection has increased by 1.

Heat Protection has increased by 1.>

points for clearing the floor.

You have received an additional

1 000 points for being the first to clear

the floor.>

you will receive an additional reward.>

the additional reward has been

traded for 5 000 points.>

<7 Gods have shown a positive response to you.

You have obtained 6 000 points.>

<50 Gods have shown a negative response to you.

50 000 points have been deducted.>

the floor clear reward has been

traded for 1 000 points.>