Zombie Rebirth

I had drawn a straight, and I couldn’t conceal the wide grin. It threatened to split my face. I was ready to show them I could mount an effective defense. And, even better, I had a surprise up my sleeve. I checked my gold total, then summoned the upgrade menu.

Upgrades:

Soldiers:

Speed: 2

Health: 15

Damage: 5

Quantity: 20

Soldier upgrades:

+1 cost per investment

Speed: 11

Health: 11

Damage: 12

Quantity: 10

Archers:

Speed: 2

Health: 5

Damage: 6

Range: 15

Quantity: 2

Archer upgrades:

+2 cost per investment

Speed: 10

Health: 20

Damage: 12

Range: 10

Quantity: 15

Mages:

Speed: 2

Health: 3

Damage: 9

Range: 10

Quantity: 4

Mage upgrades:

+3 cost per investment

Speed: 13

Health: 20

Damage: 13

Range: 15

Quantity: 24

Castle:

Health: 250

Repair: No

Archers: 1

Castle upgrades:

Health: 10

Repair (ability): 100

Repair: Cost dependent

Archers: 10

Unlocks:

Knights: 100

Bears: 100

Dwarves: 150

Griffons: 200

Dragon: 500

With a villainous cackle, I selected the Bears. Two new entries filled the menu.

Bears:

Speed: 2

Health: 20

Damage: 8

Quantity: 1

Bear upgrades:

+4 cost per investment

Speed: 20

Health: 20

Damage: 20

Quantity: 20

I selected quantity, watching my total drain to 12, then selected archer range for 10, bringing my gold total to 2. It was only an increase of one unit, however far that was, but the extra distance would give my units at least a one-shot advantage. I dismissed the upgrade window while I thought on what the range could be. Perhaps it was the number of arrows a trained archer could loose before a soldier at base speed could approach. That seemed at least as plausible as anything else, such as yards or meters. I could find it believable that the archers were firing arrows at moving targets fifty or so feet away.

The blast of the horn signaled the start of the round, and I gripped the arms of my chair in excitement. The first thing I heard as the gates of my castle creaked open was the bizarre sound of an animal. It was like the creature had been autotuned to sound like a car. Unable to bear the anticipation, I raced to the battlement and looked down. My soldiers were marching out in their massive ranks, which I had expected. What I had not been ready for was what they were riding.

Giant birds, somewhat resembling Ostriches, but far, far larger and covered in chrome. It looked like the bird could nearly touch the top of the eighteen-foot archway with its head.

“Is that a freaking Moa?”

I looked at the bosses for confirmation, but they were watching their own forces. I got the feeling the animal changed every game, with the way they were all cursing and shaking their fists. A metallic bleat brought my attention back to my army. And army it was, because the soldiers had finally finished massing outside my gates. I normally had twenty. I counted four rows of ten and a half row of five for forty-five soldiers. My archers were behind them, also riding the extinct mega-bird. The glint of metal off each bird was like being stuck in the middle of a dance hall with way too many disco balls. The archers had a half rank of five as well, and then the mages were behind them, with nearly a full rank at nine. Then I clapped my hands as I saw what I had been waiting for, the bears. All three were big, burly, gorgeous creatures with soft brown fur, big, intelligent faces, and simple vests with my crest on the back. The black tree on a white heater shield looked even more fierce when on the back of a bear the size of a freaking minivan.

“YEAH!”

I jumped and pumped my fist in the air, not caring if the bosses saw or judged me at this point. I had a freaking army, complete with bears that could flatten a smart car by sitting on it. They sat once in position, showing just how massive they really were. Even sitting, they nearly stood as tall as the birds. I looked at Selvaggi with the biggest shit-eating grin I think I had ever worn. He was staring at my army, jaw slack and eyes wide. He wasn’t even ranting. I looked at Coopman, who had the same expression. And finally, Branciforte. He was still seated, but his pipe was nowhere to be seen. He also looked flabbergasted.

“Gentlemen, shall we?”

Their armies took off, racing toward my castle. As they approached many of the men stumbled over or simply right through the mushrooms that littered the field. Some of them shrank, while others grew to almost twice their size. It wasn’t enough. The three converging forces shouted a war-cry as they drew within a hundred yards.

My army let out an intimidating roar in response. The bears trundled toward the oncoming units. I rubbed my hands together again. Even if it ended up being a horrible, foul-smelling, wailing massacre, this was going to be a fight for the ages. Arrows flew just before the soldiers clashed with the bears. And holy shit, was it the right call to unlock the massive creatures. They were slow, almost ponderous. Or, that’s what I thought. I watched closely, and I saw the bears only looked slow because they were so big. They swiped, slashed, clawed, kicked, and rolled over the soldiers. The dead piled up in seconds. I pulled up the upgrade menu, even though I couldn’t make any changes, and saw why. The bears had a default speed of 2. They were as fast as any of my other units.

“Oh, yeah!”

By the time my soldiers closed in with swords at the ready, only a handful of hostile men were even left alive. The bears had single-handedly… or single-pawedly as the case would be, had slaughtered the oncoming forces. My oil defenses hadn’t even been tripped. I looked across at Coopman. He was perched on the battlement wall, screaming his beak off. I could just hear him over the sound of my army marching away.

“Wait, what?”

I watched as the army split into three. One bear, fifteen soldiers, two archers, and three mages to a unit. Though most of the mushrooms had been cleared by the attacking forces, some of my men managed to find some and trigger transformations. The force marching toward Coopman’s castle had only one archer, but I knew that made little difference. He didn’t have oil to defend his castle. I looked at him again, and he was once more staring in dumb shock.

“Well, I guess drawing a straight really did me a favor. I’m feeling pretty lucky today.”

My soldiers marched quickly. Coopman shook his fist at me, even as the bear started to hammer on his gate. It took less than a minute, and even though the bear died to his defending archers, the gate collapsed. My soldiers marched in, and Coopman disappeared from his battlement. I looked to see where the other forces were, to see them already battering on their respective gates. I looked back to Coopman’s castle to see black smoke rising from the courtyard, his flag gone, and the battlements decorated with my crest.

Great Enemy Felled

I nodded to myself, then looked at Selvaggi. He had taken a bit of damage on his turn, though nowhere near as much as Coopman. The last of my men fell a few minutes later, but his gate was all-but-crumbled. The little blinking health bar showed he was on the verge of losing. I checked on Branciforte’s castle to see my men had fallen about as quickly, leaving him with 15% health.

“What the hell, Blackwood?” Selvaggi sounded aggravated.

I looked at him and shrugged. “I saved and got an upgrade, and the mutators favored me. That, and I drew a straight.”

“A str- a straight? That’s it? How the hell did you have so many soldiers?”

“I bought a few upgrades for mages, but my soldiers are still base quantity.”

“Pitbull,” Branciforte said in his slow way. “Remember, a straight means one and a quarter increase.”

I snapped my fingers and pointed at Branciforte. “Ah-hah! I knew it affected the units somehow. Did you all know that from the start? Try to keep me in the dark so you have a chance to win over the noobie?”

“Pfah,” Selvaggi said with a dismissive wave. “Beginner’s luck.”

“Beginner’s luck or veteran gambler, either way, I’m winning this round. You’re both done.”

“That much is true,” Branciforte said.

Selvaggi grunted. He poked at the air, then disappeared. His gate fell to the ground and the castle sprouted black smoke.

Great Enemy Felled

“Huh,” I said.

“That is how it is. You have won. Perhaps it is for the best. You have played well, young man.”

With those parting words, Branciforte disappeared. I hadn’t even seen him do anything.

Great Enemy Felled

Game Over

I punched the sky, celebrating the monumental victory. I shouted even as the sky winked out and I was swallowed by void.

A moment later, or at least, it felt like only a moment, I sat up in my chair. I shook myself, feeling stiff muscles complain.

“Ow, what the hell?” I put a hand to my neck to calm a twinging muscle.

“The only downside to the game,” Selvaggi said as he stretched. He sounded completely different. “Long games can leave you feeling stiff.”

Coopman stood and walked around the table. It was back to looking like a simple, if ornate, marble table. He towered over me, standing much taller than I had initially thought. He extended a hand to me.

“No hard feelings. You fought very well.”

I shook his hand. It was strange, like gripping feathered steel. He took a step back, and Selvaggi offered his hand as he approached. I shook it.

“Like he said, you did great, kid.”

“Uh, thanks, guys. That was a lot of fun. I mean, it ended really fast, and I probably enjoyed it so much because I was winning most of the time. I understand why you guys play, though. And I have a few suggestions to tune it for when you roll it out full-time.”

“Oh, we weren’t going to use this for the boss fight,” Coopman started.

Selvaggi stopped him with a stubby hand on his friend’s forearm.

“Go on.”

I nodded. “Right, well, if you play with more people, there’s a few things you’ll absolutely have to change. First, only allowing decisions from the chair will be detrimental. I know quite a few people who would be pacing non-stop. That, or trying to jump into the field to take part in the fighting themselves.”

“Of course,” Selvaggi said. He shot a look up at Coopman, then over my shoulder to Branciforte. I checked, and the mustachioed frogman was still sitting in his chair, smoking his pipe.

“Is there anything else we should know?” Branciforte smiled, though it seemed less than friendly. Certainly less so than he had been in the game.

“Yeah. You guys need to step up your game a little bit. I understand the cards play a significant role in how the forces shape up, but only investing in one or two things, and never unlocking new units led you guys to fall behind when I got a lead. Then the gap widened even further when I save and bought a second. After that, the game was mine. I think we all saw that.”

Selvaggi nodded. He pulled me to his side with his arm across my shoulders, or as near as he could manage. He was several inches shorter than me.

“Those are some good suggestions. We will take them into advisement. Now, I believe it is time for you to move on up.”

I nodded. “Hey, I just wanted to say, thank you guys. That was actually pretty fun. I had a good time.”

“Any time,” Branciforte said from his seat.

“Of course, kid,” Coopman said from near the table. Selvaggi patted my shoulder and let me go.

“Get ‘em kid. Show ‘em hell upstairs. If you go at them the same way you did with us, they won’t know what hit ‘em.”

He cracked a toothy smile, winked, then turned back to the table. I looked down to my hands, finding a keycard he had placed. I nodded, turned to the elevator at the end of the room, and walked over. The three bosses were already seated at the table, starting a fresh match of the game. Idly, I wondered what it was called.

I held the keycard up to the cleverly disguised swipe, heard a faint charm, and the doors opened soundlessly. I stepped into the ornate elevator and found only one button available. It was marked ‘100.’ I shrugged, pressed the button, and waved to the three bosses as the doors closed. They didn’t notice. The elevator lurched into motion, and I wondered what sights I would see when the doors opened again.