Zhu Xian

Chapter 202 – Heartache

The strange breathing, following the heat waves, wave by wave reverberating in this empty space. That fire dragon bared its fangs and brandished its claws, its expression savage but it did not continue to grow, almost as if this was already at its limits. Even though it was so, under that intense heat, even the sturdy floor also started to show cracks, instead that fire brazier which looked decrepit and primitive, looked fine.

The firelight raging, reflecting in the Beast Deity’s eyes, as if his eyes were also burning.

That lady’s voice however faintly laughed once, said, “Is your power really lacking or are you pretending? Although this formation is not activated by Inferno Mirror, and has been damaged once when you were resurrected but its power is definitely not just this bit.”

The Beast Deity’s dashing face did not change, he calmly said, “Since you are so wary of me, I am puzzled, why did you have to save me?”

The lady snorted, said, “Didn’t I tell you earlier, first I am doing it for this enigma formation passed down by the ancient shaman tribe, another is because I find that Yun old man who is putting an act, an eyesore.”

The Beast Deity smiled, seemed not to mind the lady’s words, said, “Yun YiLan although went back on his words but to tell the truth I have never once believed him, that day if I had won at Qing Yun Hill, he would definitely don’t dare to do this. Hitting a person when he is down, isn’t it what most people would do?”

That lady said, “Just that pity he still do not know, you are different from me, unkillable.”

The Beast Deity’s gaze deepened, slowly watched that darkness behind that fire, the flames burning fiercely but it did not seemed to reach that place.

“How did you know, I am unkillable? If I tell you now, I can be killed, what will you think?”

He stared at the darkness, a faint smile seemed to be at his lips, with some provocation, and also seemed to be enticing, slowly said.

That lady suddenly did not speak, in the entire mountain cave, only the sound of fire burning but for some reason, compared to previously where there was nothing, the silence seemed even more dead.

And for an unknown length of time, Beast Deity suddenly said, “How many years has it been that we have known each other until today?”

After a long time, that lady faintly said, “Can’t remember, at that time I have just attained my cultivation and entered here by mistake, speaking of which, why did you treat me differently at that time?”

The Beast Deity smiled, slowly lowered his head, the tiredness on his face seemed to increase, said, “Although I was not a human at that time but I also could not stand loneliness.”

The lady was silent again, she seemed surprised, after a long time said, “Why is it that you really looked somehow different today? You will never say such words in the past.”

The Beast Deity’s shoulders shook once, made two intense coughing sounds but his face still had a faint smile, almost in his eyes, he did not care about anything anymore, “Have you seen a dying man, still remains the same as usual?”

The lady almost immediately replied, “But you are not human!”

“How do you know I am not?”

…

The fire in the brazier, suddenly rose, like a silent roar from the fire dragon, it then slowly descended, the surrounding eight mysterious drawings also darkened, gradually lost in the darkness. The fire dragon slowly merged into the fire, turned into an ordinary fire, the surroundings slowly turned dark, only light remained around the fire brazier.

“What have you done to yourself?” After a long time, that lady softly asked.

The Beast Deity did not reply, and did not speak, he looked to be getting more tired, slowly raised his hand. In the fire, on his right wrist, the skin seemed to have lost its lustre and seemed murky grey, indistinctly, a dark red vein was concealed within the wrist.

The Beast Deity looked at that vein for a moment, shook his head, gently used his hand to brush past his wrist, the next moment, a wound slowly appeared and then slowly spilled a drop of blood.

Fresh blood!

Fresh red blood!

“How could…” The lady in the darkness seemed too shocked to continue, after a long time, she seemed to recover, asked in shock, “You…you actually became human!”

The Beast Deity did not speak, only smiled, that heavy smile, nobody knew, whether it was bitter or gratified.

“No wonder, I kept mulling over, you are created from Heaven and Earth vicious energies, by right you are immortal, how would you at Qing Yun Hill under Zhu Xian Sword, received such heavy injuries. So you actually at some point in time, turned into the human species that you have always loathe? Hahaha, hahahahaha…”

That lady actually laughed out, not knowing whether because it was too ludicrous or unable to contain herself.

The Beast Deity’s gaze, stared at that red blood on his own wrist, yet his eyes had an inexplicable complicated expression, like joy, like sorrow.

“I have never, loathe humans…” He tiredly smiled, “My existence in this world, with consciousness and enlightenment, isn’t it all due to humans?”

That lady was stunned, said, “What did you say?”

The Beast Deity slowly lifted his head, gazed at the fire, his voice, in this place where darkness and light flickered back and forth, seemed to return to the distant past.

“When I first gained consciousness, what I saw was her, at that time I did not have a body yet, in my confused state, that girl seemed to be watching me. With the passing of time, I gradually gained form, and finally also knew that she was a human, a shaman lady of the shaman tribe, her name was LingLong.”

TaoTie beside him, softly growled.

The Beast Deity patted it a few times on its head, the TaoTie quietened down. That lady did not make a single sound, she seemed to sense that a certain seal of an ancient secret, was about to be opened.

In the Beast Deity’s eyes, tenderness slowly completely took over, his eyes, also looking at the distant darkness, far in the cave, there, maybe there was once a spirit, quietly listening.

“It was LingLong with her shaman mysterious power, absorbed southern border Heaven and Earth vicious energies, extracted the essences, and created me.”

The Beast Deity indifferently continued, the secret that once mystified for ten thousands of years, nobody knew his origins, “Those so-called heros of the shaman tribe, followed LingLong and were determined to exterminate me, if they knew I was actually personally created out of their revered lady’s hands, I wonder how they would feel!”

He laughed, the past murderous and vicious demeanour, seemed never once existed on him, right now what he had, was only memories.

“I had asked LingLong many times, why did she create me, but she refused to say. But in the end I finally understand, actually it was only for two words.”

The lady couldn’t help but asked, “What?”

The Beast Deity indifferently said, “Immortality!”

The lady’s voice sounded surprised, “Immortality?”

The Beast Deity nodded, said, “That’s right, you find it ridiculous too right? But that day, she did it for that goal. The LingLong at that time, her shaman power attainments had already exceeded the forefathers, across the world, she almost had no rivals, in the shaman tribe, everyone revered her like deity. She, out of boredom, what she did, was to give herself another goal. These seemed almost similar to those Central Plains Taoism pugilists but the mystery of immortality, is originally the heaven laws, although she was an exceptionally intelligent girl but eventually she could not decipher it. Finally one day, she thought of an inhuman way.”

“Inhuman…”

“The human lifespan, each and every has a limit, even though attained enlightenment, it is only at most extended for a few hundred years. But inhuman objects, usually have longer lifespans, and Heaven and Earth Creations, Yin and Yang vicious currents etc, since all are the creations of Heaven and Earth, everlasting and permanent. Ever since she thought of this, she devoted herself into studying it, finally in these lifeless forms, she created me..”

“She was really a remarkable…” that lady softly said.

“Hehe.” The Beast Deity smiled faintly, said, “Yes! She was really a remarkable lady. When I came upon this world, when I woke up, the first one I saw was her. Then for an unknown length of time, my world was only her. Slowly, I started to take shape, and because my core was formed out of Heaven and Earth vicious currents, and since I have consciousness, naturally I began to absorb the surrounding vicious energies, gradually became stronger.”

“Just that, she instead seemed uneasy, her eyes looking at me, gradually was not that intimate anymore, when my power finally was able to match hers, from that day onwards, she never smiled at me anymore.”

“I was perplexed at that time, not knowing what was the reason, actually I did not know why too, why my power increased so fast, but to me, what meaning did power meant to me! I only wanted…wanted to be with her only.”

“You can tell her, then she would know isn’t it?” That lady couldn’t help but said.

“I said it, said it many times, now thinking of it, I guessed it was more like a child whining to his mother!” A faint smile revealed on the Beast Deity’s lips, but it disappeared again, “But, she never once believed it!”

That lady was silent, did not speak for a long time, the Beast Deity was also silent, as if he was deep within his memories.

The fire, still burning, gently wavered, as if it was also breathing.

Time seemed to stop in this darkness, listening attentively!

The past was memories frozen in ice, drop by drop melted, and then slowly disappeared.

Who could reverse it?

Was it you or me? Or were we all actually, humans running while panting in time, yet eventually still lost out to time, gradually turning old, disappearing in that shadow…

“Finally, there was one day, I did not wish to keep staying in that house which only had her, I wanted to go out and look. That day, she did not return after a long while, I broke through her prohibitions, opened the door and walked out.”

“There were many, many, many people…but everyone who saw me, all cried out in fear, fled. For some reason, I started to panic and then got angry, finally, I felt a burst of vicious energy charging out from my heart. It was also at this moment, several warriors who heard of the commotion and rushed over, started to attack me, I retreated while warding off the blows, I did not wish to fight with them, I regretted it very much, I only wanted to be with my LingLong, I only wanted to come out and take a look…”

“I spoke with all of my might, explained with all of my strength, but nobody listened, until I mistakenly killed the first person…”

A long pause.

“That young warrior hung backwards on my hand, slowly his head drooped, red blood flowed out of his body. I was stunned, the others too, then they turned even more vicious, in their shouts, I clearly heard crying sounds in the distant, it must be that warrior’s family! I didn’t know but when I first saw the blood, my body had already started to change, that murderous trance pestered me like crazy, I did not want to kill but I could not control, and so I attacked, I killed.”

“I killed many, many, many people…” The Beast Deity lowered his head but he still continued.

“I stood in the blood pool, for a long time, slowly became clear-headed, then, I saw in the distance, clustered by numerous people, LingLong returning. She looked at me, stared unblinkingly at me, her face extremely pale. For some reason, I was very afraid, I felt as if I was really wrong, but I did not know, I really did not know what I had done wrong…”

“Then, LingLong attacked, she attacked me personally. I refused to retaliate, I hoped to explain to her, I wanted to tell her, I dared not come out again, I only wanted to stay in that house, and from then on to accompany her only and I would be perfectly contented. These words, I said it numerous times, but, she did not listen to it even once.”

“Her skills were incomparable to those ordinary warriors, soon my body was riddled with holes, but, each time those wounds, would absorb the surrounding energies and recovered by itself, even I could also feel that, each time LingLong hit me, my power instead increased faster. Finally, LingLong also discovered this, her face ashen, as if she had given up all hope.”

The Beast Deity was still smiling, recalling, but on his face, in the end there was anguish, “I slowly began to sense, LingLong really hated me, as if she had gone crazy she started to use all different kinds of shaman power on me, my body although was immortal but my heart was really in pain, so in the end, I ran away by myself. And while escaping, everyone who saw me was really scared, until the end I then knew, my appearance at that time, in those ordinary humans, was really terrifying.”

He gently patted the TaoTie beside him, said, “My appearance at that time, was much more uglier than it.”

“After leaving LingLong, I escaped into the ten thousands great mountains, not long after, I discovered this cave and so temporarily stayed here. But I wanted to return, I sincerely, only wanted to be with LingLong. And finally in the end, I still went back, but what greeted me, was this formation.”

The fire in the brazier, made crackling sounds, almost like responding to the Beast Deity.

“I never expected, that the world could have such terrible power, LingLong used the Inferno Mirror power, laid down the Eight Savage Inferno Formation, summoned the eight wild fire dragons, under the flames which incinerated all living things, even though I was immortal but I was badly injured, my form destroyed completely.”

“I tried hard to tell LingLong, I did not want to do anything, I only wanted to be with her but she seemed not to listen to a single word, and only wanted to burn me to death. In the end, I was defeated and fled, escaped back to this cave. I did not know why, LingLong had to treat me like that, but I was unwilling to give up, I really wanted to be with her.”

“After returning here, using the ten thousand great mountains unique Heaven and Earth vicious currents, I recovered quickly, and just when I was planning to quietly go and find her again, she had already pursued over. She brought seven so-called warriors, pursued to this ancient cave, personally came in and found me.”

“I wasn’t surprised, because I was created by her, if there was anyone who could deal with me, understand me, who would it be other than her? But I really did not understand, why she had to treat me like that, I said so much to her, why did she not listen to a single word! But this time, LingLong actually replied, she said, actually everything was her fault, creating a monster like me, was even her greater mistake. Because I was created from Heaven and Earth vicious currents, the impulse to kill was innate in me, if she allowed me to remain in this world, then the world’s common people would encounter a catastrophe.”

“I tried hard to explain to her, saying I would not, I only wanted to be with her, I did not want anything else. But she only laughed bitterly, said she believed me, and actually she too wanted to be with me, but, but…what if after she dies?”

In the ancient cave, in the distant, someone seemed to sigh in the darkness, for that scene ten thousand years ago, not knowing the tears that flowed at that time, was there still anyone who remembered?

“I was stunned, my mind in a blank, I knew I was immortal but I never once thought, LingLong would die. I can still remembered it vividly, LingLong with her pale smile, tears flowing down. Then, she activated the Eight Savage Inferno Formation again, trapped me within, burned my form again, but the vicious currents essences that I evolved from, she eventually could not destroy.”

“After the formation, she was also greatly wounded, but I was created by her, in the flames, I was still asking her, why did she have to treat me like this…”

“This time, she did not say anything.”

“She laid the formation in this cave, trapping me, day and night it burned, each time my power slightly recovered, the fire would destroy that. Finally, she stared at me in a daze, suddenly asked if I have any wish?”

The Beast Deity quietly laughed, said, “Wish, what wish could I have? My entire wish was only just to be with her. And so I asked her, why couldn’t I be with her? LingLong she lowered her head, slowly said, because I was not human, and not even a living being, destinated that we could not be together.”

“And so in that raging fire, to her, I loudly said: Then you, let me be human!”

His voice suddenly raised, abruptly lifted his head, towards the ceiling of the cave, loudly shouted.

“Let me be human!…”

[Rumble], the four walls trembled together, rocks tumbled down, the sound was like a drum, deafening.

In the dust, the Beast Deity slowly lowered his head.

“Then, what happened?” That lady asked from the darkness.

“…She seemed stunned, after a long while, she did not move. I bore the intense burning pain, abandoned myself to despair. But, she suddenly stood up, stopped the formation, walked to me. I looked at her woodenly, not knowing what she wanted to do.”

“She quietly, said to me, that she had let me down. Then, she…” The Beast Deity’s voice for some reason, suddenly started to tremble slightly, “She started to chant a lengthy shaman incantation, took out her knife and then started…stroke by stroke cut herself…”

“What?” The lady in the darkness cried out.

“I was taken aback, no, terrified, really terrified, not knowing what she was doing exactly. Slowly, LingLong using her own flesh, even her bones, built a body structure out. Then, she placed me in this structure, as her chanting turned more urgent, I gradually merged into this body, even my consciousness, also slowly turned hazy.”

“I heard her voice became softer, but she was still speaking to me, that this was the last thing she could do for me, in the future as long as someone gathered the five holy weapons, placed it in this body, I could be resurrected but after resurrected, although I would still have my evil powers but my body would be human, and since I am human, I would no longer be immortal.”

“She said she singly devotedly to pursuing immortality, violated the heavenly laws, created a monster like me, and furthermore developed an improper relationship, that was even more wrong; and because of me, she caused the deaths of numerous people, making the common people suffered one catastrophe one after another. And she hurt me by her own hands, it was again…speaking until here, she did not continue, my consciousness slowly disappeared, in my trance, I only heard her final words: I will always be here with you…”

Those words, I had never understood.

Until after I, ten thousand years later, resurrected, again stood at the cave entrance.

That human statue, weather-beaten by wind, storm and snow, sun-scorched daily and suffering months of coldness, yet still staring deep into the cave.

I hugged her.

I understood.