Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

"Bailey-sensei. Bailey-sensei, you must wake up."

Topher groaned; his limbs all felt heavy, and it hurt to move. "Nngh." He heard a strange sound, like radio interference, that shifted and grew louder and quieter erratically for a moment. "Lemme sleep."

"At the risk of repeating myself, Bailey-sensei, you should not sleep with potential head trauma." The voice was vaguely amused. "But even if you are not concussed, this place is not safe to rest. Please wake up."

Cursing existence in general and his own in particular, Topher forced his eyes open with a grunt. His entire body ached like he'd been beaten with clubs; he could barely see anything in the murky, stuffy space he seemed to be in. "Whazza?"

Something unseen shifted closer; the strange sound intensified as it moved, then faded away again, and the light brightened a little. "I would not advise moving too much until you get your bearings. The rockfall appears very unstable."

Rubbing his face, Topher mumbled the words to another Mage Light spell; the little ashy orb which appeared seemed to illuminate his surroundings a little reluctantly. He was in a tiny cave, about five feet on a side, and his glasses were missing again. He groaned. Should soulbond glue the fucking things to my face. Shit, that's actually a really good idea. He shifted a little, moaning from the pain, and then froze when a rock above him shifted ominously. "Uh."

"I was not privy to all the events which occurred before your fall here," continued the voice, "but I believe you shielded yourself and then cast a spell to slow your fall. If you had done things in the other order, I would imagine that the falling rocks would have pulverized you." The strange sound came again, accompanied by a sound like a little clink noise. "But I suggest you shield yourself again, lest the rocks shift and crush you nevertheless."

"Seems smart," Topher grunted. He mumbled out his Conjure Shield spell, visualizing it in its spherical configuration. "Now what?"

There was a brief moment of contemplative silence. "Can you move the rocks safely? I believe some of your possessions may be trapped under the rubble."

"Maybe." Topher thought for a moment, then tried his Mage Hand spell with the Jhu-Palz-Mij transform (getting "Ury Sha Uhl Cairei" as a result). The rocks looked heavy enough to crush him, but his spell shifted them as though they were weightless. I thought Oguro said this spell sucked even at Rank D? Maybe he didn't know this transform. In a few minutes, he'd cleared all the rubble away and retrieved his belongings; his boots, magic bag, and bedroll were unharmed, but his glasses had been smashed. He sighed. "Great. Now I'm blind, on top of everything else." He could just barely tell that what he'd thought was a tiny cave was basically a dome that the fallen rocks had formed over him; he was in a slightly larger space choked with rubble and scree.

"Are you injured, Bailey-sensei? You should check your Status."

Topher nodded. "Good idea." He muttered the command to open his Status window, then squinted in annoyance at the blurry figures that appeared:

Name:

Christopher Bailey

Level:

11

Class:

Clerk

HP:

25/34

MP:

36/44

SP:

11/11

Strength:

Rank F

Dexterity:

Rank F

Constitution:

Rank D [+1: Rank D]

Intelligence:

Rank D

Wisdom:

Rank D [+1: Rank D]

Charisma:

Rank F

Skills:

Literacy (Rank D)

Mathematics (Rank C)

Cooking (Rank F)

Customer Service (Rank D)

Data Entry and Filing (Rank B)

Packaging and Shipping (Rank D)

Home Appliance Repair (Rank F)

Pen Spinning (Rank A)

[Cold Resistance (Rank F)]

[Heat Resistance (Rank F)]

[Obscure Location (Rank C)]

[Nondetection (Rank C)]

Special Skills:

Disrupt Illusion

Conjure Shield (Rank D)

Conjure Light (Rank D)

Improved Status

Summon Ledger

Remove Fatigue (Rank D)

Minor Sorcery (Rank C)

Summon Stylus

Sanctuary (Rank F)

[Pass Without Trace (Rank C)]

Unique Skill:

Attract Object

"Enh, I'll live." He closed the window and slumped back, knuckling his eyes. "Thanks. How'd you even find me?"

A figure drifted into the edge of his vision on his right side. He blinked. The young man there was largely transparent and slightly shadowed, with nacreous highlights that shimmered and snaked over his form as he moved. "As you can see, I am not precisely 'here', Bailey-sensei. But this projection is sufficient to let me advise you, which is better than nothing."

Topher's addled mind finally dug its fingers with desperation into what he was seeing. His mouth dropped open. "Jesus Christ." He reached out, but his hand passed harmlessly through the glowing shape; he hugged himself instead, his eyes tearing up with more than just strain and wounds. "Jesus Christ. Kid. Where are you?"

Hotaka shrugged. "It would be difficult to explain, Bailey-sensei, but let it suffice that I am not in danger in my current location. Which is more than I can say for you."

Topher frowned. "Wait. Weren't you...?" His mind reeled away from whatever thought had been there. "I didn't know you made it out of Strathmore. What about the others?"

The bespectacled boy shook his head. "I do not know. To be blunt, Bailey-sensei, I lack a great deal of information about my circumstances, but I am fortunate enough to have access to this projection."

"Did you unlock your class, then? Is this some kind of ability?" Topher gathered up his bedroll and started checking the items in his bag; to his relief, nothing else had been damaged. "Did you unlock a Mage class after all?"

"No, Bailey-sensei; the projection is something I have access to from my environment." The boy shrugged again. "I have not had further opportunity to study magic, either; but, time willing, perhaps we may discuss it after you are out of danger." The shimmering figure glanced around. "Where are you? I know only that you appear to be underground."

Topher chuckled, a little sadly. "In the dungeon under Wanbourne; I needed a place to hide. Turns out the biggest danger to me is myself, as usual." He regarded the remains of his glasses speculatively; the frames had been bent fairly severely, but he could probably fix that without too much trouble -- the real problem was obviously going to be the lenses, which had been smashed into shards quite thoroughly. He briefly contemplated trying his Mending spell, but decided against it; the calculations to repair something as simple as a vase had been tortuous, and his glasses were significantly more complex with multiple fractures. The calculations would be hellish even if he could see well enough to work the figures out in his Ledger (which he couldn't), and he didn't know how much MP he'd waste trying that; without being certain where he was or what was happening, he didn't want to squander what little MP he had left.

After a few moments, the idea of using his soulbond glue to fix them occurred to him, and he began trying to fit the shards of his glass lenses back together (cutting himself a few times in the process). He was impressed to see that the soulbond glue was restoring the lenses to at least a usable shape fairly well; I guess 'Big Rex' really is a genius alchemist. I should invest in that damn shop. When he was done, his glasses were a little twisted and had a few missing chunks, but looked usable enough; he put them back on his face and sighed in relief as the world resolved itself into its usual sharp detail and low-grade eyestrain. "Are you able to contact anybody but me?"

Hotaka shook his head. "I don't appear to be able to, Bailey-sensei; it seems the method only works for projecting myself to your location. I suspect it is because were are connected in some way; there seems to be some manner of distortion around you to my senses through the projection that I suspect would frustrate any other method of locating you."

Topher nodded. "Probably the anti-divination stuff I got in the city. Somebody's trying to kill me -- I think the same people who took out Cailu and Oguro. I figured getting myself lost in a dungeon would make it hard for them to send assassins after me."

"Or do their work for them," Hotaka observed dryly. "How did you plan on surviving in this dungeon, Bailey-sensei?"

"I've got a Sanctuary spell that should protect me from the monsters, and the bedroll keeps me from being attacked in my sleep." Topher looked around, trying to get his bearings; he appeared to be in a tightly-hemmed crevice that opened up towards his right into a low-ceilinged cave. "I can't speak while the spell is active, though."

Hotaka nodded. "I will follow and be silent until you can stop and rest, then. How have you fared otherwise?"

Topher smirked. "Level 11. Looks like I have access to some Priest and Magic spells. What about you?"

"Regrettably," Hotaka sighed, "I have not gained any levels, Bailey-sensei. The last thing I remember is the fire at the inn."

"Wait. So you've been out of it for the last several months?" Topher blinked. "Jesus, Kid."

Hotaka pushed up his glasses. "As you say, Bailey-sensei; I was not even aware such a length of time had passed, nor do I know the facts of any of our other companions. Do you?"

Topher shook his head. "To be honest, kid, I was pretty sure you were all dead. My memory is pretty jacked up; I have a vague recollection of some kinda assassin guy with a knife and a cloak that burned down the inn, but that's about it. But if you survived, maybe the others did too?"

"It is possible," agreed Hotaka. "What will you do now?"

"Well," grunted Topher, putting on his boots and struggling painfully to his feet, "first I'm going to try to get my bearings. We'll talk again when I stop for the evening."

"Understood," returned the bespectacled boy. "Please be careful, Bailey-sensei." The projection faded, although Topher could still catch traces of it if he concentrated. That's good. Maybe he won't draw attention to me that way.

Putting the rest of his possessions away and emptying his hands, Topher uttered the runes for his Sanctuary spell, then began making his way out of the crevice; the low-ceilinged cave led into a tunnel that opened up into a much larger cavern, with a long lake of brackish water that seemed to stretch to the length of his light radius. Hmm. If I could cast that Hover spell, I could cross that... but that's probably a dumb idea. Probably full of tentacled eyeless sea monsters or some shit. Instead, he set off to his right, following the wall in hopes of another exit. A low rumbling crash behind him told him that the cavern he had woken up in had probably collapsed; guess I'm not going back there.

Eventually, he ran out of shoreline; the lake seemed to fill the rest of the cavern in this direction, so he doubled back and tried the left wall instead. This time, he had better luck; a collapsed wall near the waterline in the other direction opened up into another room of worked stone, now partially flooded and choked with rubble. Picking his way carefully through the frigid, ankle-deep sludge, he managed to cross the shallow inundation and reach the far end of the room, where a stone door awaited; he was pretty sure it opened up into another hallway. Taking a deep breath, he tugged on it, but it was locked; he sighed and dispelled his Sanctuary spell, digging around for his grimoire in his bag. Wasn't there an unlocking spell in here?

It took him nearly a quarter of an hour to find it -- it was called Unbar Way, and apparently also could disarm traps on some doors. It required Level 20, but he didn't let that stop him; he puzzled out the runes, did about twenty minutes of calculations in his Ledger to reverse the Jhu-Palz-Mij transform that plugged his Level into the core runic sequence, then summoned his Stylus and cast his "de-leveled" version after a few experimental spins. "Iss Ib Om Ijto," he murmured, leveling his makeshift wand at the door, and was gratified to hear a loud click emerge from the door after a half-second. Fuck your racist wizard age limits, Dakath, he thought to himself smugly as he dispelled his Stylus and Ledger and stuffed his grimoire back into his bag. Maybe I'll try one of the Level 30 spells sometime too. He recast his Sanctuary spell, listened at the door carefully for signs of danger, then opened it.

He'd been expecting another empty hallway (hopefully clear of invisible digesting forces) but what he got was something quite different indeed. Before him was a great balustrade, looking out over a massive foyer that could have just about hosted the Rose Bowl; awestruck, he looked around the eerie blue torchlight that illuminated the vast space. What the fuck is this place?

At his side, Hotaka's projection shimmered back into visibility and gaped at the view along with him. "Bailey-sensei, I think you might not be in the dungeon anymore."