Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

The corpse of the Elder Bone Fiend dropped to the floor with a shattering crash; Topher resisted the urge to sag forward onto his knees and pant for breath, despite having done virtually no physical fighting for the last two levels of the dungeon. "Jesus. Is that the last of 'em?"

Rudo flourished his weapon -- a red-glowing whip -- and tucked it away into his robe, then nodded. "I believe so, Mister Bailey. The way to the ninth level of the dungeon should now be clear; it is at this point that we reach the end of my foreknowledge. Beyond this, we will be operating blindly."

"A circumstance to which we are well-accustomed, Master Muchenje," Zanasha murmured, cleaning her sword before sheathing it as well. She stretched, prompting Topher to look away in an effort to keep his eyes off her body. "Lives such as we have led greatly prepare one for improvisation."

"Hopefully without any more of these Bone Things, too," Hana chimed in with some distaste; she rubbed her shoulder as she turned her Flux Blade back into a dagger and sheathed it. "I really don't like fighting things faster than me."

"Are you okay?" Topher asked, walking closer and banishing his Stylus. "I saw you take a couple of hits from those guys, especially that last one."

The young Japanese woman nodded. "The rings Muchenje-san gave me give me a sort of... buffer," she explained. "Like your Mage Shield, but less resilient. Each time they protect me from a blow, their protection weakens, but it returns over time." She smiled, a little shyly. "They're really good items for an agile fighter like me -- if I make a mistake, it gives me time to get away and recover. I can even dash in to take a hit to protect someone, too."

"Indeed," the older man observed, searching the Bone Fiends' corpses for valuables. "Your fighting style has improved to take advantage of them, as well." He chuckled. "One hopes I will not need to fight you again; I am not certain I could win a second time."

"Hey, does anybody else smell Minor Deception?" Topher joked. "You're too clever for any of us to beat you up, buddy."

Rudo laughed -- a little more forcefully this time -- and shook his head. "You are kind to an old man's ego," he demurred, "but our strength is best utilized in teamwork." With a grunt of satisfaction, he pried an apple-sized Magic Stone from beneath the Elder Bone Fiend's chestplate and handed it to Hana. "Another for your collection."

"Muchenje-san, don't you need to keep some of these for yourself?" Hana protested (though Topher noticed she took the Magic Stone anyway). "You don't have to give them all to me."

"They are not useful to me other than as valuables," the older man disagreed. "You and Mister Bailey, however, can use them to craft potions and magic items if the need arises. I do not anticipate having any urgent need for money in our near future."

"You mean because we're gonna get killed by the guardian?" Topher snorted. He checked his MP -- down to about half, not too shabby -- and straightened up. "Or whatever other weird monsters there are down here."

"We evaded the Shadowborn Bodach, at least," Zanasha disagreed. "Unless all the remaining enemies are more constructs, I believe we have a good chance of proceeding."

Hana shook her head. "We've been lucky so far," she said glumly. "No traps or ambush monsters or cursed terrain. We hit even one of those..." She wrapped her arms around herself and looked concerned.

"Hey, Rudo will probably warn us before we run into anything like that, right?" Topher queried. "After all, he's got that 'Danger Sense' Skill, or whatever."

"Detect Danger," Rudo corrected him. "And I do not know if it will protect us from traps or cursed terrain. Although my Minor Wilderness Mastery Skills may also be of use; Rugged Survivor and Iron Wanderer both grant bonuses against hazardous terrain." He listened to the air and darkness of the tunnels intently for a moment, then nodded in satisfaction. "The stairs to the ninth level are this way. Let us proceed."

They made their way through another set of winding tunnels, then down yet another stone staircase; as they emerged onto the ninth floor of the dungeon, Topher blinked. "What the shit? Did we take a wrong turn?"

The rough, reddish cavern walls of the eighth floor had given way to smooth gray corridors; their corners and edges were almost painfully sharp and suspiciously smooth. Topher slapped his feet down experimentally on the floor and listened to the sound, then nodded grimly in confirmation. "This is concrete, you guys."

"Electric lights, too," Hana pointed out. "It looks like a parking garage."

"Okay, seriously, what's up with this?" Topher complained. "Did an Otherworlder build this?"

Rudo shrugged. "The Tomb of Vashyarl has been here for many hundreds of years; I cannot see how it would be possible." He turned back to the unknown area ahead, rubbing his chin. "Still, you are correct; this is very different from the upper floors."

"Why wouldn't it be possible?" asked Topher, refusing to let the idea go; it was like a speck of dust in his mind's eye. "It's not like a thousand years here is a thousand years back home."

Rudo's contemplative motions stilled. "I beg your pardon?" he asked, very calmly.

Hana looked annoyed. "He doesn't know, Bailey-sama."

"Shit, yeah, that's right." Topher ran a hand over his face in frustration. "Hana and I did some math when we first met. Time's different here. She was Summoned ten years ago in this world, but only a few months had passed in our world between her Summoning and mine. I think it's only been something like two or three days back home since all this started for me."

The older man kept still, thinking. "In that case, you may be correct. But was the first Summoning not a mere hundred years ago? This dungeon far predates that event."

"The first Summoning that we know of," Hana corrected him. "Based on this, I'd say an Otherworlder was definitely here before that." She turned to Zanasha. "Zee, do you know anything about Summonings before the First Hero's?"

The half-orc shook her head. "No, Hana-chan. But the earlier history of the realm is... chaotic." She gazed out at the strange vista before her, thoughtful and curious. "Even the elves' records are unreliable before a thousand years ago, despite their longevity. And they are notoriously loath to discuss such subjects with outsiders."

Topher's hands balled into fists. "One more thing for me and Kelfir to have an argument about, then."

The four of them made their way cautiously down the hallways; the lights never flickered or buzzed like normal electric lights would, and strange runes were carved into places where Topher would normally have expected to see stenciled paint for markings and directions. But the sense of familiarity was uncanny; someone built this based on seeing a structure from our world, Topher intuited. I thought all the Summonings were one-way?

He opened his mouth to ask if anyone had heard of remote viewing of other worlds, but before he could do more than draw breath Rudo was darting backwards and pushing him away; a huge scythelike blade of something reached through the solid wall next to him and swiped at the air where he'd just been standing, then retracted through the stone. "Illusion?" he gasped, scrambling backwards as he summoned his Stylus.

Zanasha shook her head. "Phase Spiders, Friend Topher." She drew her sword and grinned. "Conserve your magics; I have a trick to show you."

Dashing forwards, she accelerated into the distance with incredible speed; more luminous blades -- spider legs, Topher realized -- reached up from the walls and floor to grab at her, but each missed her by significant margins. Then, abruptly, she halted and reversed direction more quickly than Topher would have believed physics would have allowed. An aura of bright cyan light sprang up around her sword as her red hair flew into the air around her vicious, triumphant smile. "Ancient Blade Arts," she called out, her voice singing with exultation.

"Nether Strike!"

In the blink of an eye, the half-orc moved nearly five hundred yards; it almost looked like teleportation, except that her sword left a razor-sharp line of light in the air as she moved. With impeccable accuracy, the slash lanced through the outstretched limbs of the collected Phase Spiders before they could retract back into the walls; a chorus of screeching shrieks assaulted Topher's ears. Two corpses fell straight through the solid walls, then tumbled through the floors into whatever darkness lay beneath their feet; but the other three Phase spiders scuttled on missing limbs towards the party, their luminous mandibles clacking.

"Mister Bailey." Rudo was abruptly at Topher's side. "If you have a strike that would reach them all, now is the time to use it. If they retreat into the walls and floor again, we shall be hard-pressed to defend our position."

"You got it, pal." Topher spun his Stylus, smirking. "I've got just the thing."

The fights over the last few levels of the dungeon had given Topher a lot of time to experiment with his spell configurations; he'd glimpsed a few things in his grimoire that had given him a few ideas, even though most of the higher-level Mage spells didn't seem to be compatible with his Class. But he suspected the strength of the Clerk class wasn't in casting spells, but in documenting them, and the idea of using that combined with his skill at Metaphrasty to intuit connections between runes had led to the possibility that he could use them in tandem to create his own, cobbled-together Priest-magic versions of Mage spells that he could cast. His success rate was pretty abysmal, but he'd managed to get two new spells out of it so far that had proved useful in combat against large swarms of enemies. The first was Fireball, which he'd managed to create by hacking together Flame Jet and Gust of Wind; and the other...

"Poreg Orv Teijuc Vil Danx!" Topher intoned, snapping his Stylus down at the approaching spiders after the fifth rotation. Instantly, a white-hot lance of crackling power shot through the tunnel as a massive bolt of lightning erupted from the Magic Stone at the tip of his improvised wand; the three phase spiders were destroyed in an instant, blasted apart with overwhelming force. Lightning's not just for elves anymore, motherfuckers! Topher chuckled to himself as he stepped back. "Three spiders, medium well. The chef suggests a dry red for accompaniment."

Hana and Zanasha surged forward, ready to deal with any additional threats, while Rudo faded back in rearguard; but after a moment, it became clear that there were no more enemies. Topher spun his Stylus and banished it; ten MP well spent. "How'd you know what to do with the spiders?" he asked Zanasha, still tremendously impressed. "And what the heck was all that?"

The half-orc ducked her head, looking away shyly, but Topher could see that her cheeks were flushed with excitement and satisfaction. "I observed other adventurers fighting them in Wanbourne, Friend Topher. They have 'webs' of invisible energy strung throughout their lairs, but cannot otherwise sense prey from concealment; as a result, moving quickly through the strands allows one to evade their attacks, as they strike where you have been rather than where you will be shortly." She tossed her hair. "My Dash and Action Surge Skills allow me to move very quickly at need, and the Ancient Blade Arts Skill appeared in my Status some days ago from familiarity with the sword Master Muchenje gifted me. I have only unlocked a single technique -- Nether Strike, as you have observed -- but it appears quite potent."

"Damn, you're cool," Topher said without thinking, then clamped his mouth shut and cursed himself. "I mean, using those skills in conjunction like that is, uh, really clever."

"Hell yeah, Zee!" Hana bounced past him and grinned at the half-orc, raising her fists in excitement as she jumped up and down. "Way to go!"

Rudo, satisfied there were no threats, emerged from the darkness behind to rejoin them. "I trust you will make no further protestations about being an unqualified wielder of the blade, Miss Jones?" he joked with a raised eyebrow. "I seem to recall that you were quite hesitant at first."

"Hey, cut her a break," Topher objected. He looked at the half-orc, smiling and laughing with Hana, and crossed his arms. "Sometimes it takes us a while to believe in ourselves."

Over the next two days, they made their way slowly and cautiously through the tunnels of the ninth level; twice they had to fight strange metallic constructs that Topher was pretty sure were based on somebody's poor description of Decepticons, and once a massive shadowy beast whose attacks made Topher drowsy even when they missed before Rudo managed to drive it off with a silver chime. "Undead," he responded tersely to Topher's query, but shook his head when asked for more details. "I know not. Be grateful that we enjoy resistance to status effects; it is likely that its strikes would have drained our life forces were it not so. If we encounter more of them, we may need the potions Miss Shirakane mentioned."

Finally, near the beginning of the third day, they discovered the stairway down to the tenth level; unlike the previous eight, this stairway was narrow and appeared to be crafted of delicate golden metal rather than carved directly into the stone. Topher, glancing through the gaps between the stairs, looked down onto fathomless darkness and gulped. "Sure hope it's still under warranty."

It took them nearly ten minutes to descend the full length of the stairway, which appeared to terminate at a comically huge pair of stone doors easily a hundred feet tall and nearly as wide; to either side and behind them, the blackness of the cavern extended outwards and downwards far beyond the range of their light. Hana glanced around, frowning. "Why does this look so familiar?"

Rudo nodded. "It appears so to me, as well, though I also cannot place it."

Topher pondered, looking downwards into the darkness. It's a long way down. Watch out for that first step, it's a doozy. There's no ground...

"'There's a ground, Monty,' he proclaimed after a moment. "It's from The Golden Child -- an old Eddie Murphy movie." He gazed around, feeling the certainty of it. "Somebody here is definitely ripping off stuff from our world."

Zanasha's face wrinkled in confusion. "I do not understand. You are saying this is a place in your world?"

"Not exactly," Topher explained. "More like a story. Uh..." he thought hard, trying to figure out how to explain movies. "In our world, we can show a bunch of pictures really fast to create the illusion of motion. One of the ways we tell stories is by making 'moving pictures' from that effect."

"Ah!" Zanasha's eyes lit up with understanding. "Like story books, but with images! Like the Fantasia!"

Topher blinked. "What's a mouse and brooms got to do with this?"

Everyone became increasingly confused for a few seconds before Zanasha was able to explain that the Fantasia was a festival in north Thoxen where mages used illusion spells to display stories, in something of a hybrid between filmmaking and theater; apparently attendance was ridiculously expensive, and usually restricted to royalty and the upper class of merchants. Eventually, the conversation turned to the door and the subject of what might lay behind it.

"I do not believe the door is trapped," Rudo announced after some close inspection, "but I am unsure whether this leads to the guardian or not. It is possible that the ninth level has other exits; this could be a detour or treasure chamber. Still, I believe we should investigate."

"Yeah," Topher nodded. "We're well-rested, and we're already here. No sense turning back when this could be what we're looking for." Hana and Zanasha nodded their agreement; Rudo turned back to the door, but after a few moments shook his head and stepped back.

"There is no mechanism to open it that I can find," he explained, crossing his arms. "Miss Jones, might you apply your signature prowess?"

The half-orc nodded and stepped forward, straining against each of the doors in turn, but eventually shook her head too. "They do not budge. Perhaps there is a seal of some sort?" Everyone turned to look at Topher.

He started. Oh shit, right, I actually do have a spell for this. "Uh, sure," he mumbled, stepping forward. "Iss Ib Om Ijto." He felt the familiar surge of power and tingling fatigue of lost MP, but the door stayed stubbornly closed; he frowned. "Huh."

Summoning his Stylus, he began to spin it, thinking. That's right, I altered that spell to remove my Level as an input; it's probably too weak to open anything other a cheap padlock by itself. He stared up at the door, his frown deepening; does that mean I need more power? If the spell uses your Level, does that mean you have to be a certain Level to open this? "Let's try this again." Whirling his Stylus rapidly as he maneuvered it back and forth, he patiently spun it through five sets of ten rotations; I don't know if this will be the equivalent of a Level 50 casting Unbar Way, but it'll be a good starting point. Repeating the incantation, he snapped his Stylus down at the end of the fiftieth spin, launching his empowered spell against the obstacle before him. This time, it worked; the door became limned in a golden glow, then began to slowly swing inward on truck-sized hinges as the interior of the chamber was revealed.

The area within was straight out of a post-apocalyptic B-movie; shattered skyscrapers and crumbling buildings stretched for what seemed like a mile in every direction, fetching up against distant stone walls that soared overhead to meet in a dome far, far above where a massive crystalline orb shed a cool silvery light. Topher stalked forward, marveling; it was obvious that none of this stuff was real -- the buildings and other structures were crude imitations of real Earth construction practices -- but it had all clearly been made with tremendous care and effort. He whistled. "Who made this dungeon, some kind of Earth fanboy?"

"Or fangirl," Hana admonished him teasingly. She stared around as well, equally impressed. "Take a good look, Zee. This is pretty close to what some parts of our world look like."

Topher blinked in confusion, then sobered. Right. After the bombs get dropped. Something else about the scene -- some further sense of familiarity, of homage pulled at his instincts, but he couldn't figure it out. "Where to now?"

"There is a path to the center," Rudo observed, pointing towards a stretch of shattered road that was obviously intended to be a highway of some sort. "I do not detect any moving creatures nearby, so it may be safe to proceed. Nevertheless, we should keep alert for traps or wards."

They made their way into the faux city, Zanasha and Topher in the lead, while Hana brought up the center of the formation and Rudo took his typical position as rearguard; nothing moved around them, not even the rubble. The broken buildings were formed that way, Topher marveled, noting that each shattered chunk of stone was still held securely in place relative to its fellows despite its apparent fragility. This is all some kind of a send-up. As they approached the area which seemed to be equidistant from all the walls, Topher's hackles began to rise; something powerful was nearby.

Turning a corner, he saw it before all the others; a low dais of circular stone, inscribed and encircled by glowing glyphs, upon which sat a disheveled figure. It was clearly alive, but dozing, tilting slightly to one side in a listless manner. As Topher stepped forward, wary, he could see that it was an old man; dapper and carefully-coiffed silver hair contrasted sharply with filthy rags in place of clothing, and a silver monocle and matching mustache looked greatly at odds with bruised, weary-looking limbs and dirty bare feet. Zanasha drew her sword as they approached. "Something is not right here."

Then, unexpectedly, the old man slumped over onto one side; Topher started forward involuntarily, and felt an electric sensation jolt up from his feet as he did so. Looking down, he saw a line of runes darken and fade into invisibility beneath his boot. "Oh, shit."

The old man's eyes sprang open, an expression of satisfaction spreading across his incongruous face. "The inner binding, broken at last. Today is going to be a good day." His voice, sibilant and aristocratic, chilled Topher with its concentrated evil. "But first, breakfast."

As Topher stared, transfixed, the old man's body began to expand and rise upwards; wrinkled old skin darkened and thickened into leathery hide, then sprouted scales and spines. Spindly old limbs swelled into tree-trunk appendages, then thickened further into massive muscled limbs which dwarfed the surrounding buildings. But the old man's eyes, golden and hateful, stayed the same as they fixed on Topher, even as they enlarged and shifted into house-sized orbs with a cat's vertical pupil at their forefront.

"Vashyarl," gasped Rudo, fumbling for a weapon. Hana's mouth was open in either astonishment or a silent scream; Zanasha was gripping her sword grimly as she set her feet under her to dodge or dash. But Topher just continued to stare at what he was seeing, his mind unable to process the sheer scale of what was in front of him. Impossible. Cube-square law. It'd break its own bones just existing. But there was no denying that what was in front of him was real.

Then, with a roar like a thousand claps of thunder, the hundred-foot tall dragon attacked.