Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

Sighing, Topher looked over the spell wearily; he hadn't touched it since being annoyed by the mana cost back in Wanbourne, for crying out loud.

You say that like it wasn't three weeks ago, the distant part of his mind observed. Topher ignored it and concentrated on the runic sequence for Find Traps and Secret Doors, walking through the linkages and visualizations in his mind. Seems simple enough.

He looked around to see if he was alone -- casting a new spell for the first time usually took somewhere between a handful and an embarrassingly huge truckload of tries, and he preferred not to have an audience if at all possible. Clearing his throat, he squinted through his glasses down at the runes and began. "Koth Op Yxo Meigu,", he intoned, only a little hesitantly. "Nimaq Uhl Zefekk."

As he'd expected, nothing happened; there was every chance he couldn't cast this spell at all (he would have been very excited to find a way to determine which spells weren't actually on the Clerk list, but thus far it seemed to be nebulous), and there was usually a lot of wiggle room with the specifics of the visualization and the subtleties of the runic identities. He chuckled a little, remembering Varissian and his fucking linden tree, then made another few attempts.

On his sixth try, he felt the slightly wavery feeling of being low on MP; he checked his Status and was annoyed to discover that he only had 22 MP remaining. On the one hand, that's good; it means I can cast it. On the other hand, it means I just fizzled a quarter of my remaining MP. He grumbled, sighed, and checked his math on the runic sequences another time (totally useless, since even fizzling meant his calculations were already as correct as they could be, but it helped him feel less frustrated) and gave it another go. Banishing his Ledger, he raised his hands as dramatically as possible and chanted the runes in his best stage whisper. "Koth Op Yxo Meigu, Nimaq Uhl Zefekk!"

The effect was immediate and stark; a dark green pall seemed to fall across his vision, shading everything around him except the stone dais on which he stood. In his altered vision, the darkened runes that had once held Vashyarl lit up brilliantly, like phosphors under a blacklight; he spent a moment stunned with apprehension that he might have just imprisioned himself before realizing that it was just the effect of the spell. And further down, below the dais...

Topher sighed, raising his head towards the distance as the spell faded from his sight. 5 MP for ten seconds. But I guess it gets the job done. "Hey," he called out tiredly, "it's over here." He shuffled to the edge of the dais and sat down, waiting for the others to arrive.

After a moment, Rudo appeared, looking almost as tired as Topher felt; Hana was next, still seeming dazed from the events of the past few hours. Zanasha was the last to return, but her bright-eyed, stolid eagerness buoyed everyone's mood; the four of them gathered at the dais, with everyone sitting to rest except Hana. "I take it you have found something," Rudo prompted Topher.

"Yeah," Topher grunted. He pointed downwards. "I remembered an old spell I'd never tried, called Find Traps and Secret Doors. It took me a few tries to learn to cast it, but when I finally managed it I could see there was something under this thing -- a staircase, leading down." He let his hand drop, shaking his head. "No clue how to open it, though, and I'm down to 17 MP. If there's anything down there, I wouldn't be able to throw much at it besides harsh language."

"We should rest, then," Zanasha responded swiftly. "We also have wounds and hurts, and I believe I am low on SP as well."

"Wise in the abstract," Rudo agreed, "but by tarrying we also give the Demon Lord's minions time to pursue us. It may be better to press on until forced to stop by circumstances."

"Yeah, unless those circumstances are death," Topher snorted. "But this spot isn't exactly defensible, and Kelfir left a massive 'adventurers here' arrow pointing to us when he busted in -- even if his ploy works, some of the monsters from the upper levels are going to investigate that big-ass hole any minute now."

After a second's silence, Hana spoke up. "You sound as though the decision is foregone, then."

Topher sighed. "I want to take a nap, but I don't know what other options we have. And either way, we still need to figure out how to open it -- if we can't do that, we'll be resting here whether we like it or not."

Hana nodded, but her expression betrayed that she didn't feel confident. "I could... take a look," she offered hesitantly. "I don't know that I could do anything, but..."

"Let us work together," Rudo suggested. "My Minor Wilderness Mastery Skill possesses a few uses that may be helpful in locating hidden switches or mechanisms." He moved to stand next to Hana, then turned back to Topher and Zanasha. "The two of you endured the most struggle during the battle. Take this moment to rest; we will let you know what we discover."

Topher could take a hint; he hopped down off the dais with a grunt, then shuffled a small distance away to lean against the impact-riven wall of a fallen iron tower. "This place is such a shithole," he grunted to himself. "Who would want to spend a few hundred years in a place like this?"

Zanasha looked pensive, sitting down and stretching her legs out before her with a groan. "Perhaps it was meant to be a punishment," she offered. "It could be that whoever imprisoned Vashyarl in this place wished to surround him with a painful sight."

Topher looked around and winced. "I guess so, yeah. This is..." -- he groped for the right words -- "...a picture from a story in our world. About monsters who destroy civilization. I wonder if maybe the Infinite King, or whoever trapped him here, was trying to torment him with that suggestion."

"Not that I am any expert on Otherworlders," Zanasha murmured, "but it may have worked all too effectively. Vashyarl did not seem... well."

"Crazy as a shithouse rat, you mean?" Topher grunted. "But I guess that's what happens when you spend a thousand years sniffing your own magical farts and believing your own hype."

Unexpectedly, Zanasha laughed; the sound was like sweet music to Topher, who closed his eyes and savored it for a moment. "Your words are always so clever," she chuckled, drawing her sword and inspecting its edge; she appeared for a moment to be about to sharpen it, but then thought better of it and re-sheathed the blade. "Were you a poet, in the other world?"

Topher snorted. "Lady, I was nothing in the other world. Less than nothing. A pimple on the butthole of life." He kicked a rock self-consciously. "If Vashyarl's life was anything like mine before he came here, it's no wonder he lost himself in debauchery and started believing he was a god."

There was a short silence; eventually, Zanasha stood and came before Topher. "You fear the same will happen to you," she said, disbelievingly; but it was not a question.

Topher shoved his hands into his pockets, looking away. "Probably I'll die first. No sense worrying about it."

But you might not, the distant part of his mind objected. Vashyarl obviously found a way to become immortal and eternally-young, and he probably wasn't the only one -- the other Immortal Beasts and the Infinite King probably knew the trick, too. If you keep gaining Levels, you might become as strong or even stronger than he was.

"Friend Topher," Zanasha breathed. But Topher couldn't meet her gaze; they stood there, two feet and yet worlds apart, for longer than he could bear. But then something broke the silence; a loud clicking, snapping noise, followed by the long and low sound of stone grinding against stone.

Turning, Topher saw the center of the dais beginning to sink into itself; as it did so, it split apart into sections, each sinking more slowly than the next in a spiral that he knew would eventually become a treacherous staircase downwards. He sighed. "Time to go find out."

"So, you guys figured it out, huh?" Topher observed as he stalked up to the entrance; Hana and Rudo were standing almost side-by-side, watching the secret entrance open by degrees. Hana turned back in response, her face bright with excitement and confidence before she remembered she was supposed to be demure and self-effacing.

"It was all Muchenje-san's doing, really," she murmured, folding her hands and drawing into herself a little. "And yours. He was able to analyze the runes and discover the place for a key -- a gem or tool of some sort -- and whatever enchantment you placed upon my Flux Blade seems to have made it more capable of shifting into stronger forms. Thus, I assayed it and was fortunate."

Topher laughed. "Oh, right, my mighty enchantment." He chuckled, shaking his head. "You mean the one that let you beat Vashyarl?"

"Yes, indeed." Hana nodded enthusiastically, her lustrous hair swaying with the motion. "It parted his scales as though they were paper. It was very powerful, Bailey-sama; I know it must have cost you much to cast it."

Topher sighed. "Hana," he said, picking up a rock, "do you mean this enchantment? Ehn Ehf Zefekk Zoff Neifod."

Instantly, the rock erupted into a blinding, radiant glow as powerful as the sun; the others flinched away as Topher chucked it down the hole in the center of the dais into the darkness below. "That spell is called Daylight. It makes an object glow. That's all it does." Stepping to the edge of the dais, he peered down into the well of stone below; distantly, he could see the stone falling further and further away through endless rings of spiraling stone staircases. He turned back to Hana, his expression tired. "You beat Vashyarl. You. I didn't help you do shit."

Hana's mouth opened and closed; she looked around for support from the others, but Rudo was merely smirking and Zanasha was openly wearing a triumphant grin. "But... but how? My Class... I don't have..."

Ignoring her, Topher stomped past her to the edge of the staircase, then sighed and took the first step. Might as well start before my knees talk me out of it. "Look in a fucking mirror sometime, Hana," he called back to her, not unkindly, then shut out everything else and continued his descent.

After a moment, he could hear Rudo's careful, slightly creaky tread on the stairs behind him; Hana and Zanasha brought up the rear, whispering harshly amongst themselves, but he stayed out of that. None of my business, he thought to himself firmly, and focused on not falling to his death.

The staircase continued down, down, and down, much further than would have ever seemed possible; he could still see the dwindling pin-point of the light he'd tossed in far below, and wondered if the stairs were bottomless. He was grateful for Rudo's patient silence; he didn't need more conversation now, and suspected that the older man's Innkeeper Skills were telling him that Topher needed to stew on his own for a while. So he continued downwards, marveling that his knees hurt less than he'd been expecting and that he wasn't out of breath, and kept his gaze glued to his feet; an errant step or stagger to one side would send him plummeting into the stygian depths, and while that wasn't as scary as it might have been before he had Feather Fall, he didn't want to spend any of his 10 remaining MP on stupid mistakes. Especially if he bashed his head into a step on the way down.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, he noticed that the stairs had changed; by degrees, they had become longer and shallower, until he was having to take two steps, then three, then five before the next step down. And, curiously, the light from his Daylight-enchanted rock seemed to be growing brighter rather than dimmer, despite there being no end in sight to the stairs. Maybe the bottom's an illusion, and we're almost there?

Then, abruptly, things changed; between one step and the next, the stairs, which until now had been glossy black unadorned stone, suddenly became covered with a pattern of vibrant geometric runes that pulsed and glowed faintly in the darkness. Topher paused, holding up an arm to warn the others; he bent down, inspecting them closely, but couldn't make out any meaning. "Some kind of runes. Could be a trap."

Rudo cautiously eased past Topher, careful to pass between him and the gap, and squatted down to examine the runes as well. "Definitely magical, Mister Bailey. But beyond that I know nothing of such things."

Topher winced. "Well, here goes half my MP." He muttered the runes for Find Traps and Secret Doors again, but the green pall revealed nothing new -- the runes brightened in his view, but otherwise did not change. "Who knows. Guess there's only one way to find out."

Motioning Rudo back, he took a breath and held it, then stepped forward onto the runes. If the tunnel collapses, I can cast Feather Fall and be fine. Plus maybe a Shield to protect myself from debris if there's a collapse. Nobody else should get hurt. But the floor remained solid under his foot; other then a slight feeling of heaviness, nothing seemed to happen. "Seems alright," he called out after a few tense seconds. "Come on."

Hesitantly, Rudo stepped onto the runes along with Topher, then let out a breath; apparently he wasn't as implacable as he seemed. "I feel... more stable," he commented, shuffling his feet slightly. "Perhaps it is a safety feature?"

"Maybe," grunted Topher. "Though a handrail woulda been better." He continued on, lamenting his lost MP; the light continued to brighten as the stairs became, almost imperceptibly slowly, deeper and shallower still until the steps disappeared entirely, and he was walking along a long, flat walkway. That can't be right, he fretted; I'd walk into the wall. Annoyed, he raised his head to look downwards at the space below to see if the stairway diverted into a tunnel or something.

Instead, what he saw boggled his mind; below, the spiraling walkway twisted and turned vertically, slowly tilting until it was flat against the wall, and he was already nearly halfway down its length. A few hundred yards below, something hung motionless in the center of the shaft; it took him a moment of squinting to realize that it was his glowing rock, suspended perfectly in midair above the pathway. What the fuck?

He turned back to look at the others, but they were already aware; Hana was staring, open-mouthed, at the spiraling walkway above and below them that seemed to defy gravity and physics with vehement disdain, while Rudo merely observed and nodded appreciatively. Zanasha, bringing up the rear, was more cautious; Topher could see that she had drawn her sword and was holding it in reserve in case she needed to use Nether Strike to move quickly to safety.

Abruptly, something clicked in Topher's memory -- the spiraling shape of Kelfir's Wyrd as he walked upside-down and around the trajectory of the Capras's flaming bolts. It's gravity magic, he thought to himself, awed. Probably Ghan or something like it. It's keeping us on the walkway even though it turns sideways, but why? What was wrong with stairs?

Cautiously inching forward, he shuffled along the spiraling length of the platform until he reached the rock, bobbing gently in the air above him; reaching out with his Attract Object Unique Skill, he tugged gently on the rock and guided it into his hand. It drifted slowly at first, but as it drew nearer, it accelerated before falling directly towards him; he tried to catch it, fumbled, and dropped it directly on his own face with a gasp before realizing he hadn't been hurt thanks to his Arch Shielding. Stupid rock, he grumbled, kicking it away.

The rock bounced, skittered, then deflected off at a strange angle by some trick of geometry; it veered sharply off to the left, onto the rock wall next to the glowing pathway of runes. Instantly, it was seized by a perpendicular gravity; but rather than falling downwards as Topher had expected, it fell up, back towards the way they had come, with lazy slowness before pausing, drifting back downwards, and returning to bob gently in the air where it had been before. Puzzled, Topher summoned it again (more expertly this time), and tossed it off the path again, only for it to resume its previous place. "Anybody else feel like they're having a stroke?"

Hana shook her head in obvious confusion; Zanasha was even less help, merely shrugging helplessly. But Rudo stroked his beard thoughtfully as he regarded the stone, his eyes squinting in the face of its brilliant glare. "Perhaps it is caused by the surrounding walkways? Some form of gravity spiral, perhaps?"

"Maybe," grunted Topher, "but that still doesn't explain why those are here, either. There's got to be some kind of reason, but damned if I know what it might be." Resignedly, he summoned the rock back to his hand again, then flexed his will; the Daylight enchantment died away, leaving the rock a normal piece of stone again.

He'd thought this might make the place too dark, but Hana's Flux Blade was still glowing with its own Daylight spell; the illumination level stayed mostly the same. With a shrug, Topher dropped the rock to the walkway and continued on, resolving to worry about it later.

The walkway curved and snaked around, spiraling further down what now appeared to be a long tunnel; the gravity-defying effect was dizzying, and more than once Topher looked back to see Hana and Zanasha standing sideways or even upside-down from his perspective based on how far back they were along the spiral. But, eventually, the grade of the path shifted again; by degrees, it became slightly tilted relative to the tunnel floor, then gently graded, and then eventually perpendicular once more. And then another step appeared; Topher blinked, staring at it.

It was a step up.

"Okay," he growled, "somebody explain this to me. We went down, then we went down some more, and now we're somehow going to go up?" He looked back along the tunnel, straining to see if it had curved them back around so that they were now under a different part of the realm, but it looked straight as an arrow for as far as he could see. He closed his eyes and rubbed them gently. "This is nuts."

There was a brief pause, then Rudo's hand settled gently on his shoulder. "Let us continue on. It may be that answers await us above."

Topher sighed. Can't we just die instead? he didn't say, and grimly took his first step upwards. The next several hundred didn't get any easier.

Despite his dramatically-improved stamina, they still had to rest often; Zanasha seemed tireless, but Hana and even Rudo could only climb so many steps before needing a rest; Topher had to spend almost all of his remaining MP on Summoning Food and Drink (although he saved his last point of MP for a Remove Fatigue, hoping he wouldn't need it). It seemed as though the stairs would go on forever, ascending up and up into the silent blackness.

Then, as suddenly as a gunshot, it was over; Topher stumbled blearily as his foot met only air where he was expecting the next step. Squinting, he mumbled a warning to the others; the space beyond was pitch-black until Hana moved forward, her Flux Blade illuminating it to reveal a bare stone room perhaps thirty feet on a side. On the far wall, a large pair of double doors made of black iron loomed ominously, but Topher was too tired to care.

"Alright then," he announced, "I'm out," and then toppled forward into unconsciousness. His Arch Shielding protected his face from smashing into the floor, but he was already asleep.

They all rested for as long as they dared; Topher slept soundly for about six hours, then cast Remove Fatigue and did as many exercises as he could before collapsing again in exhaustion and sleeping another two. But when they had finally all slept, recovered, breakfasted, and gathered themselves as much as was possible, they assayed the great iron door. Topher could not budge it, but Zanasha's new S-Rank Strength opened it easily; as one, they squinted forwards to see what lay beyond.

It was nothing like they could have imagined.

A ruinous, black expanse of stone and ash stretched to the horizon in every direction; bright flows and plumes of molten rock cast an eerie, orange-red glow over the landscape even in the absence of sunlight. The expanse of sky above them was studded with stars, but they were reddish, baleful-looking things with different layouts and constellations than they had ever seen before. The devastation was endless and limitless; the air was foul with smoke and sulfurous fumes.

Topher gaped. "What the hell?"

Beside him, Rudo chuckled. "Ware your words, Mister Bailey. They may be apt."

Hana looked stricken but resolute; she stepped forward, brandishing her Flux Blade. "It's not Hell. It's... I never thought I'd see it." She looked outwards, her back to the others as her hair fluttered ominously in the hot gusts coming off the heated flows of boiling stone. "The place Oshima-sama fell."

Topher looked past her, out into the vast infernal pit beyond. His hands clenched into fists. "The Lava Mountains."