Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

Topher grimaced. "This sucks ass," he complained to the dickhead-shaped void in space where Quint Aumraham had been three seconds ago. Being abruptly teleported from from a warm, cozy mage tower into a snowstorm was not a great way to start one's afternoon.

Grumbling, he turned to Hana and Zanasha, who were both even worse off than he was; all three of them had been dressed for High Society, Adventurer Edition, and now they were abruptly in a forest knee-deep in snow. "It's gonna take me a bit to figure this out," he groused, shaking the scroll Quint had nearly hit him in the face with as he'd teleported away. "Can you guys build a fire?"

Zanasha nodded and immediately began collecting sticks and tree branches; Hana, on the other hand, merely looked at Topher for a long moment before turning to assist the half-orc; Topher winced. Wonder what that's all about. Maybe she's just annoyed because she's wearing thigh-highs in a snowstorm. Stiffly, he scrambled in his Magic Bag for his Priest's Robe, then threw it on over his fancy imitation mage robe; the relief as soon as it settled upon him was palpable, and helped him collect his thoughts to figure out his next steps. Gotta protect the scroll from damage, I guess.

Summoning his Ledger, he quickly cast Amanuensis and transcribed the spell into the section of it he reserved for copied and finalized spells, then shoved the scroll into his Magic Bag before any of the snow or wind could dampen or harm it. His Ledger might get wet or torn, but it would always be repaired when he resummoned it; better to damage a copy than the original. Okay, let's take a look. He carefully cleaned his glasses, then peered at the spell, squinting.

It seemed straightforward enough -- a suppression of water and wind progressing through a low-state fire aspect, with a very simple transform through Palz to lock in the change. He nodded, deciding to experiment on himself first. Banishing his Ledger, he raised his palm towards his own face and intoned, "Moj Xat Xow Xegar."

Instantly, the remaining edge of the cold and chill that had been seeping through the protection of his Priest's Robe vanished; even the wetness of the snow that had already dampened him became comfortable and soothing. He whistled. That's another keeper. Distantly, he also noted that he hadn't had to manually calculate the Palz transform; must have done enough of them to be able to figure it out on the fly by now, I guess. Could probably even reverse it to derive Protection from Heat, too, now that I think about it. He resolved to experiment sometime when he had a safe environment to do so; and maybe also a healing potion handy in case I fuck it up and explode.

He turned back to Hana and Zanasha, who now had about a half-armload of firewood each, and cast the spell on each of them as well; he breathed a sigh of relief he hadn't known he was holding in when he saw them straighten up and relax from their hunched and shivering poses. "Okay. Sorry it took so long."

Zanasha chuckled. "Friend Topher, you mastered a new spell in less than a minute, and you are apologizing for the delay?" Picking up a final branch, she strode back to where Topher was standing and set them down in a large pile before stretching. "It was also not lost on me that you experimented on yourself first, rather than one of us."

"Yeah, well, I was cold," protested Topher defensively. He abruptly felt uneasy, and began looking around for more branches to gather himself; it didn't feel right that he was the only one not working.

Wordlessly, Hana returned, dropping her firewood and drawing her Flux Blade as it flickered into the shape of a shovel. "I'll have a firepit going in a moment," she murmured, digging a small hole and then beginning to arrange the branches in an intersecting arch over the center of the pit. As Topher watched, she produced a small block of something waxy-looking from her hip pouch, placed it under the branches, then spun her Flux Blade through a flourish; at the end, it had transformed into a metal torch, with a flickering flame in the basket at the end. Gingerly, she touched it to the waxy block, which instantly burst into flame.

"Hey, nice." Topher edged closer, peering at the campfire; the two of them had assembled it in less than two minutes, which impressed the shit out of him. "I could have lit it with a Flame Jet spell, though."

Hana's face fell. "I suppose a firelighter is probably more precious than a point or two of your MP," she acknowledged ruefully. Letting her Flux Blade dwindle back into a dagger, she sheathed it and sat down with a dejected expression. "I guess I'm just used to having to do it with just the two of us."

"It may also be wise for us to conserve your MP, Friend Topher," Zanasha observed. "How expensive was it to cast Protection from Cold three times?"

"That's... a good question, actually." Topher frowned and summoned his Status.

Name:

Christopher Bailey

Level:

27

Class:

Clerk

HP:

82/82

MP:

43/108

SP:

27/27

Strength:

Rank D

Dexterity:

Rank F

Constitution:

Rank C [+1: Rank C]

Intelligence:

Rank D

Wisdom:

Rank D [+1: Rank D]

Charisma:

Rank F

Skills:

Literacy (Rank D)

Mathematics (Rank C)

Cooking (Rank F)

Customer Service (Rank D)

Data Entry and Filing (Rank B)

Packaging and Shipping (Rank D)

Home Appliance Repair (Rank F)

Pen Spinning (Rank A)

[Cold Resistance (Rank F)]

[Heat Resistance (Rank F)]

[Obscure Location (Rank C)]

[Nondetection (Rank C)]

Special Skills:

Disrupt Illusion

Conjure Shield (Rank C)

Conjure Light (Rank F)

Improved Status

Summon Ledger

Remove Fatigue (Rank D)

Minor Sorcery (Rank C)

Summon Stylus

Sanctuary (Rank F)

Detect Status

Metaphrasty (Rank F)

[Pass Without Trace (Rank C)]

Unique Skill:

Attract Object

Ooh, Rank D Strength! Topher felt his mouth curl into a smile, and flexed a little under his robes, feeling briefly proud of himself. Then he frowned. "I'm at about half MP -- but I think most of that was the akasha I was channeling earlier in the day. I think I cast some spells too, I don't remember." He scratched his beard contemplatively. "Still, it should be plenty; if the spell wears off any of us, I can recast it and check the cost that way."

"As you say." Zanasha nodded, then turned to regard their surroundings. "Do we have any idea where this Rudo might be relative to our current position?"

"He's gotta be close," Topher agreed, "but with all this snow we can't even see a hundred yards. We should probably just sit tight until the storm dies down, I guess."

Hana nodded wordlessly, then set about producing supplies for making a meal; Topher wanted to help, but refrained. Something was telling him that the young woman felt threatened and wanted to prove her usefulness in some way; probably whatever she was upset about back in town, he mused to himself. We should clear the air soon, I guess. Instead, he simply summoned his Ledger and busied himself studying; there were still large sections copied from his grimoire that he didn't understand yet, as well as a lot of subtleties and intricacies that kept jumping out at him each time he went over older spells and concepts.

Before he knew it, Zanasha was nudging him and handing him a wooden bowl full of vegetable stew; the light had begun to fade, too. The sun must be setting, he realized. "Thanks," he muttered, taking the bowl from the half-orc; their fingers touched briefly.

Topher's body surged with electric sensation; he froze for a half-moment, then accepted the bowl and nodded. Well, that was embarrassing. He looked away, hoping she wouldn't see him blushing; his new beard style left more of his cheeks bare. Maybe she'll just think it's the cold. To cover his mistake, he quickly took a bite of the stew, careful not to get it in his beard or mustache. "Hey, this is really good!"

"It's only spices, Bailey-sama," demurred Hana, ducking her head slightly. "A little miso, and a small amount of salt and pepper; two potatoes, two carrots, three mushrooms, and one radish. I would have added some taro and soy sauce, but..." she shrugged. "They have proven difficult to find or cultivate here."

I could probably summon some for you, Topher didn't say. Instead, he blinked. "That's weird that the Summoning spell only translates some of your words. I assume you're using Japanese words for 'carrot' and 'potato', but 'miso' and 'taro' don't turn into English words for me."

"I believe it has something to do with whether or not the concept exists in the translated language," volunteered Zanasha unexpectedly. "For example, Hana-chan's honorifics." The half-orc smiled at the young woman, sharing a secret joke Topher didn't understand. "Neither my native tongue nor the human language have such a concept, so it remains untranslated."

Topher nodded, then ate another potato. "I guess that makes sense. Are there any of my words that come out weird to you?"

Hana shook her head. "I was educated in basic English in school, and many English loanwords are incorporated into the Japanese language. There have been a small number of words that did not directly translate or that I didn't understand, but I was able to figure most of them out from context."

"Figures." Topher hung his head. "I guess those 'cultural differences' you mentioned are a little bit bigger of a gap for me than for you."

There was a short period of silence. Then, abruptly, Topher heard something he'd never heard before: the howl of a wolf.

He jerked up, instantly alert; something primal and ancestral in him recoiled in fear at the sound, left over from caveman instincts he'd never had to worry about until now. "Jesus. That's a lot scarier than monsters, for some reason."

Zanasha chuckled, drawing her sword. "Hana-chan said something similar, the first time we were stalked by them. I have been aware of them for some time, but had hoped our fire might warn them away." She stood, turning to look in the direction the howl had come from; Topher let himself soak in the sight for a moment, marveling at the beauty of her hair in the firelight. "Nevertheless, I do not believe you should be concerned. Unless the fight goes poorly, you should save your MP; I have been restless of late." Then, before he could say anything further, the first wolf entered the clearing.

Topher had expected something like a dog; in his mind's eye, he had been imagining something a bit like a husky, or perhaps a malamute. What emerged from the darkness, however, was something closer in size to a pony; easily three feet high at the shoulder, it growled menacingly as it bared fangs the size of Topher's fingers. His jaw dropped open in shock. "Holy shit. Are wolves this big in our world too?"

"These are a little larger," admitted Hana, setting her bowl down carefully and drawing her Flux Blade, but making no move to rise yet. "But not terribly so. There are also rumors of Great Wolves -- giant beasts the size of houses -- that I would be much more concerned about if we were nearer their habitats."

"Yeah, well, if one of those show up, I'm blasting it," Topher snarled as six more wolves slunk into the circle of firelight; he noted, uneasily, that they were surrounded. Be nice if I had a weapon or something to conserve MP, he realized. Maybe I can make a Wyrd for that? Then, as he was about to get distracted contemplating how to craft a Wyrd again, the first wolf leapt.

Zanasha, not even bothering to draw her shield, simply met the wolf's attack in mid-air; Topher felt the thunderous impact from where he sat, fifteen feet away, as the wolf folded like a wet towel around her blade and was launched into the darkness in a crumpled mass of blood. Must be the Mighty Blow Skill she wanted to try out, he marveled. As the first wolf fell, the other six attacked; Hana insantly jackknifed to her feet, her Flux Blade lengthening into a glowing polearm with a branching, thornlike head. A lucern hammer, Topher recognized, then shook himself. How the fuck did I know that?

2d4 damage, 1d6 versus large creatures, helpfully supplied the distant part of his mind. Topher, who by all rights should have been much more concerned with the wolf leaping towards him, abruptly found himself face-deep in a memory of being entranced by a Dungeons and Dragons rulebook in his late teen years; Suppressed, he realized, just as the wolf landed on him.

The impact knocked the breath out of him; he heard a shout of alarm from Zanasha and Hana, but felt no pain. Shock? The wolf snapped at his throat; instinctively, he raised his arm with a shrill yelp, and the beast seized his forearm in its mouth and shook it vigorously.

Topher blinked; he still felt no pain, and his arm didn't seem to be bleeding yet. Oh. My Mage Shield is still active. Can this thing even hurt me? Experimentally, he reached up with his free hand and grabbed the wolf's thick, matted hair; he could feel the texture normally, but his forearm still seemed completely uninjured. "I'm fine!" he shouted to the others, then focused his attention back on the creature trying to tear him apart. My Strength did increase. Maybe I can fight?

Gingerly, he tried to heave the creature off of him, but it was too heavy; he tried punching at it with his unencumbered left arm, but couldn't get a good angle, and couldn't move his legs with the beast crouching on him. Finally, he squirmed to one side and managed to free his left shoulder; hope this isn't a dumb idea, he thought to himself. With a burst of movement, he wrapped his left arm around the wolf's neck, then twisted as hard as he could to his right.

If he'd twisted the other way, he probably would have failed miserably (and probably torn something in his back besides), but it worked; he rolled to his right, and the wolf fell off him as he tumbled over it. In the commotion, he tore his arm free of the wolf's jaws and assayed a punch to its face; his knuckles bounced off its slavering fangs, but he wasn't hurt by the impact, and he could tell that the creature was rebuffed a little by the collision. Did it even do damage?

Changing tactics, he delivered a right-handed uppercut to the beast and simultaneously kicked off to launch himself back upwards again; he staggered back to his feet as the wolf, barely slowed by the attack, rolled onto its own paws and snarled at him. They circled each other; Topher thought about grabbing a branch, but decided against it. Probably open myself to attack. Dimly, he was aware that most of the other wolves were already down; Hana had skewered one in the throat, and Zanasha was doing something extremely clever with her footwork and harrying three others at the same time with deft, patient slashes. She's in her element, Topher marveled, grinning a little. What a woman.

Then, as if sensing his inattention, the wolf leapt again; but this time, Topher stepped to the side and launched his best haymaker at its nose. The beast yipped in surprise, but still managed to knock him off-balance; Topher staggered, recovered, and squared up again, raising his fists in a boxer's stance. Damage, he remembered, thinking of the goblins who had seemed so invincible to him in Frostford. My pathetic Mage melee damage probably isn't enough to get through this thing's innate Defense, even with Rank D Strength. I probably do need to get some kind of weapon. The wolf snarled again, but seemed reluctant to attack a third time; Topher realized that biting his Mage Shield probably felt like chewing on metal to the creature's teeth, and he figured it probably wasn't pleasant. Finally, he simply jerked forward and raised his arms, shouting "Boo!" The wolf flinched, yipped again, then turned and bolted into the darkness.

"Yeah!" Topher shouted after it, his fist raised in triumph. "And don't you forget it!" He stared after it, breathing heavily, for several seconds, then turned back to the others; belatedly, he remembered that they were probably still fighting for their lives.

Instead, he beheld Hana doubled over with laughter, shrieking and gasping with mirth at his display; Zanasha, on the other hand, was merely watching him with a knowing smile as she cleaned fur and wolf's blood from her sword. "I believe," she murmured, her eyes twinkling, "it shall not be forgotten anytime soon."