Your Regrets Are Late

“…highness. Your Highness.” At the touch of someone waking her up, Charelize reflexively struck that hand away. Drops of cold sweat were forming on her forehead. Her body was heavy as if it had been filled with water. In addition, an intense headache came as if someone was hitting her away with a hammer. “Did you… have a nightmare? Turning her head, she saw Lari, whom she had parted away with as Lari became Lillian’s maid. “Lari…?” “Yes, Your Highness. I’m here.” She could feel Lari’s gaze, which was anxious and worried about her. The soft feel of the blanket was familiar.  The strong sunlight reflected off the transparent windows tickling her eyes. It seemed this was not a dream from the sight or the touch. In her head, Charelize couldn’t quite comprehend what was going on.  She died after being seen off by a man with light blue hair. The man’s figure was not clearly visible, so it was impossible to tell who it was. The corners of that man’s lips, as they had just raised slightly, gave a feeling of bitterness for some reason. Her heart raced so fast that she couldn’t control it just by thinking about that man. Like ink spreading through water, her painful headache gradually widened its radius. “…bring me some water.” “Ah, yes. Please wait a moment.” She had a sore throat and asked for water. Lari poured the water into the glass on her table. Charelize’s hands were shaking, and she almost missed the glass she was holding. Thanks to Lari’s help, she didn’t drop it and carefully brought it to her lip. Then she breathed deeply once. “Lari.” “Yes, Your Highness.” “What date is it today?” Lari might be curious why her master asked the date out of the blue, but she answered Charelize’s question without asking why. “…Eterni of the spring of the Elitoer Empire, April 1, 1517.” Even after asking Lari, Charelize didn’t let her tension go the whole time. Her confusion continued to grow. Four years ago. I came back at the age of 17. Does this… make sense? What the hell happened? She didn’t like it. If this situation wasn’t a lie, it would have been terrifying. She wanted to let go of everything and rest. That’s why she gave up her child. Now she was afraid that the dreadful thing would repeat again. She no longer wanted to be hurt or be swayed by people. Charelize reached out to capture the sunlight that tickled her eyes. Of course, it couldn’t be captured, but it felt warm in her hand. At this time four years ago… I’m still the little duchess. My mother… Something quickly flashed through her mind. After her long study abroad at Rosiette Academy, she became the Little Duchess at her coming of age ceremony. Her mother died the next year, but right now, she must still be alive. “How about… mother?” “By now, it’s time for Madam to take medicine and go to bed.” Lari was originally her mother’s apprentice maid, so she still remembered her old master’s schedule. In addition, Lari’s personality was so lively that there was nothing she didn’t know. She was familiar with all the information in the mansion to the extent she got the nickname ‘source.’ “That’s good news. I want to drink tea with my mother after a long time, so please tell her to let me know when it’s okay.” “Yes, Your Highness.” Charelize felt her heart beating fast again. Thump. Thump. She could hear her heartbeat. Charelize had died, but she came back to life. It seemed that she had become younger too. She could hardly hide the excitement at the news that her mother was still alive. Hearing that her mother had died alone at dawn, her mother’s death became ashes of regret and existed deep in the corner of her heart. Her father brought Lillian on the day Charelize was handed over her mother’s memento from the maid of honor. The brilliant blue diamonds looked lonely even though they were just jewels. They glistened as if they were deliberately showing their beautiful figure to hide the fact. “Your Highness, this is Hailey.” “Come in.” As Charelize tracked back her sad memories, she heard Hailey’s polite knock.  She got out of her thoughts and allowed her to come in. There were a total of three exclusive maids of Charelize. “You’re here, Hailey.” “Have you been at peace all night, Your Highness?” Lari, whose hair and eyes are both brown, and Hailey, who gives a calm impression. The last was Martin, her nanny’s daughter, one of the few people Charelize trusted. Although after her mother’s death, Martin quit her job, following her nanny rapidly weakened. At the order of Duke Marestta, Lari was forced to become Lillian’s maid.  For that reason, the time she could spend with them again felt so precious. “What’s going on?” “That’s… Marquis Radiasa’s family sent someone…” “Marquis Radiasa?” It was the family of Delphir. If the Marquis Radiasa had to send someone early in the morning, it was obvious that it had something to do with Delphir. The excitement Charelize felt went down quickly. It was even more so when she saw Hailey’s hesitant appearance. “That person said that young master Delphir was riding a horse and suddenly fell off the horse and fainted.” “…Fainted?” Even listening to Hailey’s words, Charelize didn’t feel anything strange enough. “Your Highness?” If she had been the usual Charelize, she would have asked Hailey where Delphir was, how that happened, and how badly he got hurt. Charelize would act like she would go right away and immerse in worries. “Hailey.” “Yes, Your Highness.” “I’m thinking of having tea with my mother. Tell the messenger from Radiasa that I’m busy with my work, so I don’t know when I will be able to visit. Also, tell them not to wait for me.” “I understand, Your Highness.” Hailey was surprised at the unfamiliar attitude of Charelize to putting off Delphir’s matters. She soon bowed her head and stepped back. Lari, who was next to her, also left the room after saying she would prepare the bath water. Left alone in the spacious room, Charelize blinked her eyes two or three times. She clenched and opened her fist several times, giving the strength to her hand, pinching her cheeks slightly. Because it was so soft, her skin quickly turned red, and she felt a little pain. It was the moment when she was truly convinced that she had returned to the past where she had lived before she died. She soon felt guilty for the baby in her stomach and that she had survived alone. Raising her hand and stroking her chest with strength several times, she felt frustrated. Her tears burst out suddenly and didn’t stop, no matter how much she tried not to cry. It was strange that she didn’t feel worried when she heard the news that Delphir had been in an accident. Like what Delphir had said, all the time they spent together was terrible. She felt resentful to him for dismissing the time they spent together with memories that had been accumulated. Even she feels sorry for her child who died without seeing the world’s light. She should never fall in love again. No, it was natural for her not to feel that again. With that in mind, Charelize headed to her bathroom. “Your Highness, is the temperature appropriate?” “Yes, it’s appropriate. Thank you, Martin.” Charelize went deep into the warm water. “It’s basically what I’m supposed to do.” Martin replied with a bright smile, overlapping with her nanny’s youthful appearance. “Go visit Viscount Rael’s mansion for a few days. While you’re there, give my greetings to the nanny as well.” It seemed that Martin had stayed up all night worrying about her mother, who had returned to the Viscount Rael estate because of being sick.  Tiredness could easily be found on Martin’s face. “Thank you, Your Highness.” Washing away the foams on her body, Charelize got up and came out of the bathroom. “Madam said that Your Highness can visit her before the sun goes down.” “Good job, Lari.” Charelize wore the soft-textured gown handed from Hailey.  After drying her hair, applying the lavender balm, and carefully combing it, Hailey spoke to her unusually. “It feels like you’re back to your childhood, Your Highness.” “…Is that so? Maybe it’s because it’s been so long since I’ve seen my mother.” “I was worried because Your Highness seems to have a lot of hard work these days, but I’m relieved now.” Hailey replied politely as if to appease her younger sister. Charelize’s face quickly turned red. She finally finished dressing up by wearing a comfortable, light blue dress that was somewhat too formal for her. Then she took her steps to the room of Duchess Marsetta. “The young Master has come.” “Bring her inside.” The maid told the Duchess that Charelize had come. Her graceful voice was heard despite being exhausted due to her long battle with her illness. “Long time no see, little Duchess.” They were so awkward with each other that it was difficult to think of them as mother and daughter who share the same blood and live in the same mansion. Charelize was unfamiliar with how her mother called her the little duchess after not hearing it for a long time. “Mother, are you feeling well?” “I’ve gotten a lot better. What brings you to here?” Rather than being upset by her mother, who asked why her daughter’s visit, she was rather happy because her mother remained the same as in her memory. “Little Duchess?” This moment was more precious than anything else. Nothing is more valuable than just making eye contact and sharing a breath in the same place. “Suddenly…” “…” “I missed mother.” She felt joy just being with the people she had always missed. Charelize wished that this moment would last forever.