Wonder Woman: Goddess of Freedom

The light of the sun reaches my eyes, waking me from a dream of a dark night. There, I was lonely, forgotten, and empty. The dream was a recurring dream. It's been months since I have been having them, lately more frequently. I have not been able to address the questions that arise and I am tired. Those questions eat every sense of wellbeing I used to have, the doubt is playing with my now wavering heart, and yet the sun rises as if nothing has happened. Does the sun know that it has helped me? Does it care? Who actually cares?

An arm strong yet warming comes to the rescue, it surrounds my waist pulling me into his embrace, his warmth is as comforting as the sun in winter, he for sure is the son of the sun.

I turn to him facing his blue rested eyes, his black hair unkempt, and his sweet smile.

"Good morning, son of the sun" I say, escaping from me a soft giggle.

His face intrigued by his new nickname, "Good morning my love", he pushes a hair strand to the back of my ear, "why the new name?"

I caress his silky cheek, "it suits you." 

I can see the confusion all over his face making me giggle internally.

"You are an obedient son, Kal."

He, still confused, smiles bright as the sun, clearly making my point, soothes my doubtful heart. 

"I have always been an obedient son", he says with his deep and sultry voice and reaches for my lips giving a kiss, the sweet morning kiss.

After a light make-out session still in each other's embrace.

I caress his chest feeling his body heat, eyes closed.

"I am always here for you", He kisses my forehead.

I say nothing dwelling into his words and then going back to those dreams that seem to be screaming at me to wake up. Should I tell him about them, I wonder why I haven't.

The silence continued for a few minutes more, although not awkward, I could sense the rise of concern in him, his eyes told me as much. I sit up resting one arm on one knee, I look through the floor to ceiling window, I heave a sigh and muster up some strength to discuss that recurring dream.

"Clark, I have something to tell you," I say, still looking outside.

Clark sits up next to me and caresses my back, "I am all ears, love."

I place my other hand on his thigh and turn my sight to him. I can see his still living concern for me that makes my heart tighten, "I have been having this dream..." 

He says nothing while looking at me with his serious attentive eyes.

"In this dream, I am lost in the darkness of the night but it is as if it was night inside me. I don't know how to explain it, it's weird." I scratch my head a bit anxious, it is hard to find the words.

"In this dream, I am no longer a superhero, nor Diana the princess, but a hollow and empty shell of a glorious past. I... I am no longer needed, and I feel desperate because my sense of duty and whatever the cause I had for a living is gone... So it raised questions of who I am behind all 'this'," I signal with great emphasis from top to bottom of my body and what it represents.

"What do you mean by 'this'?" he does the same as I did, confused.

"I mean 'this'" I repeated with all gestures, "my body, my names, what I mean, my ideas and beliefs, my deeds, my immortality.... you and our family," I say exalted slowly diminishing the intensity as speaking. 

He remains silent trying to understand what I am referring to, never leaving eye contact, and I continue, "somewhere inside me is telling me there is more to this and I can't continue to ignore it because it is scary. I have never doubted this way, I have always known that I am a warrior, I fight for something, I fight for love, but this love, this fighting never ends, all our friends and past lovers have died, they have moved on, but we are still the same..." I pause then look down,

"All these fighting, this duty to protect humanity and the universe, this weight that we are carrying has become meaningless..." I hug my legs and rest my head on my knees, "is tiring and has lost its purpose, if this is my fate I don't want it anymore."

The silence again, this time an uncomfortable one, makes my heart ache. I understand if he doesn't, his convictions are imbued in his veins, he has found happiness in life.

A few minutes later, he grabs my shoulders, sitting in front of me, confusion and concern in his face, "are you still grieving the loss of our friends? That's what makes you have those dreams and feel this way? Because I do not understand what you are trying to say, we have everything we wanted, a loving family, the world is free from the great enemies of the past, we barely go into fighting. And why do you say that about what we do? It is our purpose, we were born for this, that's why we are here, we have to show them the way of living, we are the hope of every living being, the hope of humanity... That's for what we strive for..." He lowers his head then raises it back, "our destiny is to protect what already is," He gives me his sweet smile.

I frown in return, I knew he wouldn't understand, I take a long and deep breath. How can I make him understand... 

I rub the bridge of my nose, then look at him, "Kal, my love... no, I am not grieving the dead, what I am trying to say is that even though we have everything we wanted, I think that my purpose as who I have been up until now has been fulfilled. I don't find myself in this life anymore..."

"Are you saying that you will leave me, us, our family, and our duty?" he asks interrupting me with desperation obvious in his eyes.

"NO!" I say becoming desperate, "I don't want to leave you or our family, our kids, I love you all, and yes! What if I want to leave the supposed duty that we have? There are plenty of superheroes that can replace us, we have our kids to keep our legacy, they will have our memory, but the question that I am asking, that my heart is raging for is, 

WHO AM I before everything I have come to believe I am. I was the one who chose to protect humanity when it needed me and now I don't want anymore, I find no need for it, and for that, I find myself empty. Deep inside there is something more that I am yearning for..." 

I take a deep breath pressing my hands on my face sliding them to the sides in frustration, then, after making myself calm I look back at him, I can see his effort in trying to understand what I am saying, "Kal, you are the voice of hope, you are hope itself by being Superman and a terrific leader, you also are Clark Kent, who used to be a great reporter and now a great book author, widow of Louis Lane, father of her son, Jon, and now my husband and father of our sons and daughters, the best father and husband anyone could have ever asked for, 

and you have your convictions in order, you know exactly who you are and what you desire, you follow your morals and values, you act on them and above all, you are the most honest man I have ever known..." I take a pause, I come closer to him touching foreheads, eyes closed, I cross my arms around his neck, 

"Clark, I know you can say the same to me, you can describe me as I just did with you, but what I am yearning for is beyond that," I say in an almost whispering voice as the last intent of him to understand me.

We separate our foreheads and look into each other's eyes intently, he is startled by my words, and I am holding myself from crying, he pulls me back to a hug and rubs his hand on my back comforting me.

"I..." he says pausing to take a deep but subtle breath, "Diana, I think I am getting what you are saying, I think I got it from the first explanation, but I didn't want to believe it because it clashes with my beliefs… I am sorry for making you explain too much," he tightens the hug and then loosen it for us to look into our eyes, "You have always had a different view of the world, yet we have shared the same goal, but as my mother used to say, 'in the world, the ones who don't change are the dead, only the living are meant to change' and you are very much alive Diana so you are bound to change, no matter how much you change, I have the advantage," he gives a little chuckle, "that I can and always will be there supporting you," he states with a deep and charming voice that pierces to the profound of my heart filling it with sweetness and security, giving it a little rest.

"Thank you," is all I can say, the tears flowing down my cheeks, dripping on Clark's bare skin. I am grateful for being with him, his support means more to me than his understanding, yet he understands me the most, he makes me certain that I have a place to return if I am lost.