With Infinite Money I Can Do Everything

"A PASSENGER?!" Migs' shriek blasted through the party bus speakers, momentarily louder than the static Jun-Jun was currently producing by randomly pushing buttons on the sound system console. "Jun-Jun, you picked up a random stranger? In the middle of your escape? Are you trying to get kidnapped? Or worse, get him arrested with you?"

"Relax, Migs!" Jun-Jun said soothingly, finally hitting a button that reactivated the cheesy 90s dance track, albeit at a slightly more reasonable volume. Success! "He needed a ride to Anonas! It's practically on the way. Plus, he seems like a decent fellow. Say hi, partner!"

The tricycle driver, perched somewhat awkwardly on a faux-velvet bench seat amidst bags of chips, looked startled. He leaned towards the dashboard where Jun-Jun's phone was propped. "Uh... hello? Sir Migs? Okay lang po ako." (I'm okay, sir.) He introduced himself hesitantly, "Cardo po. Mang Cardo." (I'm Cardo. Mang Cardo.)

"Mang Cardo, with all due respect, you have climbed into a moving disco ball driven by a lunatic who is currently wanted by potentially half the MMDA and PNP!" Migs retorted, his voice tight with stress. "This isn't okay!"

Jun-Jun waved a dismissive hand. "Details! Mang Cardo, help yourself to snacks!" He gestured towards the mountain of chips, chocolate cupcakes, and C2 bottles beside Cardo. "Consider it hazard pay for listening to Migs worry."

Mang Cardo's eyes widened at the sheer volume of snacks. He looked from the pile, to Jun-Jun, then back to the pile. He cautiously picked up a bag of Clover Chips, opening it with a reverent crinkle. "Salamat po, Boss Jun-Jun."

"So, Mang Cardo," Jun-Jun said, expertly maneuvering the large bus around a double-parked L300 van on a narrow street Migs had vaguely directed him towards (somewhere in the vicinity of Project 2 or 3, he guessed). "You know this area?"

Mang Cardo, munching on chips, nodded. "Opo, Boss. Dito ako lumaki halos." (Yes, Boss. I practically grew up here.) "Sa'n po ba talaga tayo papunta? Cubao?" (Where are we really going? Cubao?)

"Aling Nena's Halo-Halo Heaven!" Jun-Jun declared. "Know it?"

Mang Cardo's face lit up. "Aling Nena's! Oo naman, Boss! Best halo-halo sa Cubao! Medyo tago nga lang 'yun." (Of course, Boss! Best halo-halo in Cubao! It's just a bit hidden.) He started giving directions, pointing out turns and landmarks with more confidence than the GPS. "Diretso lang dito, Boss, tapos kaliwa sa may botika, tapos kanan ulit paglagpas ng basketball court..." (Straight here, Boss, then left at the pharmacy, then right again after the basketball court...)

Migs cut in through the speakers. "See, Jun-Jun? Local knowledge! Maybe he is useful! Just don't let him talk you into buying the basketball court!"

Jun-Jun chuckled. "No promises, Migs!"

Guided by Mang Cardo, they navigated a series of increasingly narrow residential streets. Houses here were built close together, decorated with hanging laundry and overflowing potted plants. The party bus, with its pulsing under-lights and sheer bulk, felt hilariously out of place, scraping past low-hanging branches and forcing oncoming tricycles to practically climb the sidewalks. People peered out of windows, their expressions ranging from amusement to annoyance.

Suddenly, rounding a corner marked by a brightly painted grotto of the Virgin Mary, they were flagged down. A makeshift barrier – a couple of bamboo poles laid across wooden sawhorses – blocked the road. Standing beside it were two men in barangay tanod vests, looking official and slightly bored.

"Uh oh," Jun-Jun muttered. "Checkpoint."

"Barangay Tanod lang 'yan, Boss," Mang Cardo reassured him, though he looked a little nervous himself. "Routine lang siguro." (They're just village watchmen, Boss. Probably just routine.)

One of the tanods, a burly man with a prominent belly, swaggered towards the driver's side window, eyeing the party bus with suspicion. "Lisensya? Rehistro? Saan ang punta niyo? At ano 'tong sasakyan na 'to, colorum?" (License? Registration? Where are you going? And what is this vehicle, an unregistered transport?) He shone a flashlight beam around the flashy exterior.

Jun-Jun beamed, rolling down the window. "Good evening, Officer! Just passing through! On a very urgent mission for... uh... community bonding! Yes! This is a mobile community outreach vehicle!"

The tanod frowned, unconvinced. "Outreach? Mukhang disco 'to." (Looks like a disco.) He peered inside, his eyes widening slightly at the disco ball and Mang Cardo munching chips.

"Exactly!" Jun-Jun seized the idea. "Mobile disco outreach! We bring joy, music, and... snacks!" He gestured to the pile. "Care for some Chippy? On the house! Or perhaps," he lowered his voice, reaching discreetly for his backpack, "a small donation to the Barangay Tanod Recreation Fund? Say... twenty thousand pesos for letting us pass through your esteemed jurisdiction without delay?"

The head tanod hesitated, his eyes flicking towards the offered cash Jun-Jun was subtly revealing. His partner ambled closer, curiosity piqued.

Before the tanod could respond, Mang Cardo leaned over. "Boss Tanod! Si Pareng Jun-Jun 'to!" (Tanod Chief! This is Buddy Jun-Jun!) He winked conspiratorially, though Jun-Jun had no idea what he was implying. "Special project kami para sa fiesta ni Kapitan!" (We're on a special project for the Captain's fiesta!)

The tanod's eyes widened slightly. "Kay Kapitan?" (For the Captain?) He looked from Mang Cardo to Jun-Jun, then back at the flashy bus. He seemed to be connecting imaginary dots. The idea of this monstrosity being part of their barangay captain's fiesta plans was apparently just plausible enough.

"Ah... sige, sige," the head tanod conceded, waving them on, though still looking slightly confused. "Ingat lang sa daan, malakas 'yang sounds niyo." (Ah... okay, okay. Just be careful on the road, your sound system is loud.) He decided to ignore the offered donation, perhaps deeming it safer not to get involved in 'Kapitan's project'.

Jun-Jun grinned, relieved and impressed. "Mang Cardo! Brilliant!" He pulled the bus forward as the tanods removed the barrier. "Quick thinking!"

"Konting diskarte lang, Boss," Mang Cardo chuckled, looking pleased with himself. "Dito sa amin, basta kilala si Kapitan, lusot ka." (Just a little strategy, Boss. Around here, as long as you know the Captain, you can get through.)

They continued their journey, the streets gradually becoming wider and busier as they approached the fringes of the Araneta Center complex in Cubao. Jun-Jun could see the iconic outline of the Smart Araneta Coliseum dome rising above the buildings in the distance, glowing under the early evening lights. The density of jeepneys, buses, taxis, and pedestrians increased dramatically.

"Malapit na tayo, Boss!" Mang Cardo announced, pointing. "Konting kembot na lang!" (We're close, Boss! Just a little wiggle more!)

"Migs! We're almost there!" Jun-Jun reported triumphantly into the speaker. "Approaching Cubao!"

"Finally!" Migs breathed, sounding weak with relief. "Just park that... that thing... somewhere inconspicuous, okay? Not directly in front of Aling Nena's, please!"

"Inconspicuous," Jun-Jun repeated, looking at the giant, flashing party bus currently blocking three lanes of traffic as he tried to follow Mang Cardo's directions towards a specific turn-off. "Right. I'll work on that."

He spotted a possible parking building entrance, but it looked suspiciously low-ceilinged. He saw street parking slots, but they were all occupied by jeepneys or cars significantly smaller than his current ride. Parking was going to be the next challenge.

The halo-halo was so close, he could almost taste the sweet beans and leche flan. But first, he had to find a place to dock his mobile disco without causing another city-wide alert or getting towed. And he needed to figure out how to thank Mang Cardo, his unexpected, resourceful co-pilot. Maybe a lifetime supply of Clover Chips? Or perhaps... a tricycle upgrade?