With Infinite Money I Can Do Everything

Aling Nena herself, a stout woman with flour dusting her apron and shrewd, kindly eyes, bustled over to their table. She recognized Migs as a regular, offering a warm smile that faltered slightly as she took in Jun-Jun – dusty, grinning like a maniac, and somehow radiating an aura of recent, large-scale vehicular mayhem.

"Migs, ijo," she greeted, wiping her hands on her apron. "Good evening! And your friend?"

"Aling Nena, this is Jun-Jun," Migs said, managing a semblance of normalcy. "He's had... quite a journey getting here."

"A pleasure, Aling Nena!" Jun-Jun beamed. "I've heard legendary things about your halo-halo! It's the sole reason I braved EDSA, Quezon Avenue, several barangays, and purchased multiple vehicles today!"

Aling Nena blinked, clearly unsure if he was joking. "Ah, ganoon ba? (Is that so?) Well, welcome! What can I get for you?"

"One Special Halo-Halo, please!" Jun-Jun ordered enthusiastically. "With extra leche flan! And maybe... hmm..." He tapped his chin. "Can you add gold flakes?"

Migs groaned and buried his face in his hands again. Aling Nena looked utterly baffled. "Gold... flakes, sir?"

"Just kidding!" Jun-Jun laughed, waving it off. "Unless you actually have some? No? Okay, just the Special then! But!" He raised a finger, his eyes scanning the other occupied tables – families, students, couples enjoying their dessert. "Make that... let's see... one, two, three... eight tables occupied? Make that nine Special Halo-Halos! One for me, and one for every other table here! My treat! Consider it a celebration!"

The other customers, who had been subtly listening, looked up in surprise. Murmurs rippled through the small eatery. "Wow, libre!" "Sino siya?" (Who is he?)

Aling Nena looked hesitant. "Sir, that's very generous, but..."

Jun-Jun preempted her concern by pulling out his backpack – the infamous portable treasury. He extracted a thick bundle of P1,000 bills. "Don't worry about the cost," he said, peeling off ten bills – ten thousand pesos – and placing them on the table. Assuming a Special Halo-Halo cost maybe P150, this was already far more than enough for nine servings. "This should cover it, right? Keep the change, Aling Nena! For your excellent service and legendary reputation!"

Aling Nena stared at the money, then at Jun-Jun's earnest face, then at Migs, who just shrugged helplessly. She slowly picked up the cash, her expression shifting from confusion to bewildered gratitude. "Ah... sige po, sir. Thank you very much! Nine Specials, coming right up!" She bustled back towards the counter, instructing her helpers with renewed vigour. A wave of pleased chatter spread through the other tables.

"Really, Jun-Jun?" Migs sighed, though there was a hint of amusement in his voice now. "Buying halo-halo for the entire place?"

"Spreading the joy, Migs!" Jun-Jun declared righteously. "After the traffic chaos I may or may not have contributed to, think of it as good karma! Plus, making people happy is fun!"

Soon, the servers were bustling out, delivering tall, magnificent glasses overflowing with icy, colourful goodness. Jun-Jun's arrived last, a glorious mountain of finely shaved ice drenched in milk, crowned with a perfect slice of creamy leche flan, a scoop of vibrant purple ube ice cream, and a sprinkle of toasted pinipig (pounded young rice). Beneath the ice peeked layers of sweet red beans, chewy nata de coco and kaong (sugar palm fruit), tender jackfruit strips, and chunks of banana.

Jun-Jun gazed at it with reverence. "It's... beautiful."

He picked up the long spoon, plunged it deep into the glass, and mixed vigorously, swirling the ice, milk, and ingredients into a creamy, multi-textured, multi-coloured concoction. He took his first spoonful.

His eyes closed in bliss. The cold shock, the blend of sweetness, the different textures – creamy flan, chewy palm fruit, soft beans, crunchy pinipig, fragrant ube. It was everything he'd hoped for. It was, objectively, a fantastic halo-halo.

"Worth it," he mumbled through a mouthful. "Totally worth buying a party bus."

Migs watched him, shaking his head. "So," Migs began, leaning forward now that the immediate crisis was over. "Let's recap. You caused a multi-kilometer traffic jam on EDSA by paying drivers off. You attempted to hire a tow truck to carry you inside your car. You bought a bread truck and incited a minor riot giving away free pandesal. You hired street performers. You tried to bribe police officers multiple times. You tried to get a news helicopter to drop money. You abandoned the bread truck, blocking traffic again, bought a party bus, picked up a random passenger, evaded authorities through side streets, and paid a car wash P50,000 to park the bus. All for this." He gestured at Jun-Jun's rapidly diminishing halo-halo.

Jun-Jun swallowed another spoonful. "Pretty much! Sounds way more efficient when you summarize it like that."

"Efficient?! Jun-Jun, online forums are calling you the 'Pandesal Pimpernel'! There are memes! #EDSAChaos is trending! Captain Reyes probably has your face on a dartboard! What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking," Jun-Jun said seriously, pausing his eating for a moment, "that I really wanted some of Aling Nena's halo-halo. And traffic was in the way." He shrugged. "So, I applied resources to the problem."

"Resources?! You must have spent millions today!"

Jun-Jun waved a dismissive hand. "Pocket change. Don't worry about it." He took another bite. "Mmm, this leche flan is divine."

"And the consequences? The bread truck? The party bus currently accruing 'special handling fees' at Sparkle & Shine Car Wash? The police report that Captain Reyes is definitely filing?"

"Eh, consequences are just problems you solve later," Jun-Jun said nonchalantly. "I'll send someone to collect the party bus tomorrow. Or maybe I'll just buy the car wash, seems like a decent location. As for the bread truck... maybe the bakery can retrieve it? Or I'll donate it to Mang Cesar, the tow truck driver I almost hired. He seemed like he needed a new project."

Migs stared at him, realizing the utter futility of trying to instill a sense of normal consequence in Jun-Jun. His friend operated on a different plane of reality, one where problems were merely temporary inconveniences solvable with ludicrous amounts of cash.

A few other customers, emboldened by the free dessert and Jun-Jun's apparent approachability, came over. "Sir! Thank you po sa halo-halo!" "Boss, pwede pa-picture?" (Boss, can we get a picture?)

Jun-Jun happily obliged, posing for selfies, shaking hands, basking in the minor celebrity his chaotic journey had generated. He even offered to pay for one student's tuition on the spot, an offer Migs quickly (and perhaps wisely) managed to downgrade to buying all her textbooks for the semester after a frantic whispered negotiation.

Finally, the crowd dispersed, and Jun-Jun scraped the last delicious remnants from his glass. He leaned back, utterly content. "See, Migs? Happy ending."

Migs managed a genuine smile this time. "Okay, okay. I admit, this halo-halo is good. And you're here, in one piece, not currently in jail." He paused. "So... now what? How are you getting home? Please tell me you're not planning on buying a jeepney."

Jun-Jun grinned. "Don't tempt me." He looked around, then pulled out his phone. "Actually, I was thinking..." He tapped furiously on the screen. "There's a helicopter charter service based out of Pasay... maybe they can land on the roof of Gateway Mall?"

Migs groaned and slumped back in his chair, rubbing his temples. The halo-halo mission was over, but the Jun-Jun chaos continuum was clearly infinite.