Winter Swan

“Haaa… Is this what you really want from me?”

“Don’t you get it yet? This is the only thing I want,” Kail said to her sharply and took her lips again. He was done talking to her.

“Ahh…!”

He kissed her angrily like he wanted to eat her. The kiss bordered on being painful and Silje’s lips became swollen and sensitive.

“…! L-let me go…! Stop…”

It didn’t matter that she was fighting him; the vicious kiss continued as he pulled her body towards his tightly.

His kiss was like a black hole, swallowing her whole. Her body burned and when his tongue finally invaded her mouth, it made her eyes blur.

This wasn’t a dream. She could never get used to this, but it was really happening.

Kail was back for her.

She had to accept this situation now. She had to admit that Kail was truly here with her. He was here to destroy her.

His tongue took possession of her mouth. It plunged deep inside and assaulted her. Kail’s tongue felt soft and as it became part of her mouth, Silje shivered.

“S…Stop!”

She couldn’t breathe and her eyes glared at him angrily.

“Let me go! I said LET ME GO! RIGHT NOW…!”

Slap!

When her hands became free, she slapped him hard.

“What do you think you are doing? Are you crazy?!”

She shouted furiously but Kail continued to pant and stare silently.

Silje glared and when he remained quiet, she walked away and picked up her jacket. She put it back on and started to button up, making Kail tense. He crossed his arms and said to her menacingly, “We haven’t even started, yet this is what you do? Didn’t you agree to this before coming here?”

“Not… Not like this. Stop if you are going to be so barbaric. Listen carefully. If I knew all you were going to do was selfishly and violently take me just to satisfy your needs, I wouldn’t have come. I am leaving now.”

She put her hair up and made to leave when Kail ordered, “Don’t move.”

His eyes turned dangerous as he added, “If you leave now, it’s over. I’m not joking. And besides, our conversation isn’t over yet.”

Silje chewed her lips and looked at him.

“Then let’s finish it. Say what you must.”

Silence fell in the penthouse. It was the calm before the storm.

Click.

Kail lighted his cigarette and the white smoke and the smell filled the room slowly.

Silje glared at him. Her swollen red lips were throbbing painfully.

Another silence.

Finally, his cold green eyes turned to her and asked, “Why did you kill my child?”

***

“…!”

Silje gasped in disbelief.

His words hurt, like she was being punched in the stomach. She looked down at the floor silently before slowly looking up at him. Kail was staring at her cruelly as if he could see right through her.

“Five years ago, you betrayed me and left Oslo. You left to New York after killing our baby. You abandoned me without a word. Why? Why did you kill my baby?”

Every word was like a knife stabbing her heart. Silje felt so ill that she moaned in agony.

Kail continued to stare at her and wouldn’t let her go. Silje looked pale, but he didn’t care. He just waited for her answer.

When she remained quiet, Kail continued, “Try giving me at least an excuse. If you can give me a convincing reason, then I will give up on this ridiculous revenge. What I wanted was for you to feel even the fraction of what I had to go through, but if you can convince me otherwise, I will return to Oslo. So tell me. Why did you do it?”

Kail cornered her harshly and there was no escape for her.

What should she say?

Silje contemplated. The pain she went through… What was done to her against her will…

But was there any point in explaining herself?

No. It was too late for that.

She didn’t want to give him an excuse because at the end of the day, she did fail in protecting their child.

Silje held her head high. She wasn’t going to run away from this. She looked at his beautiful yet cold eyes and replied clearly, “What would be the purpose of this conversation? No matter what I tell you, the fact remains that I lost the baby. If you continue to talk about this, I will leave.”

“Lost the baby? Then you admit that you killed our child on your own accord?”

Kail had no mercy for her. His words were like a forceful snowstorm coming to hurt her.

“Why did you abort my child and leave Oslo? Did I do something wrong? Did I wrong you in some way I didn’t know about? No matter how hard I tried to figure it out, I couldn’t understand. I never did anything to you.”

Kail looked at her eyes desperately.

“Let me ask you a question. Was it my stepmother Ingrid who forced you into it? Or did you want it too? Answer me. That is the only thing I need to know.’

At his sharp question, Silje took a deep breath. So Kail already knew everything.

Yet he still came to New York to see her in person? Was he here to confirm the facts from her?

She supposed that it was very much like Kail to do something like this. He already gathered all the information he needed and now, he wanted the truth from her to confirm everything.

There was no need for her to explain. No point in crying or begging for his forgiveness. All she wondered was how to answer him. Looking at Kail standing in front of her, Silje’s eyes wavered.

It would’ve been easier if he screamed at her, but instead, he was staring with an empty and pained look. Silje felt a pang of overwhelming guilt because she was the cause of his agony. She was responsible for it all.

Silje bit her lower lip till it bled. She put on her high heels and walked towards the door.

“I’m leaving now.”

“Don’t run away from me.”

Kail warned her, but Silje ignored him. When she opened the door, Kail yelled, “…I loved you! I LOVED YOU! I gave you my all. I swear to you that you are the first and the only person I ever gave myself. Completely! Even you can’t deny that fact, right? Look into my eyes and try denying it. What we felt for each other… It was real. We were attracted to each other! Answer me!”

Silje stopped.

She took a deep breath and blinked slowly. This was dangerous.The feelings she buried deep inside her started to surface again. The words she never meant to say out loud started to come out.

“Yes, I was attracted to you.”

Silje turned around and continued calmly, “The attraction I had for you was real. I admit it, and because of it, I went too far. Kail… I was seduced by the dark intensity of it all and that was why I couldn’t refuse you.”

“Then come back to me. I have never forgotten you for the past five years. Not a single day. Every time I breathed, I thought of you!”