While Waiting to Wake

The god snorted. “I don’t remember saying that.”

“In the hospital, I think…”

“As I recall, I was simply protesting you calling me a dough ball. I didn’t actually disagree with being ugly.”

“Then it was someone else who said it.”

He chuckled. “My admirers do know how to flatter, don’t they?”

Her smile faded and she rubbed her eye. It hurt from crying so much. Felt like someone had poured sand on her eyelid.

“What do I do now?”

“What do you mean?”

Her lip trembled. “I’ve lost Maddie. And this world is real. It is, right? I’m not hallucinating or anything?”

“You’re dead, how can you hallucinate?”

“Loki!”

He chuckled, dropped his head, then lifted it.

“You’re alive here, little human. What do you want to do?”

Em bit her lip and curled her knees closer to her chest in the fetal position.

What did she want to do?

So far, she’d only been thinking about herself. She’d wanted a good life, so she let Felix die. And she’d worked with Flint because she wanted a better future than the original Emmaline.

Speaking of which.

“What happened to her?” Em pointed at herself. “The person whose body this is? Did I… did I kill her?”

It was unbearable to ask. But she couldn’t not ask either.

“Ah. That is a good question.” Loki sat on the ground, his head now even with the side of the bed and lower than hers. “I can’t explain correctly because humans simply can’t understand the mechanics. But, basically what happened is we connected your future self to your past self and rewound time.”

Em blinked blankly at him.

“What?”

“You were the old Emmaline. You were both Emmalines.” He scratched his head, giving her a cheeky smile. “You killed no one and only retook what was once yours. It actually wasn’t that difficult to do.”

“Did you do it?”

“No, no. I just understand how it was done.”

“Why? Why was it done?” Em squeezed her legs. “Why did I have to have such a miserable life both times? Why-”

Loki put a hand over her mouth. Eyes softening.

“Gods don’t make choices for sentient beings,” he told her. Firmly. “It’s a law we can never break. We can take over a body and use it as a puppet, but the soul’s ability to choose remains intact even if the body won’t obey. Choices were made in both your lifetimes that resulted in your miserable positions.”

“Someone made choices that made me sick?” asked Em dubiously.

“Your mother made choices that ended with your weak body.”

“Oh.”

Loki watched her for a moment. Head tilted. Then he smiled.

On that face, it was radiant. Why didn’t he use it more often?

“And you, little human, made choices resulting in an extended life there, a good relationship with your sister, and happier people here.”

Em frowned. “I don’t understand.”

Loki shrugged.

“You asked what you should do now. I’m only pointing out it’s your choice and your choice alone how you’ll move forward. What do you want to do?”

“I-”

Em squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips together.

“I’ve caused Flint so much trouble. It was sort of ok when he wasn’t real. But now… I don’t want to be any more trouble to him.”

Her eyes suddenly popped open and she gaped at Loki.

“I have a brother!”

“I thought that was established.”

Em sat up. Gaping at the door like something surprising had walked through.

“No, I mean, he’s my brother. My real brother!”

Loki chuckled. Humans were so silly!

“Yes?”

She tapped her fist on her leg. Thinking. And scowling. Abruptly, she switched from wonder back to her original concerns.

“The problem is… that stupid book was useless!”

Loki officially lost track of what she was thinking.

“Um… I don’t-”

“In stories where the heroine goes to a story world, usually she has enough information about events and stuff she’s able to change things. Or get rich. Or something.” Em waved a hand around. “But I can’t think of anything that I could use!”

Loki smiled slyly. “Or maybe you’re just not smart enough to?”

Em threw her pillow at him, which smacked him in the face.

“It’s not that there isn’t anything, it's just I can’t use it.”

“Explain.”

“Well, I know there’s a mine in Duke Caviet’s territory somewhere. But I don’t have money to invest. And I’m not sure when it was discovered. If it’s already discovered, then there’s no point in raising money to mine it… even if I knew how to do that and if Caviet would let me.”

“Keep thinking. What else?”

Em made a face and pulled her knees up.

“I don’t know! Most of the book was seriously just one conquest after another. That jerk Thiago was obsessed with finding the lost prince and he didn’t stop until his seer said, ‘he is dead’. By then, he was the tyrant of the century and half the continent was trembling in terror.”

Em pouted.

“We only kept reading cuz we wanted to know what happened to Emmaline and Madeline.”

Loki listened patiently, still sitting on the floor.

“Keep thinking, little human.”

“Oh!” Em smacked her forehead, eyes wide. “Is Prince, I mean, Asher real, too?!”

Loki smiled slyly. “He is.”

Slowly, Em lowered her hand from her forehead to her mouth. Covering it as she thought.

“I… think I have an idea. Maybe. Since Prince is real…”

Her head snapped up. “Loki, he’s still alive, right?”

The god hesitated. Then shrugged. “Yes. But I can’t tell you any more than that-”

“That’s good enough for me!”

Em punched the air and swung her legs off the bed. With an exaggerated yelp, Loki backed away on his backside and held up one hand defensively.

“Are you trying to kick me in the face?” he whined.

“I need to see Mister Jay.”

“Who lives two days away.”

She froze. Then her shoulders slumped as she pouted.

“Oh, yeah. Maybe I could send him a message-? No, that won’t work. What if someone reads it? I really just need to see him…”

“You’ll think of something.”

She abruptly stood up and threw her arms around Loki. He squawked in surprise. Twice. The second time when she planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you, mister Loki. You’re a good friend. Even if you are a nuisance.”

Then she skipped from the room. Leaving Loki to stare after her with his mouth hanging open.

Gingerly, he touched his cheek.

Has anyone- child or not- ever kissed him like that?

Ah. There was that one time.

Just one.

When Felice was still finding her way like he was now and her form was undecided. They’d both taken the forms of farmer children and joined a festival. Dancing, playing, pranking. He tied a few shoelaces so he could nick a pie in the mayhem of three people falling over at once and disturbing the display.

They snuck off together to eat the pie in the bushes.

Felice kissed his cheek then. In gratitude for a good day.

He touched his cheek again.

Smiling at the memory.

***

They were all infuriatingly overprotective!

Flint hadn’t even listened to her the other day when she’d showed up at his office in her nightshirt. He’d promptly put his pen down, scooped her up, and took her back to bed.

Still, Em was finally seeing a priest.

Oh the irony. Now that she no longer needed to see a priest since Loki was behaving himself.

Mostly.

If you didn’t count the rush of mice coming out of the sewer and causing havoc this morning. All so he could make himself cookies.

“How else am I going to get them out of the kitchen?” he’d whined when she confronted him on it.

“What are you talking about?! You can just snap your fingers and poof! Cookies!”

At which point, he offered her three of the nearly plate sized cookies as a bribe. She’d taken them with great dignity.

With a laugh to herself, she let the priest grasp her wrist as he closed his eyes.

She wondered what shape his divine mana was taking as it snaked inside of her and probed around. His forehead wrinkled.

Finally, he dropped her wrist and turned to Flint. Who was hovering by the door behind him.

“The young lady is not in any danger.”

Flint’s tense expression relaxed slightly. Though only someone who knew him could tell. Em was pretty sure it was more in his shoulders than his face, though she could detect it there, too.

“Will it happen again?”

No, Em thought.

“I found some scars on her soul, which was probably the problem. They appear to be sealed over now, so I don’t think there’s any more danger.”

The man stood up and dusted off his robe. Which was an insult to Tracy’s housekeeping because there was no dust to remove.

“What?”

“The young lady appears to have been performing some sort of astral projection. Generally, that only happens if the soul’s been ripped or damaged somehow.”

“What would cause that?”

The priest shrugged. “Various things. The most common are death orbs. I’ve seen cases where they burrow into their victim and create holes until the person goes insane.”

Flint flinched.

“What needs to be done?”

“Nothing. Likely the young lady’s illness was just the fever before recovery. It closed the holes and now her health should return to normal.”

“Does that mean I can get up!?”

The priest turned back to Em and put a hand on her head. Smiling. Em couldn’t tell if it was a kind smile or if he was just indulging her.

“That means you can get up,” he agreed.

With a whoop, Em threw off the blanket.

“Thank you, mister priest!”

“Wait, Emmaline.”

Em pouted at her brother. Which he ignored.

“Don’t you have something to ask the priest?”

She blinked. He remembered. Of course he remembered, it was Flint. I guess I can’t get out of it. I better play along.

“Loki has been following me around,” Em told the priest. Pointing at the slime, who was at that moment munching on a hank of meat. “What can you tell me about him?”

“Loki?”

Puzzled, the priest threw a glance at the slime. Loki appeared to be ignoring all of them.

“Well, uh-”

“He keeps playing pranks on me. And everyone else. Should I be worried?”

“Um.”

Still at a loss, the priest looked again at Loki. Then at Flint. The Marquis’ expression didn’t change.

“Has the pranks been dangerous?”

“No. Just annoying.”

“Well then.” The priest clapped his hands with exaggerated relief. “As long as it doesn’t become dangerous, you should be alright. You’ll just need to wait until he loses interest in you.”

He doesn’t believe me, thought Em with a smirk.

“Ok.”

“What’s even funnier, is if he tested me I wouldn’t be able to hide my identity from him,” Loki said cheerfully.

Em snickered and waited for the adults to stop talking. Tracy eventually led the priest away, with Kimball following behind. Leaving her and Flint alone. Flint crossed the room and got to one knee. Face serious.

“Are you sure you feel fine?”

“Yes.”

It was funny. Flint was kneeling in front of her the same way Loki had just a couple days ago. But her brother made her feel shy. And oddly guilty.

She bit her lip and looked at her hands in her lap.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For getting sick.”

I’m sorry, Maddie. For doing the same thing to you.

Flint covered the side of her head with his big hand and she looked up, eyes teary. He smiled.

“I’m just glad you’re alive and healthy. That’s all that matters.”

“I’ll stay healthy,” she promised.

Flint chuckled. “That’s not how that works. But I appreciate it.” He stood up and hesitated. “Em, you know I care about you, yes?”

Em tilted her head. “Yes?”

His eyes softened and he put his hand on top of her head. There was a world of difference in her brother’s tender touch and the priest’s stiff one. It made her chest feel warm and her throat constrict.

“Get dressed. We’ll go down to lunch together.”

With that, Em was allowed out of bed.

The wedding was in four months.

They had to leave in two months because it was a three week trip and they had to be in the Capital for at least a month. It was annoying, but they had to prepare for the event and participate in pre-wedding activities.

She was afraid the next two months would drag and drag and drag. The truth was, she kept herself too busy to be bored. To the point she had to ignore both Flint’s and Tracy’s hints and pleas that she pace herself.

Swordsmanship, ball with the other kids, chasing down Todd, and working with the physician.

By the time dinner came and she had a ‘quiet’ evening ahead of her, she was tired but happy. And while Flint kept working (hypocrite! He’s the one who should be pacing himself!), she would sit down and keep thinking.

How to help Flint? How to help the March? How to help Prince?

What did she know that could be useful to them?