When Immortal Ascension Fails Time Travel to Try Again

The chubby kid’s thick eyebrows scrunched with pain. A little blood from his nose had dripped onto gold and wine red robes that looked like something a rich merchant might dress his favorite child in.

It wasn’t immediately obvious but I definitely knew that face. He was Bloodsword’s best friend in my previous timeline.

The two mostly hung out when they were younger. Eventually, they went off to do their own thing so they could become strong independently. Frankly, I had always assumed the kid was closer to a minion than an actual companion.

But this reminded me that he was a major character in the story (probably). He had to be, considering his position as Bloodsword’s friend.

What was that line again, anyway?

It is a truth universally acknowledged in Xianxia, that a male protagonist in possession of good prospects (and future wives), must acquire a best friend named Fatty... or something like that.

This particular author had decided to use the classic ‘fat best friend’ trope. A trope — I assumed — that originated as a nod to the wonderful classic, The Journey to the West.

There were, of course, other reasons to give the main character a chubby friend. Like making sure the harem members wouldn’t be attracted to him like the shallow bitches they were. Or giving the main character someone the readers could compare them with, thus heightening the protagonist’s awesomeness/handsomeness.

That said, should I even let Little Spring befriend this predestined best bud?

Their friendship could be a corrupting influence on him. I mean, he had just faced that Bloody Crimson Sword Edge fucker! What if by allowing him to become friends with this guy, he started down a different path but one that was just as distorting? Only this one would be more insidious by its subtle slope.

But... I couldn't protect Little Spring all the time. And, it was wrong to tell him that he couldn't make friends. Children needed them so they didn’t become antisocial sadistic murderers.

... Okay, a lot of cultivators turned into antisocial sadistic murderers but that didn't mean that was a good way to live.

Whatever! I could figure this all out later!

Frankly, this whole situation — with the bullying young master and this chubby best friend — reeked of the original dumb author’s narrative. And getting involved with that sounded exhausting.

At this point, I had two choices. I could pause here. Fight this Young Master with words and wit to bring him down a peg. Maybe even sabotage him.

Hell, it wouldn’t take much.

Or I could ignore him and focus on what mattered.

I did have more important things to do than spiral into this shit heap of a setup.

I mean, first you kill or offend the young master then his father comes after you. Then his father’s father. Then his father’s ancestor. And this happens until you’ve killed the whole clan!

And all because of one little shit.

What a fuckin’ waste of human life!

Besides, I would rather focus on getting through these sect trials alive.

I let out a deep sigh and crossed my arms. “I don't care what’s going on here.”

“You again!” Young Master Zhang said. “Stay out of this.”

“But I have to ask, do all of you even want to enter the sect?”

Little Spring’s eyes grew wide.

The Young Master took a threatening step forward, “Are you ignoring me?”

I ignored the little shit, “Because if you don’t want to join then you’re free to stay here. Personally, I’d rather get started.” I pointed to the stairs and the many people who had already begun climbing.

Everyone looked to where I pointed. I could practically see them all slowly realize how dumb they’d been.

“The immortal cultivators who introduced these trials didn’t say that this trial of stairs is a race… but this is a race.”

Then I grabbed Little Spring’s hand and pulled him to the steps, leaving the others to gawk at our perfect backsides.

We climbed up the stairs, feeling no extra pressure. The stairs didn’t even slow us down, though most people around us struggled with each step as if they had 50 lb weights on their ankles.

Little Spring swallowed. “Fairy Lin…”

I interrupted before he could continue. “Were you trying to help that kid?”

He seemed to think that he had to explain because he said, “I met him when you had me pick up more spiritual plants. He helped me escape a pair of criminals trying to steal your herbs.”

“And where the hell was Red Seven?”

“Oh... I, um, went out on my own.”

I glowered at him and he winced. “Just because you’re stronger than you were, doesn’t mean you don’t still need protection. There are a lot of dangerous people in this world.”

He lowered his head. “I understand.”

Fuck. It wasn’t easy being a main character, was it? Always getting into trouble one way or another.

I sighed. “Did you become his friend?”

He shook his head. “No... But I owe him.”

“So you stood up to the Zhang clan’s Young Master for him?”

The kid’s jaw clenched. “He pushed Yang Shanshan for not moving fast enough! That knocked him into me. At that point, I was already involved...” He looked at me nervously. “We also had a previous argument. This situation seemed like a good time to resolve our differences.”

This kid! Really? He thought it was a good idea to argue during the damn sect trial right in the middle of the fucking pathway?

I would have to teach this kid some damn etiquette or something. Or just... how to not be an ass... Then again, I often found myself standing in the middle of the road while thinking.

I might not be the best example here.

Whatever!

“Other than that time at the Formation Masters’ Guild, when exactly did you meet that Young Master?”

“Ah.” He blushed. “When I went out into the city with Red Three to find cooking supplies and fresh ingredients.”

I knew that the free time I added to his training schedule would come back to bite me in the ass! I was also surprised that I didn’t hear anything about this from Red Three. Well, what was done, was done.

“Hey! I’m not going to let you get ahead of me!” An annoying voice came from below.

I stopped and looked back. A groan escaped me. Was this kid seriously asking to get bullied?

The Young Master and his henchman ran up the stairs to catch up with us. Sweat poured down their faces.

As the brat passed us he sneered down on us and said, “Humph.”

Little Spring moved like he was going to run after the little shit but I grabbed his shoulder and shook my head.

“But you said it was a race.”

“Oh, it is, but it’s a different kind of race. Like a marathon. One where determination and will, defeats those with pure strength. We’re walking at a fairly fast pace, but not the fastest one. At this point, we’re not necessarily trying to win either. It’s fine for us to conserve our energy here to use on later trials.”

He nodded. We continued our casual walk up the mountain.

A few steps away, the tiger-haired group cried out, “Brother!”

A very muscular prospective disciple sweated so much he almost bled from his pores. Each step he took looked like it might be his last. His massive muscles visibly shook with the strain of keeping himself upright.

One of the Tiger brothers encouraged him, “You can do it, Brother Aigou!”

Aigou shook his head dramatically. “Bolin, Chenchen, Donghai. This may be it for me. We all know that, out of us brothers, my talent isn’t the best. I want you all to keep going without me.”

Though tears ran down their faces, they all nodded. “We’ll succeed, for you, Elder Brother!”

Then they all turned, reluctance clear on their faces, and continued up the stairs.

Aiguo lifted his head up to the sky and vanished. This was the sign that he’d finished his test. Considering that we were just at the beginning stage, he had definitely failed.

Wait a second. I recognized these people. They were the cannon fodder tiger brothers!

This group of people only existed because the dumbass author wanted to show how dangerous and difficult the sect trials were!

Need someone to walk across the suspicious floor in an inheritance space? Send in a cannon fodder! Additional points added for those who looked strong and powerful, but died horrifically!

Need someone to show that a poison was really-really deadly? Have a cannon fodder survive a deadly toxin only to have their skin melt once they touched the new one.

Want to show how impossible a challenge in a trial is? Have the most badass looking cannon fodder fail it!

It worked every time.

At least these fellows had names... And probably stories that could bring a person to tears. But I had zero interest in learning about it.

The rest of the Tiger brothers made their way up the stairs—every step taking a great amount of effort for them. Now and then, one would look back at where their brother had disappeared and blink as if holding back tears.

The two of us quickly passed this group.

Being a cannon fodder was a miserable fate. Fuck, with my record of always being second and then dying to a terribly powerful...

Oh shit... was... I used as a fucking cannon fodder in my fucking past life?!

No! I refuse! Fuck you, dumbass author!

I raised my fist and shook it at the heavens.

“Fairy Lin... we haven’t failed this trial yet. Why are you upset with it?”

Let’s see. I was currently stopped while looking up... towards the top of the hill. While shaking my fist.

Okay. I did look like I was upset with the trial itself.

I coughed and continued to climb.

Little Spring frowned. “Um. Are you upset because it’s so easy for us but so hard for others?”

I ignored the actual question and answered the one I’d prefer he ask. “It’s only easy for us because we’re massively talented.”

His back straightened and looked up to me with big brown eyes. He seemed filled with confidence.

I flicked his forehead and he scowled at me.

“Don’t let that go to your head. Talent isn’t a free pass. It just makes things easier for us than for other people. Frankly, it is worthless if you don’t work hard. So stay on your toes or those who are less talented will catch up.”

His eyes shook then stabilized as if his resolve firmed.

I patted his hair then kept climbing.

***

This whole test was a boring slog up a large foothill. It took us hours. We passed many individuals who didn’t make it all the way, but they hadn’t surrendered to their fate. Depending on how far up they reached, those people would likely enter the outer sect, at the very least.

The Indomitable Will sect wanted people who didn’t give up... especially when everything was against them. This meant that a lot of the lower ranks were filled with adorable idiots who didn’t know when to quit… Not that I was much better. I mean, I never stopped trying to take first place in every alchemy tournament even after spending a thousand years and only reaching second.

But this dumb, ridiculous stubbornness was the epitome of what it meant to be part of this sect.

Eventually, we closed in on the top. Surprisingly Young Master Zhang (without his servant) neared the top. Considering that he was a member of a great clan, this made sense.

Of course, the young master was drenched with sweat and was practically crawling to make it up the next step.

There were also several other people near the top who looked just as exhausted.

Surprisingly, I recognized two of them!

These were two girls who weren’t part of Bloodsword’s harem. But, they played a big role in the beginning part of his life, back before he changed.

One of them was a pretty girl with dark purple hair and the bearing of an icy noble’s daughter.

If I remembered correctly, this ice queen had looked down on Bloodsword at the beginning of his days as an inheriting disciple. Mostly because he had no backing outside the sect. Eventually, somehow (probably through harem novel fuckery), she’d grown to like him. At least that was what I assumed when I heard the rumor about her taking a hit for him... and then dying.

What was her name again? Maybe it was something like Icy Tsundere Fairy. Or that was just the nickname I gave her? Whatever.

The other girl was only a few dozen steps from the top and had shockingly bright orange-blonde hair. It was a color I would never forget. I did give her the name Bitch the McTraitorFace, after all.

McTraitorFace, of course, looked very pretty even when exerting herself. She wore the robes of a well-off commoner reminding me that she didn’t have an impressive background. But she was crazy smart and crazy malicious.

I was tempted to end her before she even got started but she disappeared from the step she just struggled to reach.

McTraitorFace hadn’t made it to the top but, considering how far up she had reached, the girl would still have a chance to enter the inner sect.

In my last life, she had become the disciple of a Nascent Soul elder in our peak. I had seen her constantly ask Bloodsword for tips just to get close to him. She would even sign up for the same tasks as him so she could practice the fine art of ‘brushing one’s existence in front of a favored person.’

After being that annoying and obsessive for years, McTraitorFace at age 14 (and a year younger than Bloodsword at the time), made everyone believe that she was just a dumb innocent girl with a relentless crush on my younger martial brother. I even thought that she’d be Bloodsword’s first wife once she wore down his stoic facade.

I was very wrong.

I mean, she was just a child! At that age, I’d just entered high school in my very safe school district. I thought, with those experiences, I knew how dumb young teenagers should be.

But I’d never been around girls that age that would straight up hire an asshole to ruin a girl’s life and reputation. Or girls that would set up intricate traps against fellow disciples just out of jealousy or spite.

I’d thought that shit like that only happened in fiction, and even if I had transmigrated into fiction, it was just a dumb harem novel. Didn’t the girls in harem novels always (weirdly) get along?

Yeah, I knew nothing back then.