When Immortal Ascension Fails Time Travel to Try Again

I sputtered to awareness with that disgusting pill taste in my mouth and took in a few breaths.

Briefly, I considered all the near painless (and terrible performing) baths I created back when I was experimenting with the bodies of brave outer sect ‘volunteers’.

Of course, I tested them on pill beasts first... The concoctions, not the disciples. I wasn’t a monster. Usually. (Okay, I was an old monster, but I wasn't evil.)

When I began my research, I made the baths as painless as possible. I had.

And it resulted in very little improvement.

At one point, I even attempted to give the body cultivators different kinds of pain-relieving dan first...

And that resulted in several pill beasts dying due to the interaction.

Eventually, I came to a conclusion.

When that lazy fucker authored this world, he made it have a ‘No Pain, No Gain’ philosophy when it came to body cultivation. So, if a cultivator didn’t experience pain, then their body cultivation would fall short.

At least that was what I assumed after a full decade of research.

It wasn’t like I had some kind of heavenly library that could correct this shit for me, either. I had to figure everything out through the scientific method and trial and error.

Pain distracted me. I would need to center myself, then go back under. According to my calculations, I needed to stay in the solution for another hour.

If I wasn’t awake for a majority of the bath, then this round of body cultivation would fail.

I groaned from the agony. At least it was all at the same level. It just sucked because it slowly ran through every part of my body. Though this series of baths focused mostly on strengthening the skin. It only lightly touched on everything else.

I glanced at Ghosty. His face switched between pale and angry red.

“Get out of that bath! You almost died!”

I grinned. “Almost isn’t dead.” I placed another pill on the table. “You know what to do.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! Your body is too young to go through this.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m still alive. I’d rather almost die a hundred times in a controlled environment than actually die.”

Because selfish cock mosquitos were everywhere in this universe, and several of them considered me an annoying fly that landed on their face.

“Ridiculous! What if the pills you’ve prepared don’t help you? What if I give them to you and it’s too late?”

I gritted my teeth. “Ghosty. It will be fine. I may have underestimated how much the pain would affect my younger body, but my calculation on dosage is perfect.”

He didn’t look convinced. And I needed to get back in. I gritted my teeth. “Look, the chances of me dying here are almost nonexistent. But if I don’t do this, then I could die during the trials if one of those sect elders tries something. And if I die, then your chances of regaining a working body that is solely yours will have significantly decreased... This would be a body you don’t have to steal. One that is built to perfection. All that goes down with me. What I’m saying is that you better make sure I don’t die!”

I blew out a harsh breath, sucked in once more, and settled myself for another round of the Turtle Breathing Technique. Only this time, I took more short breaks.

After I closed my eyes and submerged myself, I heard a muffled, something-something- “Worried!” But I ignored it.

Body cultivation could help me stay alive. It didn’t matter how much it hurt now. In the future, it would pay off a thousandfold.

***

It turned out that taking breaks was exactly what I needed to do to stay conscious through my horrible bath.

Granted, the pain was worse than I thought it would be. And Ghosty may have yelled at me each time I surfaced. But this was all part of making me harder, better, faster, and definitely stronger. It was absolutely worth it!

The next part of my, ‘Make Fairy Lin Able to Survive Better Plan,’ was to start by exercising. While my body wasn’t unfit (especially when strengthened with spiritual energy), this didn’t mean that it couldn’t improve.

The most effective way to improve the body using this method was to take several days between baths while intensely exercising. This made it so the next time someone took a bath, the decrease in effectiveness would only be around 5% instead of around 15-20%.

This Xianxia also went with the ‘every subsequent dosage improved a body less and less until switched with a more expensive concoction’ trope.

It didn’t help that I couldn’t afford the next one up just yet.

All of this meant that I needed to lift weights — like my massive size changing cauldron or sandbags. And I had to do that without reinforcing my body using spiritual energy.

Of course, I didn’t want the kid to see me working so hard that I collapsed. I had an image to maintain! He might still think I’m crazy, but at least he knew I was incomprehensibly strong. Probably.

Looking like I was on the verge of death and exhaustion, was not a good way to instill confidence in the main character.

So, I did my strenuous workouts in a private room inside the courtyard.

Of course, I didn’t spend all my time taking baths and working out. I also practiced the techniques I could use at the second layer of Qi Cultivation. Which wasn’t much. Thanks to the teachings of Fairy Verdant Bamboo, I had always relied on my sword Qi augmented with a couple of strong spiritual techniques to see me through. And when I could, I would use the spiritual tools I created to give myself an advantage. Or I would set a trap using formations.

My fighting style was eclectic. This wasn’t necessarily a good thing as this meant that I wasn’t the strongest when it came to pure fighting (thanks Bloodsword). But I also didn’t have to be. I could always pull out something that could see me through.

That and I was always more interested in research and cultivation than battle. People spent most of their time in peace and not in life and death situations.

Obviously, I didn’t neglect the violence aspect though. Not when I knew what kind of world this was. And knowing was half the... whatever.

I also knew what to look forward to for the entrance test. This meant I was already far ahead of the competition.

Muahahahaha!

***

After two months of grueling training, popping pills, and taking horrible baths that made my skin glow with unnatural strength, it was finally time to go to the damn trial!

The four of us, myself, Little Spring, and the two Reds, made it to the waiting area.

A massive crowd of well over a hundred thousand rowdy children and some of their families congregated in front of a massive gate. Beyond the red painted spiritual wood was an area shrouded in mist.

Most of these were kids that sect recruiters had tested. They would have already confirmed their potential and brought them over to see if they could pass the sect’s tests.

Not every child with potential was a good fit for the sect. Even the ones with heaven-defying talent would get rejected if they didn’t have the right mindset, or the potential to develop that mindset.

Frankly, most of these kids would either become outer sect disciples or not pass at all.

And for those that didn’t pass... Well, the sect would suggest that they try another sect or clan.

Or they would tell them they had no fate with immortality.

The latter being a real dick move.

Of course, there were also a few lucky kids who made their way here themselves. And some who were escorted by their fancy clans because they could find a cultivation technique in the sect that fit their body constitution better.

Or they were given this opportunity because their assholishness made their clan want to hand them off to be someone else’s problem. Like that Young Master Zhang whatever.

A group of heavily muscled kids with tiger striped hair gathered next to us. They practically seethed with energy.

I had our group take a few giant steps away from them. There was no telling who they were... but they looked like they could be cannon fodder characters in the manhua version of the Xianxia. It was best to avoid them.

Once we reached a better spot between several very average-looking kids, I took out our two tokens and handed one to Little Spring, who activated it and put it away.

The kid had grown a lot taller over the past two months.

After all of that training, he now had the look of someone who had taken a few steps down the path of cultivation and swordsmanship. His back was straight, and he stood with more confidence in himself.

It was a pleasant sight to see... I looked forward to proving to him that he still had a long-ass way to go. Muahahaha!

I activated my own token. A pressure squeezed my cultivation down to the second layer of Qi Condensation. Fortunately, it didn’t do much to decrease my body cultivation.

“Fairy Lin…” Red Seven said with more concern than I thought he’d show. I guess I hadn’t told them just how much of a handicap I was going to have.

“It’s part of a deal I made. It’s the only way they would allow someone with my knowledge to take part in the trials. But don’t worry. I’m stronger than I look.” I patted my small bicep through my silk sleeve.

He appeared even more concerned... and so did Little Spring.

Red Seven sighed. “Once you enter the gates to take the test, we’ll have to return to the Alchemists’ Guild.”

Chances were that I wouldn’t see these two again after today. Or if I did, it would be a matter of coincidence.

They had both risked their lives to protect us. And they did their utmost to train Little Spring, even though it wasn’t technically in their job description.

I bowed to them. “It was a pleasure to work with you both. You’re very competent cultivators and I believe you’ll break into Nascent Soul someday.”

Hmm. Maybe I should leave them with some extra words of wisdom to give them that extra push?

I tapped my chin in thought, then turned to Red Seven. “It’s not obvious, but your technique is related to the stars. When you cultivate from now on, do it at night and out in the open. It may give you some surprising results.”

His eyes widened. And he bowed. “Thank you, Fairy Lin.”

Then I turned to Red Three. He was always the one I had trouble figuring out. Like a silent background character with no lines or something. Except that he was always silently watching over us with no complaints.

I needed to give him some superb advice.

He looked at me expectantly. “Red Three. You should consider taking home a wife.”

The glare that he sent me...

I held up my hands with an innocent smile to forestall his anger. “The technique you’re currently cultivating… Well, getting a wife will help you... sometime in the next decade or so.”

Apparently, my fantastic advice didn’t help because his glare turned into a glower.

“I’ll consider your suggestion, Fairy Lin. However, I think I’m fine.”

I shrugged. “It’s your choice.”

Then I brought out the actual gifts I’d made for them.

I handed each a bag of pill bottles containing cultivation resources… Well, most of it was simple healing pills and things that could increase their chance at survival. But one of the pills I added would help them smooth out the inconsistencies in their golden core so they could actually reach Nascent Soul in the next 50 years... whether Red Three decided to take my advice or not.

Which he should! My advice was the best!

“You both have been incredibly helpful to us. Not only did you distract those assassins so we could finish our mission, but you took the time to train Little Spring. That wasn’t part of your original duties, but I am very grateful that you helped, regardless.”

Red Seven bowed. “Thank you, Fairy Lin, for your advice. After talking it over with the guild, they agreed that — as long as you gain approval from a Guild Elder — you are always welcome to hire us again.”

Red Three nodded.

I cried internally... because even if I received approval, I couldn’t afford to hire these excellent Golden Core cultivators. At least not until I started making higher tiered pills. At that time, they would have moved to another guild headquarters. Still, I appreciated the sentiment and bowed to them both.

Little Spring followed me and we both said, “Thank you.”