When Immortal Ascension Fails Time Travel to Try Again

Before I solved the side effects of the Beast Blood Contract, I needed to get the bath’s prescription. Fortunately, there was a convenient poison master outside the room who knew it.

I waited for Little Spring to return to looking like his 13-year-old disguise only with white hair and husky-like ears on top of his head. Once he nodded to me that he was ready, I stormed out of the bathing room and right into Teasing Mouse. She bounced off me and sprawled onto the tiled floor.

I loomed over her and picked her up using spiritual energy. While she was hanging there, wide-eyed and forced to listen to me, this seemed like a good position for a necessary lecture. Especially since I couldn’t let her stupidity go after I had just brought the kid back from the brink of fucking death.

“Let me ask you a question.”

“Y-you’re very close.”

“Is your head completely empty?”

“No!” She hiccuped and struggled. “It was my fault that Verdant Spring went to the bath, but him dying wasn’t! Poison Master Swift Hands explained it to me.“

I closed my eyes for a second so I didn’t punch more brain cells out of her head. That would have the opposite effect I was going for. “Listen up, you dumb little shit.”

“Hey—”

“In the future, before you suggest that someone goes through with a bath like this, you better make sure their cultivation base is compatible with it. You better think before doing anything and everything from now on, or else you’ll end up murdering someone.”

“It was an accident!”

“Do you think accidental murder doesn’t give you negative karma?” No wonder she fucking failed her tribulation in my last life. Too many people died because of her dumb ass.

Her lip trembled.

Swift Hands used his own spiritual energy to pull her away from me. “How dare you bully Little Teasing Mouse!”

He hid her behind him and she peaked out at me.

“N-no. It’s okay.” She wiped her eyes. “I understand. After all, Junior Linlin and Verdant Spring were f-friends.”

Little Spring must have taken his sweet time getting Xiao Bai because he finally left the room with a very confused expression on his face.

Swift Hands and Teasing Mouse froze. “You’re alive?!”

They finally noticed?

The girl stopped crying and jumped over as if she were going to hug the kid. I used my spiritual energy to grab her and move her next to the poison master.

“I don’t care how happy you are that Verdant Spring is healthy. You’re not tackling someone who almost died a few minutes ago. Didn’t I just tell you to use your brain?”

I thought that was reasonable advice, but the poison master’s face turned red with anger, and pulled the girl behind him.

I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. “A bit of scolding won’t hurt her. If anything, everybody being overprotective is preventing her from learning.”

He glared at me. “Little Teasing Mouse absorbs things at her own pace.”

That was just him calling her dumb using different semantics. “Fine, whatever you say. But you need to set things right.”

“Me?!”

“Your messed up bath hurt my Senior. Take responsibility and tell us the ingredients.”

“Ha! I didn’t mess anything up. The bath was perfect. It was Junior Verdant Spring who was incompatible with it. That’s not my problem.”

This fucker. “If we have the ingredients, we can cure his side effects. Giving us that information is the very least you could do.”

He sneered. “I won’t provide any information to a bully like you!”

Fuck.

Little Spring stepped forward, looking adorable. “Senior, can you please give it to us? Junior Linlin really has a good chance at solving the bath’s side effects. She could help the whole sect!”

He huffed and turned his head. “If those side effects could be solved, our genius poison masters would have done it by now. Besides, she made Little Teasing Mouse cry.”

The kid and I shared a look. Apparently, we both couldn’t believe how unreasonable this guy was being.

There was no getting through to him. Unfortunately, people being unreasonable assholes to the universe’s protagonist couldn’t be helped. This was a Xianxia, after all.

“You know what? I’m done here. There are other poison masters I can turn to.” Ones who hadn’t turned braindead due to the little girl’s black hole of adoration.

In fact, it was about time I met up with Winter Fox.

***

The poison master had just finished answering all of his students’ questions after a lecture when I arrived.

“Junior Linlin! I have the prescription you requested.” He pulled out a jade slip and handed it to me.

I put it near my temple and reviewed the information. Curing my student’s poison body would be very easy now that I had the proportions mapped out.

“We also caught the one responsible for harming our poison body cultivators. But it’s a little more complicated than catching this one disciple.”

I narrowed my eyes at Winter Fox. “How so?”

“He claims that he was only doing what someone ordered him to, but he can’t remember the person who did it.”

“Do you think it’s the demonic cult?”

He grimaced. “If it is, then our sect has a bigger problem than this little incident.”

If the demonic cultivators had infiltrated this place, then that might give the righteous sects an excuse to flatten the whole mountain range.

Then again, it could also be an orthodox infiltrator trying to destabilize this place from the ground up.

As much as the righteous sects pretended like they were moral and above dirty dealings, there were plenty who did things that were almost as bad as the demonic cultivators... which made things really awkward when explaining that our path was the best. They made us orthodox cultivators look like narcissistic assholes and hypocrites.

But that was also classic for a Xianxia. The original author really hit all the cliches with a broad stick.

“If you keep looking, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

He nodded. “We hate the demonic faction more than those orthodox pricks do. You can trust us to rip any of those bastards to shreds if we find them.” He made a gripping motion with his hands as if he were viciously imagining murdering swaths of demonic cultivators by wringing their necks.

“Actually, Senior Winter Fox, I have one more question.”

The ears on top of his head swiveled to focus on me. “What is it?”

“Where can I learn how to concoct a Beast Blood Contract Bath?”

He opened his mouth, then closed it.

“Junior Linlin. The recipe for that bath is a closely guarded secret. You’d have to accomplish a meritorious service to the sect in order to have even a few of the ingredients entrusted to you.”

Then how the fuck was I supposed to cure Little’s Spring’s side effects?

“But you have helped with this incident! So I can find a way to get you the recipe. However, you won’t be able to concoct it without a master to teach you how.”

“I think you’re underestimating my skills.”

He smiled as if he were humoring me. “I’m sure I am... what do you want it for? Are you considering contracting with a beast?”

Me? Contract with a beast? Ha! I was already lucky that I didn’t get mauled daily. A contracted beast might hurt itself just to harm me.

“No. I’m going to solve the side effects of the bath, but in order to do that, I need to know the original ingredient list.”

His mouth twitched. “I don’t think you realize that fixing the contract bath is impossible. Our poison masters have spent lifetimes trying to fix it, and they’ve accomplished very little. And we’re not any less good at alchemy than those guild brats.”

“True, but I’m better.”

He tapped his chin. “I’m not convinced... But I might be if you can help me. I have an issue I’ve been struggling with for the past few years. If you tell me how to resolve it, I’ll not only tell you the recipe and teach you how we concoct the bath, but I will provide two dozen batches of ingredients for you to practice with.”

This was like taking a trapped rabbit from a fox.

“I accept! Explain what your issues are.”

His eyebrows raised as if he was surprised I actually agreed. “There is a very elegant poison called the Feather Growth pill. It’s a non-lethal attack-type poison that is broken and scattered on your enemy. Wherever it touches, it causes extreme itching. And if it isn’t immediately detoxified, then it will cause the victim to grow feathers. Once the feathers fall out, the poison will be gone from their body.”

That sounded like a useful poison for distracting enemies or bystanders.

“Alright. Show me how you concoct it.”

He pulled out the ingredients and prepared his cauldron. While this was the first time I’d seen someone concoct this pill, I could already tell from using divine sense on the poisonous plants he carefully placed on the clean table how it was designed.

[Image Link]

The pill used a highly toxic spiritual herb called the Blood Feather Grass, which was a red leafy plant that looked a lot like red feathers. Next, it would use the combination of the spiritual herbs 10,000 Spines Cactus, Morphing Rhododendron, and Pink Ink Cherry Pit in order to prick the skin of the host and hold the feathers in place as they grew.

Chances were, after the poison had left the victim’s system, it would leave ugly welts on the body that would have to be healed and detoxified. It was really vicious, even if it was non-lethal.

Other than those herbs, there were 7 more that enhanced the effect and provided energy for the strange effect to work.

Winter Fox started by throwing in the cherry pit and its pair herb, Yin Ice Grass. Immediately, I saw a problem, but I decided to keep watching to see where the poison master took this.

As I watched, I found several more errors that could affect the concoction.

[Image Link]

Just before he finished adding the last plant, the 10,000 Spines Cactus, the glowing solution fizzled out. There it was, the final mistake.

He gestured to the cauldron, then waved his hand to remove the failed liquid.

“I have seen others concoct this poison, but I can’t seem to get it right.”

“I see several issues already.”

He nodded.

I walked over to one of the cherry pits, picked it up and broke it in half, exposing its smooth fuschia interior.

[Image Link]

His eyes grew wide.

I pointed to the small rotten spot inside of the pit. It wouldn’t have been noticeable to his divine sense, considering his cultivation level. “Whoever gave you this batch of pits is not your friend.”

“Oh, my...” His jaw tightened. “Couldn’t she have made a mistake?”

I shook my head. “It would have been obvious when the cherry was ripe that it was infected with a seed rot disease. The only way you could receive this pit was if they’d purposefully selected the seeds that didn’t show the infection.”

“That explained the discount I received.” He grimaced. “Is that the main reason it failed?”

“Yes, but that’s not the only one. You still would have concocted a poison even with a slightly rotted pit, but the effect wouldn’t have been very good. I doubt that poisons need to be as precise as medicine since the point is to harm.”

“I disagree. If a poison isn’t exact, then it can hurt those it’s not intended for. A poison master has to be even more careful and precise at what they do than an alchemist. A poison that harms everything equally without regard to its target is, in my opinion, a failed product.”

I grinned. What a kind fox. He was much better than Bloodsword’s spirit-beast-wife.

“Not a bad point of view! I like it!” Any good practitioner of the scientific method should be able to change their point of view when presented with solid, peer-tested evidence. Since I wasn’t as practiced with poisons as these poison masters, I’d follow their lead on this until I could form my own tested conclusions.

He smiled gently at me. “Then what is the other reason?”

This next part could make me his enemy, but I had to explain it. ::You either have a Pure Yin Body physique or are practicing a cold yin cultivation method, right?::

::I don’t have any special physique. But thank you for worrying about me.::

I nodded. “Well, you need to be more careful. Your cool energy is affecting the temperature of the cauldron and increasing the yin nature of the plants.”

“Ah...” His face turned red. “I know about that issue but, usually I just increase the heat I use in the furnace and that takes care of it.”

I pointed to the Purple Viper Snow Grass. “This herb is the largest problem. It’s supposed to be paired with the cactus which has a too subtle yang energy. Your cultivation increases the grass’s yin energy too much. This causes the concoction to fail just before it receives the necessary heat from the cactus.”

He nodded. “So, I should put the cactus in before it.”

I nodded. “Most other cultivators don’t have this issue, but you need to be aware of this the higher your realm reaches, unless you change your cultivation method.”

“I’ll pay closer attention to it,” He said, then bowed. “Thank you for your instruction. I’ll get you the recipe and those herbs soon.”

Before I could say anything else, a massive, human-sized cauldron slammed down on top of me, caging me in like an inconvenient spider. My shoulder smashed against the side of the cauldron and I flipped upside down as it accelerated at speeds my body could barely handle.