When I was about to die, I proposed to five cruel princesses.

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Tok tok tok—

That day began in clamor from the start. 

Tok tok tok—

At perhaps dawn, some snowy white bird was pecking insistently at my window, bathed in the brilliantly pouring sunlight.

It made for a rather beautiful scene, were it not for the pounding in my head.

"Nngh…"

How much did I drink last night? I couldn't quite remember.

Well, if I can't remember, then I must have drunk a lot.

Tok tok tok—

Tok tok tok—

The bird continued to tap on the window. Even if I ignored it, it never stopped its actions. As if determined to reach me no matter what.

Thwack.

Still slumped on the sofa, I flicked my fingers to open the window. For a mage, such a telekinetic feat was child's play.

The bird chirped merrily and landed on my thigh. It then tilted its head, staring up at me as if trying to identify my face.

After a staring contest, I eventually narrowed my eyes at it.

"A letter?"

Clutched in its beak was a neatly folded letter. Even at a glance, it exuded an unmistakable air of elegance befitting high-quality stationery.

Before I could ponder whose letter it might be, the bird spread its wings wide. As it took flight back out the window, all that remained were the letter and myself.

With a sense of curiosity, I picked up the letter by its edges. It had been ages since I last held a letter in my hands, as such a medium had long been absent from my life.

Shurrrrk—

Then the letter unfolded on its own accord.

The day when imagination finally becomes reality; there really is such a day.

Magic is the art of making imagination tangible.

Those were the words you, my magic mentor, spoke on our very first lesson.

Come to think of it, I was so scared at that time that I couldn't even look you in the eye. You were almost twice my height, weren't you? You never smiled with a sharp expression.

I suppose it was common for those specializing in Ice magic to be that way — as cold as ice itself, razor-sharp like icicles. To my childish mind, you were utterly terrifying.

The training was grueling to the point of tears daily, leaving my body aching, yet whenever I receive recognition these days, I'm newly struck by how it's all thanks to you tempering me so rigorously that I am who I am today.

So, how have you been? I believe I've been doing well.

The weight of the royal family was enormously burdensome at first, but surprisingly, I've gradually grown accustomed to it. Perhaps I too have now become a proper royal adult?

Carrying out my duties is tedious but not difficult. Still, when I grow weary, I would sometimes indulge in a bit of fantasy before bed.

The fantasy of you reaching out to me.

And now that fantasy has become reality, like magic itself.

… Are you going to tease me if the contents of the letter are exactly what I imagined?

At any rate, you've amazingly proposed to me. Thank you.

I had stayed up two straight nights when I opened your letter, which then cost me another full day of wakefulness. At first, I simply could not believe it. Was this someone's idea of a cruel prank?

It was no joke. I had to read it over and over before it finally sank in.

Even after accepting it as truth, my head was pounding. For I know better than anyone the grievous wounds the royal family inflicted upon you. And I kept wondering if I was truly a woman worthy of you…. I agonized over it countless times.

But in the end, I was able to make my decision.

Yes. I will be your woman.

However, all things have their proper time, do they not? The situation is not ripe for us to marry immediately, given the unstable state of the empire and court.

When you sealed the portal to the demon realm, I had thought everlasting peace would dawn, but lately erosion has been occurring in places anew.

Moreover, all five of us princesses have now come of age to ascend the throne. Tensions are utterly cutthroat, like treading upon thin ice.

On the day I take the throne as empress, we shall marry without fail.

Do you know how much effort I expended just to smuggle out this single reply letter? You would surely be amazed to hear it.

…I tried to write in a reserved tone, but now I cannot stop thinking of you, which grows troublesome. Why of all times did this have to happen now? You should have reached out sooner and more often.

But I shall limit my complaints to just that. Befitting an adult, a mage, a princess.

You once said that all things are like ice — glistening yet inevitably destined to melt. But it is not so. The magic, words and deeds you showed me have not melted, still lingering within me.

I will pray for our reunion to be hastened by any amount.

Thank you. Truly, thank you.

Setting the letter down, I folded my arms and pondered. No matter how many times I turned it over in my mind, I kept arriving at the same conclusion.

"…An assassin again?"

Ice magic, the great deed of sealing the portal to the demon realm, serving as a mentor to the princesses in the royal court, the backroom work for the royal family… It was all true, but it was all top secret. It was not information that anyone would know.

The problem, however, was that I had no recollection of proposing to anyone.

"Seems a rather skilled one is behind this."

I let out a little laugh and threw on my outer robe. It was time to grab a hangover cure.

As if some measly assassin mattered? However, the hangover did.

* * * * *

The neighborhood was unnaturally bustling.

On my usual path to the general goods store, there were far more people out than normal. It was understandable since the weather was so nice, but that wasn't the problem.

The problem was their expressions and murmurs. These were not the faces of people out enjoying a pleasant day.

On the contrary, they looked more like they were worried about something big.

Developed sensory perception also applies to hearing. Even without consciously trying, I began to hear snippets of their murmured conversations.

"So you're saying someone sent a communique to the royal palace?"

"That's a huge deal. Why would anyone dare do something so reckless?" 

"Considering the current emperor's temperament, this could mean serious trouble for the whole village. Serious trouble."

My head snapped around at the surprising news. The people who met my gaze flinched their shoulders.

"You there."

"Y-Yes, Ezekiel? What is it?"

"This story you were just discussing, is it true?"

"Y-Yes, someone apparently sent word to the royal palace. That's why everyone is so concerned. You know the reason well, don't you?"

Of course I know. How could I not know?

"…I don't know who it is, but they're not in their right mind."

The Imperial Palace. The most exalted place under the heavens.

A few years ago, the empire instituted a policy of 'mandatory review' for all communications addressed to the palace. Everyone was well aware of this notorious decree. 

Was it to ensure they attentively listened to each message? Not a chance.

It means that they will punish you mercilessly if you send nonsense. It means that you shouldn't even send it unless it's something important. In fact, after changing the way things are done, all correspondences to the palace were mostly cut off.

No, it may be more accurate to say they vanished altogether.

As I continued walking, an unusual number of people kept glancing my way. 

Some even approached me directly.

"Say, Ezekiel, you didn't happen to send anything to the palace, did you?"

"Don't be ridiculous." 

"My apologies if not. But of everyone I know, you're the last person I'd expect something like this from. No one else even comes to mind."

"I see."

By the time I arrived at the general store, my eyes were drawn to the familiar sight — 

A woman with fiery red hair in an apron, vigorously dusting as she cleaned. The grocery store's owner, Apple.

"Apple."

Hearing her name, she turned to face me.

"Give me a hangover cure. The one that works the best."

"...."

Time seemed to freeze as Apple stared at me for a long moment.

"...!"

Then her eyes abruptly went wide as saucers.

What followed was a flurry of bafflingly swift motion. She dashed away, then — BANG — slammed the store's door shut so hard it rattled. After locking it, she double and triple checked it was secure.

She immediately looked up at me and asked, "Ezekiel, what happened?"

"As you can see, I'm suffering from a hangover. My head is pounding."

"No? Not that! What I mean is…"

She scurried around, her face drained of color.

To my throbbing head, her behavior was just vexing. 

"I'm in no mood for jokes."

"Jokes? Do I look like I'm joking?"

She seemed utterly aghast beyond words.

"Why are you acting this way?"

"Why am I acting this way? Don't you remember last night?"

"Last night?"

"Seriously, you really…don't remember?"

Apple grabbed a fistful of her own hair.

"I knew this would happen! I should have stopped you by any means! What were you thinking? This is bigger than just a hangover!"

She pointed her dusting rod at me like a sword.

"Last night when you were drunk, you wrote letters! Said you were sending them to the imperial princesses! I tried to stop you over and over but you wouldn't listen!"

"I did?"

A chilling joke indeed.

No, not a joke, was it?

For a moment, memories were flashing through my head in a jumble.

"...…."

Yes, I think that's what happened.

I was resentful that I was dying, resentful that I had given all my time to the royal family, and I wanted to be compensated for something, so I got drunk and proposed to them in a fit of pique. And not to an ordinary woman, but to the imperial princesses.

I pressed my palm against my throbbing forehead.

"Wait a minute, then the letter that came this morning…"

"A letter? A letter came? What did it say? Did they threaten to kill us?"

Apple leapt in alarm.

"Tell me! Did they say they'll wipe out our whole village? Oh no! Writing the princesses a prank letter! Because of you, everyone here is doomed!"

I could not respond rashly.

Because there was an even more pressing matter.

"Apple. What did you just mutter under your breath?"

"You want to pick a fight now? Is that what this situation calls for, you drunkard?"

"Not that. You said I sent letters to 'the princesses', plural?"

My expression must have turned grave. 

The color slowly drained from Apple's face as our eyes met.

"Uh…now that you mention it, you did write five letters…"

She turned ghostly pale as she asked me:

"The…the reply…what did it say…?"

No, the contents of the reply were not the critical issue here. 

"...."

I gulped down my dry throat.

Out of those five…which one accepted my drunken proposal?

A life that was never smooth to begin with was now facing a tidal wave of chaos.

To read all 150 episodes, patreon.com/Makima02