What We Do to Survive

I woke three hours later than I had planned feeling physically refreshed yet mentally exhausted. Despite feeling rather hazy about it in the moment, I could suddenly remember the entire session I’d had with Professor Williams in razor-sharp detail. Every moment, detail, and conclusion was crystal clear, as though I’d been running my mental enhancements at full power for the entire session.

In retrospect, it felt rather obvious that I’d been placed under some sort of magical effect, though one so subtle I hadn’t even noticed it falling over me. I didn’t think it was anything hostile, though I would have appreciated some warning, but rather one of the high-circle mental enhancements I’d only ever seen referenced in some texts.

Professor Williams was certainly an excellent teacher, but she was likely not as supernaturally talented at it as she had appeared the night before. She simply had some form of mind-bogglingly powerful enchantment over her office that let her replicate the feat. I honestly didn’t know if that was more or less impressive.

If nothing else, it certainly cleared up some of my confusion about how anyone could manage to cast eight- and ninth-circle spells. Spells were categorized based on how many dimensions of a spellform were simulated within the spell matrix, and each dimension added an exponential level of difficulty and mana requirements to the casting. I could manage fourth circle spells already, but my few attempts of replicating fifth-dimensional objects with pure mana had so far all ended in failure.

It was very difficult to do, and I wasn’t certain how I would ever be able to simulate six, seven, or eight dimensions with just a few years of practice. Well, now it made a lot more sense. If mental enhancements cast by someone else could be that powerful, then those used on oneself must be even more effective. I had thought my current level of passive mental circulations was sufficiently advanced, but clearly I needed to focus further on that field of study.

Even though I wanted to jump right back in where we’d left off the night before, I knew I was in no shape to be working on complex ritual design. My mind felt… wooden, and though I didn’t have anything I could call a headache, I didn’t really think it was smart to push things. I needed some time to recover, particularly since I had scheduled another training session with the girls for this afternoon.

As such, after a lovely late breakfast in the cafeteria I set out to do what I’d been interrupted during the previous week and hadn’t been able to dedicate any time to since. I hoped Lea wouldn’t mind that I hadn’t visited her in a few weeks. She was probably smothered with affection as it was and my presence would have only made things worse. Adonia seemed like the touchy-feely sort who would constantly be hovering over her recovering friend, so it was probably for the best anyway.

The weather in Xethis had changed dramatically over the past week. Cold, biting winds carried with them the taste of oncoming winter and the crowds of merchants and shoppers had mostly dispersed from the streets around the portal. The few people I did see out on the road were bundled up in warm coats with thick, hooded cloaks and moved hurriedly towards their destinations.

I felt decidedly underdressed for the weather, and after some consideration, ducked into the first reasonable looking clothing store I passed and bought myself a new heavy cloak. I didn’t really need it, between my spells, circulations, and the enchantments woven into my regular clothing I didn’t really feel the cold, but I was probably much more memorable if I was just wandering the streets wearing clothes fit for the summer and early fall.

Judging by the chiding look the proprietor, an older woman with graying hair and sharp eyes, gave my outfit, I decided I’d made the right choice. She very loudly told me off for not taking care of myself properly, then did her best to upsell me on the most expensive option available in her shop.

The cloak in question was an ugly, gaudy looking thing. It was pure white and embroidered with silver and red flowers. I examined the enchantments on it and promptly bought a much cheaper and more practical looking option. I certainly could have afforded the more expensive cloak, but it would have been a waste of money and I was still loath to part with a single piece or coin. Whoever had done the enchanting work was clearly a rank amateur, I could have done better after the first month of my first year.

Now properly bundled up, I headed towards the Earthshadow estate with a spring in my step. Spending time with Lea was refreshing in a way that nothing else was. With her I didn’t have to worry about keeping up appearances, constantly watching for deception, and ensuring my carefully sculpted mask never slipped. I could just… be myself, even if there were a few secrets I was still keeping to myself. It wasn’t like people didn’t keep secrets from their friends anyway.

Despite everything that had happened to her, underneath Lea was still the kind, caring, gentle girl she had been when we were children. Even though she’d been cracked, broken, and put back together, at the core I could still see the eyes of my best friend shining through. It was a gratifying thought that gave me hope for my own character. Perhaps deep down I too was still that boy stalking through the woods at his father’s side, sitting in his mother’s lap as she taught him his letters, and rolling in the grass with his friend.

Sure I had changed since then, but no one was the same as an adult as when they were eight. I had simply grown up, learned the realities of the world, and adapted. That was it. If by some miracle I ever saw my parents again, I could still look my father in the eyes and tell him that I was his son. He would understand. He’d still be proud of me. He told me he would always be proud of me.

I squinted as another gust of cold air blew into my face making my eyes water. Despite not feeling the cold as badly as a mundane human, certain biological responses were hard to eliminate entirely. With a soft huff of annoyance, I used a very handy first-circle spell to dry my eyes and nose and then formed an invisible shield of force over my face. It helped, but not as much as I’d hoped. Perhaps there was some psychological response to the wind as well as a physical one? It bore further examination when I wasn’t quite so busy.

I half expected some trouble when I arrived at the estate, but the guard at the gate let me in with no issues and a very familiar ‘maid’ was quickly summoned to guide me. Unfortunately, I was proven correct only a few minutes later when she led me into a small, well-appointed office instead of Lea’s room like I’d requested.

Two Nine, one of the Earthshadow mages I’d met with during our investigation into who attacked Lea, looked up as we entered the room. “Ah, hello there,” he said with a smile, “Mr. Hunter, just the man I was hoping to see.” He turned briefly to look at the fake maid, “Thank you, dear. If you could wait outside?”

She nodded briskly, then stepped backwards out of the office and shut the door leaving just the two of us. Two Nine gently set his fountain pen down in the ornate stand on his desk, then gestured to the chair across from him. “Please, take a seat.”

I glanced skeptically down at the chair. It was a simple, hard-backed wooden chair with a small cushion on the bottom. I couldn’t feel any magic coming off it, not even the various comfort-enhancing enchantments that Avalon tended to imbue into all of its furniture. This felt like some sort of power-play, but I honestly had no idea what I was supposed to do about it, so I simply sat down.

Two Nine looked back down at his desk and began to move papers around. Now that was definitely annoying. “Yes?” I asked sharply, releasing a touch of my irritation into my mana. “I only have a limited amount of time and I’d like to meet with Leana before I have to get going.”

“Ah, of course, of course.” He opened a drawer on his desk and took out a thick folder that he set down on the table between us. “Have you made any progress tracking down our perpetrator?” he asked with a small smile on his face, “You were in such a rush last time we met and I unfortunately was otherwise occupied during your last visit, but our search is as of yet still ongoing.”

“Unfortunately not. I’m no closer now than I was then.”

He tilted his head slightly to the side. “Really? Well, that is mighty unfortunate. We had hoped that a student of Avalon may have greater success than our own diviners. It is unfortunate that the stories are clearly overblown.”

I shrugged. “Yeah. Can’t say I’m much of a diviner, really. I dabble, but that’s about it.”

“Of course, of course.” I had a feeling he didn’t believe me.

The man silently opened the folder and riffled through the thick sheaf of papers inside before withdrawing a very familiar picture. “Well, perhaps this will help. We had our source reproduce the image several times and this is one of the originals that he drew. I’m not personally familiar with the mechanics of it all, but one of my colleagues tells me that such things may be helpful for finding our girl?”

I took the proffered page and glared down at Brenda’s smiling face. “It could be helpful. Thank you. Is there anything else?”

He waved me off. “No, no, that is all. Go spend time with your friend. The poor girl’s been holed up in her room almost since your last visit.” He shook his head sadly, “Terrible business, simply terrible. Involving merchant children in the quarrels of nobles helps no one.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” I said simply. Even if this wasn’t actually another noble’s work, his words reminded me of what had happened originally between my dear Lea and that walking corpse Seatamer. “I’ll take my leave then. Till next time.” Then I stood up and walked out of the office.

“To Leana’s room this time, please,” I told the waiting maid. I phrased it as a request, but it definitely came out sounding more like an order.

She cringed away from me dramatically, then shook herself and smiled gently, hands folded behind her back. “Of course, sir. Right this way please.”

I sighed and followed after her. Her act really was horribly overblown, but at least she avoided pulling on her mana and kept her hands away from the enchanted knife I could sense strapped against her inner thigh. It probably wouldn’t actually work, but I really didn’t fancy getting stabbed out of the blue. If it came down to that, escaping from this heavily-warded labyrinth would be difficult enough without getting stabbed in the process. Getting stabbed sucked.

This time she really did lead me to Leana. I sensed her before I saw her. The thick walls and wards of the manor did disrupt my senses somewhat, but I’d spent long hours burning the taste of Lea’s mana into my memory and could feel her presence growing thicker as we slowly wound our way towards her guest room.

At first glance, I was rather content with how they were treating my darling Lea. Her guest room was situated in what I was pretty sure was the family wing of the manor and the door to the room across from her’s was ajar, revealing a luxurious bedroom with all the amenities someone may reasonably need. I could faintly feel Adonia nearby, her rooms were just down the hallway if I remembered correctly.

The maid gestured for me to wait a moment, then approached the heavy wooden door beyond which I could feel Lea. She knocked softly, waited a moment, then knocked again. There was no response and I didn’t feel any movement from Lea.

She turned away from the door, looking at me with an awkward smile, “I’m sorry sir, she’s been very reluctant to leave her room or even come to the door.” She fidgeted nervously and bit her lower lip, “Should I…”

I nodded and she turned back to the door and knocked one more time. “Miss Sweetglass? You have a visitor.” Once again, there was no response. She waited for another minute, though I could have told her that no one was coming to the door before that, then called out, “I’m coming in!” and slowly pushed the door ajar.

Stepping up behind her, I glanced through the small crack. I could just barely make out Lea’s leg on a thick, plush carpet. “She seems to be dressed and awake. Wait outside.” Without waiting for a response, I pushed the door the rest of the way open and stepped past her into the room, then pushed the door mostly shut behind me.

Lea lay sprawled spread eagle on the floor, eyes empty and face impassive as she stared blankly up at the mosaic on the ceiling above her. Physically, she looked much better than she had when I’d last seen her and I couldn’t immediately sense anything wrong with her.

I took a few steps forward and frowned when she didn’t react, not even seeming to notice that I was there. “Lea?” I tried quietly.

“Not… now… ‘donia…” she mumbled, mouth barely moving.

I didn’t like that one bit. “Lea?” I said again, much louder this time.

She blinked slowly but otherwise didn’t react at all.

No, no, no, this was not what I wanted to see. She hadn’t been anything like this when I’d come to visit two weeks earlier. Had something else happened? Were they hiding something from me? I half-stumbled forward, falling to my knees right beside her. “Lea? Lea! It's me. Orion. I’ve come to visit you.”

Lea’s head turned slowly until she could peer up at my face without moving her eyes. For a terrifying moment all I could see was her blank, unseeing stare as she seemed to look directly through me as though I wasn’t even there. I’d seen corpses with more life in their eyes than she had.

Then, suddenly it was as though a switch had been flipped. She blinked several times in rapid succession and lifted her head slightly. “Orion?” she asked hazily. Her hand reached out and I caught it between my palms and pulled it tightly against my chest.

“I’m here Lea. I’m here.”

“It’s… really you. You––” she lunged up at me with all the ferocity of a leaping rock lion, bowling me over from the unexpected force. I fell back onto my butt, the plush carpet thankfully cushioning my landing, and Lea collapsed on top of me. “You came! You came!”

Cries of joy turned into wracking sobs in the space of a heartbeat and suddenly I found myself lying under my sobbing best friend, her face wedged into my shoulder and tears rapidly soaking my shirt.

I think I was understandably confused. It hadn’t really been that long, had it? I’d been here just two weekends ago, and perhaps we hadn’t spent very much time together at the time, but I’d promised her I would be back as soon as I could make more time to visit.

I’d asked the maid about Lea’s state on our way up to her room and she’d told me that my friend had been given a clean bill of health right after my previous visit. She hadn’t mentioned anything coming up since then, but this was absolutely not how my precious Lea had behaved the last time I’d seen her.

Glancing around I didn’t immediately see anything that looked like a monitoring enchantment, but under such powerful wards it paid to be extra careful. A dome of silence snapping into place around us, joined a moment later by a ward-suppressing bubble. Only once that was ready did I gently turn Lea’s head so she was looking up at me and asked, “Did something happen?”

Lea shook her head but I didn’t believe her for a moment. Still, if she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet I wouldn’t push her. “I’d originally planned to take you on a walk around the grounds, but the weather is rather unpleasant today. Do you want to move up onto the couch maybe? I imagine it's much more comfortable than the floor. We can––”

“Can… Can you take me out for lunch again? Like last time? I’m sorry I ruined everything then but… I promise I’ll be better today. Please Orion?”

She sounded almost desperate, pleading. I couldn’t understand why, but it wasn’t like that was a problem or anything. “Of course I can. It's alright Lea, you don’t need to apologize. People can just be overwhelming sometimes.”

Lea looked away again, “I’m… I’m sorry I’m such… such a bother. I… I always ruin…” she choked back a sudden sob, her arms squeezing my chest tightly enough that I felt my ribs creak from the strain. “Everything I touch… I… I… I mess it up. I show up and it all… everything falls apart. I––”

I cut her off before she could continue, pressing a single finger up against her lips. “Don’t say that,” I told her sternly. “It's not your fault, none of it. You can’t blame yourself for the actions of others. You’re the victim, Lea, not the cause. Do you blame the trees during a wildfire?”

She shook her head, barely but the movement was there. “Exactly. There was nothing you could do.”

That didn’t seem to help. “There’s nothing I can ever do!” she cried out suddenly, pulling away from me and pounding her fist into the carpet. “Nothing, ever, ever. I’m useless! Just an ugly, poor, broken curse on––”

My hand clamped over her mouth, rendering the rest of her tirade an incomprehensible mumble. “Shut up!” I told her harshly. “Never say something like that again. You're wonderful, Lea. You’re my precious, perfect, beautiful friend and I won’t stand for anyone saying otherwise.” I sat up and pulled her into my lap, arms holding her protectively against my chest. Then I leaned over until my mouth was only a few inches away from her ear. “Not even you.”

She didn’t respond immediately, though her shoulders continued to shake with silent sobs. Then she licked my palm. “Very mature, dear.”

We sat like that for what must have been at least ten minutes before I decided that Lea had calmed down enough that I could pull my hand away. “Lunch, then?”

She nodded her head enthusiastically, “Lunch!”

Wrapping my free arm around her waist I stood up and gently set her down beside me. “Get yourself cleaned up. I don’t think you’ll want to go outside in just a nightgown.”

She looked down at her rumpled baby-blue dress and blushed, her flushed face matching her red nose and eyes. “Orion!” she whined, slapping my chest lightly.

I silently handed her a handkerchief, then turned to leave. “I’ll just wait outside while you––”

“No!” I turned my head to look at her. “No,” she repeated much more quietly. “Don’t… don’t go. Not without me. Please.” The hopelessness in her eyes almost broke my composure. Brenda… the fate I had planned for her almost seemed like a kindness after what she’d done.

“Okay. I’ll stay. I’m always here for you, Lea. You only ever have to ask.”