What We Do to Survive

“Hey Orion,” Brenda simpered, dropping down into the chair beside me and laying her hand down on my thigh. I had to resist the urge to wrinkle my nose as the heavy scent of her flowery perfume washed over me. It was a different one today, and she was wearing new makeup as well. I could feel the thin film of mana rippling over her face, and though to my eyes she looked just as ugly as usual, the flavor of the mana was not quite the same.

“Good morning Brenda,” I said after a moment, turning to look at her with a smile plastered across my face. “You’re looking radiant today,” I lied easily, long weeks of practice making it all but reflexive, “is that a new color?”

I turned away and did my best to tune her out as she all-but squealed in joy and launched into a lengthy, elaborate story about her new cosmetics. It was rather pathetic, a third year really shouldn’t need such a crutch to look the way they wanted to, but I’d noticed very early into our ‘relationship’ that it was one of the compliments she reacted to most positively. Purple lipstick really didn’t do her face any favors either. I knew very little of style and fashion, but the dark shade did not match her complexion or hair at all.

At the very least she shut up when class began. The material we were covering wasn’t particularly interesting, but it was better than her blathering. We were discussing ground-stilling spells today, a specific type of counterspell used to prevent hostile earth-manipulation. As far as I could tell, and Professor Shrike had even acknowledged it at the start of the class, it was almost always better to use an actual counterspell instead, so I wasn’t really sure why we were learning about them at all. The only real use for them was stopping earthquakes, but that was typically done with long-term rituals instead of evocation.

I wanted to pay attention, I really did. Even if the magic itself wasn’t the most useful, I still always made an effort to learn as much as I could from all my professors. They were archmages with decades of experience to share, and I always believed I needed all the help I could get. Unfortunately, I was tired, distracted, and just so very sick of things getting in the way.

It had been over a week since Lea had been attacked, and I was no closer to finding the fucker responsible for it than I had been at the time. In those first hours, I had been filled with fire and energy, determined to find the perpetrators and make them regret ever being born. I’d had a lead, an ally, and all my magic singing in my blood.

I’d been an arrogant fool. Things had just been going too smoothly. Every time I’d come across a problem so far this year, I’d managed to resolve it in just a few short steps. Sure it had taken work and planning, but each time I’d at least had an idea of where to start and what I needed to do. Even for the longer term projects –Brenda, my research and classes– it was just a matter of doing it.

Here though, I barely knew where to begin. I wasn’t an investigator nor a detective. I also didn’t have a mountain of money, connections, and subordinates I could throw at the problem until it went away. I especially didn’t have overwhelming power on my side; I might be confident in a fight against the majority of people in my homeland, but I was only barely a fourth circle mage. If I came across a century-old mage, no matter how lackluster their skills, I would be washed away simply by the weight of experience and raw power.

I’d done my best, poking around the homes of Lea’s earlier attackers and examining the scene of the crime, but I’d found little to go off of. In those first few hours, I’d been ready to kidnap them from their homes and torture them until they spilled everything they knew, but Miranda had managed to talk me down until I realized that would be a terrible idea. I wasn’t exactly the first suspect, but my involvement would be easy to figure out once someone actually looked into things. I was still going to do it eventually, but that would have to wait until a good opportunity presented itself.

Outside of that, I’d had very little progress. Most of what I’d learned came from Adonia’s people. They’d identified the three attackers as the ‘Terrorbone Trio’, thugs for hire with a good reputation among criminals, but they had clearly gone to ground the moment they’d realized someone was looking for them. I’d done my best trying to figure out where they might have gone, but my scrying and locator spells had been no-more successful than those of the Earthshadow servants.

In the first few days, I had spent every waking moment outside of classes hunting. Eventually, lack of progress and a growing pile of other things I really needed to be doing convinced me to pull back somewhat. I hadn’t even left Avalon yesterday, spending most of the day grinding out homework assignments and catching up on reading and spell practice.

It didn’t help that Lea was still unconscious. The healer claimed that Lea was getting better, but had put her into a spell-induced healing trance to deal with the internal damage. Outwardly, she looked fine, but her bones, organs, and mana pathways were still recovering. Such things could be healed in an instant by high-circle magic, but without it, she just needed time. Seeing her just… lying there, silent and motionless… It reminded me of things I really didn’t want to think about. I’d visited her on Saturday, but hadn’t been able to stay long. I just couldn’t deal with being there, seeing her like that. Adonia had promised she would send a message when she woke up, and I’d layered a subtle alarm spell over her bed that would hopefully do the same. There was no point sitting beside a sleeping girl, I could be with her when she woke up.

I was surprised when class ended, not having realized so much time had already passed. The page in front of me was covered in meticulously transcribed diagrams and notes that I barely remembered making. I shook my head to clear it, then snapped the notebook closed and leaned back in my chair with a soft sigh.

“Are you alright, Orion?” Brenda asked suddenly. I was shocked to realize that, under the honey-sweet tone she always used, I thought I could hear actual concern. “You look unwell. Should I take you to the healers?”

I blinked rapidly, then forced myself to smile and look at her. “I’m fine dear. Just a little bit tired.”

She leaned in and pressed her sweaty palm against my cheek. “Are you sure, darling? A big, strong man like you needs his rest. Maybe we should go grab some food and you can relax a little.”

I caught myself before I could slap her hand away, changing the movement into a light touch against the back of her hand. “I’m sure. Don’t worry about me, I need to get to class.”

“Okay, but you should go to bed early tonight.” Her hand lingered for a moment longer before finally pulling away.

I stood up immediately, shoving my things roughly into my bag. “I will.”

“Are we still good for tomorrow?” she asked, starting to put her own pink stationery away.

I didn’t particularly want to spend my Wednesday afternoon getting felt up by my ‘girlfriend’ while I tried to study, but it was a harmless way to appease the girl and Brenda was one of those projects I really needed to stop slacking on. I’d already missed two planned ‘dates’ with her, and she had gotten much more touchy during classes because of it. “Of course!” I said cheerily. “I’ll see you soon.” I spun around, made sure my protective spells were active, and hurried out of the classroom.

Advanced Enhancement Rituals was another project that I really needed to be working on. There was only a little more than a month left of classes and I still hadn’t finalized my ritual preparations. Several of my classmates had already done theirs, and most of our class time was now dedicated to refining our personalized work, but I had made barely any progress in weeks.

I really needed to figure out what sort of sacrifice I was going to use, and soon. The ritual framework I had designed would work on most magical creatures, but if I wanted to maximize the benefits I would have to refine that framework to specifically target the traits of the chosen creature.

Arriving with a few minutes to spare, I looked around and then took a seat beside Camille. She looked up from her book, absently brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, then frowned. “You look terrible, Orion. Is everything alright?”

Was it really that obvious? Mana condensed above my hand and I spun it into a first circle barrier spell barely larger than my palm. It wasn’t a particularly useful spell, barely strong enough to stop a punch, but when cast correctly was highly reflective.

Looking at myself in my makeshift mirror, I realized that it really was. I looked… haggard in a way I hadn’t in years. I tended to take pains to keep my appearance simple and non-threatening, but that was another thing that had slipped away in the past week’s rush. There were dark shadows under my eyes, my hair was a mess, and even my slight smile looked dead. Wonderful.

“I’m… fine. Tired. Busy,” I mumbled, “Give me a moment.” I closed my hand, dispelling the mirror. Focusing, another spell matrix formed in the air above my outstretched hand, this one far more complex than the simple first circle shield I’d cast before. Mana spun and twisted onto itself, compressing and warping in that hard-to-describe way that allowed mages to simulate higher-order geometries in three dimensional space.

After a few seconds, I felt a gentle breeze flow over my face and turned back to Camille. “Better?” I asked.

“I mean… technically. You look fine now. But…” she trailed off, chewing on her bottom lip.

I resummoned the barrier and was happy to see that I was back to normal, even if it was only a visual illusion. I’d picked up the spell the week before from a book Miranda had given me in case I needed to disguise myself for whatever reason. It was a rather versatile little spell, useful for me despite my lacking skills in illusionism. Unlike many lower-circle illusion spells, it didn’t depend on the caster’s knowledge to form the specific image, instead basing itself on subconscious memories. With something like ‘Shape Light’, I would have constantly had to know exactly how I wanted my face to look and constantly adjusted as the light changed and I moved around.

Some people could do that, but I just didn’t have the required level of attention to visual detail to manage it. With this spell however, ‘Smiling Mask’, I could simply specify that I wanted to look like I usually did or that I wanted to be a dark haired, green eyed man and it would do the rest for me. Definitely very handy, if unpleasantly mana hungry. It would be enough until I could get back to my room.

“Did something happen?” Camille asked suddenly, “You were always in such a huge rush last week and didn’t make it to our meeting, and now you looked like you hadn’t slept in days. I’m your friend Orion, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything!”

I glanced around, looking to see if anyone had noticed the outburst, then turned back to the frowning girl beside me. Maybe I shouldn’t have sat next to her, I couldn’t imagine Alan or Ulan being this pushy. Still, I definitely didn’t want her spreading rumors or stumbling around trying to ‘help’ me, so I decided to give her something.

With another glance to make sure no one was spying on us, I leaned in and whispered, “It’s nothing you need to worry about. One of my… associates in the city ran into a spot of trouble and I’ve been trying to help them out finding some stuff. It hasn’t been going particularly well, that’s all.”

She gave me a dubious look, but didn’t press, which I certainly appreciated. “If you say so. I assume you haven’t had any luck with scrying for it?” I shook my head. “Figures. Maybe you could find an upper year to help? Unless it’s something really valuable, I guess. Maybe your girlfriend could help you? Isn’t Brenda specializing in that sort of magic? Maybe…”

Camille rambled on but I sat frozen in my seat. That… that was an excellent idea. I couldn’t believe why I hadn’t thought of it myself. Sure it wasn’t the specific reason I was cultivating our relationship, but I would be a fool not to make use of the resources I had at hand. Even if she wasn’t a particularly skilled mage in general, she was still far more knowledgeable about scrying magic than I was. Even if she couldn’t find them herself, perhaps she could point me in the right direction?

I would have to be careful about it, I wanted to keep the number of people in Avalon aware of Lea as small as possible, but it was still the most promising idea I’d considered since the middle of the previous week. After all, Brenda wasn’t some random upper year. She’d said in the past that I should come to her if I ever needed help, though I’d taken the offer with a large grain of salt, so if anything this would only make her happier. If I framed it correctly when I spoke to her, I could probably use it as an experience that would let us ‘grow closer’ even if it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to.

I straightened my back and turned to Camille, a genuine smile on my face under my illusionary mask. “That,” I said slowly, “is an excellent idea. Thanks Cam.”

She looked rather taken aback by my words, but after a moment simply smiled back at me. “Happy to help?”