What We Do to Survive

I slumped forward and my arms buckled under my weight, only a sudden firm grip on my shoulder stopping me from face planting into the unforgiving stone floor. My body felt like an overfilled waterskin, my insides bloated and gurgling with every tiny movement. Thick, ropy tendrils of half-assimilated mana writhed like a nest of snakes under my skin, probing and pulsing and shoving their way deeper and deeper into my being.

I felt like I was going to be sick. Waves of unsettling pressure roiled between my body and soul, echoing back and forth and battering against my body’s mana conduits. The tiny corner of my mind not dedicated to keeping my insides on the inside was grateful that Professor Williams had recommended removing any active circulations before the ritual. They would have been torn apart in an instant and left me in an even worse state than I was now.

“Control yourself,” Professor Williams said sharply into my ear, “Settle your soul and the reverberations will follow in time.”

Control. Right. I had to be in control. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut against the suddenly too-bright light, I focused on the tight core of my magic nestled at the very center of my soul. It was faint and depleted, drained almost completely by the strain of powering such a complex ritual. Only dregs remained but even still it retained its shape, a tiny sphere floating amidst the chaotic currents.

With a monumental effort of will I forced it to start spinning, slowly at first but growing faster and faster as I caught loose strands of mana and wrapped them around what was left of my core. At first it seemed to have no effect, but as more and more mass rejoined my core it’s movement became self-sustaining. Each time a chaotic wave of mana rippled from my body into my soul, it was caught in my core’s orbit and dragged inexorably inward, no longer able to gather strength and slam back into my vulnerable body.

I took a shallow, ragged breath and groaned in pain. Even though the waves were beginning to settle, the ritual itself was still in the process of stabilizing. Or well, I was pretty sure that was happening. I could still feel the dense cables of outsider-flavored mana spreading and dispersing throughout my body.

It was incredibly unpleasant, the mana felt like greasy syrup dripping through my veins, but with every passing moment I could feel it becoming properly attuned with my own mana. Once that process was complete the abilities I’d stolen from the outsider would be fully integrated into my body. I would just have to manage until then.

I rose shakily to my feet, most of my weight held up by the arm wrapped under my shoulders. My bones felt like they were made of lead, my limbs unnaturally heavy as they tried to drag me down and my muscles aching from the strain. I tried to take a step forward but my legs wouldn’t obey the commands my brain was sending them and I would have pitched forward if not for Professor Williams’s tight grip on my side.

“Take it easy,” she whispered soothingly, “You need to give your body time to adjust. Focus on breathing.”

I tried to say something, but all that came out was another pained groan. Seeing that was a futile effort, I decided to take her advice and simply took a slow, deep breath as though I was trying to meditate. The air felt wonderfully cold and fresh, rich with mana and moisture.

I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, simply breathing in and out to the slow count Professor Williams had begun without my notice. Thick cables of foreign mana broke down into ropes, then strings, threads, and finally into gossamer strands that spread through every inch of my being.

Links slowly formed between the new structures and my soul and my own mana began to trickle into the patterns created by the ritual, pushing aside the corrosive taint of otherness that my body felt as pain.

When I finally opened my eyes I felt much steadier and in control of myself. My body still ached and my mana core held less than a tenth of the mana it should but it was finally all at a manageable level.

“I…” my voice cracked and I coughed painfully. A flask of cool water was held up to my lips and I drank greedily, droplets dripping from the corners of my lips and trickling down my chin. The flask was pulled away and I cleared my throat. “Thank… thank you, Professor,” I finally managed.

“Of course. Excellent work, Orion. I can detect barely any waste in the air at all. I think I can safely say that you’ve passed with flying colors.”

“That's… good…” I whispered after a moment. Each word made my lips ache and, despite the drink I’d just had, my throat felt as parched as when I’d nearly run out of water in the desert.

She seemed to notice my discomfort and I felt a single finger press gently against my lips. “Hush now, we can speak at length another time. Let’s get you back to your room so you can rest.”

I nodded, then glanced towards where I knew my things lay hidden in a recessed shelf hidden behind a sliding stone pane. I didn’t want to leave anything behind but I was in no state to carry several empty casks and bags. I could still barely stand with the Professor’s help.

“I’ve got it, don’t worry. Just walk and breath.”

I barely remembered what happened after that. The walk back to my dorm was a blur of hallways and indistinct figures. I was pretty sure Professor Williams teleported us several times; though I didn’t really notice it at the time, there should have been considerably more stairs between the ritual room and the student dormitories than we encountered.

Eventually she gently pushed me and my things through the doorway into my room. Rea, who had been in the process of working Daphne over with a switch, rushed over frantically and caught me before I could take more than a single stumbling step.

I’d warned her ahead of time that I might be a little unwell when I returned, but I had underestimated just how severely I would be affected by the ritual. She helped me take a short shower, washing the sweat and smell of bloody ink off my body, then got me dried off and to my bed. I remember thinking how grateful I was that I’d decided to keep the unremarkable servant-girl Liam had pulled from the water on that hectic day. Then I was asleep the moment my head touched the pillows.

Cayla slipped quietly into the room, muttering a brief ‘thank you’ to Miranda for letting her in as the older girl hurried towards Orion’s potion cabinet. She glanced around the room. Rea was sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed in her corner, a dozen tiny balls of water orbiting her head. Orion was absent, he would be in class for another hour at least.

Her eyes zeroed in on the low table where Daphne lay, strapped down with her arms stretched tightly above her head and her legs dangling over the edge and held to the table legs with leather straps. Her friend honestly didn’t look too bad, nothing compared to what she and Briella had been subjected to on a daily basis under Rea’s tender mercies.

She understood now that it had been for a just cause, it was only through Rea’s care that they had been shown Master’s righteous truth, but that had done nothing to dull the memories. Some nights she still woke up thinking she could feel the knife gliding ever so slowly just under the surface of her skin.

It hurt her to think poorly of her new sisters, united as they were in purpose and servitude, but she was glad Rea was otherwise occupied today. The purple-skinned girl’s far-too-cheerful voice and ruthless attitude never failed to bring a shiver to her spine. The thought of stopping her mid-skinning and asking to take a turn with their future sister was a chilling one.

Cayla stopped beside the table and knelt down on the slightly blood-splattered rug beside Daphne’s head. Her friend was gagged, blindfolded, and her ears were packed with sound-dampening wax. She personally did not see the need for it all, it wasn’t like she was going anywhere with a magic-suppressing collar locked around her neck, but Master commanded that they take all possible precautions and Master was never wrong.

It looked like Rea had been rather gentle so far this morning. Master had commanded they take it easy on Daphne for a few days while he had little time and mana to spare on healing. Thus, Rea had temporarily packed away her knives, branding irons, and other metal tools. That still left her with plenty of options, but those left far less obvious and long-lasting marks than her preferred implements. Cayla could see some whip marks and dark bruises littering her skin, and Daphne’s soaked hair and the wet towel on the edge of the table made Cayla wince in sympathy.

Gently brushing aside her hair, Cayla carefully removed one earplug, then tilted Daphne’s head and removed the other. Daphne tried to say something, a question or perhaps a curse, but the gag turned it into little more than an unintelligible mumble.

Sighing softly, Cayla sat down, tucking her legs under the table and resting her chin on the cool metal of the table. “Hey Daph,” she began, her voice barely more than a whisper. “How are you holding up?”

Daphne stiffened, then suddenly began to struggle against her bonds with renewed vigor. Judging from the volume of the sounds coming from behind her gag, she was probably trying to shout.

Cayla waited for her friend to settle down somewhat, then gently began to stroke her hair. “I know it hurts, Daph, but the pain is just temporary. You’re going to look back and remember that it was all worth it. I mean what I said, this is all for your own good.”

She paused, fiddling with the straps holding the blindfold in place before simply smoothing out the opaque black cloth over Daphne’s eyes and brushing several strands of hair away from her forehead. On one hand, she wanted to make things nicer for Daphne. On the other hand, doing so might only extend the process and she didn’t want her friend to suffer for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

Cayla glanced over to where Rea was still sitting motionlessly, then to the ajar bathroom door where she could hear Miranda moving around. Just a little kindness wouldn’t hurt, right? Master wouldn’t have allowed her this visit if it would.

“Okay Daph, if you promise to be quiet I can take the gag out for a couple of minutes. I remember how much it always made my jaw hurt. Can you promise me that? Rea’s taking a bit of a break right now and we don’t want to upset her.”

Daphne nodded her head as vigorously as she could manage with the straps holding her head in place and Cayla smiled. “Okay Daph, I’m trusting you.”

It took some fiddling with the straps, the gag was fastened very tightly and intentionally designed to be hard to remove, but eventually she managed to get it free. Then it was simply a matter of carefully wiggling the oversized piece of rubbery material out from where it was wedged behind Daphne’s teeth.

“There,” she said, putting the gag aside, “Isn’t that much better?”

Daphne worked her neck and jaw, opening and closing her mouth several times and turning her head in slow circles to stretch it now that the gag was no longer holding her head firmly in place. Then she turned towards the general direction of where Cayla was sitting and hoarsely whispered, “Thank you.”

Her voice was weak and raspy, strained from hours of screaming and futile begging. Cayla knew the enchantments on the gag ensured that Daphne got enough water to avoid dehydration, but experience told her it did little to soothe a sore throat. That was why she’d come prepared.

Digging the flask she’d brought from lunch out of her bag, she unscrewed the lid and pressed it against Daphne’s bottom lip. “Here, open wide!” Daphne wearily opened her mouth and took a small sip. A few droplets of warm tea sweetened with honey dripped from the corners of her lips and she greedily drank down as much as she could before Cayla pulled the flask away.

“How’s that?”

“Better.” She coughed and cleared her throat before falling silent.

Cayla smiled and simply waited. Daphne was not the sort to hold back when she wanted to say something. She just needed to give her friend time.

She didn’t have to wait long. “Why, Cay? Why are you doing this? What is––” she coughed again, “what’s the point? Do they have something on you? I could have helped you Cay, we could have gotten through this. Together. Like we always did.” Her voice was hopeless and pleading and it hurt Cayla to hear Daphne sound like that.

Cayla sat up and wrapped her arms around Daphne’s shoulders, careful to avoid pressing on any fresh injuries. “Oh Daph, it’s not like that. No one is making me do this. I’m doing it because it’s the right thing to do. You’ll see. It’s like setting a broken bone, it hurts for a little bit, but then everything heals better than it was before.”

Daphne’s shoulders shook and she choked back a sob. Cayla tightened her awkwardly angled hug, wishing she could just make Daphne understand. “Don’t cry, Daph, there’s nothing to be sad about! We’re going to give you everything you’ve ever wanted! You just need to be ready to accept it.”

She thought back to the tearful reunion she’d had with Daphne on that cold evening a few weeks earlier and the flood of emotion-filled words that her friend had sobbed into her shoulder. “You want to be good at magic? Orion’s a great teacher, he’ll be happy to show you things you’ve never even imagined were possible. He’s been teaching me, you know? I was a pretty bad student until I met him but I’ve been getting better so quickly now.”

What else had Daphne been venting about then and during their other recent meetings? “I know you miss your sister, I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose her like that. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you or mum. Well, Orion went to school with her for an entire year! I’m sure he has a bunch of stories he’d be happy to share with you. And don’t worry at all about the future, no matter what happens all of us will have your back. With M–Orion and Miranda and me at your side, you’re going to be an amazing Lady Warbringer!”

She was about to continue when suddenly a hand landed on her shoulder, “Cayla, Cayla, Cayla,” Rea said brightly, and despite her best efforts Cayla couldn’t suppress the automatic spike of spine-chilling terror that Rea’s position above her brought on. “I think that’s more than enough for today. I think it's time for you to go, unless of course you’d like a turn? I’m sure Orion still has your collar set aside somewhere. Just in case, you understand?”

“Uh, no. I–– I don’t think that’s going to be necessary.” She stood up and all but scrambled away from the table. “Bye Daph, hope you liked the tea! I’ll bring you some more next time, okay? Okay!”

She stopped after a few steps and waited silently while Rea pushed the gag back into place and strapped it tightly to the table. The first few times it had been taken out, Daphne had fought and pleaded and begged to not have it reinserted. Now the heiress knew better than to make Rea extra motivated and silently opened her mouth the moment she was prompted to do so.

Once that was done, the earplugs went in as well and Rea stood up to face her. “That was great!” she exclaimed, stepping forward and pulling Cayla into a tight hug. “Oh, this was such a good idea! I’m glad Master said it would be okay. She’s going to be so happy and hopeful and confused now. It’s the perfect moment to get back to work.”

Rea pulled away and grabbed a pair of buckets off the ground. “Here, fill these up for me before you leave? Miranda’s going to spray me with the shower if I go in there while she’s eating.”