We Were Forever

Remus Lupin had never before felt like a normal child. But as the first few weeks of school flew by, he found himself nearly forgetting the voice in the back of his head that mockingly whispered You're a monster.

And what was more, he had friends.

James Potter, although slightly obnoxious and arrogant at times, was already proving to be an exceptionally talented and smart wizard, if not just a tad lazy. Growing up in a very wealthy and well-respected pureblood family, it was only natural that James easily excelled in nearly every class. He was also very funny, Remus found, once you got past his ego. James seemed to feel the need to make everyone around him laugh, and he often succeeded. The only person who didn't seem to find him funny was Lily Evans, but James just took this as a personal challenge. If Lily was around, you could guarantee that James was going to find a way to make himself the center of attention. He also had a bad habit of messing with his hair. A habit that they all found slightly ironic since much of his family's wealth came largely due to the invention of a potion meant for taming unruly hair. 

The only person who seemed to match James' large personality was Sirius Black. The two of them seemed to thrive off each other and although they had only just met, Remus would have believed them to be brothers. Sirius, however, did not need to try to capture anyone's attention. Easily the most popular among the girls in their year (and even some older), Sirius Black seemed to naturally shine as bright as the star he was named after. Even the teachers couldn't help but fall for his charming smile. The only flaw that Remus could find in Sirius was his temper. Especially when dealing with matters of blood and family, Sirius' anger seemed to get the best of him. In just the first three weeks of school, James, Peter, and Remus had pulled Sirius away from what could have been a nasty fistfight with a second-year Slytherin.

It was just after breakfast one Saturday morning and Sirius had received a letter from his younger brother, who was excited to hear about Hogwarts regardless of what house he had been sorted into. As they walked back to Gryffindor Tower, Sirius spoke fondly of Regulus, telling the other three boys how relieved he was that his parents had yet to corrupt his sibling's innocent mind. A group of Slytherins happened to have overheard.

"Just wait until next year, Black," the older boy sneered, "Once Regulus sees what an embarrassment you are, you can bet he won't want anything to do with you either."

Sirius' fists clenched at his side and Remus was surprised that his neck didn't snap when he turned to face the Slytherins. "Bugger off, Lestrange."

"You're pathetic. Got the whole world handed to you on a silver platter, and you're throwing it away to, what? Hang around mudbloods and blood traitors? You're a disgrace, Black. Regulus deserves better-"

With an angry cry, Sirius was on top of Lestrange, and James, Peter, and Remus instantly tried to drag him off without being hit by his flying fists.

"You should have let me fight him," Sirius argued once they were back in the common room. "I could've taken him."

"He's twice your size, mate," Remus tried to reason with him.

"Size doesn't matter, the oaf didn't see Sirius coming," Peter grinned. 

Peter Pettigrew already idolized both Sirius and James, Remus noticed. And James and Sirius both knew and loved it. If no one else was there to feed their egos, Peter was. Remus' only concern was that the two raven-haired boys underestimated their smaller blond friend. Peter was also very funny but not in a loud way that commanded everyone's attention like the dynamic duo that was James Potter and Sirius Black. Peter's humor was more subtle and consisted of sarcastic comments muttered under his breath that sometimes only Remus heard.

"Maybe," Remus said, "but still, you wouldn't want to get yourself in trouble this early on, would you?"

Sirius sighed, flopping down on one of the overstuffed chairs. "I guess not."

"Don't let him get to you, mate," James added, clapping Sirius on the shoulder. After that, Sirius seemed to bounce back. He was good at that. No matter what was bothering him or how angry he seemed one moment, the next he was laughing and goofing off. Remus admired him for that. Remus admired all of his new friends, and he was happy to have them.

Until they find out what you are.

With the full moon just one night away, Remus found himself restless, tossing and turning while the others slept. He struggled to fight off the voice that called him out for what he was. Perhaps if he had been able to ignore it, he would have been asleep by now and he wouldn't have heard the muffled sounds coming from the dark dormitory.

Peeking his head out from behind the curtains of his four-poster, Remus listened carefully. Had he imagined it? It sounded like someone was… crying?

Tiptoeing across the room, Remus was careful not to wake Peter, James, or Frank. "Sirius?" he whispered, and the noise stopped. Remus frowned and slowly pulled back the curtains on the other boy's bed.

"Shit," Sirius muttered quietly, wiping furiously at his face.

Remus felt instantly guilty. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…I didn't mean to startle you… I just… I won't tell anyone."

Sirius sniffled and sat back against his headboard. "Nah… it's alright. I shouldn't be bawling my eyes out like a bloody baby, anyway." He looked up at Remus through puffy bloodshot eyes. "You probably think I'm completely pathetic." He forced a laugh.

Remus shook his head. "I don't…" He shifted awkwardly, his bones beginning to ache with the familiar pull of the upcoming moon.

Sirius gave him a concerned look. "Why are you up? You look like you're going to fall over."

"I'm alright."

"Here, sit." Sirius insisted, moving over. Remus considered him for a moment before taking him up on the offer. They both sat in awkward silence, the only noise was Peter's snoring and the occasional hiccup from Sirius, who tried to cover them with a cough.

"It must be so hard," Remus offered, "your family expecting so much out of you."

Sirius shook his head. "It's not how much they expect, it's what they expect. They say there are going to be some changes to the Wizarding World… That there's someone out there that's going to rid the world of witches and wizards that aren't pure… They reckon I should think that way too…" He covered a sob with another cough. "I've never been what they wanted me to be… but they're my parents. Shouldn't I want to make them happy?"

Remus shook his head. "Not if what makes them happy is wrong. Maybe you're just a better person."

"But what if I'm not a better person?"

"Then you wouldn't be upset over it."

"I just feel like no matter what I do, I'm still a Black. And I still have this darkness in me… in my blood... No matter how hard I try to fight it, it'll end up coming out anyway. Like some sort of demon or something…" He sighed. "That probably sounds stupid."

"Actually, no," Remus said, smiling slightly. "We've all got out demons, Sirius."

—-------

Neither of them spoke about what had happened the following day. They hardly spoke at all because Remus was nowhere to be found.

"I heard his mum's sick," Peter said mindlessly between bites of his breakfast. 

"Why didn't he say anything?" Sirius wondered aloud.

"He left in a bit of a hurry. You were still asleep," said James. "You alright by the way? Your eyes are all red."

"Yeah… um… allergies."

James and Peter exchanged a disbelieving sort of look.

"I'm allergic to dust!" Sirius insisted. "Listen, it doesn't matter. I just wish Remus would've said something about his mum being sick, that's all."

James shrugged. "It's his own business, Sirius. Leave it be. If he wants to talk about it when he gets back, I'm sure he will."

Sirius muttered some sort of agreement and picked at his eggs.

Remus didn't return until two days later looking more sickly than ever. He climbed slowly through the portrait hole that Monday evening after the rest of them had gotten out of Charms class. Lily got to him before anyone else.

"Remus! I took notes in class for you. How's your mum?"

"Thanks, Lily. She's feeling much better."

"I've heard she's very ill, I'm so sorry."

"Oh… It's alright, really. Thanks for taking notes for me," Remus said hurriedly.

Lily looked concerned. "You don't look so well yourself, Remus. Maybe you should go to the hospital wing?"

"I'm just tired."

"Are you sure-"

"He said he's just tired, Evans," James interjected from his seat by the fireplace where he and Peter were playing chess. Sirius was looking over Peter's shoulder trying to help him. "Merlin's beard, would you let the guy get through the doorway before you pester him to death?"

"I was only asking because he doesn't look well! I don't see you acting concerned and he's your friend!"

"Of course, we're concerned," said James. "Oy, Remus! Alright, mate?"

Remus smiled. "Fine, James."

"See, Evans? He's fine. Now leave him be."

Lily huffed and marched off with Marlene and Dorcas, and Remus visibly relaxed. Without a word to the other boys, he headed straight up to the dormitory.

"He doesn't look well," Peter commented. "I mean, he always looks a bit off, but he looks like he's been through the mill."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again," James sighed, "He's an odd kid… Checkmate."