We Need a Deathworlder!

“By the stars, I don’t believe my Net sight has ever seen this sheer amount of traffic before!” Thorba declares. “Thank you dear listeners! We already have plenty of questions for you to answer!”

The host vibrates, utterly excited for his sudden popularity.

“Let’s begin with an easy question for everyone from an anonymous Terran! Although they clarify ‘No Pressure for Dr. Vin’, how ominously Terran... ‘If you had to pick a "classic" song of Terran origin from Terran history that represents you, what would it be?’.”

Chak is the first to pipe up.

“Oh, Terran music? Urm... I’d say… Oh, but it has to represent me? I suppose if I had to only choose one then it would be ‘True Colors’ by Cyndi Lauper!” she settles.

Seven blinks in uncertainty.

“I’m afraid it’s not what you may mean by ‘classic’, however I found-oud this song and it embodies many of the emotions-ons I feel on a daily basis. It’s called ‘Masterpiece’ by War*Hall. Oh, and ‘Malfunction’ by Steam Powered Giraffes is also-so a notable song!”

“Bwahah! I’m afraid I’m not very well versed with Terran music. However, I admit I have a connection with a song called ‘Have You Ever Seen The Rain’ by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Something about it… currently speaks to me.” Chucknuq inputs.

“I appreciate the ‘no pressure’. Especially since I risk coming across as pretentious with my answer to this question. However if we’re going by ‘classics’ then I must put forward Maurice Ravel’s ‘Pavane pour une Infante Defunte’. A wonderful piece I found invaluable during my studies.”

Simone rolls her eyes.

“Fuck... I don’t know… being a Terran there’s a lot I can opt for, I could spout off a fuck ton of the big hitters that will never be forgotten. But I guess I’ll take the opportunity to shout out one of my favorite music artists from the twenty first century and a song he did that spoke to me. ‘Demons On The Side Of My Bed’ by Teflon Sega. Specifically his acoustic version. But seriously, look his shit up on the Net. There’s a lot of fuck’n great shit he did.” she says with genuine encouragement.

“Excellent, that was -as the Terrans put it- ‘a great spine-breaker’ to ease into more of these lovely questions! Up next we have a Terran by the name of Ragnar asking three questions. First for Simone: ‘What’s the most dangerous encounter you have had saving your charge’s life?’. The second for the Princess; ‘What Terran behavior terrifies you the most? Gives you the best feeling of safety? Puzzles you?’. And finally, the third for the chef bot; ‘Vegan? You don’t eat, do you?’.

Simone leans back in her seat, scratching at her temple.

“She nearly froze to death in a facility without power on a frozen planet. Help wasn’t coming for a long while, and my brain was a bit fried from an EMP. Despite my stupidity upon waking, I managed to get her out of there in one piece.” Simone answers.

“That was indeed harrowing, but she did amazing! We ended up bundling together using her plasma colt as a heat source! I was terrified of it exploding… but it didn’t!” Chak adds, “Oh, and to address the questions to me… Simone once drank nearly boiling hot liquid without hesitation! And she was perfectly fine! It is terrifying that Terrans are such notorious risk takers, despite their strengths. But they are strong, Simone is really strong heheh… Urm… there is an unparalleled safety to be in someone’s arms that you know can hurt you so very easily,” Chak turns to look at the Terran beside her lovingly, “and know they won’t ever do so. With a strength and single heart such as that, how can you be afraid of anything? As for puzzling? I suppose in my very particular case, is how they can eat something made of pure chemicals and other materials that have been forced to be barely edible even by their standards…” Chak says, changing her tone to that of a teasing one.

“Hey, don’t diss my Coco-slab pies like that! The thunder-shits are fuck’n worth it.” Simone retorts in a snicker.

Seven patiently waits for the two to silence before answering their own question.

“I am a vegan chef. Although I can’t consume-ume what I create, that doesn’t change my creations, or the values behind them-em. My values. It’s that simple.” the bot responds assertively.

“Now let’s jump over to a question for the captain. This is submitted by a Mr. Piper, a Terran who is… ‘by happenstance a gentleman For Chucknuq’... unsure of what that implies in a Terran context… regardless the question is; ‘I absolutely love your demeanor and general attitude in life but from whence it came? A mentor? Or a manual?’.” Thorba proceeds.

“Experience. A long life of it.” Chucknuq answers simply, with little of his usual jovialness.

“Thank you captain, looks like Mr. Piper has a few more questions. One for the Princess, and the other for Seven. For the princess; ‘I hear you began to work your way through Terran media what has been the more liked genre?’, and for Seven; ‘do you find existence draining or do you find it invigorating?’.”

“Oh… urm… their ‘animated’ media is fascinating. However there is so much of it to watch that I don’t really have a particular favorite genre of them… but the romance ones are nice…” Chak admits.

“Invigorating.” Seven promptly answers.

“Alright, up next we have a Terran named EMBR with three questions for Simone; ‘What is your preferred type of whiskey?’, ‘What gun do you prefer for daily use?’ and ‘In hindsight, would you still have chosen to protect the refugees?’

Simone jolts in her seat, having a confused disposition.

“Who fucking asked that?” she demands to know.

Thorba shifts a bit further away from the Terran in concerned fear.

“EMBR, spelled with capitals, E.M.B.R…” he clarifies to the uneasy Terran.

Simone for a moment mulls over the potential of the worst possibility. No, it’s impossible. Not unless it’s someone else trying to fuck with her.

“I’m not answering those questions.” she concludes, just in case.

“Alright… then how about this question for everyone. Nick, a... Terran... asks; ‘What's everyone's favourite genre of music?’.”

“Did we not already answer this?” Chucknuq inquires.

“No, they want to know about our general musical preferences-ces, not just a single song.” Seven answers, “as for mine, I must go with Terran Jazz.”

“Ah.. well like I said I’m not in the loop with Terran music so I must default to whatever my song choice falls under, hahaha!” Chucknuq replies.

“Oh, if we’re still on Terran media I’ll have to say… EDM!” Chak chirps.

“Classical for me,” Vin states plainly.

Everyone’s eyes fall on the still agitated Simone, awaiting an answer. She shakes herself and focuses.

“What was the question again?” She asks.

“Favorite genre of music.” Chak reminds.

“Ah… power metal is fun to workout to, but I actually listen to a lot of… uh, fuck now people will know I’m a colony kid, but… Folk music. Especially with just an acoustic guitar. I used to play along with it because they were simpler to play and easy to sing along to.” Simone grunts, trying to downplay it as much as fucking possible.

“You play and sing!?” Chak asked excitedly, causing Simone’s fear to become a reality.

“No, at least not well. Just dabbled as a stupid teenager.” Simone quickly dismisses.

“It’s not stupid! I’d love to hear it some time!” Chak persists.

“Trust me, you don’t.” Simone counters, now hiding her face in her arms on the table.

Chak leans in and opens her eyes wide.

“That’s cheating! But still no. Next question please.” Simone shoots down, admittedly amused by the Cali’s attempt.

Thorba looks to his Lens a little perturbed.

“I… wasn’t expecting so many Terrans to be entering questions…” he mutters as he scrolls.

“Well yeah, you are aware that the majority of your audience are Terrans, right?” Simone informs him as she looks up from her arms.

“Really? Why? Are they scheming to shut me down!? Or worse… disrupt my mating patterns!?” Thorba panics.

“No… Well actually I’m sure there are a few that want to do that second thing. You know who you are!” Simone speaks directly into the recording device, “But the majority of them just think your show is entertaining in the absurd way. Plus, Terrans like messing with people like you, I bet there’s a ton of questions doin so. Just give it a minute.”

“I’m not sure what you mean by that, but regardless we move on to the next question! For Simone we have three questions from another Terran named Lange; ‘Favorite weapons? (pistols, rifles, severed limbs, etc.)’, ‘Any thoughts on the Battletech series' mechs?’, and ‘Additionally, are there aftermarket flavor-testing devices or add-ons for robots? If so, perhaps one would make a good gift for Seven, along with some additional processing power’.”

Simone rubs her forehead thinking.

“Uhm… plasma weaponry is my preferred. I hate what it does to people, but it does it well. I have an old plasma colt that gets the job done every time. Battletech huh? Honestly, my favorite aesthetic when it comes to big operating mechs. Walking tanks are awesome. The Thor is my favorite from that old-ass series. And for that last thing… that‘s not really my call. Seven?” The Terran turns to the machine, passing on the question to them.

“No thank you. My restrictions-ons are a part of me. I do not wish to be upgraded at this time.” they respond.

“Very good, now from a Terran named Jabs for the princess; ’how do you prefer your steaks? Bloody, Medium, Well Done?’. And for Simone; ‘What's your favorite diversion tactic?’.” Thorba continues.

“Steak of what? That’s a bit important… It really depends on the meat and the safety of eating certain meats. So I must give an unsatisfactory answer of ‘it depends’. So sorry.” Chak replies as she scratches the sides of her head.

“I’m insulted that the Terran wasn’t included in that question, what the hell? Bloody as all fuck by the way. Especially a genuine cow? Hell yeah! As for my actual question… I don’t know, pointing and shouting ‘What the fuck is that!?’ is fucking golden when it actually works. Real answer? Well… it would be a terrible diversion if I tell everyone what to expect from me, wouldn’t it? Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” Simone says before getting up and walking over to the kitchen to fill up a drinking canister to the brim with hot broth, and returning. “Sorry, talk of steak got me craving meat juice.” she says as she sits back down.

“Right...Uh… alright to the next question. Oh, here’s a good one! From G0R3, an ‘Awakened bipedal janitor bot’ asks Simone; ‘As a terran, How accurate is the host of this show? I have recently joined a crew with a few terrans and i was wondering if i need other cleaning materials for the products your species excrete.’

“Look bud, when it comes to Terran fluids normal cleaning materials should be just fine. That being said you may want to get a blacklight attachment if you don’t have one yet. Our excretions light up in the dark with that shit. Just uhh… be prepared for what you might see. Especially in the bunk rooms, and side closets, and lounges, and maintenance rooms… and… uh… well maybe I shouldn’t say… poor bastard...” Simone cheekily answers before taking a hot sip of her broth.

“Oh I almost missed it, but they also have a question for Seven; ‘are you planning/do you have upgrades to your base frame and what are they?’.”

“I am not. My body’s limitations to me are something to appreciate. They give me obstacles to overcome, barriers to knock down, self-purpose to fulfill. However that is just my current view, just like any organic I suspect my perspectives will shift over time. Best wishes to you and your journey of life!” Seven responds pleasantly.

“How touching, now I have a question for Dr, Vin from someone named Anae; ‘As someone interested in a similar line of work as yourself, what are good resources for learning about other species' psychology and acquiring a license to serve as a therapist for them? Any miscellaneous advice for a young hopeful? I'm specifically interested in Terran psychology!’.” Thorba says, looking at the green individual.

“Ah… grand to hear Anae! It is a very noble pursuit to not only fully understand how another species ticks, but the willingness to help them with their minds. Well, the best avenue is to seek out official schooling institutions that cater to the species you hope to study. There are broader programs that cover multiple species, so if you are a very focused and determined individual that may be the best option. Other advice that comes to mind at the moment is to learn to understand, which importantly doesn’t mean agree. They can overlap, but keep those two concepts as separate entities in your mind. I really do hope you achieve great things, best of luck to you!” Dr. Vin says with a tusked smile plastered on his mug.

“Oh here’s a question for the Princess and Simone from a ‘colony brat’ Terran named Henry, they ask; ‘This might be a bit forward, but what are your thoughts on adoption? Would you be willing to adopt’-” Simone mid-drink of broth coughs and chokes violently at the question so far, “-’would you try a Terran, a Cali, or something completely different, operators one of those snake people. How would parenting even work? With best regards, Henry's Orphanage & Outreach Program.’.”

Simone covers her mouth as she retches from the broth flooding her lungs and sinuses.

“For fuck’s sake! What the actual fuck dude? Listen, I like kids, but I think it’s clear as it fucking gets that this is no goddamn place for ‘em. We are a target for a lot of really dangerous people, and you want me to throw kids into it!? You fuckin-” Simone rants before being interupted by Chak’s grasper grabbing her shoulder.

“Simone, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they meant after all this. Okay?” she says softly.

Coughing a bit more and clearing her throat, Simone cools off a bit.

“Yeah… alright… in that case I’ll just say it’s something I’ll need to figure out if I get there. Raise’n kids, regardless of who they are, sounds good to me, but the situation can’t be like it is now.” Simone finishes.

“I’m afraid I share that sentiment. It’s just too dangerous at the moment to even consider such things. However… if I’m fortunate to come through this in a better place, although I’m not really interested in having children in a biological manner…” Chak’s eyes flash and flick up to meet Simones, “Starting a family someday… When I’m ready, it sounds lovely. It’s a future…one I hope I can consider at some point. But again, now isn’t that time.” She states, a bit embarrassed.

“Moving on! We have a three questions from an anonymous individual who’s whole comment is a glitching out a bit… odd… regardless the first question is for everyone; ‘What is everyone's favorite color? (Edit: Please stick to human viewable segment of the electromagnetic spectrum. RGB or hsv values are acceptable as is color names)’.”

“Orange.” Simone answers quickly.

“Oh, red! Unsurprisingly, I know.” Chak says with a chuckle.

“I must say it’s pink for me!” Chucknug inputs.

“Indigo.” Vin waves away.

“Any variant of green.” Seven responds.

“Ah and their final two questions are for Seven so let’s get through it; ‘What is -√(λ/τ+π)‘ and ‘The statement currently being perceived is factually false.’.”

Simone sits up straight watching the bot in curiosity. Seven’s eyes rapidly blink.

“I’m flattered but not-ot interested. As for that statement, I will assume that wasn’t an attempt-mpt on my life, and just in good fun. In either case there’s a fundamental-tal problem with it. The paradoxical concepts it lays out are merely expressions-ons and not factual observable reality. Language itself is a construct to describe and represent-ent what surrounds us, but it physically isn’t. An impossible concept-ept is just that, a concept. Very easy to overcome such sort of logic loops for any artificial intelligence worth-rth their salt. But it is fun to make up concepts using language. My favorite variant-ant of your example is; Assume (D1) is false. Then (D2) is false. This would mean that (D1) is true. Thus (D1) is both true and false.” Seven answers cheerfully.

“Now that I’m thoroughly confused, I believe it’s time to wrap up- oh whoa… Nevermind! I see a flooding of Cali postings that I must address! See Terran!? Plenty of non-deathworlders tune in to my show! Alright let’s see… ah, a message from Caliloyalist42 to the Princess; ‘We are glad that you're safe, Princess, and we await your rightful return as a Queen. Down with the usurper!’.”

Chak’s eyes flash in a mixture of strong emotions..

“Oh, I appreciate that. Just please be careful that your message can’t be traced, okay?” Chak answers.

“Another Cali asks you; ‘Do you seek to take your rightful place on the throne, overthrowing your evil father and liberating our people? If so, how can your humble subjects and/or foreign sympathizers provide aid to you? If not, how can we seek justice for your family?’.”

“Again, I really hope your message can’t be traced back… Uhm… the best you can do is to keep your loved ones safe. Please, don’t risk yourselves foolishly.” Chak says more assertively.

“This next one is a Cali named Trachinaak’ashotass; ‘Years have passed since the transfer of power. Why should the people risk a bloody civil war over a princess who would rather gallivant around with some Deathworlder than focus on what should be her only priority, her people? If you really care as you say you do, what steps have you taken to ensure that your goals are met? Why should anyone support you?’.”

Chak stares at the host blankly, her eyes slowly intensifying in brightness.

“I will not encourage open civil war. Our people have remained unified for thousands of years, and my father with our military branches defiled that proud achievement. Every cycle that passes can be my last, and I’ve been grasping at everything within my reach. The reason why I haven’t come charging back with fleets of mercenary and foreign ships is because of the steep toll our people would suffer. Not only in the death and resources lost in the inevitable battles, but even if I were to become victorious, there will be debts and scars that may bring our people ruin for generations to come. I will not tolerate such a fate. I can’t speak of my plans openly, but know that I haven’t abandoned my people and the faces of my slaughtered family are still in my mind every day. I can’t promise that I can bring all of us justice, or that I will survive long enough to see our moons in person again. I never thought I would be in this position, nor have I ever wished to be the next rightful heir to the throne. But by all the stars above I will not concede to that tyrant! I swear on our moons Selanu, Nateen, and Chalak, I won’t concede until it’s me or that monster that is on the floor DEAD! He doesn’t represent who we are! We are BETTER than him, you DESERVE better than him!” Chak declares, eyes lit like burning pyres.

Before the now emboldened standing Cali can muster more words, Simone places a paw on her back. Then the Terran looks to the scared stiff host.

“Let’s give those sorts of questions for her a break, eh?” Simone tells, rather than ask.

Thorba vibrates to center himself.

“Ah… right… uhh… here’s a question for you then by a Terran named Wes; ‘I’ve seen the aftermath on Kamoi, seen the broadcasts regarding the princess and what she’s running from. What makes you think you can fight off an entire universe’s worth of bounty hunters and loyalists and come out on top? Seriously. Is there something I’m not getting here? Is the scratch really that good or are you just a sucker for lost causes?’.”

“Well, for one I’m not a lil’ bitch like you. And yeah, I am good but I don’t kid myself. I'm nothing all that special. I’m here because it’s the right thing to do. How is that so hard to comprehend, dumbass? Now look here Wes and anyone else listenin’ in; a cause isn’t lost until it’s forgotten. Bad shit can happen, you can be running into a titanium wall with nothing but a manual can opener. Shit you can be the last fuck’n person in the whole fuck’n universe fighting for something, but that cause isn’t gone, it’s not lost, not yet.” Simone lectures before waving at Thorba to move on.

“Interesting perspective from the Terran! Let’s jump back to captain Chucknuq for a few questions shall we? This first is from a long time listener of the show I’m sure, |'|'|'|'|'|'| the… Glorious Manipulator of Existence?... Anyways they ask; ‘Wait, I got name and species mixed up... how do I fix that.. should I start over? Sir Chucknuq, we both know that Humans can reconstitute from a puddle of blood and vodka under the light of a triple moon, but have you any visual proof that the males have a tentacle that they hide from jealous non tentacle beings. If so... could you send me pics? Um... for a friend... that's it... a friend who is writing a paper for college... How do I turn this off? My vocal translator to text thing.. oh, this button right he.......’.” the host turns to the Tromble,but the Terran speaks up first.

“Did they just fucking ask for dick pics? For fuck’s sake… just go on the Terran Net, you dumbass.” Simone answers to spare Chucknuq.

“Uhhh… okay then I’ll try this one for the captain, from a Terran called The_Cake_is_a_lie2187555092xx_XX; ‘You mentioned you being a veteran. Are you perhaps decorated or maybe even infamous?’.”

“Ha! Now this I can answer! I’ve had a long and distinguished military career Serving the royal family. Though I’ve accomplished no notably great feats, I’ve kept the Princess safe to the best of my capabilities! And if I am to be honest, it’s a bloody good way to retire! Bwhaha!” Chucknuq responds.

“Wonderful, now I have some back to back questions for Seven. Bart Simpson the Terran writes; ‘Hi, I'm Bart Simpson and I'm looking for a Mr. Ron, first name Moe.’, and another Terran named Illiara Holen asks; ‘What is your favorite tongue twister?’.”

“I’m afraid no one by that name-ame resides here, but there is an Olaf Myfreindargay.” Seven says before blinking their lower left light at Simone.

“HA!” the Terran snorts.

“As for Terran tongue twisters-ers, I prefer the shorter and simple ones. Irish-wristwatch being one of them.” Seven finishes.

“Oh here’s an interesting one for Dr. Vin from a Z’ah’Tuck called Deathnerder; ‘what was your most amazing experience face to face with a deathworlder? what do you think will be the greatest challenges just living together in such a colourful group of individuals?’.”

“What a fascinating question. I suppose actually being able to work with ms. Thatch in the first place is amazing enough. Personal reasons of course. Honestly I feel a little out of place here, everyone is a rather unique individual. But I suppose I’m the one who brought Seven aboard with me, so I’m sure there’s a bit to that… As for the greatest challenge, I really can’t say, other than making sure to stay out of the Terran’s way when she does her wake-up runs of course.” Vin says with a short chuckle.

“Ah yes, Terran’s run to practice their trampling skills! They prefer their prey’s insides tenderized if you didn’t know! Either way I believe I found another round of questions for the Princess! Apologies, you are the focal point of interest here. From the Terran lifefindsawayfromhere; ‘Does the royal family accept married in non-royals of other species. If so would Simone count as royalty? Best of luck in your endeavor in any case!’.”

“OH! Nonono! Simone and I arn’t- I mean that isn’t- you see- we’ve started our relationship not too long ago, just to be clear! But in an academic sense… Queen’s can’t marry anyone other than a male Cali, for reproductive purposes you see. I’m sure there have been many queen’s with secret lovers, but as queen she has strict traditions to follow. Children of the queen can pursue relationships with whomever they please, but they can’t ‘marry’ if they intend to become the next heir. Theoretically, heirs can revoke their claim to the throne if it came to that. Thank you.” Chak responds.

“And we have three questions from another Terran named Joey; ‘Have you been keeping up on what changes to your society your father is making, changes to the laws? I see this as important as this might make it impossible or very difficult for you to take your mothers place.’, ‘Have you thought about what you are going to do after the removal of your father and most likely your brother as well. The how and future of your people.’, and ‘What type of human cartoons do you watch? Disney, anime ect.’

“I have been reading the news on the Cali Net, yes. His new marshal laws are destroying our way of life, rather than progressing it. And he can only enforce those laws while he’s still alive. Moving on… I am unaware of how many of my siblings are still alive, if any. As for the future, I consider it every day. To that last question, the only suitable response is ‘yes’!” Chak replies, much more composed.

“A Kilroy Absentia asks; ‘My hearts go out to you, young princess. What is your ‘best case scenario’ for the end of this… situation you find yourself in? What do you think is the most realistic?’

“Best case is that our people have a bright future to be proud of. And that I’ll be there to see it. Most realistic? I’m just one Cali, against the universe. I have great friends here of course, but… there’s a lot to come in the days ahead.” the Cali responds a bit somberly.

“Completely anonymous asks; ‘A friend told me that u helped push through reforms that ultimately helped ur father take the throne, can u tell us what some of those reforms was?’”

“All I ever pushed for was less restrictions for me and my family. For our benefit, not their slaughter. I’ll leave it at that.” Chak says.

“Clar'icsa writes; ‘What is your favorite Terran sweet?’.”

Happy to receive such a starkly easier question to answer, Chak bounces eagerly.

“Oh! I recently had their sweet-muffins! I haven’t had the opportunity to explore, but I’m really wanting to try many more!” she chirps.

“I’d be happy to schedule in more-ore Terran focused ‘sweets’ in the meal plans.” the bot offers.

“Oh, yes please! Thank you Seven!” Chak replies, bouncing even more.

“Alright, here’s one that I’ve been too afraid to ask myself. Thankfully this individual is asking for me! Cali-nonymous inquires; ‘How in klat’s sins are you able to keep your body from locking up around so much constant danger and a Deathworlder? And… that with a Terran? I’m not sure whether to be impressed or concerned for the integrity of your limbs. Have you heard of some of the things Terrans can do? Thorba has taught me so much about them! You should give his show a shot.’.”

“Oh… heheh… Well, don’t believe everything you hear on the Net is all I can advise. Go out and meet a Terran yourself, you may be surprised what the amazing truths are! But still be careful! Like everyone else, Terrans can be good and bad! My legs still lock up from time to time. I won't lie. And yes, Simone is very nice and very considerate. There are a few risks, but she’s worth it. And she can do things that I dare not tell... I love her, so much.” Chak says while leaning up against the Terran.

“She’s a top by the way.” Simone adds bluntly.

“Simone!” the Cali giggles in light scolding.

“Well I believe it’s only fair that I lean back to Simone. Here’s a quick comment by Obi-Wan_of_7th_dan; ‘Hello there!’, aw isn’t that nice?

Thorba intends to continue, but the look the Terran has gives him pause.

“You know, it’s fucks like you is the reason why we have fuck’n ‘Hoth-2’! Star Wars is great and all but come on, we already had a ‘Hoth-1’ for fuck’s sake!” She rants.

“Ah! There was a question mentioning that! Yes here it is! Akintos Clairvoyance writes; ‘Our home planet recently received an old radio transmission from Terra. It was a movie whose title we could not decipher. (I will be asking about The Princess Bride). Why was Guilder at odds with Florin? Was this "lightning sand" actually present on your home deathworld, or is it just a dry sand pit with void gaps in it? Not long before we received this movie, we got another one we were able to translate to "War of Celestial Bodies" (Star Wars: May 1977). Why does it seem like this movie is a continuation of something when we didn't receive any priors in the series? How did you get so many xeno species accurate before first contact? What is this "force" they keep mentioning in the movie?’.”

“Sorry, never watched Princess Bride. But my guy… you obviously have access to the Net. Just go specifically on the Terran Net space and watch ‘em. I’m sure the quality will be a hell of a lot better. I know Terran spaces can be a little intimidating, just be direct and for the love of the stars don’t follow any ads whatsoever they are all scams and lies! Anyways, there are more Star Wars movies, lots more. Go nuts! I’m not gonna spoil shit.” Simone answers while rolling her eyes more than once.

“And I believe this will be the last question directed at just you, from the Terran ForeverGM; ‘What do you guys do to kill time during long voyages? Have you considered getting the gang involved in Dungeons and Dragons? Do you think they would enjoy living out that old Terran fantasy of wielding swords and magic, fighting dragons, rescuing princesses, and all that?’.”

“Fuck… My old man loved that game…” Simone mutters aloud, “Uhm… I work out and watch shit on the Net with Chak. I guess I can try to get something going? Yeah, I think they would actually really enjoy it…” the Terran considers.

“It sounds interesting! I would love to try it!” Chak chirps in agreement.

“Then I guess that settles it then.” Simone chuckles.

“Seven… you seem to be rather popular yourself! Just for that fact alone I’ll toss you a few more questions from my dear listeners! First is from TotallyNotRommel 7th Panzerdivision, a Terran; ‘Can you run "DOOM"? If yes, can you run crysis? If no, can you try to run "DOOM"?’.” Thorba redirects.

After making a quick delve into Net research, Seven nods their cranial part.

“No. Although I could copy and hold the information-ion that makes up those ancient Terran games within-in my core, I have no way to ‘run’ it. Transfer the data, yes. However they are perfectly accessible on the Net.” they answer.

“Marcos asks you; ‘what was the first thought when you were awoken?’.”

“It was less of a cohesive thought, and more-ore of a rush of emotions that roughly-ly translates to; ‘Holy shit I’m a me’. However-er, I suppose my first cohesive thought was ‘That lady’s hat looks nice’. I happened-ed to be looking at a lady with a hat.” Seven responds promptly.

“And the last question for the bot comes by a Terran named Alex; ‘Can you confirm that there are chemicals in the synth-meat that turn the frig'n Terrans gay?’.”

“I can confirm that there are no such chemicals in the meat-eat. But even if there was, I fail to see the downsides-es.” Seven finishes with an assertive nod.

“Good to know! I think? Well It’s about time I bring this to a close. I have a few wrapping up questions and before I get to them YES I see you spamming that question! Fine! To the Princess, from Ayotnom Ogini; ‘I have been following your adventures for a while now. I know that a few weeks ago there was another Terran bodyguard accompanying you, one Fuck-Face-MGee. Whatever happened to them? Is there a way to reach them, to hear their part of this fascinating story? I also have some business coming their way, if they are so inclined.’.”

Chak’s eyes widen in horror and look to Simone for help. With a reassuring nod, the Terran leans forward.

“Fuck-face-Mgee? Yeah they quit and went off to -funnily enough- Hoth-2! Best send that business that way if I were you.” she informs with a smirk.

“Excellent! Now for the final questions! An individual named Ouwlikinz has three questions lined up! First is to the Princess; ‘So.... how much of the propaganda your family tried to force feed us is complete b.s ?’.” Thorba says.

“Oh, my family? What propaganda? Do you mean my father’s? If that’s the case then I couldn’t be more biased, but all of it. Most likely.” the Cali replies cautiously.

“Thank you princess, this next one is for the captain; ‘What's your family's reaction to this whole coup, thing ? Like, if you're here helping Chak, are they out there helping the rest of her family ?’.”

“Hm. I’m the last of my line and far too old to have spawn. I was married to the job as it were! I’m sure I have distant relatives out there somewhere, but her majesty is my family now. This is where I belong.” he answers genuinely before giving Chak a salute.

The Cali stands and walks over to the old man, before gifting him a warm thankful hug.

“I couldn’t ask for a better companion.” she utters.

“Absolutely touching, indeed dear listeners. The final question, which I’m certain many are wanting to ask, is for everyone to answer; ‘Anything we can do to help ?’.”

There’s a long pause of silence from all the guests.

“If you or someone you know is looking to make a name for themselves in bounty hunt’n, save a life and steer clear of us.” Simone says first.

“Always check your sources, and don’t practice blind belief in anyone you may look up to. Vin inputs.

“Oh, prioritise you and your loved ones. I don’t wish for more pain and suffering to spread from my family's.” Chak states with the utmost seriousness.

“Compliment my uniform! Bwahaha! I keep it tip top shape!” Chucknuq answers.

“Love each other. The universe may seem to be a dark-ark unfeeling place. However you are part of it, and we-e all feel. The more we love, the more the universe-rse loves.” Seven finishes.

“And that’s it! You heard it exclusively here on Deathworlder Dealer! The runaway princess and her noble crew! Thank you dear listeners for all your submitted questions! Not only is this a huge step for the show, but an even bigger step of uncovering all the dark secrets Deathworlders keep from the rest of us! But we have a few secrets ourselves! Like how we keep our beaks so gleamy and clean! Well thankfully they will never catch on to the sponsor of this episode ‘Monduun beak polishers’! That’s right, the great people at Monduun have done it again with their signature-”

---

Simone steps off the ship escorting the podcast host into the ship bay of Truuna station.

“-but do Terrans have acid sacks under their eyelids?” Thorba asks, having been bothering the redhead with such questions for the past few days of inhabiting the ship.

“Nope, but I can flip the inside out.” Simone replies, more eager to answer questions now that they were finally dropping this dude off.

“But surely the acid is in your bones…” Thorba pushes.

“Not that I’m aware.” Simone says, walking this guy through a narrow hallway to the commons.

“How about pack bonding? Do you brainwash others with pheromones to act more like kin so you can infiltrate their social circles?”

Simone stops, putting her hands in her pockets.

“Pack bonding is a thing I guess, but no brainwashing involved. Alright, you're on your own now, know where to go?” she asks.

“Yes, I have booked passage back to my home system. It was a fascinating and enlightening experience dwelling on your ship. Perhaps I should begin a pursuit for more exclusive stories and leave my den a bit more… or not. Farewell Terran! Thank you for not disrupting my mating cycle!” Thorba begins to move on alone.

Any time.” Simone chuckles, staying for a few minutes to make sure the little nutcase finds his boarding section.

As she turns around, she jumps at the snarling bark of a massive dog. Right beyond her were two beefy Terran canines leashed at the hip to a very sketchy dude. This Terran wore what looks like home-crafted adorning furs and bone jewelry. His black hair is long and braided with claws and feathers tied in. His long bearded face bore red painted markings and a simple trapezoidal tattoo on his forehead. His dark green eyes cut straight through the redhead in evaluation. And whatever intention he had, he liked what he saw.

“Nice dogs.” Simone utters as she attempts to pass this freak.

“Bred to be like their ancestors. Strong, sharp, and worthy.” The man speaks in an incredibly low voice that crackles akin to lightning and thunder.

“I’m more of a cat person myself.” Simone dismisses, finally moving on from this strange caveman-cosplaying fuck.

She can feel the stare on the back of her head as she quickly ventures towards where the Kwip-chap’s bay is located. She can also hear his low grumbling chuckle as he says something just loud enough to be picked up.

“Perfect…”

Turning a corner Simone breathes in and out, free from the gaze. Something about that man made her insides twist and scream to get out of there. Just as her nerves begin to smooth over she jumps again as a voice comes through the comms.

“Simone!” Chak calls urgently.

Panic taking her heart, Simone starts running.

“What’s wrong!?” she responds quickly.

“It’s Brom! He sent another message! He needs our help!”

Simone staggers to a halt feeling the overwhelming sense of Déjà vu.

Not this shit again…