NOVEL NEXT Chapter 26: Saying Goodbye
Li Wei Sheng did not recognize the soft voice spoken like a whisper, but he was grateful that he had at least gotten her to talk a bit. “Yes, Liu shi, the Er Furen and your step-mother.”
“But how?” Su Jing Fei turned to finally look at Li Wei Sheng, but her eyes were still dark and cold. He was unable to discern the expression she bore behind that calm facade.
“The Feng family and Liu shi are roots stemming from the same tree. Feng Ruo Qian’s grandmother and Liu shi’s grandfather are brother and sister, making the two of them second cousins.”
Su Jing Fei was quiet as she processed the information. Li Wei Sheng watched as Su Jing Fei’s hands loosened, and she returned to staring out the window though the shutters had long been closed.
“Are you going to do something about it or are you going to sit there and waste away?” Li Wei Sheng spoke frankly.
“What else is there to do? Da Chun is still dead whether I do something or not.” Su Jing Fei replied quietly.
“So you’re just going to let Liu shi go? If it was my sister, I’d make sure everyone who had something to do with her death suffered a terrible end. I’d make sure that the people who did this never had the chance to do it to anyone else.” Li Wei Sheng argued.
“With whose power? Mine?” Su Jing Fei said, her voice growing noticeably louder. “I never had any power. I was ignorant and stupid about myself and my ability to protect my only sister! How could you understand the struggles I have to face when you have all the power in the world to do whatever you want!?” Su Jing Fei’s voice broke as she shouted for the first time in a long time; her throat was hoarse from unuse, and she gasped slightly from exertion and frustration.
“If you need power, I’ll lend you some,” Li Wei Sheng said in a low voice. “If you need weapons, I’ll give you some. All you have to do is ask.”
Su Jing Fei let out a laugh that sounded almost like half of a cry. “Then the power I’d be using is yours, not mine. I’d still be powerless.”
“Then do something about.” Li Wei Sheng argued. “Where is the woman who I first met, the sly and cunning woman who refused to be held back? The woman who fought against the Feng family with her own power? Where is she?”
“She’s dead.” Su Jing Fei replied coldly. “I think you should leave now.”
Li Wei Sheng felt frustrated at the impenetrable wall of solitude and grief surrounding Su Jing Fei, but he knew that if his words couldn’t reach her, then he should not be wasting such effort. “Fine, if that is what you wish.” Li Wei Sheng responded in kind, his voice growing hard and cold. He got up and left, not caring to bid her a proper farewell. No more wasted effort. Li Wei Sheng wasn’t even really sure why he had bothered to visit the young woman anyway; perhaps he had seen a certain familiarity in her, something in her that was similar to himself. But that spark of familiarity was gone now, and Li Wei Sheng did not wish to waste his breath on a dead person.
“This lowly one deeply apologizes for xiaojie’s behavior.” Dongfan bowed respectfully before Li Wei Sheng. He looked at the old woman, sighing slightly. He knew that he had gotten a bit frustrated by how much grief had changed Su Jing Fei, but he was not going to regret his words.
“It’s alright,” Li Wei Sheng replied with a long sigh. “If it’s peace and quiet that she desires, then so be it. I’m leaving for the imperial city tomorrow and will not be returning to Fuo Lan anytime soon.”
“I’ll make sure to relay the message,” Dongfan replied with a small smile. “This lowly one thanks the imperial prince.”
Li Wei Sheng gave a brief nod before turning to leave.
Meanwhile, Mu Tan looked worriedly at her xiaojie, having heard and watched the heated exchange between the two. “Da xiaojie…”
“It’s alright, Mu Tan. Could you please leave me alone for a bit? I need to think.” Su Jing Fei spoke quietly.
Mu Tan did as her xiaojie asked, moving quietly to leave. But just before she exited the room, Mu Tan paused for a moment and turned to speak to Su Jing Fei. “This lowly one is unable to help da xiaojie, but… this one hopes that da xiaojie will be able to find peace soon.” Then she carefully closed the door behind her as she left. For the first few days, the yatou had been afraid to leave Su Jing Fei alone, probably afraid that she’d take her own life. Honestly, Su Jing Fei held the inclination for it, but she was too tired to think about anything too much. Most days, she found comfort in dreamless sleep.
Carefully, Su Jing Fei reached over and picked up the candy on the tabletop. It was her favorite candy from the store she often frequented. There was no doubt that Li Wei Sheng had been given the candy by Mingyu. Only Mingyu knew what her favorite candy was. She thought about the young boy, remembering his bright smile and big brown eyes that crinkled with mischievousness. Now that she was thinking about him, she found that she missed him quite a bit. But the fleeting emotion was immediately drowned out at the remembrance of Da Chun’s death. The memory plagued her mind quite often; Su Jing Fei had conjured up so many different scenarios in her mind. If she had only done this or that, would Da Chun still be alive right now? It was the ‘what-ifs’ that haunted Su Jing Fei the most; these questions without answers left Su Jing Fei tired yet restless.
Su Jing Fei placed the candy back on the bedside table, her gaze lingering at the compartment underneath. Carefully, she pulled open the drawer and took out two objects that she had kept hidden away. One was her mother’s jewelry box and the other was Da Chun’s jade pendant. When they had cremated Da Chun’s body, Su Jing Fei wanted to set a shrine up for her sister; she knew a little bit about the funeral rites of the ancient era, but she disguised her own desires as dreams that came to her. At least this way, the strange practice could be attributed to her grief, and she wouldn’t be questioned too much. But even the thought of Da Chun still pained her. She had promised Da Chun that she’d protect her, that she’d take care of her, and she had failed.
Opening the jewelry box, Su Jing Fei set the jade pendant down beside the other one. Her fingers ran across the outline of the twin dragons, and her heart tightened. However, she noticed something peculiar about the contents. There seemed to be something else that hadn’t been there before. Carefully, she removed the small embroidered handkerchief that was folded carefully and placed at the bottom of the box. Su Jing Fei recognized the handiwork as belonging to Da Chun, but she didn’t recognize the handkerchief as any of the ones they had worked on together. As she handled the thin cloth, she felt a piece of paper folded inside the handkerchief. Su Jing Fei pulled out the paper, unfolding it to reveal a hidden letter addressed to her. It read:
Dear jie jie,
By the time that you’re reading this, I’m probably gone from this world. I’m so sorry I hid this secret from you, and you’re probably going to be very angry with me. I haven’t got much time left. After you saved me from Xia-Wu, there had been times when I felt sick in the mornings and couldn’t get up. But I asked Mu Tan to keep it a secret from you, so please don’t be angry with her. She’s even helping me write this letter because I’m still only able to write a bit of what you have taught me. I’m not as smart and quick as you are, but I hope that you’ll be able to forgive me.
The doctor said that it was a heart problem. Something to do with being born too early; it is especially common in twins, and it makes sense now that I think back on my life. I’ve dealing with this illness for the majority of my life, but it’s gotten worse recently. I’m afraid my heart will give out before I muster up enough courage to tell you the truth about my sickness. I can only hope that I’ll get better first. If not, I’ll leave this letter in the jewelry box you gave me. I’ve embroidered a handkerchief for you as a gift as well. It was an image of something that reminded me of you.
I hope you aren’t too upset with me. I’ve been so deeply blessed by being able to meet you. You saved me after all these years, and I hope that even if I die, you’ll be able to know how eternally grateful I am to having been able to call you my sister. Please take care of yourself.
The bottom of the letter was signed with slightly unsteady-looking characters, and Su Jing Fei recognized it as Da Chun’s handwriting. With a trembling hand, Su Jing Fei unfolded the handkerchief to reveal an intricately embroidered scene of a sun surrounding what looked to be a dragon’s body. The dragon’s blue green body looked similar to the waves of an ocean, and Su Jing Fei recalled her last promise to Da Chun to take her to see the ocean.
It was as if the tightly coiled emotions in Su Jing Fei had finally been unwound, and everything came bursting out at once. Su Jing Fei felt burning anger become swallowed by the cold waves of grief and sadness; she felt an inexplicable array of emotions wash over her, consuming her, and she finally let her hardened facade drop to reveal a broken woman inside. She cried, wailing as she clutched the handkerchief close to her heart. She let every torrent of emotion overwhelm her. She cried her heart out.
The four yatou stood outside the room, listening to their xiaojie finally cry for the first time since Da Chun’s death. They heard the despair in her voice and the desperation of her cries. They all sat quietly and cried along with Su Jing Fei. In the residence of Mudan-Yu, their cries broke the quietness that had settled there for the past few weeks. Nearby, the leaves of trees rustled quietly.
“Good, she’s finally crying,” muttered Li Wei Sheng as he leaned against the trees looking down at Su Jing Fei’s courtyard. “Took her long enough.”
Shan Yu looked at his young master, shaking his head slightly. Originally, his young master had made him keep watch over Su Jing Fei, but for some reason, tonight Li Wei Sheng had accompanied Shan Yu in his nightly watch. His young master truly acted strange in any matters involving the Su xiaojie, and Shan Yu could only sigh in response as he observed Li Wei Sheng watching over Mudan-Yu. However, although he had never properly met the Su xiaojie, he did indeed feel a bit relieved. She had seemed like such a lifeless person previously; it was good that she at least was lively enough to cry.
“Young master, it’s getting late. We have to finish preparing to leave tomorrow.” Shan Yu reminded the young man.
Li Wei Sheng stood up, glancing back at Mudan-Yu one last time. “I’ll wait to see what kind of conviction you’ll have upon returning to the imperial city, Su Jing Fei. Hopefully, it won’t be a disappointment.”
And then the two shadows disappeared into the night as quietly as they had come.