Vic Owens: Paranormal Advisor

Vic’s piece of shit car came to a rest at a red light, pulling up beside a vehicle—that housed a group of teenage girls singing their hearts out to some crappy pop song—stopped in the next lane. One of the girls stole a quick glance and her face twisted in disgust. She tapped the blonde in the front seat on the shoulder and pointed to Vic’s car. Soon, all of them were peering at the oddity in the backseat.

Used to unwanted attention, Vic did what he did best; he leaned across the passenger seat and flipped the girls off. They responded with birds of their own. Billy decided to partake in the fun, by turning his head to the girls, causing them all to cease chatting and stare at him like they were waiting for a jump scare. And he delivered. He clacked his teeth together repeatedly and cackled in a high-pitched voice, rotating his head all the way around.

The girls screamed and the driver hit the gas, sending the car through the red light. A squad car showed up from somewhere in the shadows, red and blue lights cutting through the dark, and pulled the girls over immediately.

A moment later, the light turned green and Vic, laughing hysterically, slowly drove through the intersection. He saw the cop on duty was none other than officer Barbrady, aka officer Carlsberg. And Carlsberg looked absolutely shocked, like he had just seen a ghost. He continued staring at Vic’s crew while they drove down the road. Vic made sure to give the scowling and crying teens a friendly wave on the way by.

The Moondial Lounge was dark, with the exception of a dim glow emanating from behind the curtain of a window that lined up with the room Rudy had used the crystal ball in earlier. A closed sign hung on the front door, but Vic was confident that one certain human was still conducting personal business inside.

Quietly, the group got out of the car and checked the front door. Vic turned the handle, expecting it to be locked, but it wasn't.

What a stupid mistake, Vic thought. It’s like the place is asking to be robbed.

They snuck through the restaurant area until there was a clear view of Rudy, who was huddled over the crystal ball. He was talking to it quite loudly.

“Billy, fucking answer me.” Rudy slammed his fist against the desk. “If you don’t answer me, I’m going to end you for good.” He leaned back in his chair and turned toward the open restaurant area. His eyes paused on the group. It was dark, likely too dark to make out people, but he must’ve sensed movement. Rudy slowly stood and placed his hand against the wall, studying the shadows in front of him. “I know someone’s in here. I can hear breathing. Come out so I can beat your face.”

Vic popped out of the shadows and shoved Rudy. The human stumbled back into his chair and toppled over, landing in a heap on the floor. He grabbed a knife that was stashed under the desk and jumped to his feet, tossing the knife from hand to hand and grinning like he was some sort of prized street fighter.

Rudy lunged at Vic, thrusting the knife. Vic easily side-stepped the attack and gave the man a backhand across the face that sent Rudy falling to the floor once again. He had to hold back his strength lest he kill the guy.

The second time getting up was more of a struggle for Rudy. This time his look of wanting to fight was replaced with a look of complete shock, because Billy Bones had entered the office.

“Billy?” Rudy started. “How the hell are you here?”

Billy marched forward and grabbed Rudy by the throat, lifting him off the ground. “It appears I was never bound to the lake. I’m here to punish us for the atrocities we committed. Together.”

Sputtering and wheezing, Rudy took both of his hands and wrapped them around the skeleton’s wrist, then swung his feet ahead and kicked through the ribs, while pulling with his hands. The force was enough to pull Billy’s arm off and Rudy crashed to the floor for a third time.

“I need some help, boys,” Rudy said with a chuckle. Half a dozen fish demons stormed in, ramming into Vic and Billy, knocking them over.

The fish demons were nasty. They had two arms and legs like humans, but their hands were shaped like fins. Their heads were that of a smallmouth bass. Gross, slimy scales covered their green faces, their mouths permanently agape. Thankfully, and bizarrely, they were all wearing pin-striped suits to cover the rest of their horrific bodies. One might confuse these beings with some sort of mechanical puppets, but they were the real deal. And they smelled to high heaven, like opened cans of expired tuna sitting in a hot garage during the middle of summer.

Four of the fish demons grabbed Billy and Vic, restraining them. The demons were strong, but not strong enough to win a one-on-one fight. Vic was about to start the battle, but paused when he saw Maya and Pete being held by the other two demons. If he stirred the pot now, chances were good that Maya and Pete would bear the brunt of it, so he made the call to hold tight.

“Billy boy, Billy boy,” Rudy sang, out of tune. “I knew something was wrong when you stopped responding to the crystal ball.” He pointed to Pete. “I recognize this toad from earlier this evening. Terrible acting, by the way. I knew you were up to something. You weren’t drunk, just stupid.” Pete squirmed and the fish demon tightened its grip. “I figured what the hell, Billy will kill you either way. Then Billy apparently decided to go and develop a conscience. And to top it off, he partnered up with our town’s worthless paranormal advisor. How fitting.”

“Do you want a round of applause, detective?” Vic asked. “Or you could take Billy’s arm there and ram it up your ass, then slap it around. Same effect.”

Rudy strolled up to Vic, brimming with confidence. He slugged Vic right in the gut. It hurt a tiny bit, but not even enough to make Vic flinch.

“Tough guy, huh?” Rudy asked. He motioned to one of the demon’s holding Vic, who proceeded to move around in front of Vic and deliver three punches; two in the stomach and one across the mouth.

That did hurt. But the worst thing? Its hands were wet and Vic could feel liquid on his cheek. And the smell. Good lord, the smell. The fish demon continued to stand there, so Vic spit blood in its face. It pressed its creepy fin-shaped hands to its eyes—which had no eyelids—and its head writhed in agony.

Vic laughed. So did Pete, earning him a wet slap across the face. He fell to the ground.

“Vic!” Maya shrieked.

“Shut the humans up,” Rudy instructed. He snapped his fingers and the fish demons drug Maya and Pete out of the room.

Vic knew “shut the humans up” most likely meant kill them. He leapt into action by kicking the fish demon, who was already doubled over from the blood in the eyes, in the head. Next, he delivered an elbow to the fish restraining him and bolted out to the restaurant area. Billy was more than capable of handling himself.

Still fumbling with the two humans, the demons were unaware that Vic had snuck up behind them. He grabbed one by the suit jacket, slammed it on top of the bar, and slid it across the top, knocking glasses and bottles to the floor. He finished by ramming its head clean through the drywall.

But the second fish broke a chair across Vic’s back, knocking the wind out of him. It pummeled him with vicious fin strikes.

“Hold on, Vic,” Maya shouted from closeby. Vic caught a glimpse of her raising her hands toward the demon.

Purple sparks erupted from her hands, but quickly sputtered out. She shook them and tried again. Nothing. Performance anxiety.

Pete threw his arm across Maya and nudged her behind him. “I’ve had enough. I’m more than a loser and, one day, I’ll be somebody. I’ll prove it.”

“Pete, don’t become a statistic,” Maya begged.

But Pete wasn’t listening. Pete was taking a stand. He was about to show everyone what he was capable of.

“I’ll show you, Dad,” Pete yelled as he sprinted toward the action, fists swinging with wild abandonment.

“What?” Maya asked, puzzled by Pete’s choice of words. Vic was also confused.

Pete didn’t hold back. He pelted the fish demon with fists and feet. The unorthodox strikes didn’t do much damage to the fish, but they did catch its attention, giving Vic the opportunity to snap its neck. It fell to the ground like a net of fish being dropped onto a boat deck. The other demon was still stuck in the drywall, presumably dead, so Vic turned his attention back to the office brawl.

Inside, Billy Bones battled with the two remaining fish demons, having already disposed of the other two. Vic stormed in just in time to watch Billy—who was still minus one arm—punch his remaining arm through the midsection of one fish demon. The second demon, seeing what had happened to his brethren, made a surprised “bubbling” type of noise with its mouth and booked it.

Vic didn’t bother stopping it as it dashed through the exit. He had a feeling it wouldn’t be causing problems anymore, much like its non-breathing companions.

Billy slid his arm out, letting the fish demon crumple, and set his sights on the sole remaining enemy combatant; Rudy.

Together, Billy and Vic hoisted Rudy on a desk and pinned him down. Pete and Maya stood behind, watching to make sure no one else snuck in undetected.

“Tell us all you know about The Nines,” Vic demanded, tightening his grip on Rudy’s arms. “Otherwise, Billy here is gonna make you feel regret for not speaking up sooner.”

Rudy laughed at Vic, then turned his head to Billy and said, “You’re a disappointment to the order, Billy. Master told me he expected much more out of you. I told him you were too soft, but he didn’t believe me. Guess I knew better.”

“What master is he talking about?” Vic asked.

“I don’t know,” Billy said. “The only member I have formally met and actually know is this man right here.”

“Tell us more,” Vic said.

“Eat a dick.” Rudy spat at Vic. Thankfully it missed.

“Billy,” Vic said, sternly.

Billy balled his fist and pressed it against Rudy’s gut, then pushed hard.

“Ahhhhhhh,” Rudy screamed, until Billy let up. Then the human laughed again. “If you think I’m telling you a damn thing, then you’re all dumber than those henchmen I hired. And they’re essentially braindead.”

Suddenly, Maya shoved between Vic and Billy. She held a hand up and a purple ball of light radiated from the palm of her hand, sounding almost like a mechanical whirring. “Listen, you lowlife scum. If you won’t tell them, tell me. Who murdered my parents?”

“Ahh,” Rudy said, lifting his head off the desk to inspect Maya closer. “I know who you are. Poor little thing. Want to know what happened to your parents, huh?” He shook his head up and down, mocking her. “I’ll tell you what happened …. You can go eat a dick with your friend here.” He laughed and laughed.

Maya pulled a surprising move and punched him in the mouth.

“Ouch,” the bartender said. “More fight in you than your parents had.”

Once more, Billy rammed his fist into Rudy’s gut. Harder this time. Much harder. Rudy squirmed and squealed in agony.

“Tell us everything,” Vic demanded. “Tell us about the people you had killed. Next round, Billy is gonna go all the way through you.”

Rudy fished around in his mouth with his tongue, very deliberately. A moment later there was a crunch and he smiled, revealing that a tooth was missing.

“What did you just do?” Vic asked, yanking Rudy to a sitting position.

Rudy laughed. “Security measure. Wasn’t the way I hoped to go out, but it could be worse. For the greater good. It’s what I signed up for. Did you really think I’d ever tell you shit? You and your little friends have put yourself on a one way path down a dark road that there’s no turning around on. You should’ve stuck to domestic disputes, you dumb fuck. The Nines will end all of your lives.”

Foam began creeping out of Rudy’s mouth, his body convulsing. Vic let go and Rudy fell against the desk, his body moving no more. He was gone.

“Was that a cyanide tooth?” Pete asked. “I thought those were a myth.”

“Guess not,” Vic answered. “He must’ve been in deep to willingly give his life.”

Vic was concerned about Maya. She had taken a verbal beating and Vic could only imagine the emotions running through her right now. He worried about the magic exploding again, but mostly he understood that she had done nothing to deserve what she had gone through this past year. The way Rudy had talked, he knew exactly what had happened to her parents, likely played a role in it. All signs were pointing to murder, courtesy of The Nines. What had started as conspiracy nonsense, was now going in a direction Vic never wanted to be a part of. But he found himself buried in it.

Placing his hand on Maya’s back, Vic said, “Why don’t you step out for a second. Get some fresh air. You don’t need to see this mess.”

Maya wiped her arm across the bottom of her nose and sniffled. “No, thanks. I want to see his worthless, lifeless body. It gives me hope that I’m doing the right thing. I think my parents would want this. Their deaths won’t be in vain. And I’ll make sure of it.”

Billy, now equipped with both arms, walked over to the corner of the room and grabbed the crystal ball that had fallen on the floor. He turned to the group. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the answers you were looking for. But a consolation prize is one member of The Nines is now dead—soon to be two. Before I smash the crystal and fade from this existence, can you fulfill one request for me?”

“I don’t see why not,” Vic said. “What do you need?”

Billy looked up and, for a second—probably due to the angle—it almost looked like he smiled. Such a thing was understandably impossible. He said, “There’s a girl I’d like to see one last time.”