Vic Owens: Paranormal Advisor

“Are you sure this is going to work?” Maya asked. “It seems kind of stupid.”

“Of course it will work,” Vic responded. “It was my idea.”

Vic and Maya were squished together at a table near the bar, watching Pete enact Vic’s perfect plan. It was unbearably hot in the crowded lounge, the mass gathering of people overwhelming the air conditioner. Bucket Chug Thursdays at the Moondial Lounge—they couldn’t have picked a worse night. But Vic was anxious to move forward while his enthusiasm was still high … and Pete had a long-standing Dungeons and Dragons session on Friday nights.

“Another Shirley Temple for the lady.” A waitress, wearing a pleasant smile, set a glass of red liquid in front of Maya. Her smile faded to disapproval when she placed Vic’s drink. “And a mug of our finest, cheapest tap beer for the elf. Enjoy.” She left to take the next table’s order, and would be stuck repeating the process to infinity on this night.

Maya judged Vic as he pounded his beer. “If you want your idea to go smoothly, it might help to slow down. That’s like your fifth drink. I don’t think we can afford any hiccups with you already agreeing to put Pete in harm’s way.”

Vic wiped his sleeve across his mouth after finishing his drink. “This isn’t my first rodeo. Don’t go stressing yourself out over Pete, he’s gonna be fine. As soon as Billy makes his presence known, I’ll jump out and take care of him.”

“If you say so,” Maya said, taking a sip of her non-alcoholic drink. “What if Billy—”

“Shh. Shh. Shh.” Vic pressed the palm of his hand against Maya’s face. “Pete’s making his move. Man, I hope he’s not a shitty actor.”

Maya pushed his hand to the side. “Gee, you hope the unemployed rando you met at the questionable library is secretly an A-list actor? I’m confident you won’t be disappointed.”

“Your sarcasm is noted … but not unappreciated,” Vic said. “Just pay attention.”

Pete, sitting at the bar, “accidentally” dumped his glass of beer over. The bartender reacted quickly, throwing a towel over the spill and soaking up the mess.

“Our boy, Rudy, is on the scene,” Vic whispered. “Take it away, Pete.”

Pete overacted by swaying heavily in a complete circle while sitting on the stool. “I’ve had wayyyy too much to drink.” He rubbed his eyes and moaned. “Ohhhh. Do you have a number for a taxi?”

“I think he needs to dial it back a bit,” Maya said.

Rudy studied Pete, before leaning in close to him. “You look sober enough to me. Where ya heading?”

“I’m on the other side of town,” Pete said. “It's sooo far away.”

Rudy gave a sly smile. “It’s not too far if you take Westfall Lake Road. It will shoot you out on the far side of town, and you can sneak in that way. No cops, no traffic, no worries.”

“Has everyone else you told thought it was a good idea to go so far out of their way?”

“What?” Rudy asked, lifting his elbows from the bar.

“Ohh,” Pete said, likely realizing he was close to screwing up the setup. “I mean, it’s so far out of my way, I should take a cab like everyone else.”

Rudy took the explanation and leaned in again. “Man, those drivers will charge you triple on Bucket Chug Thursday. Save yourself some dough and give my way a shot. You won’t regret it.”

“OK,” Pete said. “If you say so. I better get going then before I black out. I’m so hammered.” He slid off the stool and wobbled to the exit, giving Vic and Maya a wink on the way past.

“Don’t make eye contact with us, asshat,” Vic snapped as Pete passed by. Pete immediately moved his eyes front and center, dashed outside, and hopped in the car.

Vic and Maya stayed in their seats, waiting to see what Rudy did next. The bartender went back to his job, taking empty glasses from the counter and dumping them in a sink to be cleaned. He threw a dish towel across his shoulder and took a brief survey of the other workers, before excusing himself to a backroom just off the side of the cash registers. There was no door, giving Vic a clear view as Rudy pulled an object, covered in black cloth, out of a desk drawer. He removed the cloth to reveal a crystal ball. Then Rudy ran his hands in circles over the top of it and the ball glowed a dull purple.

“That’s how he’s communicating with Billy,” Vic said, slapping the table. “C’mon. Leave some money for the waitress.”

“What?” Maya asked. “Why can’t we split the bill? You had way more than me.”

“Just leave forty bucks to cover the drinks and tip. I’ll take it off your bill.”

“Fine,” Maya said, exasperated. She dug in her pocket and left the money on the table, then powerwalked after Vic.

After loading in the car, Vic took off, spinning out on the loose gravel parking lot.

“How’d I do?” Pete asked, leaning over the backseat, his head appearing between Vic and Maya.

“Subpar,” Vic said, continuing to fly down the roads. “But Rudy went for it and that’s all that matters.”

“I thought you were convincing,” Maya said, smiling at Pete.

Pete smiled back, happy with the praise. He sunk into the backseat. “Juilliard, here I come.”

“Are you safe to drive?” Maya asked Vic, watching him light a cigarette while barely paying attention to the road.

“I can drink three times more than the average human before I start to feel the effects. The bill would have been much higher if I was looking for a good time. Much higher.”

In the dead of night, Vic swung onto Westfall Lake Road. The car bounced during the transition from highway to gravel, knocking everyone’s heads against the roof. But no one yelled at Vic for his erratic driving—they were too busy staring at what lay ahead.

Vic leaned forward, resting his hands against the steering wheel, and stared at the figure down the road. He flicked the high beams on.

“I know we’re all supposed to be accepting and used to seeing this sort of stuff by now, but that’s the creepiest shit I’ve ever seen in my life.” Pete’s head peeked in the front seat again.

The skeleton known as Billy Bones, stood in the middle of the road using a bony hand to shield its hollow eyes from the bright headlights.

Vic fastened his seat belt. “I’d buckle up if I were you two. And if you have any sins you’d like to confess, do it now.”

“Why?” Maya asked, obeying the order. “What are you going to do?”

“When I was little I used to steal Pokemon cards and sell them to other kids,” Pete confessed. “Phew. It feels good to finally get that off my chest.”

“Dude,” Vic said. “Please tell me it was a phase.”

Pete hesitated. “I mean … is it still called a phase if you never quit?”

Vic shook his head and mashed the gas pedal to the floor. Maya shrieked as the car veered left and right, until it gained traction and barreled down the road toward Billy, who never moved out of the way and met a ton of steel at sixty miles per hour. Billy’s bones flew all over the gravel road and rattled off the hood of the car.

Vic slammed on the brakes after blowing apart the monster. All three of the occupants jumped out to inspect the damage, some more in shock than others.

“Bonetastic,” Pete whispered, picking up a femur.

“Did that really happen?” Maya asked, still wide-eyed.

“Alright, folks,” Vic said, picking up part of a spinal column. “Quiet reflecting time is over. Help me load the bones in the trunk so we can bury Billy out in the woods.”

“Why, Vic?” Maya asked, throwing her hands high in the air and clasping her fingers over her head. “Why’d you have to go and kill Billy? I thought we were going to question him and solve the lake disappearances. I needed answers for my parents, and you just took it all away and ruined everything. Ruined me.”

“Getting your answers is exactly what we’re doing.” Vic started throwing bones in the trunk. Pete ran alongside him with an arm full. “At most, this just pissed Billy off. He’ll probably pull himself back together soon, I imagine. But I want to get him away from the lake to see if that weakens him, and I also don’t want him dragging us under the water.”

Maya looked at Vic, not with disgust, but with a genuine interest. “Wow. I didn’t take you for someone that considered battle tactics. I assumed you were a punch first, ask questions later type of elf.”

Vic wasn’t amused. “Stick around long enough and you’ll learn a thing or two from me. I find that things come back from the dead a lot less when they don’t have the proper framework for a body. But I'm confident Billy operates on a different set of rules.”

The three got busy collecting pieces of Billy and throwing him in the trunk. Pete grumbled while he scoured the long grass, until he found the jaw bone. “Hey, guys! I think this is the last piece.” When he started toward the car, the bone flew out of his hand and zipped to the back of it.

They exchanged bewildered stares. Being the supernatural champion of the group, Vic slowly moved to the trunk and peeked inside.

He was greeted with a fist to the nose.

The force of the punch knocked Vic straight on his ass. He watched as the skeleton, fully reformed, crawled out of the trunk and fell to the ground. On its hands and feet, it clambered toward him like an overgrown spider. Vic gave Billy a greeting of his own—a kick to the face, which knocked his whole skull off and sent it flying back into the trunk.

A second later, Billy’s head came shooting out and reattached itself to the spine.

“You gotta be shitting me,” Vic rasped, scrambling to his feet. “Might need a little assistance here, friends.”

Vic’s “friends” did the best that two weak humans could manage—throwing rocks. The stones bounced off Billy with disgusting cracking sounds as the bones chipped and broke. The attack was at least enough to irritate Billy, because he held up an arm to protect his face.

During the momentary distraction, Vic rushed in and grabbed Billy by the backbone, trying to faithfully recreate a Mortal Kombat fatality. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be so. A sharp elbow knocked Vic silly and a skeletal hand grabbed him around the neck, slamming his head against the car. He blacked out for a brief moment, before coming back to and seeing a rainbow of colors swimming in his eyes. In the next instant, Vic was lifted and thrown through the back window of the car—landing in the seat and feeling every shard of glass cut his skin. Warm blood ran down the sleeves of his duster.

When this fight is over, Vic thought, my first priority will be scolding Alyssa’s lying ass. She severely undersold Billy’s strength.

There was another problem to figure out first. Maya and Pete were currently on their own, while Vic struggled to crawl out of the car. He managed to kick the door open and get halfway through, when a sense of dread filled his being.

Billy was right on top of the humans, who had fight in them, but not enough to hang with a supernatural creature. In a confusing turn, instead of killing Pete, he pushed him into the water and turned his focus squarely on Maya. She backed up, continuing to pelt the skeleton with small rocks. Billy snatched her by the wrist and used his other hand to squeeze her throat.

Vic saw the terror in her eyes, when they stared into each other’s souls. They both knew it was impossible for him to reach her in time, before Billy could snap her neck. Vic remembered the last time he had felt immense guilt and sadness. He had hoped to never feel that way again. But in this moment, every agonizing detail of the past coursed through his veins.

But the past didn’t repeat itself. Something else happened that shocked everyone in attendance that evening.