Vell Harlan and the Doomsday Dorms

The door to Harley’s dorm slammed open in an awkward fashion. She looked up from her project as Vell stumbled in, still holding Lee in his arms. Harley blinked twice.

“What the fuck happened?”

“It was getting really weird and uncomfortable,” Vell said. “I panicked.”

“And this?” Harley asked, gesturing to Lee, still cradled in his arms.

“I panicked?”

“Right,” Harley said. “It’s a good thing you went with the bridal carry. Lee turns to jelly at the slightest hint of physical intimacy.”

Vell stared down at Lee, who stared right up at him, both of them bright red in the face.

“You can put me down now,” Lee said. Vell bent at the waist to let her safely dismount rather than simply dropping her. She stepped away from him, straightened the wrinkles in her blouse, and remembered that she was supposed to be angry at him. Lee made a show of crossing her arms with a huff.

“What was it this time, Lee?”

“I- I improvised,” Lee said.

“She told them she was pregnant,” Vell said. “With my baby.”

“Aww Jesus, Lee, you dragged him into it?” Harley groaned. “The leukemia thing you did last year was at least a solo routine.”

“You pretended to have leukemia?” Vell said, his voice making his offense very clear.

“I improvised,” Lee said defensively. “I just all of a sudden realized I could say whatever I wanted, and I, well, I said whatever came to mind.”

“So tell them to fuck off, don’t tell them you have a terminal disease!”

“And what would that accomplish? If I simply told them off or insisted they leave me alone, they’d either ignore what I want, as usual, or they’d write me off and cut me out of their lives like the loveless sociopaths they are. At least with this I get the satisfaction of watching them squirm.”

“I’m down for schadenfreude, Lee, you know that,” Harley said. “Sometimes enjoying people’s pain -when it’s accidental, or their own fault- is fun. But when you’re causing the pain you’re enjoying, that sort of makes you a dick.”

“They won’t even remember it, it’s completely harmless,” Lee said. “Why shouldn’t I have a bit of fun with it?”

Harley contained a grunt of frustration. This is where she had stalled out last year. She hadn’t been able to refute Lee’s points last year, and she hadn’t come up with any new arguments in the meantime.

“You’ll remember it,” Vell said, picking up Harley’s slack in much the same way he’d picked up Lee herself.

“Yes, that’s the point,” Lee said. “For a few brief moments of my life I get to give them what they deserve.”

“Maybe your parents getting their feelings hurt is good, I don’t know, but hurting anyone’s feelings, even theirs, isn’t good for you,” Vell continued. “No matter how much a person ‘deserves’ it, hurting someone just because you can is a cruel, pointless thing to do. The fact that they aren’t going to remember it makes it worse, not better. You’re just being cruel for your own sick pleasure.”

“I- Do I not deserve some kind of satisfaction?”

“You do, but there are better ways to get it than just lashing out,” Vell said. “It’s not healthy behavior. Just short-term sadism that never really makes anything better.”

After a moment of consideration, Harley decided to take a step back and let Vell do his thing. She’d been caught off guard by his surprising therapy skills, and it seemed Lee had as well. The flame of her anger had been doused. Perhaps only briefly, but Harley was happy to let it play out.

“I understand that your parents hurt you, Lee, and in a lot of ways they’re still hurting you,” Vell said. “But doing all this won’t really change anything, and it won’t make you happier in the long run. There are better ways for you to feel, uh, better. Ways that can actually make you as happy as you deserve to be.”

Vell found himself tripping over his words, as he often did, and decided to pause, to give both himself and Lee some time to think. She stood, fists clenched at her side, with her entire body trembling. Vell assumed it was out of anger. He was very wrong.

Lee took one step forward and then all but collapsed forward onto Vell’s chest. He caught her and kept her on her feet as she pressed her face against him and started to cry harder than Vell had ever seen anyone cry. He could already feel his shirt getting damp from the sheer volume of tears. Vell gave her an awkward pat on the back, which changed nothing. After Lee started to tug on Vell’s shirt, he looked to Harley for an assist.

“Don’t look at me buddy, you did this,” Harley said with a playful smile. “You fucked up, you made Lee feel genuinely loved and appreciated, now you got to deal with the waterworks.”

Vell looked down at Lee, sighed, and put one arm around her. He then held the other out towards Harley.

“Alright, but we’re at least making this a group hug,” he said.

“Can do, boss,” Harley said. She went in for the hug, grabbing Vell with one arm and Lee with the other, and squeezing them both as tight as she could. She enjoyed the moment of peace and friendship as best she could, knowing that just by the nature of their lives, it was going to be temporary. She was, of course, proven correct sooner rather than later.

“Does anybody hear buzzing?” Vell asked.

“Yeah,” Lee said. She didn’t break away from the hug.

“What do you think, more killer bugs or some spinning blade of death?” Harley said. She didn’t break away either.

“Probably the spinning blade thing, it sounds more like a fan,” Vell said.

“We should deal with that.”

“In a moment,” Lee said, giving them both a quick squeeze before the doomsday dragged them out of her arms.

“So the short version is some dude’s super-fast propeller got out of hand and started flying around the campus as a sort of whirligig death machine.”

“Hmm, that explains why I couldn’t catch it,” Leanne said. She had spotted the flying death propeller on the first loop and tried to snatch it out of the air. It had been moving so fast she’d taken it for a solid object, not a propeller with multiple blades -and gaps between them. Her fingers slipped right through one such gap, and then the propeller had slipped through her.

“I mean, uh, you probably wouldn’t have caught it anyway,” Vell said. “It was moving pretty fast.”

“Try me.”

“Well, no, I won’t,” Vell said. She’d gotten cut in half the last time she’d tried. “But I guess I’ll take your word for it.”

That seemed to satisfy Leanne’s pride, which was surprisingly reliant on her ability to catch things, and she fell silent. It was about time for history to repeat itself. Harley showed up once again, this time walking at a slow pace, and with Lee at her side. Leanne resisted the temptation to bolt a second time.

“Good morning,” Lee said, with a stiff curtsy.

“Hey Lee. You doing alright?”

“I am doing better, thank you for asking,” Lee said. Her accent was unusually thick today, and every movement she made had all the stiffness of a mannequin. “My parents would still like to see you, Vell, and I requested that I be able to fetch you personally. It gives me a little extra time away from them.”

The small act of requesting some breathing room from her parents would be insignificant to most, but for Lee, it represented a step forward in managing her relationship with her parents in a healthier way. Vell stood and took Harley’s place at Lee’s side as they walked back in the direction of her dorm.

“Thank you for not dragging me this time,” Vell said.

“Of course not,” Lee said. “Would you mind walking slower? The later we get back the better.”

Vell slowed his pace as much as he could while still technically moving forward, and Lee matched him step for step.

“I am truly doing much better, if you’re concerned,” Lee said.

“I trusted you the first time, but good to know,” Vell said.

“In my regards to my previous behavior, though, I did have a thought.”

“Go on.”

“None of this terminal disease or pregnancy business, I promise, but maybe-”

“Lee.”

“Let me finish,” Lee said. “I just tell them I’m failing a few classes, or perhaps that I’ve been taking calls from rival companies. Nothing serious, but maybe I make them sweat a little.”

“Well...be careful. That’s still a fine line you’re walking,” Vell said.

“Yes, I’m only considering it, not planning on it. Thank you for your concern, however. I will keep your words in mind.”

In spite of their glacial pace, the campus was only so large. Vell and Lee began ascending the steps to her dorm, one slow step up at a time.

“Vell, I am keenly aware that you might want to leave as soon as possible, given my parents...well, everything about them makes you want to run, so,” Lee began. “I won’t ask you to stay forever, but as long as you feel comfortable. It would be greatly appreciated.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”

“And I yours,” Lee said. “But seriously, leave if you can’t handle it. God knows I’d run if I could.”

The moment of levity broke the stiffness that Lee had forced on herself. Her parents always expected proper poise and etiquette from her, and she had to cage her entire personality when they were visiting. For a moment, though, she let the tethers on her heart loosen and relaxed, with a deep breath.

“If you need a little longer, we can always say you had a little trouble finding me,” Vell offered.

“No, I’m alright,” Lee insisted. “Best to get this over with as soon as possible.”

The moment of relaxation ended, and Lee resumed her stiff, overly-formal posture. She opened the door and led Vell inside, far more calmly than she had on the first loop.

“Mother, Father, Vell Harlan is here.”

Vell paused to stare at Lee for a second before he stepped inside. Her voice and posture had already been inhuman, but now that she was standing in the same room as her parents, every change was multiplied tenfold. Lee moved like a puppet on strings, and she had an uncomfortably broad Stepford smile pinned to her face. The inhuman facade Lee wore now almost disturbed more Vell than her outbursts during the first loop.

This time Lee started no shouting matches and told no lies, instead acting the part of an inhumanly perfect host as she introduced Vell and her parents in turn. She prepared and served tea while Noel Burrows once again described how he had intruded on Vell’s personal life, her forced smile never fading even as she listened to her father describe how he’d bribed laboratory techs for information. Vell had a much harder time keeping a straight face.

“Oh, don’t worry about any of those nurses sharing your secret,” Noel assured him. “Everyone has a price, and not many people could afford theirs.”

“The kind of people who can afford it are the people I’m most worried about,” Vell said.

“Ha! You might have a point there,” Noel said. “Luckily I got to them first, right?”

The complete lack of self awareness didn’t surprise Vell. He decided to gloss over the subject.

“So, I, uh, appreciate the interest, but I’m doing a lot of independent research with that rune right now,” Vell said. “I’ll keep you posted if that changes.”

“Of course you will,” Noel said. “I’ll find out one way or another, after all.”

Noel and Granger laughed after he said that. Vell couldn’t be sure if Noel was threatening him, or if he thought that actually counted as a joke. Vell smiled nervously while Lee dodged the issue by sipping her tea. It wasn’t a deliberate move on her part, just convenient timing. Around her parents, Lee took a sip of tea every three minutes, exactly. One could set their watch by how regularly she raised the cup to her lips.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Noel said. “Your grades are excellent, even in that one hardass professor’s class, what’s her name, Newguyan?”

“Nguyen,” Vell corrected. “And my grades are fine, yeah.”

Vell took a sip of tea to give himself an excuse to pause, and looked at Lee. Like clockwork, she raised her own cup to her lips, still staring blankly forward at her parents with a strained smile.

“You know, uh-” Vell caught himself about to say ‘Lee’ and settled for nodding in her direction instead. “Her grades are actually just as good as mine, in a lot of classes.”

“Oh, of course,” Granger said. “That’s our Excy.”

Lee did not wince at the sound of her disgusting nickname. Noel clapped his wife on the shoulder and gestured to his own chest.

“XL-X8’s got Burrows blood in her veins. Success comes naturally to her.”

As narcissistic as it was dismissive, Vell thought to himself. Vell put his teacup down, and Lee broke her own monotonous tea-sipping routine to offer to refill his cup: the closest thing to “thanks for trying” she could say under the circumstances..

“Oh, I’d love more tea, thank you Excy,” Granger said, in spite of the fact that Lee had not offered her any. She served her mother regardless, and Granger smiled happily as she sipped at a fresh cup.

“Oh, Excy, aren’t you so glad I got you this tea set? It really makes all the difference.”

“It is a splendid gift, mother,” Lee droned. “I cherish it every day.”

Vell had never seen this tea set before in his entire time knowing Lee -and he’d actually had tea with her more than once.

After Granger finished patting herself on the back for picking out such a lovely gift, Noel asked Lee what she’d been doing with her time. It was almost an expression of sincere interest in his daughter’s life, but he immediately followed up by saying “Made any useful connections?” reminding everyone in the room that he viewed his daughter purely as a resource to be exploited for social capital. Having expected such an attempt at exploiting her life for his own ends, Lee launched into a long, droning monologue about people she had met and experiments she had seen -mostly lies, of course, since Lee didn’t want to risk giving her father anything useful even on accident.

The added lies also acted as useful filler. The longer Lee spent talking, the less time her parents had to say horrible things. She bought herself even more time by sticking to her routine of taking a sip of her tea every three minutes, making the monologue last even longer. Eventually, though, her droning babble of lies ran out of steam, and she had to stop. She’d barely been silent for a second before her father took over the conversation again.

“Well, you’ve been busy,” he said. “Good girl.”

“Thank you, father.”

Once again, Vell had to take a sip of tea to stop himself from cringing. The way Lee said “Father” came straight out of a horror movie. The inhuman intonations of Lee’s voice only pleased the father in question, though.

“Keep up the good work. And try to keep an eye on that oceanic ley harvesting project. Burrows needs to be the first to get their hands on that tech if it works.”

“Of course, father.”

“Oh, and if you help your father get that, maybe you can finally come home,” Granger said.

“There’ll still be networking to do, dear. XL-X8 has to complete her four years and then she can come back quick as a whip.”

“I don’t know how I’ll manage two more years away, but I shall persevere,” Lee said. Vell was impressed she could say that with a straight face. She maintained the robotic facade, sipping tea like clockwork all the while, until her parent’s stiff attempts at small talk faded away and they started to get ready to leave. Granger fussed over her daughter for a while, correcting her posture and pointing out messes in the dorm, while Noel seemed to be in a hurry to leave.

“Sorry to cut out, but there’s some promising senior prospects to be recruited,” Noel said. He waved goodbye to Lee quickly and then focused his attention on Vell, giving him an uncomfortably firm handshake. “Seriously, Vell, working with me on that rune is your best option. I can make you a very rich man.”

“I’m not really interested in the money,” Vell said.

“Then you’re an idiot,” Noel said, completely humorlessly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card with his own face embossed on it. “If I don't get my hands on that rune, Kraid will. Call me when you're done being an idiot, Harlan."

Vell took the business card and, not knowing what to say to that, awkwardly waved goodbye as Lee’s parents finally left. He looked to see if she would drop the stiff posture she had adopted during their visit. She still stood upright, taking her mothers overbearing posture corrections into account as well.

“Uh, Lee-”

“Not yet,” she snapped. She held up one finger, gesturing for him to wait. “Not yet.”

While she stood still and waited, Vell got the intense feeling that there was some clock counting down in Lee’s head. He could practically hear the ticking. The unseen timer eventually ran out, and Lee relaxed, walked back to the tea table, and grabbed the first piece of the tea set, the cup her mother had been using.

If the porcelain weren’t so fragile, the force with which Lee chucked it might’ve made a hole in the wall. Instead, the tiny teacup shattered into so much dust, crumbling with a satisfying crunch. The dust hadn’t even fallen to the floor when Lee grabbed the serving dish that came with the teacup and chucked it into the wall as well.

“I take it you don’t actually like the gift that much,” Vell said.

“It’s not even the same tea set,” Lee grunted. “I do this every time, and I buy a replacement every time. She never notices!”

Lee grabbed the teacup her father had been using and cocked her arm back. As she did so, she caught a glimpse of Vell out of the corner of her eye and stopped mid-throw.

“I’m sorry,” Lee said. “This is more unhealthy behavior, isn’t it?”

“No, I’m pretty sure this is fine, uh, I think,” Vell said. “I’m no psychologist, but this feels healthier.”

Seizing the excuse, Lee chucked the next teacup and the tray into the wall. She then grabbed the empty teapot and hurled it as well, enjoying the hollow crack as it hit the wall, and only a little bit pretending it was her father’s head breaking on the wall. As she caught herself giving into sadism, Lee stepped away from her destructive outlet and took a breather.

“Would you like to toss something, dear?”

“I’m good,” Vell said. “I just sort of need a nap. And a beer.”

“Tragically I had to purge all the beer from my dorm for their visit, or I would offer you one. Or several. However many it takes to put someone into a coma,” Lee said. “If you need a moment, Vell, it’s alright if you leave.”

“I don’t just want to ditch you,” Vell said. Lee stepped up and hugged him tightly for a moment.

“I know you don’t,” Lee said. “And that’s why it’s okay if you do. I’ll be alright, Vell. Throwing teacups around is shockingly cathartic.”

“If you’re sure-”

“I’m sure,” Lee said. They repeated the cycle of double-checking and reassuring each other a few times before Vell actually left. He closed the door behind him and immediately heard the impact of a tea tray slamming into it, which made him feel more certain Lee would be alright.

Behind him, in a dorm that was rapidly filling with porcelain shards, Lee grabbed her own teacup and chucked it at the ceiling, letting the broken pieces rain down around her. She then grabbed another tiny plate and the sugar tray and shattered them on the nearest wall, before grabbing even more pieces of the tea set and spiking them straight down into the floor.

Finally, Lee grabbed the last unbroken piece of the tea set -the cup that Vell had used. She clutched the tiny cup tight in her hands and contemplated where best to hurl the final piece of the dainty porcelain bullshit her mother thought a “proper lady needed”. Granger hadn’t even been there to see Lee off the day she’d left for college, she’d just had a butler hand off a heavy box and a hastily-scrawled note. She hated the stupidity, the pointlessness of it, the idea that some useless material good could somehow compensate for her absence.

Lee stared down at the teacup, expecting the sight of it to reignite her hatred and spark her to throw it somewhere. It didn’t.

She loosened her grip on the teacup and sat down in the nearest chair. This wasn’t even the same teacup her mother had bought for her. That one was dust in the bottom of a pile of garbage somewhere. All this particular teacup had ever done was hold some tea for Vell.

With a sigh, Lee walked over to the cabinet, put the teacup on a shelf, and closed the cabinet behind her, leaving it safely in the dark.