Vell Harlan and the Doomsday Dorms

vharlan03:

hey guys

quick question

Lee:

Did the Jenglot get out of its cage?

vharlan03:

no that’s still locked up

apocalypse averted and all that

i just had a question about the app

Lee:

What app?

vharlan03:

the one we’re on right now

HARL33:

lmaoooooooo

Lee:

Right.

Shoot.

vharlan03:

well, i tried to send a screenshot of a chat to an old friend of mine from high school

but instead of the chatlog

he got a baklava recipe

HARL33:

oh lucky him

could’ve been way worse.

vharlan03:

way worse how?

HARL33:

vell did u even read the user guide?

vharlan03:

what user guide?

Lee:

It’s a little question mark icon in the top right.

vharlan03:

I don’t see it

HARL33:

hmm

did u ever find that student handbook btw

vharlan03:

no

HARL33:

okay

u r possibly being haunted by a ghost who hates instruction manuals

but we’ll deal with that later

vharlan03:

cant we deal with it now?

HARL33:

no

lee explain the app thingy to him

Lee:

Very well.

As you are no doubt aware, Vell, the vast majority of commonly used chat apps are run -and monitored- by large corporations.

This created a rather unfortunate situation in which those companies would subtly rewrite their terms of service to allow them to use ideas which were discussed in their apps.

And then they would monitor the chats of Einstein-Odinson students, stealing any profitable ideas from conversations among classmates.

vharlan03:

sounds about right

HARL33:

yet another reason every mfer in silicon valley can catch these hands

Lee:

Quite.

But the problem was addressed when a student programmed their own chat app and distributed it to the students of the college.

The code is collectively run and updated by students in the programming department, so there’s no evil corporate overlords involved.

vharlan03:

neat

but what part of that explains why a chatlog turned into a dessert recipe

Lee:

We’re getting there.

In order to prevent other instances of chatlog hacking or any sort of internal espionage, the chat app has its own security features.

Namely, trying to send (or take) any info from the chat app causes the file in question to be replaced with a junk file from a folder of random data.

HARL33:

anybody in school can send something to the junk folder

so as u can imagine

it is often literally a junk folder

lotta penises in there

vharlan03:

oh geez

Lee:

Quite so.

Oh!

Vell, you should add something to the junk file!

It’s something of a rite of passage around here.

HARL33:

just PLZ dont add a picture of ur dick.

and like

thats me saying that

vharlan03:

weirdly enough i wasnt planning on taking a pic of my junk

HARL33:

good

im sure u have a very nice penis but plz keep it to urself until the time is right

Lee:

I am begging you to stop talking about penises.

HARL33:

okay lesbian

vell

what ARE u gonna add tho

vharlan03:

idk ill think about it

HARL33:

would it help if we explained what we added first

vharlan03:

it usually does

Lee:

Learning from example is one of the best ways, after all.

I simply submitted the text of my favorite poem.

“Learning the Name” by Ursula K Le Guin.

HARL33:

now see this is why i don’t like doing the comparison thing sometimes

cuz you go and talk about your poetry

all fancy and refined

and then i gotta tell vell that i put in a picture of my dog’s butt

and i feel silly

Lee:

The world needs sophisticated art and crude comedy in equal measure.

Besides, your dog is a corgi.

Everyone loves corgi butts.

vharlan03:

you’ve had a corgi this whole time!?

HARL33:

hold ur horses vell its my fams dog

hes not on campus

vharlan03:

aww

HARL33:

ill send you some pics

but for now

what you gonna add to the junk folder

vharlan03:

idk

i think my mom still has some of my like, fingerpainting stuff from grade school?

maybe something like that

HARL33:

aww that sounds cute!

ill trade you corgi pics for pics of your fingerpainting

vharlan03:

deal

Lee:

I have neither corgi’s nor art to trade but I would like to see both of those, please.

HARL33:

of course!!!!

anyway now i gotta text my parents for corgi pics

ttyl

Lee:

Tell your mother I said hello.

HARL33:

will do!!!!!!!!

do u wanna say hi to my mom too vell

vharlan03:

does your mom even know who i am?

HARL33:

ofc! i tell my parents all about you guys

do you not tell ur mom about us?

vharlan03:

sometimes

im still figuring out how to separate the whole time loop apocalypse stuff from our like, daily hang out stuff

HARL33:

lmao right

ull get there

Lee:

for reference, I have told my parents nothing about you, Vell.

vharlan03:

that’s probably for the best.

Lee:

Unfortunately.