NOVEL NEXT Chapter 11: Unfortunate Sun
The sun loomed large -very, very large- on the horizon as Harley analyzed her data.
“I think that should do it,” she said. She gave the malfunctioning transporter a kick. “Now we know how to stop this on the next go around.”
“Excellent work, as always, dear,” Lee said. She had brought along a parasol today, to block out the sunlight, though the parasol itself was melting slightly.
In a misguided attempt to teleport a drone to the surface of Mercury, the Space Exploration department had inadvertently swapped the places of Earth and Mercury. Vell wasn’t sure how that had happened, but he was well beyond the point of questioning the daily apocalypses. Right now he just wanted this one to be over with. Being only thirty-million miles from the sun sucked, even with a helpful slathering of SPF 10,000 sunscreen that Harley kept on hand for just such an occasion. Vell looked in the general direction of the massive ball of fire, as close as he could look without immediately blinding himself.
“So, um, what now?”
“What do you mean, Vell?” Lee asked.
“I mean, well, we solved the thingy, but we’re still alive,” Vell said. “This kind of stuff usually kills us.”
“Oh it’s going to,” Harley said. Earth’s atmosphere was slowly being stripped away by the intense solar radiation, and not even the best sunscreen would save them once they were no longer shielded from the full wrath of the sun. “Speaking of inevitable death, I’m going to go try and get laid before we all get fried. You mind explaining things, Lee?”
“Of course. Have fun, Harley.”
“That’s the plan,” Harley said with a smile. “See you guys next loop!”
Vell and Lee waved goodbye while Harley went off on her own. The duo found their way towards some shade and Lee put her parasol away before launching into an explanation.
“Well, the typical protocol is to look for a relatively quick and painless way to...well, you know,” Lee said. She looked uncomfortable for a moment. “Which I would recommend in this case, because overexposure to solar radiation is a very unpleasant way to go.”
“Speaking from experience?”
“Secondhand, but yes,” Lee said. “One of the upperclassmen got launched into the sun last year, and described it as ‘like have all your atoms individually fried’. She always was a bit of a whiner, but I don’t think she was exaggerating in that case.”
“I don’t think so, no,” Vell said. He already felt uncomfortably like a fried egg.
“While it is inadvisable in this situation, if you are ever in a scenario where your life is not immediately and painfully threatened, you are welcome to wait it out.”
“Wait?”
“Yes dear,” Lee said. “Typically if you manage to fall asleep, you’ll wake the next loop in your own bed, as usual. If one manages to stay awake until about midnight of the first loop, you’ll be...well, it’s odd, but it’s as if your consciousness gets rather violently drop-kicked back to the morning. You’ll have a terrible headache though. I wouldn’t recommend it.”
“Huh. Well, I’m starting to get used to the universe murdering me, but I don’t think I’m quite ready to murder myself,” Vell said. “I’m going to try and wait it out.”
“I’d advise against it, but you’re free to do as you will,” Lee said. “Care to join me for some tea?”
“Sure, I could-” Vell stopped for a moment and had second thoughts. “Is the tea going to be poisoned?”
“Well mine is, but yours doesn’t have to be,” Lee said. “I will say though, a little cream and a dash of sugar and you can barely taste the cyanide.”
“I’ll pass, thanks,” Vell said.
“As you will,” Lee said. She stood and unfolded her parasol once again. “See you next loop, Vell.”
She stepped out of the shame and walked in the direction of the dorms. Even with the scant shade provided by her parasol, Vell could see Lee’s skin getting burned red as she walked through the sun-baked regions of the campus. By the time Vell started having second thoughts, Lee was already out of sight. He took a deep breath, wiped some sweat off his forehead, and waited.
“You really should’ve tried harder to talk me out of that,” Vell said. He took a few sips from an icy water bottle he was clinging to for dear life.
“I told you, the headache is awful,” Lee chided.
“I didn’t even make it to the headache,” Vell whined. “I got fried by a solar flare.”
Vell took another swig of ice-water and let it sit in his mouth for a moment, trying to wash out the aftertaste of yesterday’s apocalypse.
“I think my teeth melted,” he grumbled. “It was horrible.”
“Well, you’ve learned an important lesson,” Harley said. “Should’ve had some of Lee’s cyanide tea. The bitter almond taste gives it a surprisingly complex flavor profile, actually. If it didn’t kill me I’d have it more often.”
“Sadly my attempts to recreate the recipe with almond extract have always failed,” Lee sighed.
“I’m sure someone on this campus could invent cooking cyanide,” Vell suggested. “I’ll ask Renard later.”
“Oh would you? I’d appreciate it,” Lee said.
Vell took another swig of ice water and contemplated how to ask for edible poison. Like so many other things in his life, Vell figured there was no good way to go about it, and he would just have to wing it.