Unlimited Isekai and Other Unfortunate Magic

“Yeah,” Dave confessed. “I kinda did.”

The three Vitalix Kitlix settled all over Dave, radiating warmth and making him feel marginally less broken.

Dumpich’s mouth fell open wide. Terri and Leon simply stared.

“You worked alone?” Terri asked, staring at Dave’s bracelet. “But you’re only… Level Six?”

“A Strength-aligned assassin demolished most of the dungeon, attracting monsters to himself” Dave confessed. “He was trying to kill me. I simply… hid, stayed out of his way.”

“Why was an assassin chasing you?” Leon asked.

“Because I learned too much,” Dave revealed. “Stellaris and the others tend to hire assassins to take out people who find out about their true… nature.”

“Shiiit,” Dumpich said. “I heard there’s criminal gangs operating in Undertown. Was she with them?”

“Yeah,” Dave nodded. “She was selling… Topaz.”

“Abyss, I really liked her music,” Dumpich sighed, rubbing his hands. “That’s highly addictive shit, makes you daydream happy things while degenerating muscles, bloating stomach and turning your skin blue. If you learned about her Topaz sales side gig… that's def’ a good reason to take you out of the picture.”

“But…” Terri began. “Absorbing an entire dungeon? After it’s been slain by someone else? That’s just not how things work.”

“One can feast on the flesh of a recently slain dungeon beast to attain great power,” Leon said. “Absorbing an entire dungeon worth of monsters… that would actually explain the Vexirium condition.”

“Oh,” Terri said.

“What happened to this… assassin?” Leon asked.

“He died while fighting the dungeon core,” Dave revealed. “Demolished it with a punch and then fell to a Void Sentinel’s sword. There were only a few monsters left alive after that I took care of.”

“Healing Verixium isn’t going to be cheap. It’s going to require a healer monitoring your heart core area with Vitalix, plus constant corrections. The issue is that your body is struggling to handle the magical strain while your core expands,” Leon addressed Dave. “Basically, your level has grown faster than your body has adapted to it.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Dumpich waved his hands. “Dave’s a healer! If he can just join Healer’s Hall then he’ll have a Vitalix on hand constantly monitoring and adjusting his body. This isn’t an unresolvable problem, guys!”

“I’d like to buy my bonded Kitlix from Healers Hall,” Dave nodded. “But that’ll require lots of silver. Three hundred and forty silver to be precise.”

Leon eyed the bag. “The value of these lotuses alone is several hundred silver. I can get a much better rate for them through Healers Hall administration than what Adventurers Guild would pay you.”

“Thank you,” Dave said.

“What about the Voidtree?” Leon asked.

“It’s still there,” Dave shrugged. “Impervious, tipped over sideways and way too massive to fit into my bag. I couldn’t cut a single branch off it.”

“That’s because it’s made from extradimensional space magic,” Leon nodded. “I’m impressed that this assassin was even able to tear it from the ground at all. What level were they?”

“No idea,” Dave shrugged. “The crazy bastard punched right through the Void monsters and took a ridiculous amount of damage before he died.”

“What’s this tree’s value?” Dumpich asked Leon.

“Fifty platinum, maybe more,” Leon tapped his chin. “Unfortunately, only a high level extradimensional weapon could chop one of those branches off.”

“Could we maybe somehow fit it into a dimensional bag?” Dumpich asked.

“No. It’ll most likely tear right through any extradimensional bag.” Leon shook his head.

Dave frowned. He could really use the money.

“Can it be levitated out of the dungeon?” Dumpich speculated.

“You’d need a clear path out of the dungeon and a high level gravity mage to lift it,” Leon considered. “Plus you’d need a dimensional or Space mage to temporarily cancel out the tree’s magic. Hiring that many mages and clearing the path out through stone isn’t going to be cheap.”

“Who would even buy a Voidtree and why?” Terri asked.

“It can be put to a Highborn auction,” Leon contemplated. “Or sold on the Guildnet. Both have high entry fees for the auction to authenticate, store and display the item. However, the higher the fee, the greater the chances of selling it for much more.”

Dumpich suddenly snapped his fingers. "I've got it! We don't need to move the tree at all. We could just sell the information about its existence to the Guild. They'd pay for that kind of intel, and we wouldn't have to lift a finger!"

Leon shook his head. "Absolutely not. The Guild would lowball the price, and Dave wouldn't see nearly what he deserves." He turned to Dave. "You need to benefit properly from this, especially given your condition."

"But how?" Dave asked.

“The most important thing to do now is to lay claim to the tree as a party,” Leon stroked his chin thoughtfully. "The complication is, if you go to the Adventurers Guild as an Iron-level Six adventurer claiming you cleared the Whispering Depths solo in just a single day, they'd be incredibly suspicious. It would trigger an investigation, and they'd either harass you endlessly, shove you into a cell, or simply decide right away that you’re lying and simply take the tree and monster parts for themselves. We need a much more... plausible story.”

Dumpich's face lit up. "Oh! I've got it! What if we form a party and pretend we cleared the depths together? That'd be much more believable, right? We could get lots of silver that way without doing much!”

"A group of skilled healers taking on a dangerous dungeon?” Leon contemplated. “That’s more believable, but still rather iffy. We need someone high level and a hitter or two and a mobile home to block off the entrance so another party doesn’t just go in to steal the kills.”

“Hrm, oh, I might know someone like that,” Dave said thinking of Murdoc. “A Shadowmancer and a Snailmancer with a Snail-shell mobile home.”

“Do you trust them not to screw you over?” Leon asked. “It would take a single report to the Guild for this whole plan to come apart and then you wouldn’t see a single copper.”

“I… do,” Dave decided.

Terri chimed in. "But wouldn't we get in trouble for lying to the Adventurers Guild?"

“Eh,” Dumpich shrugged. “I used to be an adventurer, you know. Bending the truth a touch to appear more impressive is pretty normal in this biz.”

“A touch?” Terri raised an eyebrow.

“Just a sprinkle,” Dumpich grinned at her.

"We’d need to actually go there for a week or more to make it look convincing," Leon replied. “For example, a working strategy is to send a Strength-aligned Champion in to draw monsters out while the mages strike them from afar. The group of healers can handle any injuries the Champion sustains. The problem is that no sane Champion would sign up for such a job on the account of the teleporting Void spikes… Realistically, it would need to be a lowborn who’s really desperate for cash or maybe a slave who would have no choice but to obey.”

Dave thought about Remicra.

“I know a Strength-aligned blacksmith slave,” he said. “She’s owned by Lord Burgundy.”

“Do you trust her?” Leon asked. “What’s her name?”

“I trust her,” Dave said after a moment of consideration. “Her name’s Remicra.”

“We’d have to outline our dungeon delving strategy and present it to her owners with a sublease contract for Remicra,” Leon said. “Which brings up another issue–Burgundy’s Estate Management in charge of the slave might not be interested in getting their smith grievously injured and healed and injured again for a week.”

“Actually,” Dave said, thinking about Overseer Princess. “I think that they would love that.”

“Then we have a plan,” Leon smiled. “Are you two in?”

“I’m totally in,” Dumpich grinned. Terri remained silent and thoughtful.

“You’d do this for me?” Dave asked.

“I’d do it for fame alone,” Dumpich declared. “I adventured for a couple of years, but never managed to take out an entire freaking dungeon. Clearing one would be a huge boost to my career. I can totally take a week off my apprenticeship for this!”

The two male healers looked at Terri. The antlered healer frowned. Dave gradually pushed everything into Charisma and smiled at her.

Terri's resolve wavered under Dave's magic-enhanced smile. She let out a resigned sigh, blushing ever so slightly. "Oh, alright. I suppose someone needs to keep you lot out of trouble. I'm in. You’re lucky, I wouldn’t want such a handsome… prospective healer to wither away from Vexirium.”

“Thanks,” Dave said.

"So, how are we splitting this treasure trove?” Dumpich asked.

"Dave's the one who actually cleared the dungeon and is taking the biggest risk here. He should get the lion's share,” Leon suggested. “Personally, I’ll be plenty happy with a large batch of rotting Voidbeast flesh and a few Void Lotuses as my immediate share. The flesh will make excellent fertilizer to grow more Void-aligned flowers.”

"Same," Terri nodded, surprising Dave with her quick support. "Dave needs the funds for his continuous medical treatment and his own green Kitlix.”

Dave felt a surge of gratitude towards his friends. "Thanks, guys. But you're all taking a risk too. How about I take 60%, and the rest is split evenly among you?"

Dumpich's eyes widened. "That's still a hefty sum! Count me in!"

Leon nodded approvingly. "That seems fair. What about your other contacts? The Shadowmancer and Snailmancer?"

Dave considered for a moment. "I'll offer them 5% each.”

“They’d work for so little?” Dumpich asked. “That’s like the minimum possible split.”

“There’s no actual work involved,” Dave pointed out. “Just pretending to clear the dungeon and collecting the dead monsters. Anyways, I'll talk it over with them when we see them."

"And the blacksmith?" Terri asked.

“I’d like to give her a big percentage of my share," Dave decided. “She’s helping me out a lot right now.”

“She’s a slave,” Leon pointed out. “Her share would go directly to Lord Burgundy’s Estate, as a slave... she wouldn’t receive a copper. They will probably want something like ten or thirty percent from all profits plus an immediate downpayment for the slave lease per day. We’d need someone incredibly Charismatic to convince the Estate Management to go lower.”

“I can do that,” Dave said.

“You’re sure?” Leon asked.

“I’m sure,” Dave said.

He emptied the entire compartment with the Void lotuses onto the table and put about fifteen of them back into his backpack. “Here, these are for you three as your immediate share.”

“I’ll separate the seeds out for planting in my garden and sell the rest to Healers Hall,” Leon said. His Kitlix jumped off Dave. Leon opened a small leather bag on his side and Lisst formed a mouth and grabbed a few flowers and ran across the table, slipping them into Leon’s bag.

“I’ll buy your Kitlix for you,” Terri slid over to Dave. “Healy, right?”

“Shouldn’t we wait until Leon gets money for the flowers and until we write up a contract?” Dave shifted in his seat, his eyes darting between Terri and the pile of Void Lotuses on the table. The idea of a girl paying for his Kitlix made him feel uneasy.

"Oh no, you don't get to play the self-sacrificing hero here, mister. I'm not resting until you're reunited with Healy and that's final,” Terri’s green eyes struck him.

Dave opened his mouth to protest, but Terri cut him off with a wave of her lime-colored claws. "Dave, when Dumpich ranted to me all day about you, I thought he was spinning another one of his tall tales. A mysterious summoned who could bond with green Kitlix eight times his level? It sounded ridiculous." She paused, her expression softening. "Even when I sat next to you last time in the pub, I didn’t actually believe it one bit. But here you are, somehow suffering from clear Skill Psychosis, which shouldn't even be possible for someone your age and level.”

Dumpich, who had been quietly sipping his ale, chose this moment to chime in. "Hey! I resent that remark about my tales. They're not tall, they're... uuhhh… vertically gifted!”

Leon rolled his eyes. "Dumpich, the last story you told involved you single-handedly wrestling a Thundersnarg while reciting poetry. In iambic pentameter."

"It totally happened!" Dumpich protested, puffing out his chest. “The Thunderslate dungeon doors unlock only if you dedicate some original poetry to it!”

Terri ignored their banter, focusing on Dave. "My parents are capable Agromancers, they paid for my apprenticeship in Healers Hall. They send me silver every month for expenses, much of which I saved up by being frugal thanks to Leon feeding me veggies and fruits from his garden for lunch and breakfast. I want to see you bond with your level thirty four with my own eyes. That alone is worth three hundred silver to me. Besides, it’ll all pay off when we sell the lotuses, tree and the Void monster parts, right? The point is–you need help right away, and I'm in a position to offer it. So let me do this, okay?"

“Okay,” Dave nodded.

“Come on, let's go,” Terri pulled him from the booth.

Dumpich sent Dave a thumbs up and a wink as Terri dragged him away, her elbow entwined with his.