Two Weeks Between Love and Hate

She almost sensed it approaching, the inevitable conversation she’d have to somehow navigate. She really hoped Jason might just accept it and be happy they could do it raw without worry. But Jason wasn’t that kind of guy. How the sex felt wasn’t important to him. He was far more concerned with the why than the act itself. She had hoped for maybe a few months or a year of happiness before potentially ruining everything.

Jillian and Jason, unknowingly, had found themselves at a pivotal moment in their relationship, one she hoped would not end with their relationship burning to the ground. She’d had nearly four years to come to terms with her situation, and now it was time to face the painful truth. Jason felt something wet on his chest as Jillian muttered a frustrated curse.

“Fuck,” she whispered before quickly sitting up, sniffing, and wiping away the tears. She was so tired of this constant emotional bullshit. It felt like crying had become a daily routine, and her eyes ached from overuse.

Jason quickly sat up beside her. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me right now if it's too painful.”

He couldn’t help but wonder why she was suddenly crying about being asked the question. It didn’t really bode well for the answer. He got up and walked over to turn the room light back on before turning back to the bed. Jillian moved to sit on her knees in bed. Topless, but still had her pajama bottoms on. She wiped at her eyes, struggling to fight back tears. Jason climbed back onto the bed and sat in front of her. Reaching out, one hand stroked her thigh while the other took one of her hands in his own.

“Jill, hey, it’s okay. I didn’t realize it was such a sensitive subject for you. I’m sorry,” he said, speaking gently to her. When she was sad it was never fun, but now it hurt that much more that she was his.

Jillian sniffled softly and shook her head. “I’m sorry, it’s just... a really shitty memory.”

She gave Jason’s hand a tight squeeze with both of hers for a moment. Jillian leaned into him, and wrapped her arms around his torso. He quickly enveloped her in a comforting embrace.

“It’s okay, I understand. I know you’ve been through a lot. Whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here for you. It doesn’t have to be tonight.”

His sweet, understanding words eased a little tension but didn’t do much to ease the bundle of nerves inside of her. She held onto him a little tighter and nestled against his chest more. She found solace in his wonderful scent. The mix of his shower-fresh aroma and natural musk, had a sort of calming effect on her by directing her mind in other directions at least. She shook her head still pressed against his chest.

“What does that mean?” Jason asked, a little confused. She slowly tilted her head back from his chest to look up at him.

“It means I need to tell you before we go further… I can’t be so selfish anymore…” Jillian said, her lower lips quivering.

“It was about a few months after I moved in with that man I told you about.” He immediately recalled the man who had abused her until she lost all sense of self-worth. “He attempted to get me pregnant... numerous times.”

She glanced down, feeling disgusted with herself, despite the relief that he hadn’t succeeded. Jason’s jaw clenched in anger at the thought.

“After a few months of trying, he became increasingly frustrated. He would yell about how he already had three kids and had been tested, so it couldn’t be him,” Jillian trembled, and Jason could sense where this was leading. A sudden wave of nausea washed over him, but he never let go of her.

Jason remained quiet, unwilling to jump to conclusions before Jillian finished speaking.

“He called in a private physician, who examined me and ran some tests…”

Jason’s teeth groaned in stress as he clenched even harder as Jillian continued, visibly exerting herself to articulate. She had to stop for a moment to take a deep, shaky breath. When he saw how much she was struggling and the pain on her face. His jaw slowly relaxed; this had to be even more difficult for her to tell. Karma had certainly dealt her a tough hand, leaving nearly visible mental scars as evidence.

Jillian stumbled over her words, suddenly finding herself at a loss. She’d never voiced these events aloud, not even to herself. How could she say them in front of Jason? She closed her eyes, grappling with the difficulty of expressing herself.

“I... I don’t think I can do this. I can’t!” she cried out in a sob, her mind racing with fear.

Suddenly she felt a gentle pressure pressing her tighter against him, she opened her eyes to find herself still wrapped in Jason's comforting presence. His warm hands cradled her head, as he then pulled her away slightly and his lips pressed softly into her forehead. When he pulled back, she was met with his understanding gaze. Her mouth was slightly agape, vision blurred as tears continued to escape her eyes. She was stunned by his next words.

“It’s okay…Tell me, let me share your burden, Jill,” Jason murmured softly.

Jillian couldn’t hold back the flood of tears as his words hit her. She buried her face in his chest and let out a long wail of agony, followed by heavy sobs of pain. She felt unworthy of receiving such sweet words from him. It was increasingly difficult to deny her feelings for this sweet but complicated person whose arms were once again wrapped tightly around her.

After a few minutes, she finally calmed down to a point where she slowly pulled back. Jillian looked up at Jason as she sniffled. His hands moved up to cradle her face, his thumbs gently brushing away her tears. She closed her eyes for a moment and leaned into his touch and took a deep breath before she finally continued.

“He did some tests, including blood work and an ultrasound. Next week, Luis...” She hesitated, the sound of his name still painful. “He threw the results at me, the results were circled in red marker... It said I couldn’t conceive, that I was…infertile.”

Closing her eyes, she leaned into his comforting touch, more tears slipping down her cheeks as the memory tore at her sanity.

Jason had already guessed what Jillian was going to say, and he understood the pain it caused her. With her deep love for her family, he could only imagine how much she might have longed to have started one of her own.

“I’m sorry, Jill. You didn’t deserve that and I don’t want to hear you say that you do,” he gently whispered to her then leaned in and pressed his lips against hers softly.

All he wanted now was to relieve some of the pain she was enduring. He could feel her try to turn away from his kiss like she didn’t deserve it. She cried harder for a moment, her body almost limp, held up by his hands on her cheeks alone. Jason shifted, pulling her onto his lap so she could fully lean against him. His embrace was the only thing keeping her upright as her arms hung loosely at her sides. He held her tight against him, trying to make her feel secure in his arms.

The two sat there in silence for over half an hour, simply letting Jillian recover from the moment as long as she needed. Jason could feel sleep trying to take over a few times, but he resisted, forcing himself to stay awake for now. Eventually, she slowly regained her senses, and her hands slowly moved up from their limp state to hold on to one of his arms that held her.

“I’m sorry Jason...” she said weakly.

“It’s okay. I'm not going anywhere, Jill,” he whispered back to her. She let out another soft whimper, but gripped his arm a little tighter.

“When... he found out... He said... No one would ever love someone as worthless as me. If I couldn’t even give him children, he should just throw me out on the street.”

Jason held her a bit tighter at these awful words.

“But then he said he would take mercy on me. Let me stay there as long as I did what he said. That he might learn to love me if I worked hard to please him.” She turned her head and pushed her face deeper into his chest again.“I’m so sorry,” she whimpered.

Jason’s sadness for Jillian morphed swiftly into a seething anger. While he may not have been well-versed in relationships, what she described was very clearly abusive manipulation. The man in question was a fucking demon, exploiting such a devastating revelation to control her like a puppet. Jason’s jaw clenched, his teeth audibly grinding and groaning under the pressure.

“Jillian, you don’t need to apologize. If this is how he treated you, then I hesitate to even call him a human. It seems like he stooped to any level to control you. I can only imagine how little choice you had in the matter. Grrrr I swear if I ever get my hands on that cock sucking son of a…” His voice trailed off into a growl, overwhelmed by the desire to inflict great pain on this Luis son of a bitch.

Jillian slowly looked back up at Jason’s face, noticing the rage etched across his features. She gently reached up and placed her hand on his cheek interrupting his anger. His gaze quickly shifted downward to meet hers, and she met it with a somber expression.

“Please... I don’t want to think about him anymore... Can you just tell me... Knowing what you know now… Could you one day ever love someone like me?“ Her voice was steady but tinged with a great sadness as she posed her question to him.

The anger melted from Jason’s face, leaving behind a look of astonishment. He gazed down at her, the woman in his arms, struck dumb by her vulnerability.

“Jill…I,” Jason paused, feeling a rush of emotions within him making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before continuing.

“Jill, I can’t quite wrap my head around all this. How you, out of everyone, have managed to make me feel so....” Jason paused, letting out a grunt of frustration trying to get his feelings out. “It’s just like I’ve gone from resenting and cursing your name almost every day...”

He noticed Jillian’s lower lip trembling slightly as he spoke, her eyes were full of fear and worry.

“To realizing just how badly I’m falling for you. It’s confusing, and I am not sure if what I am doing is right. But what I do know is that even after everything you’ve shared with me, these feelings haven’t changed.”

Jason met her gaze once more. She searched his trying to understand what he was saying like she couldn’t accept those words.

“Jill, it feels like I’m already in love with you,” Jason said bluntly.

Jillian’s eyes suddenly closed, and tears quickly escaped, glistening like crystals in the light. She gave him a weak smile before her head fell back and her body fell completely limp like a rag doll.

Jason’s whole body clenched as Jillian went limp in his arms, this time completely. It honestly felt like she suddenly died.

“Jill!” he shouted and pulled her against him.

He quickly checked her pulse and felt her breathing. Relief washed over him as it appeared that she had just fainted or fell asleep.

“Fuck... Don’t scare me like that,” he whispered to her, taking a deep breath trying to calm down.

Unsure of what to do next, he gently laid her back down in bed and covered her with the blankets.

“I really hope you remember all of this, and I won’t have to recap everything in the morning,” he mumbled as he stood up, flicked off the light switch, and returned the room to darkness. Jason let out a yawn and climbed back into bed where he laid on his back for a moment. Something felt off when he realized that Jillian was completely unconscious, so she wouldn’t be snuggling up to him as usual.

Rolling onto his side to face her, he simply lay there, staring at the dark silhouette of her face. Yet, his brain easily showed him what she looked like lying there. From the red curls framing her face as she rested on the pillow, to the adorable freckles that dotted the pale skin. Her gentle breathing filled the quiet room. He found himself gazing at her for what felt like an eternity.

“I must be losing it, or maybe I’m trapped in some overly bizarre dream... maybe I'm in a coma,” he mused quietly. “Even if it is, this pounding in my chest won’t stop. Jillian Lins, is my girlfriend – if I haven’t gone insane yet, I am probably getting pretty close now,” he chuckled softly to himself.

“Love is scary.”

Jason leaned over and gently kissed Jillian on the cheek.

“Good night,” he murmured softly. He wrapped an arm around her slender waist and pulled her against his chest.

“So it’s come to this—talking and cuddling with you passed out for my own comfort…What have you done to me, you bitch haha,” he teased quietly, a smile on his face, nuzzling his lips against her head.

He placed several more tender kisses against the side of her head before settling down beside her. Exhaustion quickly washed over him, and as he finally allowed his eyes to close, sleep claimed him almost immediately.

The two drifted off once again in the small bed from his childhood adorned with Mega Man sheets.