Toxin

“Are you that troubled? I can choose one for you.”

“What?”

Raonhiljo burst out laughing, as if he found the situation absurd. One of his current dilemmas was deciding on my name. I had been so curious about the names he was considering that I almost stole a glance at the paper he had been scribbling on. But I wanted to hold on to the excitement, like savoring the finest dish.

A soft breeze blew, carrying the scent of the forest from his collar. Along the way, we had been spotted by soldiers, forcing Raonhiljo to stain his sword with blood. Despite that, his scent remained unchanged, and I was relieved. He truly was special. Though he carried the title of royalty, he didn’t flaunt it, and even though he always claimed the role of ‘master,’ he took care of me in ways that made the role seem insignificant. Of course, there were times when I doubted his character.

The blazing sun hurt my eyes, and suddenly, I had an overwhelming urge to paint.

***

“Hold on, hold on… that tickles.”

“Don’t move. Just a little more… this way.”

“It really tickles.”

“Please bear with it.”

I firmly positioned his broad back and gazed at the towering castle in the distance. It loomed magnificently, propped against the mountains and reaching toward the sky. I hurriedly moved my fingers, while Raonhiljo chuckled, his shoulders shaking.

“What are you even drawing? I’m letting you use me as a sketchbook for free, the least you could do is tell me.”

“It’s a gift for you.”

“A gift? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t need to know.”

I cut off the conversation sharply and smoothed out his wrinkled clothes before resuming my work. As his loyal servant, who was showing me the outside world, I wanted to gift him a drawing of at least one castle.

“Be gentle. It’s getting really hard to sit still.”

His grumbling voice was tinged with a dark hue.

Ever since I accepted his confession a while ago… In my culture, when someone outside the family gives you a name, it’s akin to a declaration of love. After that day, Raonhiljo abandoned the self-restraint he had once prided himself on. I couldn’t fully accept this new version of him. Whenever he tried to express his desire, the face of someone else would flash in my mind, and my body would turn cold. Although Raonhiljo reassured me that it was fine, I knew it was just words.

I still hadn’t told him about the antidote. I’d thought about it several times, but each time the words got stuck in my throat, as if enchanted by a spell. The Chieftain had said only I could provide the antidote. My horn, to be exact, was the antidote. I couldn’t help but wonder—if I told him, would he still want me? Would he claim me, even if it meant taking that part of me?

This time, I pressed my finger harder into his shoulder blade to draw the castle wall. Raonhiljo inhaled sharply and twitched. He stayed still as my makeshift sketchbook until I gave him the signal that I was done.

***

The midday sun blazed down, radiating intense heat. We were finally ready to depart, but Raonhiljo hesitated. I looked at him, puzzled, and he explained his strange behavior.

“We’re supposed to meet Narsha here.”

I froze in place. Horrible possibilities flooded my mind, overshadowing the faint hope I clung to.

“I see…”

I clenched my trembling fists, barely managing to respond. Raonhiljo’s gaze was fixed on the endless forest. Losing Narsha would be too cruel for Raonhiljo. I prayed that she would return safely, for his sake. A long time passed, but there was no sign of her. Finally, Raonhiljo mounted his horse, his face colder and more resolute than before.

“We’ll depart now.”

He must have sensed it too. I looked down at the ground and then back at him.

“If we wait just a bit longer—”

“No. This is as long as we wait.”

Without hesitation, he turned his horse’s head. I mounted my horse as well, my eyes still searching the forest. Then, far off in the distance, a single horse galloped toward us, its mane streaming in the wind. A graceful figure urged the horse forward at full speed. It was Narsha. Even though she was the one we had been waiting for, I could hardly believe my eyes. Raonhiljo was equally stunned. His face, which had been cold as ice, softened with deep relief. Narsha drew closer, recognizing us, and gave me a faint nod of greeting. Only then did I let out the breath I had been holding. I had given up all hope, but she was safe. I was truly grateful.

Breathing heavily, Narsha finally approached Raonhiljo and bowed with difficulty.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

Up close, her appearance was a mess. Her clothes, stained with dried blood, were torn to shreds, her nails were broken, and her face, arms, and neck were covered in wounds. Raonhiljo’s eyes flickered with anger as he examined her injuries. She spoke calmly.

“I was captured by mistake and spent a few days in a prison cell. I managed to avoid any fatal injuries, so I held on.”

“But how did you escape? Naragaon’s prisons are notorious for being inescapable unless you’re dead.”

The first words out of his mouth weren’t a greeting but a sharp question, startling me. Raonhiljo’s gaze was intense as he stared her down. Narsha hesitated for a long moment before answering.

“Actually… Mama Veronjubille helped me escape.”

“Veronjubille?”

Raonhiljo’s eyes sharpened at the mention of an unexpected name. I was just as surprised. Narsha nodded briefly, as if she had anticipated this reaction.

“I hadn’t expected it either. After being tortured for days and thinking I was going to die, Mama Veronjubille suddenly came to me. She was very anxious, saying that if the Black Martial Emperor started tracking you, my lord, he would quickly catch you… So, she proposed a deal in exchange for freeing me… because I was the only one who knew your whereabouts.”

“A deal? Why would Veronjubille be concerned about me getting captured? We never had any close relationship.”

“To be precise, it wasn’t you she was worried about…”

Narsha glanced at me briefly, her face troubled.

“She was more concerned about that child being captured than you, my lord. So, before the Black Martial Emperor could make a move, she hired me to… assassinate him.”

“…!”

Raonhiljo and I exchanged a glance in midair. Assassination…? My heart sank beyond confusion. The fact that Narsha was here meant she had accepted the condition. But seeing her confess everything like this, I was certain she had no intention of harming me. Still…

Raonhiljo’s voice became even sharper.

“Veronjubille is certainly capable of that, but how does she plan to handle Garon if he finds out about this reckless act?”

“I thought it was strange too. It’s no secret she’s had her eye on the Empress’s seat for a long time, but now her position is unstable. It seems she’s acting more irrationally because of it. When she came to see me that day, her expression, her eyes… She didn’t seem in her right mind. It was honestly terrifying.”

Narsha frowned as if recalling something unsettling.

“But weren’t you worried that I might run away once you were released? What made her trust you?”

Despite the barrage of questions, Narsha remained calm and persistent in her answers.

“Mama Veronjubille threatened my grandmother and younger sibling. She probably thought she could control me if I acted rashly.”

At that moment, Raonhiljo and Narsha exchanged a peculiar look.

“So, she still doesn’t know?”

“I doubt she’s even thought about it. If she had, she wouldn’t have made such an offer. I was lucky to have followed my lord’s orders.”

Veronjubille had threatened her? Then her grandmother and sibling… Narsha smiled at me as if sensing my concern.

“Don’t worry. By my lord’s command, they were evacuated beforehand. I escaped before Mama Veronjubille found out. She probably realized it by that afternoon. Now, I’ll likely be on her list for elimination.”

That must be why they both looked like that earlier. I sighed in relief, feeling grateful despite everything. Veronjubille… I knew she was a cunning woman, but I hadn’t expected her to be this relentless. The Black Martial Emperor would likely handle her in time, so why invite disaster by targeting me? Did she think killing me would restore her past glory? Whatever her true intentions were, Narsha had returned safely, and that was all that mattered. But Raonhiljo didn’t seem to agree.

“Even so, Veronjubille can’t fully trust you.”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure no one followed me.”

“So, you’re saying it’s possible someone did.”

“…”

Narsha, who had been handling the interrogation calmly, fell silent. The atmosphere became tense. It was unsettling to see her, having barely escaped with her life, being questioned so relentlessly.

“Ever since I left that fortress, I haven’t had a single moment where I wasn’t in danger.”

Both Raonhiljo and Narsha’s gazes suddenly focused on me.

“There are always eyes watching, and it’ll be the same wherever we go. It wouldn’t be surprising if I were killed at any moment.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

Raonhiljo brushed his hair back with a faint smile. He signaled for us to depart and turned his horse. Just before moving forward, he halted and looked back at Narsha. For the first time since their reunion, Raonhiljo gave her a genuine smile.

“Good to have you back.”

***

We were told that once we crossed the border today, we’d be out of Baedal Kingdom’s territory. It would take two full days of riding to reach our final destination. Before departing, we stopped by a nearby market to gather supplies. Even with the tightening noose of the pursuit, the stifling heat, and Narsha by our side, Raonhiljo didn’t stop his playful antics. His voice drifted to me intermittently, but I was too drained to respond. My entire body was soaked in sweat from the layers of clothing, and my head throbbed with every movement. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a large man wearing a wide-brimmed hat standing at the market’s edge. I had the odd feeling that he was watching me from beneath the hat’s shadow. My vision blurred, and the figure seemed to split into several, then disappeared like a mirage when I blinked.

“My Lady?”

I recognized the voice, but my sluggish brain processed it a beat too late. Through the sheer, red fabric, Raonhiljo’s cool face came into view. He led me into a shadowed alley, and a cool hand slipped under the fabric to press against my forehead. “You’ve got a fever,” he muttered, pushing me gently into the shade.

“This isn’t good. You’ll wait here. From now on, we’ll be riding without rest.”

“No, I’m fine. Really.”

“I’m saying no. Wait here.”

“I’ll go, my lord.”

When Narsha tried to step forward, Raonhiljo stopped her. He placed his hand over his chest and bent forward playfully.

“Then, I’ll dash off and be back before you know it, so just wait a bit. And if any thugs try something, don’t forget to kick them right here.”

“…”

Raonhiljo pointed at his own groin before touching my cheek and turning to leave. As he disappeared into the crowd, Narsha slipped into the shade on the opposite side. The space left behind felt heavy with tension. Leaning against the shaded wall, I suddenly lifted my head.

“They say all the Painters were massacred. Is that true?”

Narsha nodded.

“By any chance… do you know Naro the Painter? Have you heard any news about him?”

“I overheard the guards talking when I was in prison, but I don’t know the details. They said all the Painters were killed and thrown to the eungryong…”

Hearing this devastating news, I felt the strength drain from my body. I had barely escaped Veronjubille’s grasp… I had wanted so much to give him the brush the Black Martial Emperor had given me. If I had known, I would’ve forced it into his hands. I should’ve at least thanked him for being my friend. My eyes grew hot. Pressing my forehead against the wall, the cool stone offered a slight relief. I struggled to keep my heavy eyelids from closing.

Whenever I closed my eyes, that eerie voice echoed endlessly. I had recently overheard rumors that innocent boys had been used as prey in a hunting game. After learning the specifics of the methods and the victims, I couldn’t do anything for days. It was the warning he always muttered. A warning only I could understand. Afterward, every vile act committed by the Black Martial Emperor reached my ears through others. They were all unforgivable crimes, beyond any redemption.

By now, I wondered if the effects of Imae’s poison were taking hold… Judging by how wildly he was acting, he might still be fine. These days, I thought about the Black Martial Emperor more than when I was inside the fortress. Back then, my body was never at ease, but now that I had escaped that life, my mind was being tortured. How could I forget, when he’s constantly showing me exactly what he’s doing and thinking…?

As time passed, my nightmares and insomnia grew more intense. The scenes changed, but they always ended the same: brutal violence followed by violation. I often couldn’t distinguish reality from nightmares anymore, whether my eyes were open or closed. The torment of being unable to satisfy my most basic needs was unimaginable. I felt like I would beg at anyone’s feet just to get a good night’s sleep. In my current state of mind, even if it was him…

Suddenly, it was like cold water was dumped on my head. What was I thinking just now…? I’ve gone mad… Spending time with that madman must’ve driven me insane, too…! I bit my lip until it bled.

“Are you okay?”

When I snapped back to reality, a familiar woman’s face was staring at me. Her face slowly became clearer through my blurry vision. After blinking heavily, I finally managed to speak.

“Why… are you here…?”

How could she be here after falling into the Black Martial Emperor’s hands?

Her eyes widened.

“Don’t you remember? Mama Veronjubille… Never mind that. You won’t make it if you keep going like this.”

As she approached and helped me up from where I had collapsed against the wall, memories started coming back. Right… I had escaped after making a deal with Veronjubille. I had just seen her moments ago, and I’d already forgotten. She must think I’m ridiculous.

“Please don’t tell my lord. I’m truly fine.”

I had to endure, at least until we crossed the continent, until he reached his new land. No matter what happened, I had to hold out. I made an effort to steady my gaze and voice. Narsha’s expression didn’t soften. She glanced at the ground before looking back at me.

“My Lord Raonhiljo is a life-saver to both my grandmother and brother. After my father was executed for treason and our family fell into ruin, I was sold to a brothel. That’s where I first met my lord. Oh, don’t misunderstand. Nothing happened between us. He rescued me before I became a courtesan. He then taught me martial arts and allowed me to stay by his side… I owe him a debt I can never repay. That’s why I want to protect him with everything I have. It’s the only way I can repay that debt…”

I see. I knew they had a bond of trust that I couldn’t interfere with, but I hadn’t realized there was such a backstory. She gazed silently into the distance as she continued.

“That day… when Mama Veronjubille gave me that order, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shaken.”

Because of you, my lord has lost so much… Her eyes seemed to say.

“But… the ones I want to protect also include you. So please, don’t make my lord sad. That’s all I ask.”

“You don’t need to worry about me.”

A shadow passed over her face. I looked at her calmly and said,

“Just protect my lord in your own way. I will protect him in mine. I may not have the ability to bring joy to others, but… now that my lord has returned from a long journey, I want to be his place of rest.”

Narsha nodded. Her eyes seemed to glisten with moisture.

“Tell him that yourself one day. He’ll love to hear it.”

I had some idea of what Narsha felt for Raonhiljo. Perhaps her feelings were far greater and deeper than I had imagined. Did Raonhiljo know? It felt like a heavy stone was pressing down on my chest. As I gazed at her silently, I turned my attention to the bustling marketplace. At that moment, a group of children, around five or six years old, ran through the alley singing a song.

The lyrics were vulgar and eerie, far too inappropriate for children with runny noses to be singing. My ears sharpened at the stark contrast between the lively tune and the disturbing words.

As I listened to the entire song, my breath seized. Unconsciously, I glanced at Narsha, whose face also appeared unsettled. It was clear this song was about Raonhiljo and me. Could it be that… his mother…? A sense of foreboding clawed at my spine. I quickly grabbed one of the passing children.

“Wait a minute. That song… where did you learn it?”

The children’s eyes widened at the sight of a man’s voice coming from someone dressed in women’s clothing. A small boy, Sodong, strained his eyes to see through the red veil over my face, but when he realized he couldn’t, he gave up. Gently, I placed my hand on the child’s shoulder to keep him from being frightened.

“Can you tell me? Where did you learn that song?”

“A clown taught us the song when he came to the village seven days ago. He said the song was about what he saw when Black Martial Emperor summoned him. He told us the emperor asked him to make it into a song. The clown said if we sing it a lot, he’d buy us sweets.”

“…!!”

My lips trembled.

“The Black Martial Emperor summoned him? If it’s something he saw firsthand… who… Where is the clown now?”

“I don’t know… he left a little while ago.”

My intense questioning made the child’s eyes well up with tears. My entire body weakened. They’re spreading this song so that we would hear it. They’re laying a trap to provoke Raonhiljo into losing his mind and coming to them. Everything I had been anxiously clinging to started to unravel.

“Mama… Mama…! Hic…! Hic…!”

Narsha broke down in tears, and I froze in place. The horrific lyrics twisted in my mind, forming vivid, gruesome images. I covered my mouth, suppressing the scream of rage building inside. He’s not human. He’s a monster who shouldn’t exist in this world, a killer. He must not exist. A murderer like you…!

The children continued to sing their horrifying song as they ran through the alley. At that moment, I saw a tall man approaching from just a few steps away, carrying a bundle of supplies. It was Raonhiljo. The children, oblivious to the meaning of their song, laughed and raised their voices even higher.

“Oh, my son~ my son~ where are you~? Blinded by a monster, the son doesn’t know his mother’s scalp is being peeled away~. Oh, my son~ my son~ where are you~? Mother wails every night inside the belly of the beast~~.”

Raonhiljo turned his gaze toward the children. My heart dropped. If he heard the entire song, he would undoubtedly understand. What should I do? How…! Before I even realized it, I acted. In a flash, I rushed over and shoved Raonhiljo against the wall, pressing my hands tightly over his ears so he wouldn’t hear a single word of the song. Raonhiljo’s eyes widened in surprise at my sudden action.

“What are you doing?”

“My… lord… I…”

I panted heavily. One day, he would find out that his mother had been brutally murdered. I knew better than anyone that the real hell would begin from that moment. So he must not know. This was the only thing I could do right now. My frantic breathing brushed against Raonhiljo’s lips. He frowned slightly, perhaps irritated.

“Don’t provoke me like this. It’s dangerous.”

Raonhiljo chuckled softly and tried to remove my hands. No…! No…! In desperation, I pressed my hands harder against his ears. His expression shifted to one of confusion at my frantic actions. The children, blissfully unaware, continued to sing their dreadful song, smiling all the while. I moved closer to him, our bodies pressing against each other. I desperately blocked his ears, ensuring he wouldn’t hear anything.

“My… lord…”

My lips trembled uncontrollably, unable to form coherent words. Through the red veil, Raonhiljo’s expression hardened. Something stirred beneath my thigh, revealing its presence, and his heated gaze pierced me. In that moment, he pulled me closer by the waist and captured my lips. The bundle of supplies he had been carrying fell to the ground with a thud. Hastily, he pulled aside the translucent veil. His tongue intertwined with mine, pressing deep into my mouth as he exhaled heavy breaths.

“Haa… ha…”

Lost in the moment, he kissed me with an overwhelming intensity, seemingly oblivious to where we were or who was watching. He pressed his body against mine, grinding his hips in a feverish rhythm. I pressed my hands against his ears so hard my wrists ached. A deep pain spread through my chest. What should I do with this man… this man who had lost everything…? He pained me so much it was unbearable. I was now in a debt I could never repay. The only thing I could do for him now was to cry in his place. Warm tears rolled down my cheeks. I saw Narsha sobbing quietly in the corner of my vision. The gruesome song echoed like a ringing in my ears. I didn’t release my hands from his ears until the song had completely faded away.

***

Before I knew it, the sun had set, and the severed head of the day had bled into a crimson dusk, enveloping the land in shadows. We rode off again, and soon arrived at a dizzyingly high cliff. Across from us was another cliff of similar height, connected by a rope bridge that swayed in the wind.