Toxin

I glared fiercely.

“I’m leaving.”

“Can’t you understand what I’m saying?”

“I’m leaving. I will leave.”

My insomnia-ridden, overworked brain, tormented by a murderer all night, had long forgotten Unsa’s warnings or the need to control my hatred. I desperately crawled toward the exit, shaking off his grip. As my weight shifted onto my hands, the pain in my fingers stung as if a knife had been driven into them. His oppressive grip once again stopped my escape, and I continued to claw at the ground, dragging myself forward.

My fingers burned from the fierce struggle. He let out a low growl and twisted my broken hand to prevent it from moving. My forehead slammed into the ground, and my hips were forced high into the air, leaving me exposed. As my body recoiled, his hand brutally pressed my head down. His hardness ground against the space between my legs, rubbing urgently. Rough fingers invaded through my clothing, toying with my swollen nipples, while the thrust of his hips ruthlessly tortured my entrance. His hot breath coiled around the nape of my neck.

“Haa… haa…”

“Ugh… haa… haa…!”

Desperately, I fought against the murderer restraining me, tearing free from his grasp. He viciously yanked my ankle, twisting it cruelly. I shut my eyes tight. Was he trying to break my leg now? Do whatever you want. I won’t let this madman destroy me. I won’t break first. Never… never…! I clenched my teeth until they nearly shattered. But instead of breaking my leg, he just spread them wide apart. This time, my neck was yanked back, and I thought he was going to snap it.

“Ugh, urgh…! Let… let go…!”

Again, I had misjudged him. He bit down on my neck, devouring it ravenously. The vile grip of the demon wrapped around my arms sent shivers down my spine. I wanted to forget the searing pain in my fingers, the shackles—anything to escape the murderer’s gaze. Anywhere but here… just for a moment, even just for a moment…! With all my remaining strength, I twisted his hand behind me. Then, suddenly—

A sickening snap echoed, followed by a stifled groan. Everything that had been so forceful suddenly stopped. I was certain he had broken my neck or shattered my ankle.

“Haa…! Haa…!”

I gasped for breath, my lungs feeling as if they might burst. Cautiously, I opened my eyes. Just as I was about to pull his hand away to attempt another escape, I noticed something strange. His grip had weakened, and his fingers appeared oddly bent—almost as if they were… broken. When I touched his hand lightly, the chest that had been pressing down on my back hardened like a stone.

“Oh…”

It was only then that I realized the seriousness of the situation. I didn’t dare look, but I could feel that Black Martial Emperor was close, so close I could almost sense him without turning my head. I just couldn’t bring myself to confirm it. I blinked, staring at his broken fingers before finally turning my head. Sure enough, the Black Martial Emperor was watching me with a deadly expression.

“You…”

His eyes burned like flames, leaving me breathless.

“I told you… to let me go.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified of the consequences to come. This wasn’t the right time, not the right moment at all. But… I felt such immense relief. The lump in my chest that had been suffocating me was gone, and even the pain in my fingers seemed to vanish. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that the Black Martial Emperor could make me feel this way. I bit down hard, trying to stop the smile from creeping up.

“Now that we’re even…”

I looked directly at him.

“I’ll forgive you this once as well.”

The tense silence was suffocating. I lowered my head and stared at his hand. Breaking my finger? That was nothing. The day his life ends, that’s the day he’ll be forgiven for his unforgivable sins. I’ll do anything to see that day. Will he make the same expression then? Like he is now, filled with the arrogance and composure of the one granting forgiveness. With my broken hand, I barely managed to lift my fingers and lightly touched his.

“You need to take your time healing, Your Majesty. If you receive steady care, you’ll recover soon. And when you do… perhaps then you’ll stop killing people without thought, or breaking others’ fingers so casually…”

My dazed voice filled the air.

“Maybe… just maybe, I won’t seem like a filthy mongrel to you anymore…”

The crimson fabric began to blur before my eyes.

“…Or feel like a mere concubine to you.”

Tears dripped down my cheek, shattering on the Black Martial Emperor’s hand. A heavy silence settled, as endless as the monsoon rains. His breathing, which had been harsh, gradually calmed. His hand reached up, gripping my chin and forcing me to look back, twisting me harshly. His dark, crystal-like eyes stared deeply into mine. The fierce energy that had consumed him earlier had somewhat subsided. He licked away the tear on my chin. His cold, steely gaze pierced me.

“I don’t know.”

Another tear quietly slipped down my cheek. His brow furrowed slightly.

“I don’t know how to handle you.”

***

The room, bathed in the fading twilight, was filled with the thick scent of tobacco. At some point, I must have dozed off. My eyes remained closed, but in the half-conscious state, I vaguely registered what was happening. He was lying back on thick pillows, and I was draped over him as if we were one. His brutal hand gently cradled my broken one, both wrapped in identical splints and cloth. His other hand was deep in my hair, moving in a steady rhythm, and with each breath he took, my body rose and fell with him.

The sound of the heart beating beneath his strong muscles reverberated through my chest. I think it’s the first time I’ve realized that he has a heart. Between my slightly parted legs, his fully erect center was pressed against me, yet he didn’t rush into things. Like being pulled into a swamp, my consciousness kept sinking deeper and deeper. I thought I could hear voices from outside, like a distant hallucination.

“Mama! You can’t go in! His Majesty has ordered that no one be let in…!”

“Just tell him I’m here! Get out of my way!”

The sharp sound of someone slapping a cheek echoed. Footsteps, ignoring all resistance, rapidly approached. The door separating us from the outside world opened with a dragging sound. My foggy consciousness cleared slightly. The rushing footsteps suddenly halted, as if blocked by an unseen force or met with some powerful resistance, preventing further intrusion.

“Your Majesty… Your Majesty…”

A trembling, tearful voice scratched at my eardrums. My shoulders flinched involuntarily. The hand that had been stroking my head moved down to my back, gently patting me in reassurance. I blinked in my half-asleep state. A cheap pipe hung loosely from his cruel lips came into view. He exhaled deeply, and his voice, deeper than the smoke itself, spilled out.

“Could you leave us alone? I finally got him to sleep.”

His drawling voice vibrated through the cheek resting against his chest. His unsettling hand continued to move rhythmically through my hair as if singing a lullaby, lulling me back into sleep as if by magic. I buried my face deeper into the neck of the killer and sank into a death-like slumber.

It was a truly peaceful sleep, one that I hadn’t had in a long time.

I opened my eyes, still heavy with sleep, and looked around. The Black Martial Emperor was nowhere to be seen—probably off attending to official matters. I had no idea how long I had been sleeping. Maybe all the fatigue had caught up with me at once, and I had slept deeply. Last night, during a particularly intense struggle, my ankle had gotten scratched badly, and the Black Martial Emperor had finally removed the shackles. “Mongrel” and “male prostitute”—insults I had heard more times than I cared to count—didn’t hurt me anymore. But I had rolled the dice because, being tossed around by that violent temperament, I thought I might die before achieving my goal. I never expected him to react the way he did. It was amusing, behavior so unlike a killer. But strangely, I had slept soundly in his arms.

So why? We had shared our bodies so many times, and yet there was no reaction. Does it just take time for the toxins to fully invade his body? The Imae Tribe rarely engaged with other races, so I didn’t know the exact details of how the Imae poison worked. My father had reportedly started coughing up blood shortly after meeting my mother, eventually dying of paralysis. That’s all I knew. Even considering my mixed blood, the symptoms should have started by now. Why hadn’t they?

Is he truly a monster? If not, then why…? A doubt crept up from a corner of my heart. Could it be that my father didn’t die from the Imae poison after all, but from some other illness that just happened to coincide? If the Imae poison didn’t exist, then… no. It had to be real. Questioning the very existence of the Imae poison would mean that all of my plans for revenge would be meaningless.

I dressed and stepped outside. The palace maids and guards were dutifully performing their tasks. Even though the commotion last night must have been loud enough to hear through several doors, none of them reacted as if anything unusual had happened. It was said that nothing that happened in this place was allowed to leak outside—that it was an unspoken rule among them. They followed this rule to the letter, keeping calm faces even when they saw me. After all, they’d probably seen worse things before and were already used to it. After a formal bow, I started to walk away, only for the maids to block my path.

“His Majesty ordered that you are not to go anywhere. He will return shortly after completing his official duties, so wait for him.”

“I just need to return to my quarters. I have something I need to retrieve.”

“We’ll send someone to get it. Just tell us what you need.”

I should have known. He had released me from one set of shackles only to bind me with another.

“I’ll go myself. It’s for my painting supplies, and it would be difficult for you to find the right things if I just explain.”

“What kind of painting can you do with that injured hand?”

The older maid glanced at my bandaged hand with suspicion.

“I’ll take care of that myself. I’m sure His Majesty would want the portrait finished as soon as possible, and it would be a shame to delay it further. It’s embarrassing for me, too.”

“If you insist on being stubborn, I’ll have no choice but to call the guards.”

At her signal, two soldiers quickly approached. I sighed inwardly and looked back at the maid.

“In that case, could you at least bring me the drawing board that’s stored in Byeolwon? And on your way, could you also bring two sheets of parchment, some pigments, plates, and charcoal? Oh, and since the weather has been damp, the charcoal might be moist, so I’d appreciate it if you could bring some bamboo charcoal that’s at least a year old. While you’re at it, could you also apply glue to the parchment and prepare the whitewash?”

The maid’s eyes widened at my list of requests. I turned and walked away calmly.

“It seems it would be better if I went myself.”

The smell of livestock filled the air as I approached the stable. Opening the door, I glanced wearily at the guards following me. Although I had managed to slip away from Yongjeon, I now had a new set of watchers trailing me, throwing my plans off. I walked into the stable, leaving the soldiers behind, and spotted Naro crouching in a corner.

“Painter, what brings you here…?”

“You’re here?”

He hurried toward me, but seeing the state of his face, I remained silent. Naro’s face was covered in scabs and scratches, making him hard to look at. I could easily guess who had done it. Whatever had set off her temper this time, it was clear that she was just as terrifying as the Black Martial Emperor.

“Are you alright? You should at least put some medicine on it…”

Naro waved me off with a resigned expression.

“It’s fine. What’s the point of treating it when I’ll just end up like this again anyway? Honestly, I’m more worried about the maids who work for Mama. They always end up suffering for no reason. But what about you? I’ve been so worried. You’ve been out of contact for days. I couldn’t help but wonder if you got lost in the market or worse, got caught by thugs. Imae Tribe horns fetch a high price, you know…”

“I’m sorry. There were some circumstances that prevented me from reaching out.”

“Did you visit your hometown by any chance?”

“…….”

“That must be nice. I want to go home too. I miss my mother…”

Seeing Naro so dejected reminded me of my mother, who used to come back from town with her hair pulled out by the other women. A deep ache surged in my chest. While Naro was grumbling, he suddenly grabbed my hand tightly.

“Hey, friend! Can’t you do me that favor I asked before?! I’d rather die than paint a portrait of Mama Veronjubille! I didn’t go through all that hard work to become a Painter for the Imperial Court just to be treated like this! My mother bragged about me to everyone, but look at me now! Does this make any sense to you?!”

“Painter…”

“You—you’re close with His Highness Raonhiljo, right? Don’t try to brush this off! All it would take is for His Highness to say just one word to the Emperor! Can’t I just tag along with you? I’m not after your position; I just want to escape! I don’t care if I have to carry luggage or do odd jobs, just let me follow you!”

Seeing Naro beg so desperately made me uneasy. Asking Raonhiljo for such a favor was impossible, especially when my relationship with the Black Martial Emperor had deteriorated to the point where even meeting his eyes could lead to bloodshed. And even if I dared to ask the Emperor directly, it was uncertain whether he would grant such a request. Naro quickly lost his enthusiasm.

“It won’t work, will it? I mean, your situation is uncertain too… What was I even thinking…”

Then, out of nowhere, he wrapped a rope from the stable around his neck.

“What are you doing?!”

I dashed over like lightning and snatched the rope from him, but Naro, gasping for air, still shouted in defiance.

“Let go! Let me go! Things aren’t going to get any better for me, not today! If I keep putting up with that vixen’s temper, I’ll die anyway!”

“Calm down! This won’t solve anything…!”

“It will! Just endure a little longer, and it’ll all be over! I’ll be free!”

“I’ll talk to him! So please, just…!”

Naro’s eyes snapped open. He grabbed my hand again and asked in a dazed voice.

“R-Really? Swear to me you’re not lying!”

“Yes. I’ll talk to him. But don’t get your hopes up too high…”

“R-Really? Really?! Thank you! I knew I could count on you!”

Naro untangled the rope from his neck, his face beaming as if he had just won the world. Seeing him like that made me both laugh and feel a bitter taste in my mouth. Even though things might fall apart later, I wanted to give him some peace, if only for a moment. As I bit my lip, I saw the soldiers waiting outside through the open door. I pulled Naro close, still excited, and whispered.

“Painter, will you do me one favor?”

***

When I signaled to Naro, who was clinging to the stable door, he opened it wide and stepped out confidently.

“Hyung-nims! Were you bored waiting? My friend here is a bit slow, so it’s going to take some time! There are just too many small tasks around here… haha…!”

Though the soldiers looked confused by Naro’s sudden appearance, they kept a close watch on me. I pretended to busy myself gathering materials, staying alert. Naro casually put his arm around one of the soldiers and, steering them out of sight, pulled a thin book from his sleeve.

“I’ve got something amazing here that I don’t show just anyone! I drew it myself, and it’s on a whole different level from those common erotic books. Study this and surprise your wives tonight!”

The soldiers remained suspicious, but it was only a matter of time before they were completely distracted by Naro’s book and smooth-talking. Seizing the moment when their guard was down, I slipped out through the back door.

“Huff… Huff…”

I ran without thinking and eventually reached Raonhiljo’s residence. Familiar with the place, I pushed my way inside. The serene garden and the blooming plants were the same as always, but there was an eerie stillness in the air. My gaze wavered anxiously. As I made my way toward his room, I noticed Narsha sitting on the raised wooden platform, lost in deep thought. She didn’t notice my presence until I got closer, startling her. We exchanged silent nods. The bandages on her arm and the wounds on her face didn’t look good. She must have been involved that night as well. I glanced nervously at the room.

“My lord… is he…?”

“He’s much better. He just received treatment and is resting.”

“Would it be alright… if I go in for a moment?”

She hesitated, her expression unreadable, before speaking in a neutral tone.

“I know it’s none of my business, but… I think it’s best if you refrain from seeing His Highness for a while. You’ve always been the cause of trouble, and if word gets out that you’re here again, it’ll be difficult for both of you.”

A strange emotion pierced my chest. I suppose this was part of her duty as well. I had heard she’d been by Raonhiljo’s side for quite some time, so it was only natural that she would want to protect him. Her unexpected advice caught me off guard, but even more unsettling was the feeling stirring within me. When I spoke, the coldness in my voice surprised even me.

“I have no intentions of causing trouble. I was simply concerned about his condition. If that’s all, I’ll be on my way.”

“No, wait…”

As I was about to leave, she hurriedly grabbed my arm. Even that touch felt unpleasant. Just as I was about to harden my expression further, I found myself at a loss for words at the look on her face. The stiff atmosphere from earlier was gone, and she now appeared flustered, her dark eyes darting around nervously.

“Please, don’t misunderstand what I said earlier. Like I mentioned before… Lady Yehui has been quite worried lately, especially since the two of you have been clashing so often. From the Crown Prince’s perspective, it’s not good to keep getting on His Majesty’s bad side. So, I thought it might be better to avoid creating any more such situations for a while. I hope you didn’t take it the wrong way. I’m sorry—I’m not very good with words…”

I couldn’t argue with her reasoning. While the Black Martial Emperor currently held a lot of power, I had also heard that Raonhiljo was a formidable candidate for the throne. It made sense that there would be some tension. With her being so straightforward, the impure feelings I had toward her began to feel rather foolish.

“I don’t misunderstand.”

She still didn’t seem fully reassured, watching my face closely. I silently observed the graceful woman. Though she seemed outwardly composed and cold, it appeared that she wasn’t the type to speak harshly to others. They say that those with a pleasant scent naturally attract those of similar nature. Somehow, I felt a faint magnolia fragrance emanating from her.

Suddenly, a patch of flowers in a small garden caught my eye. The vibrant blossoms, planted in the middle of the garden, exuded a sense of life, clearly nurtured by someone’s care. To think that even in the midst of everything, someone had tended to them… I felt a surge of anger, though I wasn’t sure why. My head grew hot with frustration, directed at some vague, uncertain target. Narsha was right. Perhaps it would be best not to see him for a while.

“Please don’t tell him that I was here.”

***

I left Raonhiljo’s quarters and wandered aimlessly. The blazing sun bore down on me, as if melting away any resolve I had. Between the thought of the impending return of the Black Martial Emperor and the image of Naro struggling to outwit the soldiers, I knew I should hurry. But my steps felt heavy, as if I were wading through thick mud. Lost in my thoughts, I was abruptly spun around by someone. He stood there, dripping with sweat and panting heavily. My mind was still foggy, so I could only stare blankly at the man who had just interrupted my reverie. It seemed Narsha had not heeded my request.

“Ha… I almost missed you.”

Raonhiljo, wincing slightly, placed his hand on his lower back before dropping his head onto my shoulder.

“Why are you walking so fast? It’s hard enough to catch up with you when I’m not injured.”

The faint scent of medicine and grass filled my nostrils, causing my heart to stir. He inhaled deeply against my neck before straightening himself up.

“It’s too hot here. Let’s head back to my quarters.”

“…”

“You haven’t forgotten, right? The promise to take care of my injuries?”

As soon as he finished speaking, Raonhiljo tried to pull me along by the arm. I remembered, but I couldn’t immediately follow. Naro was still wrestling with the soldiers, and the Black Martial Emperor would soon return, not to mention Narsha’s advice… It was all a jumble in my head, leaving me speechless.

“Hey, what’s on your mind? Just come with me and help me with my injuries, that’s all.”

Raonhiljo cut through my hesitation and pulled me forward. He suddenly clutched his lower back again, his brow furrowing slightly.

“Are you alright?”

Instinctively, I reached out to support him, but my hand hovered awkwardly near his waist, not quite touching. Without hesitation, he draped his arm over my shoulder and quickened his pace. It seemed too difficult for him to walk alone, so I decided to at least help him get back to his quarters. With my hand awkwardly resting around his waist, I tried to match his uncomfortable gait. Narsha suddenly appeared, rushing over from the opposite direction, and took over supporting Raonhiljo. She gave me a brief nod as she moved to his other side. A shadow seemed to cross her brow.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault…”

As I looked at her, confused, she explained.

“Actually, it’s more or less because of me that he ended up like this. I rushed over when I heard what was happening, but I ended up being more of a hindrance than a help. It’s difficult for me to handle all the royal guards by myself. I’m sorry—I never seem to be of much assistance…”

Narsha’s expression darkened even more. Raonhiljo gave her a playful tap on the head, a bright smile on his face.

“If anyone hears that, they’ll think you’re some kind of incompetent bodyguard. I’ve told you before: I wouldn’t trade you for ten other warriors.”

“But in the end, I’m always causing trouble when it really matters…”

“You worry too much. I told you, if you don’t stop trying to be perfect all the time, you’ll age faster.”

“But this isn’t the first time something like this has happened… I’m always…”

“Save it. I’ll collect all the apologies later.”

Raonhiljo brushed off Narsha’s guilt with ease. Finally, a small smile appeared on her lips. I felt like I was standing on the outside, watching their strong bond from a distance, unable to cross the invisible barrier between them. As I turned my gaze elsewhere, I suddenly realized that his arm had slipped from around my shoulder, and his fingers were now intertwined with mine. Startled, I looked up at him, but he kept his eyes forward, acting as if nothing had happened.

“What about today’s meeting? I should probably start getting back to business tomorrow.”

“Are you sure? You’re not fully recovered yet…”

“I can’t keep lazing around forever. Even if I take it slow, I should be ready to get back to work tomorrow.”

“Then I’ll prepare a sedan chair to take you to the office.”

“Wouldn’t a horse be better? The palace is so large, I’ve been wanting to ride one lately.”

Narsha laughed brightly for the first time today. Even as they chatted, Raonhiljo’s fingers tightened around mine, lightly teasing my palm with his nails. His body seemed to lean more into mine now. As I became conscious of this, an odd ticklish sensation began to spread through my chest. I tried to gently pull my hand away, but he playfully gripped my fingers even tighter. When I tugged harder, he furrowed his brow without even glancing in my direction. Stifling a laugh, I bit down on my lip, and under the scorching sun, we shared this strange little walk.

***

“Ugh…”

At the sound of his short groan, I instinctively stopped. Bowed over slightly, Raonhiljo grimaced as he clutched his side.