Toxin

“It was temporarily hidden under my hair so it wouldn’t be noticeable. His Majesty dislikes it.”

“So, there are horns under your hair?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve only seen them in pictures, it’s my first time seeing them in real life. And… people also say that the Imae Tribe has only one eye and one leg….”

“That’s just a silly rumor. Like everyone else, we have two.”

“I see….”

Sodong nodded enthusiastically.

“But you only have one nipple.”

“…Ah.”

One side of me had been completely soaked from holding the umbrella over the child, and my right nipple was visible through the wet white jacket. I couldn’t bring myself to say that there was another one on the other side, so I simply peeled the wet fabric from my skin. Sodong, who had been fixated on my nipple, suddenly looked terrified. He quickly pulled me off to the side and bowed deeply toward something. Not only Sodong but everyone walking down the street hurriedly stepped back and lowered their heads. At that moment, I heard a strained voice.

“Oh, Your Majesty! Won’t you get mud on you if you don’t ride in the palanquin?! Slow, slow down…! You fool! Can’t you hold it properly?!”

I turned toward the source of the voice and saw a procession approaching from afar. The Grand Chamberlain was busy scolding a minister holding a red umbrella, desperately trying to keep the Black Martial Emperor from getting even a drop of rain on him. I had thought I wouldn’t see him until the weekend, but this was an entirely unexpected encounter. My heart reacted violently, as if it had been pierced by something sharp. The heat surged through me so suddenly that the humid air around me became hazy.

The Black Martial Emperor spotted me standing on the roadside and slowly came to a stop. The entourage following him also halted at once. As the emperor’s gaze turned toward us, Sodong turned pale and bowed repeatedly. I wiped the water off my face and chin as best I could and bowed deeply. When I lifted my head slightly, I was met with the Black Martial Emperor’s expressionless face. The space beneath the red umbrella seemed to glow softly, as if it belonged to a different world from this chaotic, rain-soaked scene. In a world where everything and everyone was drenched, the only dry person was the Black Martial Emperor.

I quietly lowered my eyes, but I could feel his gaze still fixed on me. My nerves, always on edge, could pick up even the slightest movement with startling clarity. His eyes, which had been focused on my face, dropped lower. They traveled down my tangled, wet hair, over my cheeks, to my lips, and then to my neck before going lower still. It was as if his gaze followed the trail of the raindrops, and it lingered just a bit longer at my chest. Every place his eyes touched sent chills across my skin. Like prey frozen in place, I couldn’t move. Yes, keep looking at me… just once, pay attention to me…

Then, abruptly, his relentless gaze reversed course and sharply broke away. The Black Martial Emperor turned his head and resumed walking. Mud splashed onto the minister’s robes as his confident strides sent it flying, but no one paid any attention. The guards, the Grand Chamberlain, and the ministers, all soaked to the bone, didn’t receive so much as a glance from the emperor. Charging forward without concern for the sacrifices around him, he likely didn’t even notice. I wanted to ask what, if anything, he did with his own hands. I watched his retreating back with cold eyes until the long tail of the procession disappeared around a corner, and then I, too, moved on.

***

It seemed to take nearly half an hour to reach Raonhiljo’s residence. At the entrance to the annex where Sodong guided me, a bronze haetae statue stood guard. While not as grand and imposing as the Black Martial Emperor’s palace, the scale and splendor of this place were still enough to leave one in awe. Beyond the gate, the courtyard was filled with peach and apricot trees, as well as lettuce and peppers in small and large vegetable patches, all glistening after the refreshing rain. Unlike the view from the outside, the scene here felt simple and unpretentious. Sodong ran through the rain to speak to a woman standing on the veranda and then quickly scurried back to me like a squirrel.

“Narsha’s gone to fetch him, so he’ll be here soon.”

I nodded slightly. The woman, dressed in a rigid uniform and carrying a sword, was a face I’d seen before. She exchanged a glance with me, and I returned the greeting with a respectful nod.

My heart grew heavier as I thought about how I should face Raonhiljo. When I first heard that he was the Black Martial Emperor’s half-brother, the initial emotion I felt was… yes, if I had to name it, it was a sense of loss. I didn’t know exactly why I felt that way, but that’s what I felt at the time. Suddenly, Sodong bowed deeply. Looking in that direction, I saw Raonhiljo walking toward us from the wide veranda. Without stopping, he descended the steps.

“You’ve done well.”

He patted Sodong’s head, then unceremoniously took me by the arm and led me somewhere.

***

The interior of the residence was refined, with a touch of simplicity everywhere. In the corners of the cabinets, drawers, and folding screens were various broadleaf plants, wildflowers, and rare trees and plants I had only ever seen in paintings. I finally understood why Raonhiljo always smelled of grass. He handed me a clean towel and took a seat on the silk cushions in the upper chamber.

“It’s a place that clears the mind. When I’m here, all the distracting thoughts disappear, which is nice. But because of that, I’ve become so lazy that I can’t focus on my books.”

I quietly listened as I dried my wet hair with a towel. I had to bring up the topic of my residence, and I also needed to discuss what I’d been thinking about all night, but I had no idea where to start. After folding the towel neatly and setting it aside, I spoke up abruptly.

“I’ll return to the stable quarters.”

It was the conclusion I had reached after a sleepless night. In this situation, returning to my original place seemed like the cleanest solution.

“What are you talking about?”

“The fact that My lord moved my residence… I don’t think His Majesty knows yet.”

“He doesn’t, because I haven’t told him. So what?”

“If His Majesty finds out about it…”

“I’ll just explain it to him when the time comes. You don’t need to worry about the rest. I’ll take care of it.”

“But My lord… anyone who disobeys His Majesty’s orders…”

“I’ll think about that when the time comes too. You just stay where you are.”

“….”

All the worrying I’d done, making my head throb, seemed pointless in the face of his decisiveness. He was exactly as the guards had predicted: either someone who didn’t fear death or someone who could defy Black Martial Emperor’s orders and still survive. His clear and unhesitating gaze left no room for any worst-case scenario to creep in. In a way, I was relieved. If I could just return to my original place, all problems would be solved.

“I’ll move to the stable quarters. It doesn’t matter where I stay.”

“I told you to stay here.”

Raonhiljo smiled warmly, but his tone was firm. Knowing that arguing further would be a waste of energy, I remained silent. He seemed to take my lack of protest as agreement. He picked up the charcoal stick and placed his hand over the empty space on the paper.

“Let’s begin, then.”

“What pose did I take back then? Is this right?”

“Yes. Just sit as you did before.”

“Like this?”

Raonhiljo straightened his back, but his head tilted slightly to the right.

“Please tilt your head a little more to the left… and lower your left shoulder a bit.”

“Like this?”

“That seems a bit too much. A little more to the right…”

“So, like this?”

He kept checking with me, but his posture became more and more off. It felt almost deliberate, but I didn’t want to scold him, and having been accustomed to Black Martial Emperor’s poor posture, it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle.

“I think it’ll be fine if you just stay like that.”

“Hey, don’t half-ass it. Adjust me properly. How can I know if you just tell me?”

When I looked up, Raonhiljo was staring directly at me. His expression, with his brows furrowed and chin resting in his hand, looked like a child pouting. Had I seemed uninterested? I set the charcoal down and approached him.

“First, relax your shoulders.”

“Like this?”

When I moved closer, he let go of his chin and rested his hands on one knee in a cross-legged position. I placed my hands on either side of his face to center his head and adjusted his tilted shoulders. Suddenly, Raonhiljo’s gaze landed on my chest. Since I was kneeling to adjust his posture, my chest was directly at his eye level, and the damp fabric of my top faintly revealed one of my nipples. My neck felt warm. As I peeled the wet fabric off my skin, his eyes followed the motion and met mine.

“Now I get it. Earlier, I had no idea what you were talking about.”

The playful smile on his lips resembled that of a mischievous child. I responded with a soft “Yes” and was about to back away when—

“Have you heard who I am?”

His voice, which suddenly cut through the air, stopped me in my tracks. When I slowly raised my gaze, the smile had vanished from his face. Though his straightforwardness caught me off guard, there was something familiar about his tone.

“Why do you ask?”

Raonhiljo let out a sigh that sounded like a faint laugh.

“Because everyone treated me that way once they found out who I was.”

When I didn’t deny it, Raonhiljo frowned and mumbled, “See, I knew it would turn out like this…”

“I wanted to tell you so many times. But I didn’t feel like it. You were already wary of me, and I knew exactly how you’d react once you found out who I really was.”

I was wondering how to respond, but since he brought it up first, I was relieved. So I decided not to pretend I didn’t know.

“I was a little surprised, but it’s fine. I was the one who misunderstood from the start. Now, since I need to start drawing again, your posture—”

“Doesn’t seem like you’re really okay, though.”

The sudden sharpness in his voice made me pause as I was about to step back.

“…What?”

“You’ve been avoiding eye contact since earlier. And you haven’t smiled even once.”

“I’m not someone who smiles often.”

“Oh, I’m very aware of that.”

Raonhiljo muttered lowly, then directed a serious gaze at me again.

“It was wrong of me not to tell you from the start, but it doesn’t seem like something to be that angry about. I’ve already explained why I didn’t want to reveal it, and you’re proving exactly why.”

I was at a loss for words. Angry? I couldn’t understand why he was misunderstanding. I wasn’t angry at him. There’s no point in getting mad about something that can’t be changed. Feeling a sense of loss, sure, but that’s a different issue from being angry.

“My lord, I’m not angry. Whether you reveal yourself or not is your decision. I don’t care who you are.”

“Does that mean it doesn’t matter to you who I am? Or does it mean you don’t care about me at all?”

“….”

“So, is this how you’re going to treat me from now on?”

I avoided his piercing gaze and finally spoke.

“I’m not sure what you mean by ‘this,’ but I don’t think anything will change. My lord—”

It was true that he had plenty of opportunities to tell me, but it was still his choice. After all, I also had secrets I couldn’t reveal. I’d only decided to keep my distance because Raonhiljo was the Black Martial Emperor’s Hyungjae. I didn’t understand why he had such an expression. If anything, it seemed like Raonhiljo was the one who was angry.

I silently watched him. His dark eyes, the cozy and luxurious surroundings, and the solid future that lay before him—all of it was clear proof that we were different. The undeniable truth at that moment was that his unnecessary kindness might end up holding him back. Raonhiljo, with remarkable patience, waited for my response during this drawn-out silence. I spoke again.

“I’m truly not angry. So, please, don’t concern yourself with me any longer. Someone like me, from the Imae Tribe, would only cause trouble for you if we got close….”

For a brief moment, a fire flared in his eyes. The hand gripping my arm felt hot enough to burn.

“So, in the end, you just want to distance yourself from me?”

“My lord and I were never close enough to know each other that well. You belong where you are, and I belong where I am.”

“You really know how to pick the most infuriating things to say! Do you have any idea how hard I’ve worked to break through that damned wariness of yours?”

He swallowed a deep sigh.

“Damn it… We’ve gone back to square one. How am I supposed to deal with you…?”

His voice, low and restrained, seemed to be holding back an explosion. It was disorienting to see someone normally so composed respond so intensely. Raonhiljo ran his hand roughly through his hair, scrubbing his face as he did. Then, his gaze softened and flowed over to me like water.

“I’m sorry for deceiving you.”

I held my breath for a moment, taken aback by the unexpected words. Or perhaps it was the rain that stopped. The storm of anger in his eyes had calmed, replaced by a serene stillness. His lips twisted into a bitter smile.

“So just don’t say you won’t play along with me anymore. From now on, I promise I’ll never deceive you again…”

As I remained silent, he sighed deeply, his voice thick with frustration.

“Can’t we work this out? I’m genuinely sorry, you know.”

He looked like he might lie down on the spot if I didn’t forgive him, but his eyes were filled with restraint. These words, which I had never heard even from the tribe members who hurled stones and curses at me, shook me more than any insult or mockery ever could. Why? Why didn’t he just dismiss me like the Black Martial Emperor did? Why was he showing these unpredictable emotions and putting himself in such an awkward position?

Maybe they were different after all. Perhaps I had unconsciously lumped Raonhiljo together with the Black Martial Emperor, assuming they were the same because they shared the same blood. Suddenly, I recalled my mother’s advice. She always warned me to be wary of those who would stab me in the back. When I asked how to recognize such people, she had given a simple answer: you can tell just by looking at the eyes of someone who deceives others. Maybe I knew it all along. I knew, better than anyone, that Raonhiljo was fundamentally different from Orumun, who had made dangerous proposals to me, or the murderous Black Martial Emperor. So, in that moment, even without understanding why he was so desperate in his apology, I decided to forgive him. Fidgeting with my damp collar, I answered softly.

“…Yes. Please, don’t do that again.”

What kind of expression should I wear when forgiving someone? I lowered my gaze from the air to Raonhiljo and gave him a faint smile. His face slowly stiffened. In the ensuing silence, only the faint sound of rain persisted. Somehow, the air felt unbearably heavy, and I instinctively lowered my head.

“Then, I’ll really start now.”

It was just as I took a step back. My hair was suddenly caught, and a refreshing scent of grass flooded in. His calm eyes briefly flickered with a moist gleam. A burning heat enveloped my lips, and something even hotter slid inside, wrapping around my tongue.

“Haah…”

The ragged breath came from Raonhiljo. The searing presence inside explored my palate, throat, the base of my tongue, and the soft gums. His lips, which had devoured mine in one movement, gently pulled away, leaving a sticky trace behind. Startled by the unfamiliar contact, my shoulders stiffened, and I blinked rapidly. His face, contorted with anguish, drew me in again, pulling me close. Now his tongue, laden with urgency, swept through every corner of my mouth. The hot mass that slid deeper down my throat stirred the slick interior roughly and impatiently. A tingling sensation shot through the back of my neck, causing my eyes to close reflexively. Breathless from his relentless lips and saliva, I gasped for air.

“My lord… h-haah…”

My urgent voice seemed to make the movements of his tongue even more frantic. Raonhiljo crushed me against him, shifting angles multiple times as he showered me with kisses. Despite countless physical encounters with Orumun, we had never shared a proper kiss. What had entered my mouth more often than his tongue was his sex. So, the unfamiliar sensation of being consumed made me fearful. Suddenly, his hand brushed against my chest, grazing my hardened nipple, and I pushed him away as if startled by a shock.

“…Haa… Haa…”

“Haah…”

By now, both of us were panting heavily. Raonhiljo’s expression tightened with frustration as I pushed him away, and his eyes still held a deep, lingering heat. I averted my gaze and wiped the saliva from my lips with the back of my hand. Though I could feel his broad chest tensing right in front of me, I pretended not to notice and stepped back. At long last, I reached my spot and spread out a fresh piece of drawing paper. My lips tingled wildly, and I bit down hard to stop the sensation, but the sticky residue of his saliva made me anxious. I quickly released my lower lip, unsure of what to do. I couldn’t bear to look at him.

“Let’s begin, then…”

My voice was calm, but the hand holding the charcoal trembled uncontrollably.

***

After a sudden downpour, the sky had cleared. Puddles, like small ponds, dotted the uneven ground. I saw my reflection in one of them. I lifted a hand to touch my lips. The saliva had dried, and the sensation was gone, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Throughout the drawing session, I couldn’t concentrate. Raonhiljo maintained his posture and cooperated, occasionally observing me with a steady gaze, but I stubbornly ignored his glances. I managed to decline his offer to escort me to my quarters and made my way outside.

The vast castle felt even more distant as I walked back alone. After a long walk, I turned a corner and spotted the stables in the distance. I planned to go to Byeolwon tomorrow to fetch my things, so I thought I’d speak to Naro about it then. As I approached the entrance, the pungent smell of manure and animal fur hit my nose. Though I hadn’t done any hard labor, my body felt as heavy as if I were soaked. Just as I reached out with my weary hand to grab the door handle…

“……!”

I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the figure standing behind me. The man who had been standing idly in the darkness was staring at the window of the stable, through which pink light was seeping. The broad outline of his figure, illuminated by the moonlight, unmistakably revealed him as the Black Martial Emperor. For some reason, his shadowy subordinates were nowhere to be seen. I sighed in relief; if I had come here immediately, I would have been caught red-handed. I withdrew my hand from the door handle and bowed my head.

“…What brings you here?”

He seemed to be staring intently at one spot, as if he hadn’t noticed me. I suspected he might be drunk, but there was no smell of alcohol. I was more curious about why he was here at this hour than whether he had noticed my presence. An uneasy anxiety made my heart beat irregularly. Then a dispassionate voice broke the silence.

“Designing weapons, finding a place to test them, tearing it up, and then building a new fortress there—these are things I really enjoy. No matter how repetitive the process is, I never get tired of it.”

The suddenness of his words made my heart freeze. I knew all too well that he was a war fanatic, a fact that was deeply ingrained in me. I clenched my fists to control the hatred and anger boiling inside me. He continued speaking.

“Today was no different. I spent time thinking about what kind of fortress to build on the Imae Village I acquired, and where to set my next goal. It was a very intriguing issue.”

Listening to him was painful. I couldn’t discern what he was trying to say. I bit my lips to suppress the rising anger. The damp wind wrapped around the Black Martial Emperor’s hair and long robe. He brushed his wind-tangled hair away with his fingers.

“Normally, I should be enjoying myself. The urgent matters of deciding how many workers are needed to build a new fortress and how much it will cost seemed to pale in comparison to other things on my mind. For example…”

He covered his face with one hand and swept his hair back. The hair that had fallen back now covered his forehead and eyes, making his previous actions seem meaningless. Soon, the dark crystal of his gaze moved towards me. Even that movement seemed slow.

“For example, the thought of a wet body that briefly brushed past me during the day complicates my mind more than the complex calculations of the costs and benefits of making weapons.”

“……!!”

My heart pounded so loudly that my ears rang. My lips quivered. He continued speaking without any regard for my reaction.

“Or, the laughter Mongrel let slip is more persistent in my mind than deciding the next target, or the feel of the poisoned tongue is more intriguing than how the soon-to-be-built fortress will look.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying, and my gaze fell to the floor. In contrast to his words, my pulse raced. The alien sensation in his words was due to his extraordinarily flat expression. At that moment, the Jincheonroe in his hand emitted a blue light. A familiar sense of danger began to writhe. The Black Martial Emperor’s dark eyes lowered as he muttered softly.

“You make me feel strange. I’m becoming strange.”

His gaze, fixed on me, revealed no shame at his own feelings. Only an intense, unacceptable anger seethed. My body swayed under the suffocating gaze. Just as the metal beast, slowly rising, aimed at my head, madness flickered in the killer’s eyes from the darkness.

“That can’t be.”

There was no time to think. No chance to escape. His finger pulled the trigger without hesitation.

The deafening noise shattered the wet sky. My muscles and nerves tensed as much as possible. Silence and darkness, so thick that I couldn’t even breathe, enveloped me. But there was no pain of a shattered head or feeling of my brain exploding. Had he sent me off cleanly? Is this hell then? Suddenly, amidst the smell of gunpowder, I heard a vivid breath that felt completely out of place for hell. As the smell of grass seeped into my nose, I slowly lifted my eyes. When the black curtain was drawn away, I saw a wide back moving roughly up and down and the Jincheonroe aimed at the void. At the moment I saw who had blocked Jincheonroe with his bare hands, I gasped so deeply it made my ears ring. Raonhiljo looked coldly at the Black Martial Emperor and spoke in a low voice.

“What are you doing, Garon?”

The Black Martial Emperor regarded Raonhiljo with a blank expression. Then he slowly raised his eyebrows.

“Can’t you see? I’m hunting a half-breed.”

They faced each other, their eyes sharp and unyielding. The silence was broken by Raonhiljo.

“You’re a painter who draws righteous people. If you’ve allowed it, can’t you refrain from tormenting them excessively?”

The Black Martial Emperor responded to the gentle warning with an expressionless face.

“I’d like to, but you see, he just won’t stop provoking me.”

“Don’t be unreasonable. It doesn’t make sense to massacre someone just because you dislike them.”

“I don’t understand why everyone misunderstands me. I actually like those guys. How can I make you understand my feelings?”

His expression was so shameless that if strangers heard him, they might believe he was sincere. Nonsense… The Black Martial Emperor’s shamelessness was maddening. Raonhiljo sighed as well.

“If he’s truly annoying you, just leave him to me. I still have some unfinished business with him.”

A strange silence followed. The Black Martial Emperor looked back and forth between me and Raonhiljo.

“Unfortunately, I won’t be able to collect that debt. This mongrel will be extinct today.”

The Black Martial Emperor paused briefly before muttering to himself.

“Why don’t you get out of my hunting ground? I need to deal with this quickly and catch up on my pending duties.”

Despite his languid tone, his eyes were filled with the stench of blood, his body tense as if he were a ferocious beast.

“If you have pending work, you shouldn’t be wasting time here. If needed, I can help you stay up all night, so stop here.”

Raonhiljo’s tone was polite but firm. At that moment, the Jincheonroe, which had quickly slipped from Raonhiljo’s hand, was aimed straight at me. The Black Martial Emperor also refused firmly.

At the same time, Raonhiljo drew his sword like lightning and deflected the Jincheonroe. The gun barrel, now off course, fired a hollow shot into the air. The Black Martial Emperor’s gaze slowly moved toward Raonhiljo.

“What are you trying to do?”

“Stop it. Garon.”

Without hesitation, the Black Martial Emperor fired the Jincheonroe at Raonhiljo’s head. I nearly screamed. If Raonhiljo hadn’t quickly turned the gun’s muzzle with his sword, his head would have been shattered. This time, the muzzle aimed at Raonhiljo and fired a bullet. Changing targets, the Black Martial Emperor began to relentlessly pursue Raonhiljo. The bullets were fired at Raonhiljo’s temple with no chance to catch a breath, and Raonhiljo’s sword narrowly deflected the metal beast.

The metal clashed as if born in a different world, creating blue sparks. Raonhiljo deflected the Jincheonroe’s barrel with his sword and desperately dodged the Black Martial Emperor’s aimed shots. It seemed as though he was trying to lure the Black Martial Emperor farther away from me. Maintaining a narrow distance from the Black Martial Emperor, Raonhiljo tried to disrupt the aim of the firing gun. However, it was futile to counter the Jincheonroe, which was faster than the sword.

At any moment, if anyone made a mistake, it would directly lead to death. If only it weren’t for Jincheonroe…! I held my breath and relied solely on the sound to keep up. Occasionally, the killer’s gaze, which checked my position, restrained me. I too was shivering from the intense battle with him. The darkness was illuminated by the friction of metals creating dazzling sparks.

Raonhiljo’s swordplay, precise and swift, was both sharp and intimidating. The Black Martial Emperor also meticulously targeted his opponent. The fluid sword cut deeply into the Black Martial Emperor’s thigh. Almost immediately, the Jincheonroe spewed fierce flames and clawed at Raonhiljo’s shoulder. Both severely injured, they simultaneously retreated, catching their breath and conserving their strength. Yet, their sharp examination of each other continued. Despite his deep thigh wound, the Black Martial Emperor showed no sign of discomfort.

“Hey, Raonhiljo. If you’re that desperate, it only makes me more heated.”

Raonhiljo glanced at the blood flowing from his shoulder and tightened his grip on his sword.

“Why don’t you give up on him and choose another target?”

“No. I don’t want to.”

“Why are you so fixated on not being able to kill him?”