To Me, Who Doesn’t Love You

Is this rational? Suhan couldn’t understand if this was even a reasonable feeling to have. Why did he feel this intense irritation, especially from the idea that Yeonseo might be looking at someone else? He was frozen in disbelief, but soon managed to rationalize his thoughts.After all, even if it wasn’t a love marriage like others, a marriage was still a marriage. Yes, he had taken off the ring from his left hand as soon as he came home, but that didn’t change the fact that they were legally still married. As long as they were bound together as a married couple, wasn’t it wrong to have eyes for anyone else? But as soon as Suhan thought this, he wanted to curl up and disappear.As he rose from his seat, his face only growing paler, the elderly man tried to stop him, worrying that he was leaving without eating a single bite. But Suhan politely declined, promising to return when his sudden nausea passed. Reluctantly, the man saw him out, clucking his tongue as he followed Suhan to the taxi. Even as the taxi left the alleyway, the elderly man waved until he disappeared from sight.Returning home feeling unsettled, Suhan was quickly met with a second trial.“Oh, are you home early?”The moment Suhan opened the door, he was greeted by the strong aroma of broth wafting from the kitchen. A gochujang base, maybe? There was also a hint of anchovy stock. The subtle scent of clams teased his palate from the entrance, making his mouth water, even though he had left a skilled chef’s noodles untouched just moments ago. He took a startled step back, but, seemingly unaware of Suhan’s presence at the entrance, Yeonseo asked, hesitantly,“Have you… eaten?”“I haven’t.”Yeonseo took a few steps toward the entryway, responding to Suhan’s brusque lie.“Then… would you like some? I got off a little early today, so I made something simple, but it ended up being a bit more than I planned.”It was a lie sure to be caught. Since living together, Suhan had never seen Yeonseo actually cook a meal himself. The kitchen was Suhan’s domain, stocked with only things he liked and was accustomed to using. For Yeonseo, even as his spouse, to touch it was a serious invasion. The only times Yeonseo ever stood by the stove were when Suhan, who used to cook for him, was temporarily unable to remember his culinary skills.After regaining his memory, Suhan had worried about being scolded for the mess he’d left in the kitchen. But unexpectedly, Suhan’s aversion to the smell of ingredients had left the kitchen in a suspended state. Wanting Suhan to eat something, Yeonseo had made soft tofu stew—the very dish Suhan had craved five times a week in his early pregnancy. When Suhan paused awkwardly at the doorway, Yeonseo nearly smiled.“…”Wasn’t it strange to want to eat this after leaving the elderly man’s food untouched? Suhan tried to refuse, but just then, his stomach growled loudly.Grumble.For the first time, Yeonseo saw Suhan turn beet-red. He had never seen Suhan so flustered and never imagined he would. Stuck between retreating and moving forward, Suhan covered his face with his hand. Yeonseo, trying not to react to Suhan’s expression, cleared his throat and spoke.“The rice is almost ready, so please wash up and sit down.”Soon, the fragrant smell of freshly cooked rice filled the air. Suhan wanted to refuse, feeling ridiculous, but his body wouldn’t listen. Even with Michelin-level food in front of him, he’d felt only disgust, yet here he was, powerless against a simple homemade meal prepared by someone with no culinary license. Though stunned, some primal nerve in Suhan’s mind seemed to command, “If you don’t eat this, you’ll regret it.” With heavy steps, he pulled out a chair at the dining table and sat down.“I’ll serve you separately.”Turning off the stove, Yeonseo filled a bowl with piping hot rice and ladled the bubbling soft tofu stew into a small bowl, setting it in front of Suhan. With no side dishes except for the rich stew and rice, he found it impossible to stop once he started eating. He hadn’t eaten for nearly a week, but even if that was the case, he devoured it like someone who had been imprisoned and fed only gritty porridge for months.The tender clams, the creamy half-cooked egg yolk, the salty broth—each element came together perfectly. When Suhan emptied the bowl without getting up, Yeonseo tilted his head in confusion.Was it not to his taste? Did eating suddenly make him feel unwell? Worried that he’d done something wrong, Yeonseo was taken aback by Suhan’s unexpected question.“…Is there any more rice?”With flushed earlobes, head down, asking if there was more rice. With a determined expression, Yeonseo responded.“Oh… yes! Would you like more?”Instead of replying, Suhan pushed the empty bowl toward him. Yeonseo quickly took it and refilled it, and Suhan emptied it just as quickly.One of the biggest misconceptions people had about dining consultant Lee Suhan was that he was a picky eater with a small appetite based on his appearance in viral clips and memes. But Suhan’s past involved eating anything that wouldn’t kill him to fill his belly, and his palate was quite broad.After joining the company, he had access to well-made meals from trained professionals, which allowed him to develop a more refined taste. But he wasn’t the type to turn away food that didn’t meet some elite standard.Moreover, as a judge on competitive cooking shows, he often spent over ten hours tasting dishes from dozens or hundreds of contestants. Even just a bite of each dish added up to a considerable amount. To properly judge a dish, he also tasted all accompanying sides, meaning some days, he’d consume up to ten portions.With an expandable stomach like a rubber band, Suhan finished a serving of rice, stew, an omelet, and even the fruit Yeonseo had skeptically offered as dessert.When he finished the last slice of apple, Suhan blushed, realizing how much he’d just devoured, like someone who had fallen asleep at work and woken up to find he’d slid off his chair.“…”Before Yeonseo could collect himself from watching Suhan with a smile, Suhan jumped up, muttering a short “…Thank you for the meal,” and scurried off to his room, slamming the door.“Pardon?”The sheer effort it must have taken for someone as prideful as Suhan to utter those words hit Yeonseo hard. But before Yeonseo could process, Suhan had shut the door behind him.At least he ate well.“……”In his dream, he casually slipped his hand inside the apron tied around Yeonseo’s waist, undoing the hook on his pants. Before Yeonseo could even flinch, Suhan held his lower back firmly, turning him around. Startled, Yeonseo spun around to find himself facing Suhan, who then knelt down right in front of him.“Hyung?”Just as Yeonseo, with a flushed face, was about to ask what he was doing, Suhan gently lifted the apron, bringing his face close to the loosened waistband of Yeonseo’s underwear. With a light pull from his lips near the waistband, the air filled with the unmistakable scent of pheromones, exposing Yeonseo’s center.“W-wait…”Yeonseo’s hands hovered in hesitation, unable to either push Suhan away or let him continue. Suhan’s hand wrapped around the base of him, and he began to slowly lick from the tip down. With the apron now covering his head, all Yeonseo could see was Suhan’s shoulders moving under the black fabric. Caught in this hidden thrill, Yeonseo’s hand reached for Suhan’s shoulder but kept faltering.“Ah… ngh…”As Suhan’s broad tongue ran down to the base, Yeonseo’s erection hardened to the point where it could no longer fit within his underwear. Despite Yeonseo’s mouth failing to form coherent protests, his body responded eagerly. Suhan, still concealed under the apron, smirked and took the tip into his mouth, barely holding it but feeling the heavy weight fill him. Saliva pooled beneath his tongue as he sucked in gently, feeling Yeonseo’s thigh tense with every movement.“J-just let me… turn off the gas…”Unable to bring himself to stop Suhan but anxious about the boiling pot on the stove, Yeonseo squirmed, while Suhan, pressing his hand on Yeonseo’s inner thigh, continued deeper, as if signaling him to manage it. Immersed in the intoxicating scent, Suhan wanted nothing else. Even as his lips stretched to the brink of pain, all he could think about was how good it felt to have Yeonseo in his mouth. The desire to tease him more as he tensed with each flick of his tongue and pressure from his mouth was irresistible.“Ugh… Suhan, hyung…”Despite calling his name, Suhan moved even faster, making wet, lewd sounds as his lips and skin rubbed together. Suhan could feel his own arousal dripping, but the grip of Yeonseo’s hands on his shoulders made him unwilling to stop just yet. Although he’d gone down on Yeonseo a few times before, each time, Yeonseo had been unyielding in his refusal to release into Suhan’s mouth or face.Seriously, what’s the difference if he’s fine doing it elsewhere? Suhan couldn’t understand the distinction, but Yeonseo’s resolve was firm, as if he wanted to avoid anything that might make Suhan feel disgusted. But at this point, it seemed like a meaningless boundary since Suhan had already willingly tasted him.Swallowing another person’s fluids wasn’t exactly enjoyable by taste, yet this fluid was heavily mixed with the powerful pheromones of a bonded Alpha, and it didn’t trigger any sense of revulsion. On the contrary, it stirred a strong, instinctual urge and attraction.“Please, let… go… ah…”As Suhan’s head moved faster, Yeonseo’s hands on his shoulders started to push, the restraint in his expression becoming evident despite being hidden under thin fabric. The view was almost more stimulating that way, knowing what seductive movements were happening just out of sight. Suhan, however, didn’t relent even in the face of Yeonseo’s breathy pleas, opening his throat to take him in deeper, over halfway down, and then following the prominent veins with his tongue, licking and sucking.“Ah… hyung, please…”It was clear that Suhan had no intention of yielding to Yeonseo’s wishes. Instead, he reached down with his free hand to rub the area below, pressing firmly. With Suhan’s relentless mouth and the pressure building underneath, Yeonseo’s abs clenched as he strained to hold on, struggling with whether it would be better to just push Suhan away.After a long hesitation, just as Yeonseo gripped Suhan’s shoulders tightly to push him away, Suhan’s tongue suddenly pressed against the sensitive tip, probing the opening in a way that finally broke Yeonseo’s restraint, forcing him to release into Suhan’s mouth.“Ah… h-hah…”Yeonseo’s refined face contorted as he climaxed. Meanwhile, Suhan, momentarily choked, coughed and pressed his hand to the floor, gasping for breath. Caught off guard by the abrupt release while pulling back, Yeonseo grew pale, concerned he might have hurt Suhan.“Are… are you okay? This is why I asked you to stop…”But as Yeonseo anxiously tried to check on him, Suhan raised his hand, pushing up his apron with a slight grin of disbelief, letting out a laugh.“…!”“Is this what you wanted to try? You should’ve just said so, hmm?”Revealed beneath the apron was Suhan’s handsome face, smeared messily with Yeonseo’s release. The look of his flushed cheeks and hazy, half-lidded eyes trailing over the sticky fluid left Yeonseo momentarily stunned. Relieved to have the apron out of the way, Suhan took a deep breath and then, without hesitation, leaned back down, taking Yeonseo into his mouth again.“Ngh… wh-what are you…”Suhan’s slow, savoring movements, as if tasting a delicacy, drew out every last bit, his mouth applying just enough pressure to pull in the remnants still lingering. The sight of Suhan’s swollen, flushed cheeks and languid expression was unbearably provocative, instinctively tightening Yeonseo’s abs.“Wow, getting hard again already? Jo Yeonseo, and you were saying to stop—unbelievable.”After licking Yeonseo clean, leaving him spotless, Suhan admired the fullness of the shaft that had grown so hard his jaw ached. Yeonseo wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole. Seeing this embarrassment clear on his face, Suhan gave him a teasing smile, pressing his cheek against Yeonseo’s thigh and murmuring.“But what will you do? There’s only one place left for you to go, and it’s mine.”Faced with such a blatant challenge, it was no wonder Yeonseo surrendered.“…”Waking abruptly from this seductive scene, Suhan was utterly shocked. How could he do such a thing? With him? Instinctively, he glanced toward the master bedroom where Yeonseo was still asleep, recalling other vivid memories: times they’d been tangled together until fluids splashed messily across the sheets. Suhan gripped his pillow tightly. This was insane! Sure, they’d acted like a married couple with a child, implying they’d been intimate, but the embarrassment of having such explicit scenes play out so vividly in his mind made his face burn.“No, I couldn’t have…”The worst part was realizing that most of these encounters had begun with him initiating. It felt impossible, like a bad dream. Until now, Suhan was convinced that Yeonseo had seduced him through sweet words or outright lies. But this filthy dream implied that he was the one clinging to Yeonseo, refusing to let go, even as Yeonseo had begged him to stop. Nine out of ten times, Yeonseo might have been the one to lead, but Suhan couldn’t fathom ever succumbing.“The odds of this just being my mind playing tricks on me…”As he tried to calm his racing heart, considering every possible explanation, each seemed equally hopeless. Didn’t this mean, if the dreams were only fantasy, that his unconscious self still longed for him? Suhan couldn’t accept that no matter how much he mulled it over. And then, as if the nightmare weren’t enough, something else compounded his frustration—something he couldn’t shake.“…Damn it, why is this…?”Beneath the layers of blankets, pajamas, and underwear, Suhan’s member was so tightly aroused that it felt as if the slightest touch would set him off. The situation below was even worse. A thick amount of fluid had leaked out to the point where he couldn’t possibly go back to sleep without changing his underwear. He couldn’t risk soaking the sheets. With a horrified expression, Suhan jumped up and headed to the bathroom.Pulling down his pants and underwear, he aimed himself toward the toilet, and with a few strokes, a milky fluid easily spilled out. And at that moment, the face that flashed in his mind was all too familiar—and absolutely the last one he wanted to see.Suhan, completely flustered, grabbed a handful of tissue from the wall dispenser to clean his hands, only to find the tissue cover unraveling and clattering noisily to the tiled bathroom floor.Clatter, roll, clink!The stainless steel cover made such a loud sound bouncing across the floor that it seemed to echo all the way to the bedroom, prompting Yeonseo to rush out, concerned.“Are you okay? I heard a loud noise….”Suhan, pants still down and feeling utterly trapped, raised his voice in frustration.“Nothing’s wrong! Just ignore it!”“Huh? But…”Yeonseo hesitated, worried that Suhan might be hurt but too proud to admit it. This only made Suhan more anxious.“I said go back inside! Can’t you listen the first time?”“….”Yeonseo lingered for a moment before speaking gently, “If anything’s wrong, please let me know. I’ll even take a day off and bring you to the hospital if needed….”Suhan didn’t respond, keeping his head down until Yeonseo’s footsteps retreated and the bedroom door closed. Finally, he sighed in relief.“I want to die.”Staring at the tissue cover that had fallen so easily, Suhan felt his energy drain. Exhausted, he forced himself to take another shower before heading back to bed. I should’ve just said it was nothing. Raising his voice like that over nothing was pointless. He felt a pang of regret; after all, he’d eaten an impressive amount at dinner, probably five servings, and then told Yeonseo to mind his own business.His grandmother had been moody in similar ways when he was young, though she had been elderly with severe dementia before she passed, while he was young and fully in control of his faculties. Despite any excuses he could think of, nothing changed the fact that his behavior was disappointing.“…”Let’s just sleep. Dwelling on it will only give me a headache. Suhan turned and buried his face in his pillow, only to feel an uncomfortable pressure in his lower abdomen and lay back on his back to relieve it.It was still hard to believe he was just two months away from having a baby. The concept was surreal, with all the exhaustion, nausea, and extreme fatigue making it hard to register what was happening with his body. Finally, as he lay down with a full stomach and a drowsy sense of calm, he started to notice subtle changes in himself.Where he’d once been meticulous about his physique, his body had softened, not quite putting on weight but changing nonetheless. His chest felt oddly tender, and a light touch sent an unexpected tingle through him, causing him to pull his hand back in surprise.His stomach, though still relatively compact for someone in their seventh month, had a noticeable outward curve. The once-defined abdominal muscles were now a memory. He gingerly placed a hand on his abdomen, grappling with the idea of a child inside. The thought of being aroused from such an embarrassing dream with a baby inside made him clench his fist. What’s done is done; there’s no point in stressing over it now. He steadied his breath, feeling no movement from within.“…”Then another worry flashed through his mind: was it normal for the baby to be so still? It was about time when kicking would begin, surprising him from time to time, right? What if his lack of eating or recent shock had affected the baby? The thought of anything happening to the child made his heart race. Even if this child wasn’t something he’d planned, the thought that his actions could harm it filled him with dread.Suhan sat up abruptly, pulling his phone from the bedside table with a sinking feeling as he searched online for signs of potential complications.[Signs of Miscarriage] [Miscarriage Symptoms] [Early Signs of Miscarriage]The results indicated that serious issues were usually accompanied by bleeding and intense pain, bringing him some relief. Still, anxiety lingered, and he lay back down, his hand pressed to his abdomen, letting out a slow breath. Just then, he felt the faintest flutter, barely noticeable.Is that it? Or just my stomach digesting? Unsure, Suhan’s body began giving in to sleep.As he finally dozed off, a subtle, almost undetectable movement continued—a signal, perhaps, that the meal had restored some energy.* * *The next morning, Yeonseo woke up early, much earlier than he needed to, and started preparing food in the kitchen. Suhan had enjoyed the soft tofu soup yesterday, so Yeonseo rummaged through the fridge to make an open sandwich using the ingredients that hadn’t spoiled, all of Suhan’s favorites.He cut soft tomatoes with flavorful cherry cheese into bite-size pieces, pairing them with basil pesto and tuna salad. Adding a container of fruit for snacks, he looked at the spread, almost like a picnic, and packed it into a lunch bag.“Well… since he tends to eat more than most, this should be just right.”Yeonseo, after packing the lunch bag, didn’t leave it outside Suhan’s door but discreetly took it with him. He’d have to store it in the office break room fridge and hoped his coworkers wouldn’t ask too many questions. But his luck ran out.“Oh, what’s that? Going on a diet? Looks like a big meal for a diet lunch.”Yeonseo had hoped to sneak the lunch into the fridge at work before anyone noticed, but he ran into a colleague in the break room. Known for his mild, introverted nature, Yeonseo often became the subject of teasing from his colleagues, who saw him as the youngest sibling.“It’s… nothing. Just something I need for later.”Noon rolled around, and while Suhan was in a meeting, Yeonseo seized the chance to retrieve the lunch and place it on Suhan’s desk. When Suhan returned, he paused, seeing the lunch bag there, understanding immediately who had left it.“Look at that… newlyweds….”“Oh, come on, how brave do you have to be to pack lunch for the VP? You’d just worry he’d ask if it was your best effort.”“Yeah, but they’re living together, aren’t they? Wish I had a husband to make me lunch, too.”Ignoring the teasing, Yeonseo, slightly red-faced, hurried back to his desk. Meanwhile, Suhan, back from his meeting, felt the softest kick in his stomach as he eyed the lunch bag. The realization that it was the baby moving made him jump slightly, and as soon as he made that connection, his stomach grumbled, and an overwhelming hunger washed over him.